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Hello Girls,
I had a heart to heart with my spouse a couple of days ago about my dressing. Of course it started out strictly dialogue, with me trying to explain why I am not a freak and that I just have an irresistible compulsion to present as a woman sometimes. But what really got the dialogue going was me showing her photos and her seeing what I looked like fully dressed. It was interesting, she paused and said things like “wow you look good” and “I had no idea”. Even better was “this doesn’t bother me at all” and “if you want to do this that is fine”.
Somehow seeing he effort I put into it, and seeing that my presentation was very respectful of women, enabled her to see that it was not some fetish, but that I just wanted to look and feel like a beautiful woman. So as strange as it might sound to some of you, showing her the pictures of myself fully feminine seemed to shift her thinking.
So I am a pretty happy girl these days. I am dressing again and it seems my partner accepts it. Wow what a great thing that is. Love to all of you
Hi Kendra and congrats on the progress and the courage to go farther into your girly life with your wife .. I so hope things go well as you keep up the conversations and ask her for a little help once in a while as she has the expertiese of being a woman great going girl and keep us in the loop of how progress goes ..
Stephanie Bass
So nice to read this Kendra and very happy for you. I dream of having that conversation too one day.
Kendra –
Very happy for you. It is nice when your SO is accepting of this part of you. My wife is accepting to a point, she has helped me buy clothes online, given me some of her things she doesn’t wear anymore, bought and showed me how to use make up and helped me buy my wig. She gives me time to dress, however, I wish I could dress when she is around.
Enjoy your time with your wife. I hope you get osme girlfriend time with her.
XOXO
SuzanneHi Kendra,
I’m so happy for you that it went so well! I gradually let my wife know about my dressing over time and she was sort of OK with it in that she did not freak out. That changed the moment I showed her two pictures (my profile picture and the picture of me sitting on the vanity of a hotel bathroom that’s in my public photo section). That was a HUGE mistake – she cried and wouldn’t talk to me for the rest of the day. This was probably almost 10 years ago. We don’t talk about my desire to dress even when I bring it up at marriage counselling. The few times she does bring it up at home is to ask me when I’m going to stop and when I’m going to get rid of everything.
Monica
My observation has been that a good rule of thumb is to share only what you are asked to share. Most of us have a burning desire to share more than what the recipient wants to see and know, because we crave their acceptance. But this often backfires. So I let loved ones know they are free to ask me anything they choose or see anything they wish. I’d of course be delighted to get a response like Kendra’s, but few are met with such open arms. All most of us can do is demonstrate that we are more than willing to share who we are and what we desire, but what we desire most is to give to our loved ones what THEY want, not what WE want. If both needs are met, as they sometimes are, after making our desires known, we can live blissful lives. But where our loved ones cannot handle what we most want to give, love often means keeping to ourselves what they want us to keep to ourselves. At least they know our closets are open and we are ready and willing to step into the light, without holding deep secrets in the dark. That is a big improvement over holding secrets we refuse to share… not ideal for most of us… but sufficient to breathe.
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Happy for you Kendra that the SO is accepting. You are very fortunate and it looks like your journey will become even more exciting and thrilling. I believe the majority here do not have accepting SO’s. One of the best things about coming out to the wife whether she is accepting or not is you don’t have to hide anymore. Luckily you are married to a wonderful person who loves you.
Hiya Kendra, I always get excited and happy when a couple find ways to work through this unique desire. Its never easy and when it works it is wonderful. I am one of lucky people who through trial and lots of error finally had the big talk with my wife and finally found a path to acceptance. We agree on boundaries and we continue to talk and keep open honest conversation in play. Always keep your wife’s thoughts and feelings in mind as your first priority.
best wishes
Teri
I am so happy for you Kendra. Wish I had a S/O to share with but that all fell through yesterday. We had an argument and as they say I ( kicked her to the curb) . The argument was not about my dressing it was her comparing me to past boyfriends. Can’t stand people who think they’re past was better than the present. We cannot live in the past when we have the future ahead of us . Live for today and let the past go.
You presented how you felt and took her feelings into account. Great job. Hugs, Allysa
My wife confuses me.
She has helped me with choosing a wig, but is upset with me for growing my hair long.
She has gone dress shopping with me & given her opinion when I try some on & step out of the dressing room. Yet she doesn’t like to look at pictures of me, dressed.
Last week, she bought me a pair of heels. Yesterday, she bought me a Christmas dress & a bra. Yet, like Monica’s wife, mine also asks when I’m going to stop & get rid of everything. How do you eliminate a part of yourself?
She has trans friends, but doesn’t want me to transition or even dress. She’s very accepting & open-minded except when it comes to me.
She is a firm believer in “doing what makes you happy”, but draws the line at crossdressing.
She is a riddle, wrapped in a mystery, inside an enigma.
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Hi Dawn.
Could be your wife thinks this is just a phase you’re going through and will revert back to your male self some day… idk. We know our desires won’t ever go away. You say she has trans friends but she probably doesn’t want to lose her husband to transitioning. Good luck, be patient and I wouldn’t push anything on her but let her go at her own pace and time.
Dawn, Women are confusing to me generally; that’s why I know I could never truly be one… yours more than most… she buys you heels, dress and bra, then wants to know when you will get rid of femme things??? Most of us would die for a woman who buys bras for them! Fill my drawers with lingerie, my closets with fancy dresses and heels, then tell me I can’t wear them?? That’s like taking me to a bakery and telling me I can only eat vegetables… ain’t gonna happen! She sounds certifiable, in a very nice sort of way! Enjoy your dresses, heels and bras… who can turn down or get rid of goodies like that?? no one I know! If I were not a CD already, I’d become one.
I agree as my wife is also accepting. She even spent two hours today trying to find me a new bra online. My only advice is keep talking and remember there are two people in a marriage. Katie.
Kendra wonderful to hear about your wife’s acceptance. I’ve had that talk also and my wife too and overall she’s quite understanding and accepting but cautiously mind you. There’s moments that she does send me mixed messages but never in a terrible way. Always keeping taps on my present thoughts of where I’m coming from and where my dressing levels are. She’s basically touching base on making sure we’re on the same page on this. Her fears which is still concerning is not transitioning to places where our marriage will be in harm’s way. So with that said I’m happy having Stephanie in our relationship and my wife’s understanding that her husband is very much around for her too. I will admit it’s a difficult situation but my marriage is the most important thing in my life which everything else must follow…🌷
Yes, it is wonderful, and I highly recommend it, if you can get it. My wife is fine with my dressing. I have been open and honest about it and while she would be just as happy if I never dressed again she knows I enjoy it, and is happy to let me do “my thing”. She knows I just like to wear femme things, but also knows I like sex when dressed and is fine with either. Some days I just lounge around the house, but on others it leads directly to the bedroom.
Kendra, that is wonderful, congratulations!
Your wife sounds like an amazing woman, you’re lucky to have her!
Hugs,
Holly
I can’t think of anything better than having a supportive partner. I hope the two of you can sustain the positivity and together share and enjoy this part of you!
I could not agree more. One thing I also do from time to time is thank my wife for her understanding and support. I acknowledge to her that I know many other women would likely not understand or be supportive and I sincerely appreciate and thank her for being the awesome partner and support system that she is.
Tara
Great Kendra. I very happy for you. My wife is my biggest supporter and actually the one who nudged me into dressing to begin with. There is nothing better than affirmation, support and love from one’s SO. My wife is the love of my life.
That is so great to hear Kendra. I think most would love to have some level of support from their SO. It is great to see that you are getting that.
I believe communication with your spouse is essential to figuring out how you both can get through it all. What’s most important is you having empathy for her in how you communicate it and the speed at which you do it. A spouse of a tg woman who so far has successfully navigated their marriage through it all said you must “ blinker before you turn”. I loved that phrase and it hit the mark. You can’t go off making decisions and doing things without talking it through with your spouse.
It makes me so happy to see a couple figuring it out. Sending love and hope your way !
carole
Up to a point I think we are our own worst enemies. We sometimes make things worse than they need to be.
A few years ago I had shaved my chest while my wife was off visiting grandchildren. I told her that I had done that and that I was a crossdresser. This was sometime after 2018, when I had finally come to the conclusion that I was indeed a crossdresser. Until that moment of clarity I thought I was some freak, pervert – and I constantly dealt with the guilt and shame. I also “knew” I was the only one like this. But enough of that. She answered me back – I always use texting to make my thoughts known to her – she said, yes, I know. You have always been a crossdresser. I think I was too shocked to understand what she really meant.
Since that time I have been up and down about how much I need to hide and how much I need to tell her. This is a constant battle with me. A few weeks ago, I decided I would tell her I wanted to wash some of my “clothes” and would she help me with the machine. She said yes. I told her that I didn’t want to hide them from her. That I wanted to be more upfront about it. I have started wearing panties a few days a week, all day. I put them in the laundry. She has not said a word. So much so I think she is avoiding saying anything to keep from “scaring” me.
It was not my intention to hijack the topic here but reiterate that sometimes maybe the problem is not as big or bad as we think it is.
It may not always be a big deal or a bad experience letting a SO know, but it can be. Some of us must be cautious and careful. We can’t generalize the possible outcomes for everyone.
My rhoughts exactly, once the genie is out of the bottle you cannot put it back. If one’s wife accepts her husband dressing as a woman you are very lucky but if not you risk everything in telling her.
If your wife grew a beard and had very hairy legs and short hair and dressed in jeans and a scruffy T-shirt, and no make up, would you fancy her? We ask a lot of our SOs!
Now there is a great question to debate–I can say Honestly in my case No Problem– She rarely wore even lipstick (let alone other makeup) no pierced ears-& with her health issues her last 10 0r so yrs she became Obese & hunchback also she was 13yrs Older than I –but I never stopped fancying her– To her dieing day–Her attitude really was her Beauty –Best Friends don’t put a high value on appearances–
Now there is a good question—My wife rarely wore lipstick let alone other makeup–no pierced ears so occasionally clipon ear rings- developed more health Problems than I can remember– Contributing to her becoming Obese & even somewhat hunchback– Til her dieing day I never lost my desire for her–We Really were until she got Too Ill best friends with benafits-30 or so yrs–I dare say our sexlife was more varied & active than most couples (we were Swingers)–
That is a great comment/question and one I never thought about. What if your wife approached you and told you that she is a FTM crossdresser…would like to be with you when she dresses as a man. Not just casual clothes like many women wear today….but totally like a man. Really interesting. And puzzling. Not sure I would want that. THX for a great situation to ponder. 🙂
Yes, I do think we often overthink the problem. In my case, my wife, though not accepting, still washed my clothes and returned them to the proper drawers or closet. The same is true of my current partner, who IS accepting. She chides me if I wear a dress, bra, or other item more than once between washings and often takes my clothes to the dry cleaner, even if only lightly worn. That can get expensive, but I am not complaining. I would not have expected this.
I am closeted but have wondered if I would feel comfortable. I feel as though I would not be able to fully express myself as Nicole.
I was nervous when I first told my wife, it was her idea that I dressed as Lola from Kinky Boots my first time out dressed at a Halloween Party, I knew she was accepting of others with this lifestyle I wasn’t sure if she would feel the same about her husband. The following year I bought a dress with a Halloween theme, we sat at the dining room table, wearing my new dress I let it out “I like dressing as a woman”. Wow did I luck out, not only okay with it she enjoys when I dress and go out, she even helps me dress, put on make-up, and buy clothing she like to see me wear. I could not be a happier Guy/Gurl when it comes to my wife.
My ex-wife knew before we started going out because I told her. I thought that was only fair. It took so long for me to get it out she was relieved because she thought I must’ve killed somebody, the time it took to blurt it out! she bought me various female clothing items and make up but didn’t ever want to see me dressed. I could work with that and dressed when she was out. When the children came along I went to a local transgender group one evening a month.
After the marriage ended I went out with a number of women and always told them by the second or third date that I cross dressed. 7 out of 10 said “so what”, 2 out of 10 said “that’s fine. One out of 10 ran for the hills and I never saw them agaIn!
Of those who said they were happy for me to dress, they were as good as their word and offered help and advice and liked me being dressed in bed for those special times. These are just my findings. Maybe I have been very lucky.
Being very honest and communicating is key to success. Negotiation is better than deceit. If your wife is dead against it and you persist by whatever means, she will soon be your ex wife. If you can find a woman who you love and who is on your side and supportive of your dressing up, you have hit the jackpot and life is very good.
remember that most wives are not lesbian or bisexual and will not find you attractive when you are dressed even if you find yourself attractive! And let’s face it, most of us do!
Over the weekend, I went shopping with my wife in her favourite remainder clothing store. While she thinks that they have good prices, I think that they are making a killing from people like her who think that they have good prices.
The first area that I check out is their shoes because, on occasion, they have large sizes, usually up to the point that they just might fit me (but don’t). Nothing there, so I checked out the clothing racks. Nothing much there, either.
In the same small, old-style mall, there is a big shoe store that can also have big sizes and I knew that they had a sale going on. Bingo! There was a Clark’s Mary-Jane style that fitted my width (a good incognito style); a fake cork wedge; and a Clark’s strappy sandal with a medium heel. The last one was likely to disappear first, so I carried them around with me.
When my wife was finished choosing a pair, we headed to the checkout counter and she took my sandals from me, I presume because she didn’t want to be seen with me buying obviously large women’s shoes. She paid for them with the condition that they were going to be my only birthday present.
So, she may not always be fully supportive (“You’re crazy!”), but she can still surprise me.
I will go back and get the other two pairs of shoes later this week. There were two size 11 wedges, so at least one should still be available and the Mary-Janes were regular stock.
I guess I was uncommonly lucky back when dating my future wife. The first time she pulled down my trousers and saw my panties, she gasped. Then giggled. Then peeled them down and had her way with me. 4 decades later and she still giggles!
So total acceptance is all we know. She buys me things, helps me with makeup, takes me out about town in girl things. She has even shared me withher friends!Not to beat a dead horse but again this morning my wife was so supportive. Usually am in a nightie of some sorts with a nice lacy robe (that she bought me) for our morning cofffee. This morning donned a skirt and long sleeve blouse and had a full figure padded bra on matching earrings and necklace. I came out and she said very nice stephanie but you need to put your wig and a little make up on (she generally doesn’t see me in my wig or with lipstick or make up. So a bii of a first and she is just getting so used to stephanie being around sometimes
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