Stigma

[Donna Allen]

Will the stigma of cross-dressing ever go away?

I previously posted a forum topic about “Not the man I married” and the forum attracted a fair number of comments, including some perspective of the spouses of crossdressers.

One thing that I kept thinking about as I read through the comments was that every point of view seemed to be related to the social binary gender construct and the stigma, prejudice, embarrassment and rejection of going outside the social binary rules. It seemed to me that every crossdresser hid their femme stuff in order to avoid the public humiliation of bending the social construct. It’s why we don’t tell partners and friends. It’s why spouses want to keep their partners closeted.

I also posted a link to a mainstream advice column in which the father of a boy was upset with his son for wearing his sister’s clothing and using their makeup without permission. What I found interesting was the father didn’t seem the least bit disturbed that his boy liked girl stuff, just that he “borrowed” their stuff without permission. In other words, there was no judgement on the boy because he likes femme things. Is this indicative of a change in the social construct? I hope so!

Can we imagine a world where the cisgender female says to her beau, “I don’t really care if you like femme stuff, just don’t take my things without asking me.”

I can imagine the sisters in the story growing up with no prejudice against a crossdresser and possibly saying this to a potential partner. Maybe even looking for a crossdressing partner.

Are we as a society moving in that direction?

 

 

 

 

• This topic was modified 1 month ago by Gabriela Romani. Reason: Phrase removed as per CDH rules

8 users thanked author for this post.

June Holl, Katherine Leigh, Marg Produe, Angela Booth, Stephanie MacNeil, Carmen Cruz, Brielle Ross

Topic

[Carmen Cruz]

I do believe we have some hand in this stigma. I’m not saying there aren’t bad social environments for crossdressers, as I’m certain there’s a certain portion of the population that fear it, think it’s strange, isn’t “normal” etc. But the same can be said about everything really. Our race, how we dress in general, our hair cuts, our choice of profession, our choice in automobiles, on and on and on.

I say this because, as an Asian male, I can live my life in society in one of two ways. 1) I can use being Asian as an escape goat/excuse for anything that doesn’t go my way in my world and hence society. I can believe I’m a “victim” and keep myself, and how the world and society responds to me, in that mentality. Or 2), I could just hold my head up high, go about being Asian me, and all the responses I receive in the world have nothing to do with my ethnicity. I don’t walk around being a victim, nor calling it out everywhere I go, and my world has responded in kind.

I have friends in both camps… my family being in the latter group. My friends in the other camp continue to experience life as a “victim”, thinking every interaction in their social environment is negative, drama filled, like the world is against them and they can’t get to where they want to be in life because they’re Asian.

Bottom line… if we portrayed ourselves, and believed in ourselves, and just lived life as a confident human being… your own circle of society, the ones that really matter, isn’t as filled with hate and negative stigma as “imagined”. We create our own world, how we live it, and how people respond to us.

4 users thanked author for this post.

Lynda Jones, Gabriela Romani, Dream

[Dream]

Couldn’t have said it any better.

1 user thanked author for this post.

[Anonymous]

My GF says that I can use her makeup, hair products, ect… so there is acceptance under my roof. It’s other family members, coworkers and the public that I would like to accept others, but at this time, I don’t think they will. Things seem to be getting better depending on where you live. Others areas are going backwards. All I think that we can do is work on our self acceptance and maybe on some close friends or loved ones.

3 users thanked author for this post.

Dream, Stephanie MacNeil, BillieJay

[Stephanie MacNeil]

I most certainly would like to see a world where crossdressers are never subjected to violence, abuse or poor treatment.  People should ideally be able to do what they want (within reason) without fear.

But let me offer this thought: if there is no gender binary, and clothing becomes interchangeable, then there is no such thing as crossdressing – it becomes just dressing.  For me, and for some others, I think, crossdressing holds appeal precisely because of the gender binary.  The act of transgressing that binary is exciting and addictive.  If men routinely wore dresses, hose and heels, or if women abandoned them altogether, or if both started wearing neutral clothing, then there is no transgression and crossdressing would cease to appeal to me and others like me.

5 users thanked author for this post.

Gabriela Romani, Carmen Cruz, BillieJay, Beth Green

[Dream]

I don’t believe that. I have always loved dresses from the 50’s to mid 60’s and the fact that they are not around anymore hasn’t changed the want to dress in them. How and what we dress in is all part of our persona. Tight, loose, dark, pastel, nylon, PVC, leather they are all choices for the persona we want to present. I get the biggest kick out of all these new mens underwear commercials. ” The most comfortable pair of underwear you have ever worn.” A pair of Shadowline nylon panties to me is the best pair of underwear I have ever owned.

1 user thanked author for this post.

Carmen Cruz

[Carmen Cruz]

There’s a lot of truth in this.

I’d just like to see a world where “people” are never subjected to violence abuse or poor treatment. Those things are not “crossdresser” exclusive.

In regards to crossdressing, and there were no gender binary, yes it would just be “getting dressed”. If the world was ever to get to that point… I think I’d just wear “women’s” clothes anyway, since they’re definitely more fun, more stylish, and just so soft and yummy.

3 users thanked author for this post.

Sandra Lasco, Dream, Stephanie MacNeil

[BillieJay]

I want to remind us all that political commentary will make good, intriguing posts need to be edited  and/or removed.
there are good things to think about in this, let’s not ruin it…

• This reply was modified 1 month ago by BillieJay.

2 users thanked author for this post.

Dream

[Author]

Replies