- This topic has 9 replies, 10 voices, and was last updated 5 years ago by
.
- Posts
I came out last week to my daughter and wife. Was it correct to how I did it with both of them there? Probably not. A few reasons I did tell them both was 1. We were out at dinner and it was then or keep putting it off. 2. My daughter is 16 and has seen herself as nonbinary for a few years so I knew she would be the most open. Had she not been there I would have still told my wife.
Leading up to this night I had painted my nails, a very neutral, light color that you had to pay attention to see, not the first time. I had also been caught with a little bit of lipstick on that I had missed earlier in the week.
I did it near the end of dinner giving enough time for any questions that needed to be asked. There were a few in which I answered. After we left our daughter went to the car and her and I walked and talked alone for about 10 minutes. Then came some of the harder questions. Again I answered. We had driven separate so they rode together and me alone in my car, mind racing, as i knew the discussion would resume when we got home.
We did talked for at least an hour more, probably longer as I lost track of time. But the floodgates opened and other personal things came to light during our discussion. As for the crossdressing she wasn’t really shocked as she started putting my actions of the last 22 years together. She said that she would support me in what i needed to do although she doesn’t understand because she has none of those feelings. We have both agreed to go to counciling for our reasons needed. All in all it was a good talk but I’m still left empty.
The great thing was that I could now walk around the house barefoot and not have to worry about my painted toes unless our son is home. She even suggested pedicures (which we have gotten before) but I asked if I could get polish this time. She agreed and I had her pick the color. My emptiness stems from very little discussion of this afterward. Nail polish and earrings (I’ve had pierced ears since I was 18) are one thing, is she ready to see me dressed is another. I want her to talk more about it and her feelings. I want her to go shopping with me and help me with makeup. I realize my wants are somewhat selfish but again that is where just coming out did not fulfill my wants/needs. I know I need to give time, find myself truly but it is a little frustrating.
Now, as for my daughter. I got the chance to have a discussion with her the next day. I asked her what she thought about what I told her. Her answer was “I knew what you were going to say at dinner as soon as you said i have something to tell you guys.” I asked if it came as a shock? Where she answered I always knew something from seeing your ties painted. Something I had always tried to hide.
- I know there is more to this and discussions to be had. In this I am hoping to fill some sort of void. My apologies for the run on sentences and poor punctuation. Thank you all for helping me to do this and be me.
Congratulation! Being able to open up to your wife and daughter is a major obstacle to over come.
Lisa
🙂
Hi Makenzie
Sometimes we set our sights a bit high, its great that we have disclosed ourselves and the burden of hiding away and sneaking around is over. Give your wife time to digest some of it but unfortunately family females are not generally the ones that want to sit and chat about girly things with you.
It took me a long time to admit to myself that I am a cross dresser.
I don’t like the term, but it’s still an important thing to accept, and I struggled with it from about 6 years old until 13, when I finally realised it’s true.
Even after that, I tried to deny it to myself and discovery would have the worst thing that could happen.
I tried to come out with disastrous results to several girlfriends.
So when I met the girl I’m now married to, I was determined not to let it destroy our relationship.
When she inevitably discovered me, it nearly did, but marriage with children has advantages. More importantly, I believe that love will always find a way.
In short, it took me a long time to come to terms with it, so I would expect the same of those around me, and give them space and time to acclimatise.
I hope these are helpful thoughts.
Love Laura
First step, imo. Don’t have her shop with you, shop with her. She has no clue what a blessing it is to have a guy that won’t be a whiny, uninterested, husband, who wants nothing more than to be home watching football, and bored while she shops alone. Take it slow, eventually, she’ll love shopping even more while with you. More women, and people in general are accepting of crossdressers.
Utterly true on the processing and shopping insights!
My wife was present during my first transformation via a “drag makeover” on YT, but neither of us suspected that it would be anything but a one off “goof”, but it rather stuck. Best and oddest mid-life crises ever! I’ve come to find I have a girly side a mile wide and the wife and I are OK with it. It did take time on both our parts to process from differing angles, as it was an aspect of a then 30 year old marriage that was new to us both.
On shopping? I’m frankly quite flattered anymore, as she suggests or buys cute things for me and actually asks for my advice on her outfits.
I recall the first time I chose and entire outfit for her for a night out with pals. She thought it way too flashy (it was def outside of her norm), and it got nothing but rave reviews from all present.
Give things time and let them evolve.
-
Makenzie first off congratulations on coming clean with your family. That is always the toughest because you have no idea of the results. More importantly I encourage you to move slowly and keep an open line of communication where you listen more than talk. Many times the answers come from our SO when they are allowed to ramble and eventually talk their way through to an answer. As for now having freedom to do whatever you want because you have told them… not necessarily so. Your SO is processing all this and trying to figure out what her future brings so don’t force her to deal with the situation without time to cope. As for your daughter, remember you are the parent and she is still the child. She may go along but she still has all her life and teenage drama to deal with. Best wishes and luck!
🍷C
I’m glad it went well for you. Telling your wife and daughter probably came with a big mix of fear and hope. I know it did for me when I told my wife. I’m going to agree with others here in saying to give it time. You should be open with your wife about things you would like to try with her like having her see your other self or to help you with shopping, but make sure that she does not feel coerced into doing these things as it can only lead to resentment. Also, make sure that your dressing does not become the center of all of your interactions with her such as your conversations or your love life. I know it was hard for me to do this as I was so excited to finally being share a part of myself I kept hidden from everyone else. She may need to know that your relationship has a solid basis and that it really is the same you that she fell in love with and not some role you were playing to appear fully cisgender.
So don’t be disappointed or feel like you were not heard or received. This is a big deal for everyone involved and accepting a big change like this often requires a sense that everything else is stable and that her and your daughter’s conception of you is real. Help them find a sense of continuity.
I hope it all goes well.
Lauren
- The forum ‘Relationship Advice’ is closed to new topics and replies.
Recent Comments