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  • #477096
    Andi DuBois
    Participant
    Registered On: January 7, 2021
    Topics: 5
    Replies: 92
    Has thanked: 114 times
    Been thanked: 402 times

    My SO, who doesn’t know about my dressing, received a dress by mail order yesterday from her favourite brand. When she tried it on, she wasn’t convinced it looked right and was dithering about whether to keep it.

    I suggested to her to remove the fabric belt which was made of the same material as the dress and to replace it with a much simpler regular black belt. SO thinks it looks amazing and now loves the dress.

    Fast forward to yesterday evening and we sit down after dinner.  The conversation starts with the most ominous 6 words ever put together “I need to ask you something”.  There were in fact two questions that got asked…

    The first was “what do you know about women’s clothes that you haven’t told me?” followed quickly by the second which was “are you weird?”.

    There may be many reasons that the answer to the second question is “yes” but I don’t think the dressing is one of them. Given that the second question was asked, I’m not sure that the answer to the first would be well received.

    Maybe one day…

    -A.

Viewing 11 reply threads
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    • #477476
      Natalie Jones
      Lady
      Registered On: September 20, 2020
      Topics: 1
      Replies: 21
      Has thanked: 23 times
      Been thanked: 107 times

      There is no guarantee that it was a lost opportunity. It could’ve been a bad situation avoided. But my experience is that it will all come out eventually on purpose or by accident. If your honestly sure your wife or SO would not tolerate it then caution should be used.

      when my ex wife and I were dating a friend of mine who played in a rock band confessed to me that his girlfriend, later wife enjoyed it when he wore her panties underneath while on stage. I was so envious. To gauge my wife’s feelings ( which I was already pretty sure of) I told her him. The look on her face alone told me the answer and she didn’t use the word weird she used sick.
      One day about Eight years in she found two pairs of panties in the back pocket of my work pants.  She confronted me and accused me of cheating . I decided it was time to confess. Turns out she would’ve accepted cheating more than crossdressing. That was the start of a difficult 25 years that eventually led to divorce.
      some here are super lucky to have accepting SO’s and it may be easy to say  confess but it’s not always that easy.       Good luck

      • #477498
        JillianW
        Lady
        Registered On: October 13, 2019
        Topics: 6
        Replies: 140
        Has thanked: 281 times
        Been thanked: 526 times

        Wow Natalie, it took 25 years from finding the panties to the divorce. That must have been horrible for you.
        Hugs
        Jillian

        • #477587
          Natalie Jones
          Lady
          Registered On: September 20, 2020
          Topics: 1
          Replies: 21
          Has thanked: 23 times
          Been thanked: 107 times

          Jillian,
          yes there were some difficult times . But we were busy rising 3 kids and running a business. We had an unspoken don’t ask don’t tell policy. It wasn’t until the kids got older that our relationship became even more difficult. There were other reasons for the divorce but crossdressing was the main one . She outed me to friends and family . I thought that would be the most difficult thing ever. Turns out even with that leaving her was a blessing

    • #477345
      JillianW
      Lady
      Registered On: October 13, 2019
      Topics: 6
      Replies: 140
      Has thanked: 281 times
      Been thanked: 526 times

      Hi Andi,
      The answer I used in a similar situation was “everything I know about fashion, I learned from you”.
      Seems to me that you missed an opportunity.
      I understand that the question caught you unprepared and you weren’t ready for “The Talk”. So you live to talk another day.
      Good Luck, it will all work out.

      Hugs
      Jillian

    • #477333
      Elizabeth Jenkins
      Lady
      Registered On: March 28, 2019
      Topics: 1
      Replies: 36
      Has thanked: 85 times
      Been thanked: 168 times

      For me having my wife know I enjoyed wearing women’s clothes and seeing me wear brassieres and panties was easy. I already knew she was okay with that but having ‘the talk’ and saying the actual words, ‘I’m a cross-dresser’. That was the most difficult and embarrassing conversation I ever had but it worked out great.

      Elizabeth

    • #477288
      Sarah Du Hessisse
      Lady
      Registered On: September 16, 2020
      Topics: 21
      Replies: 497
      Has thanked: 3109 times
      Been thanked: 1846 times

      Andi your not weird  but that was the ideal opportunity to come out, best wishes Andi I hope you and your SO have a positive outcome from this.

      Love Sarah xx

    • #477212
      Grace Scarlett
      Baroness - Annual
      Registered On: February 16, 2021
      Topics: 65
      Replies: 1348
      Has thanked: 4816 times
      Been thanked: 7379 times

      Andi.

      It seems to me that maybe she knows more than she is letting on…..

      Just because you made a valid observation about a fashion style. Lots of men admire women’s outfits, and can surely form and offer an opinion on how they could look nicer… that’s something you should have been complimented on, not accused of.

      To ask you if you were weird because of it….

      even if you were wearing panties and a bra under your clothes, facing her and totally denying you were weird, that’s also fine……….because crossdressing isn’t weird….full stop.

      Grace xx

       

    • #477124
      LisaT
      Lady
      Registered On: January 31, 2021
      Topics: 48
      Replies: 536
      Has thanked: 414 times
      Been thanked: 2487 times

      I think you are possibly busted Andi and if not your position is now much more difficult having not come clean. It is always a problem when coming out that it has been a secret and difficult to justify in retrospect even to ones self. She certainly didn’t help with the weird comment and I’m sure the time didn’t feel right. However unless you think this may be a phase that you will put behind you at some stage it’s a conversation that will need to be had at some time. In the meantime I’m sure you now feel a need to be careful in what you say and do which cannot be nice for you. I do hope it settles well for you.

      Hugs

      Lisa xxx

      • #477151
        Andi DuBois
        Lady
        Registered On: January 7, 2021
        Topics: 5
        Replies: 92
        Has thanked: 114 times
        Been thanked: 402 times

        Dressing is something that I have been doing on and off for 20+ years.

        As with many people, there have been complete purges where everything has been gotten rid of and I have imposed a 24×7 male mode.  It never lasts and eventually dressing starts again.

        At the point we met I was in one of those self-imposed exiles and so there wasn’t anything to discuss at that time (at least that is what my 15 year ago brain thought). With today’s more wisened head there are many things I would do differently!

        -A.

    • #477119
      Diane Rakers
      Lady
      Registered On: August 18, 2019
      Topics: 4
      Replies: 676
      Has thanked: 1189 times
      Been thanked: 2194 times

      Andi,

      Easy answer for me on question #1. I have always been engaged with women’s shopping, that includes girlfriends and my loving and devoted wife of 33 years, Susan.

      Diane

      4 users thanked author for this post.
    • #477118
      Olivia Livin
      Lady
      Registered On: October 22, 2018
      Topics: 47
      Replies: 1620
      Has thanked: 8016 times
      Been thanked: 4300 times

      Possibly a missed opportunity.

      The answer to question 2 could have been, well I’m sure some people might think so, but….

      She does seem perceptive, so the conversation is likely to happen. Sooner or later

      5 users thanked author for this post.
    • #477115
      Stevie Steiner
      Ambassador
      Registered On: June 11, 2020
      Topics: 49
      Replies: 1158
      Has thanked: 5371 times
      Been thanked: 5976 times

      Hi Andi.  It sure is hard keeping those fashion comments to ones self, isn’t it?  Especially when you are right!  Hmm, your SO seems somewhat perceptive, I just wish she hadn’t added that second question so fast.  I would have answered the second question first with a simple no.  ( what’s so weird about having a good fashion eye and knowing what looks good? )   And not answered the first question – at this time.  It would be nice to find out her thoughts regarding the whole LGBTetc. community;  information is always a good thing.  However Andi, the topic has now been broached, it does sound like this conversation may well come up again, and if she is suspicious it would be best to address it sooner rather than later.   Just my 2 cents hon.  🙂

      Stevie

      • #477493
        Genevïéve
        Lady
        Registered On: July 28, 2020
        Topics: 30
        Replies: 1197
        Has thanked: 10198 times
        Been thanked: 4912 times

        Stevie wrote:

        Just my 2 cents hon.”

        5 cents now Stevie… 😉👍

        Gen ❤

        1 user thanked author for this post.
        • #477511
          Stevie Steiner
          Ambassador
          Registered On: June 11, 2020
          Topics: 49
          Replies: 1158
          Has thanked: 5371 times
          Been thanked: 5976 times

          Oh, I still have lots of rolls of pennies – they make good paperweights!  ( and technically a store still has to accept them lol ).

          Stevie ❤

          1 user thanked author for this post.
    • #477112
      Rozalyne Richards
      Lady
      Registered On: March 10, 2018
      Topics: 0
      Replies: 572
      Has thanked: 1004 times
      Been thanked: 1933 times

      Hi Andi the answer to the second question is no I’m not weird, we don’t do weird on here, the answer to the first question is this I’ve been watching Gok on the TV and been picking up some tips,

      As for the ultimate question is it time for that talk well only time will tell x

      I’ve still not had the nerve to have that talk with my wife whether i will be able to is another thing altogether x

      Hugs Rozalyne x

    • #477106
      PrincessByDawn
      Duchess
      Registered On: April 4, 2021
      Topics: 2
      Replies: 34
      Has thanked: 68 times
      Been thanked: 76 times

      This is scary as well as hilarious (in a good way).

      I will qualify that I am no expert, nor have i been in such a situation, yet. But I do not feel it is a missed opportunity. I am sure that you, like most of us, will put ourselves in numerous more situations which need daft handling.

      But there will be a time and opportunity, where the moment of clarity will present itself, and the decision to open-up will no longer be thought, it will just happen instinctively.

      These are just my thoughts & feelings. Experienced folks can throw some real light, if they wish to.

    • #477100
      Trisha Lilly Hibbert
      Baroness
      Registered On: December 8, 2020
      Topics: 35
      Replies: 658
      Has thanked: 3110 times
      Been thanked: 2439 times

      I don’t know how you answered the first question but I think you definitely dropped a clue. A good one I think as you are showing an advantage to having a cross dressing partner. From what you have said I don’t think it would have been a good time for “The Conversation”.

      Love Trisha

      Ps she seems very perceptive so I’d be careful what you say in the future.

       

      5 users thanked author for this post.
      • #477107
        Andi DuBois
        Lady
        Registered On: January 7, 2021
        Topics: 5
        Replies: 92
        Has thanked: 114 times
        Been thanked: 402 times

        The second question came so quickly after the first one that I didn’t really need to answer it but I would probably just have gone with something like “just a hunch” or “I’m channelling my inner Gok”.

        The second question was answered the same way that it always is when someone asks which is “probably”.

        -A.

        • #477111
          Bianca Everdene
          Lady
          Registered On: April 11, 2017
          Topics: 24
          Replies: 777
          Has thanked: 3105 times
          Been thanked: 3118 times

          Think I would have calmly asked her ‘what do you mean weird?’ Not getting into a conversation or argument, just to draw out her thoughts as she was obviously mulling it over. But weird is a word seldom used to mean in a good way so tread carefully.

          As Trisha says she seems very perceptive.

          ❤️Bianca

           

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