- This topic has 16 replies, 13 voices, and was last updated 2 months ago by .
There are many folx I know who have walked away from their male self in the discovery of their femme self. For them, it becomes crystal clear which side of the fence they came from all along. They recognize how foreign the other side of that fence feels for them. I get it. And I’m SOOOO happy for all of you!
Then I look at myself, one of many folx who are not willing to decide which side of the fence they’re going to land on. With that “indecision” comes the feeling of invalid or illegitimate.
This is probably my greatest source of dysphoria! LOL
No, I could name several more, but I am frequently (though less and less as I get to experience my true self as genderfluid) confronting myself with this question: “which side of the fence are you going to choose?”
What if there IS no fence?
I remember driving from Germany into France in 2006. The terrain began to become barren and desolate, though green and lush with healthy grass. No sign of civilization but for the highway that began to widen into more lanes. This was the border crossing. On both sides of the highway were the timbers erected in x-shaped stands once holding rows and rows of concertina wire that had long been removed when the EU was formed. The guard shacks were gone, merely their foundations a footprint between highway lanes.
When is a fence no longer a fence? When we take down the barbed wire of legitimate or valid? When we no longer station trans guards at an arbitrary border? When we recognize these boundaries as a social construct that can just as easily be deconstructed with awareness, truth, and authenticity?
I’m the one who puts up the fences using my own fears and imaginary fires of inadequacy stoked by a minority of villifying intollerants.
There is no fence. As eerie as the French-German border with mere remnants of a concrete and reinforced boundary, the fence in our society doesn’t exist but in the minds of those who cannot imagine a free and open landscape of transgender experiences.
(Hold my beer) Watch this! See me dancing at the border, back and forth, zig zag, lying down on one side or the other in gender euphoria. No one to stop me but my own paranoid voices.
The fence is gone. No decision to be made. No declaration to be signed. Free. Free at last.
Total of 29 users thanked author for this post. Here are last 20 listed.
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.