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Hi girls. My name is Xuxa, I am 55 yo, married for 31 years and I have 2 sons. My wife is a wonderful person, beautiful, kind, intelligent and she was very supportive after I opened my secret to her ( 6 months ago).This month she started feeling sad and told me that however she loves me, she doesn’t know if she is able to handle it. We cried together because in all these 31 years together we had built a wonderful family. I am in love with her and it has been so hard to me thinking about what could happen with our relationship. She traveled to the mountains this week because she needed some days to think and decide the best way for both of us. We don’t want hurt each other. So far, I use feminine clothes just to make sex but I think in the future I will enjoy go out. She tried manage the situation with all efforts. We went shopping together lingeries, makeup, wig, breasts , jewelry,….., she even gave me makeup lessons. After the last time we had sex wearing a complete sexy outfit, she started to cry compulsively. She told me that although the person she loves is the same, although the clothes are just “an outfit “, it is so hard to see this situation as something “simple and easy” to accept. Please, someone experienced a situation like that? I am lost. I love her, I want stay with her but I still want to be who I am.
Hi Xuxu,
I will give you my experience I just recently had with my marital strife.
My wife biggest issue was I started to bring my crossdressing into our love making.
Not as much as you just the occasional panty or lacy thong.
Also acting feminine in front of her was a big issue
They both seemed to be a big boundry for her.
If you love her and want to save your marriage, first stop and listen to her and see if there are some boundaries you can set that will save your marriage and you can live with.
My wife was some what supportive for a while however I have become consumed with being feminine.
I am not dressing or acting femme in front of her,I will make sure to keep it out of the bed room and I had an issue with buying too many cloths behind her back. ( we have always had an honest relationship)
So maybe this will help, I’m still trying to find a balance myself.
Its going to be hard, but 26 years of marriage for me is worh saving.
After all any relationship has to have compromises from time to time.
I know the pink Fog is powerful though
Patty
I am still trying to find the answer to this one… I hope there is one!
I am a similar age, with a wife who reacts badly to me just being dressed and around the house doing chores.
In bed, she has sometimes dressed me up to boost lovemaking, but for me, although it adds excitement, it is far from being a fetish.
When dressed, I feel like Laura. Gentle, confident, optimistic, hard working, friendly, loving and driven to succeed .
I hardly notice the clothes when I’m wearing them, the feeling is so consuming.
But I notice their absence, and struggle to be any of those things unless I concentrate and recall one of the times I was Laura.
Underdressing helps with this, so I have given up men’s underwear.
However, my deepest desire is to share Laura with my wife, and this seems to actively upset her, despite her having known a long time, it seems to be affecting her worse each time.
I’m considering trying stealth mode – women’s clothing that looks like men’s.
Love Laura
Xuxu welcome. Reading your intro has many familiar similarities. Like many before us starting this unusual but exciting time in our lives certainly draws unforseen situations. With 31 years of marriage and for you opening up to your love you must think how surprised and shocked she must have been with so many years together then this. Her biggest problem was the mistrust that you likely has caused. As for us we have a great relationship and keeping secrets was never an issue so this certainly shuffled things up. A major change in our relationship to which she must be still realing from. I know of this as like I said you and I are very similar in our lives. For me this happen just over 2 years ago at 58. I to revealed my love for dressing to my wonderful wife of 38 years of marriage. I saw something in her eyes I never saw before. A blank stare, a very distrustful look. One of shock, anger and why? Over time with many discussions we solved many of our concerns and with our agreements and HER guidelines we started our relationship on a new note. I myself have a large family, 4 grown children and 6 grandkids to which she insists all of this must be hidden from. Through our time she has shown acceptance towards me and little by little a support to which I’m so happy to see. She is still cautious though on how I continue forward and must have her say on making sure we move ahead together with full agreements. Being intimate dressed, my wife has no interest in . She tells me she’s not interested in a lesbian affair. Nor any actions in the bedroom dressed and has mentioned that ” if i want to dress that’s fine but when I need or want my man I expect him to be there”. This is so important to her and as much as I love my fem I’m still very much enjoy my manhood and will always be they for her. Treat her as the lady she is and never put her Second to your passion or anything else. I’ve noticed this as I see that I may have possibly in many ways threatened of her own femininity. Sharing theses moments can be wonderful but your wife must be given control of how you evolve. Talk to her, she must have her say. As much on how you are dealing with theses feeling think of what she is going through. She your queen bee and with her by your side it is definitely the most important aspect on who Xuxu could be. Could say more but look into many of our wonderful written forums and learn from others and their experiences through this amazing times. The best to you both on your journeys together.
Hugs
Stephanie 🌹
Beautiful response Stephanie 💐
I hope, like others have said, can find compromise in your lives, so that your relationship will survive.
I too, am about the same age as you and many others here, in my 60’s, but my wife has known about my occasional dressing over the last 25 years. The big difference is late last year, I went from wanting to, and being happy dressing up 2,3,4 times a year, to wanting to dress weekly, and even more often. Also, my dressing became much more extensive, I mean buying my own underwear,and going from just a couple of pieces, to a whole complete selection of bra’s, panties, a mini skirt, etc. in short order. Now I have nearly 10 bras, 15 pairs of panties, 6-8 skirts, about 10 tops, a few dresses,4 pairs of shoes, jewelry, etc. Plus I just ordered another half dozen things online. Whew! Crazy, I think I am. But I do love it, the clothes, the dressing, putting on a bra and stockings, with a short skirt, and a tight top on feel wonderful!
She had a bit of a hard time processing this change, that I cannot explain, which is how all of us are, it seems. How can I explain something to someone that I can’t explain to myself? Now she is somewhat comfortable with this, and helps me shop, etc.
The other thing that happened about shopping. My wife is a bit large, at about a dress size 18-20, and she finds it difficult to find clothes she likes at times. Me, I’m about a size 10/12 on the bottom, and 12/14 on top. So, she says to me this one time when we were out shopping and she was feeling frustrated, “They have nice things in your size, but not mine”, Whoops! I don’t want to have a wife jealous of my clothes, or to start to look better than she does!
We had occasionally worked my dressing into lovemaking, and at times she enjoyed it, though she never had expressed or shown any interest in being bisexual. That’s an important point, as if you flip it over, how would you feel if your wife wanted to be very butch, instead of femme? I think that I would have a hard time with that, as I’m not bi, and never have been attracted to men sexually at all. So for my lovely lady to not want to be a lovely lady would be tough. Fortunately she likes being the lovely lady, and I want to keep it that way.
At this point in our lives, and yours too, you have shared so much, worked hard together raising children, working for a living, and are perhaps coming to a time when you could retire, and enjoy time doing things that weren’t possible when younger, so I think that it is so important to try hard to save an otherwise beautiful relationship.
Though I can enjoy the fetish aspect of having sex dressed, I don’t want to press her boundaries too far, and am her manly man at those times, and don’t dress too much, too often with her around. We do have some fun with it, at times, but I leave it of up to her. Mainly, I’m afraid that I will go too far with dressing, and that will seriously harm our relationship.
One of the things that seems to bother her more than the dressing per se, was when I expressed my interest in being all done up with make up, so I’m careful to keep that from her. Which means I don’t practice it as often as I should, and am not very good at it, and don’t have her help. I’ve never gone for a make over, and would love to, but that’s a bridge so far, I’m afraid to cross.
So, I hope that this helps. Life is about compromise, and I hope that you and her can find one that works.
Please let us know how you are making out, and here, at least, you have a friendly and supportive community.
Amy
I think you are throwing too much to handle to your wife. as much as you said she wants to be supportive she still wants her man and that’s very understandable. if you are acting feminine all the time when you are in bed with her, she may become resentful and eventually reject you. You have to find a balance as to how and when is okay to crossdress, may be not even talk to her about it for a while. just leave little hints here and there like making a comment about a certain dress or shoes that you like and asking for her opinion so she knows that you are still doing it. if she is willing find some good information about crossdressing and in guy mode sit down with her and help her to become more informed about it. what has work for me is having a girl day/night out where I go out and socialize with other crossdressing friends. she knows that I am out and about and she is okay with it.
@carmen andrea, @amy myers, @stephanie flowers, @michelle newman, @laura lovett and @patty willians:
Thanks so much for all these kind words. Your testimonials made me feel better and not a weird person. During my entire marriage life we had a very trustful relationship and an amazing sexual life. I cannot complain about it, we even used to do a role play in which I was the submissive person, but since I opened her my CD, every time we do the role play she asked me if I am gay. I told her that I am not attracted a men but because she has been reading so many books about CD ( just in her Kindle are 8 books plus 2 paperback, she read even scientific articles). She told me that the CD’s feminine feelings will be increased as I get older and the attraction for a men is just about time. She saw in my computer’s history, some CD porn movies which reinforced her thoughts. She thinks, she failed as woman what is not true. I feel guilty about all stress and sadness I am causing to her. BTW, it was to be just a thank you note for all support you girls gave me however I got out of my chest others things. I am sorry about that. Thanks again.
Xuxu
Not so lost, I think. You love one another – for sure. Sharing such a personal and committed passion suggests such. Let me simplify, by example. If after many years of marriage with routines and understandings neatly established, you took a new job that consumed your time and attention. You love her no less than before but now, she perceives a rival. The life this”new job” demands is at the beginning fun and new but now she feels like an outsider. You would not bring her into your office but you could share some of it, each day, when you arrived home. Maybe, slow it down? Tights and flats with a boxy T and bra of your choosing. No make up yet. Add this attire to your daily routine. The sex will take care of itself when she is again comfortable with you.
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