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I have been married for 4 years. I have know since we started dating about everything.
Yet there are many elements I feel as though are going to cause us to divorce. It’s not the typical reasons, yet I have had my suspensions for a while now. The way we used to love one another was special. But it was always me trying and trying. I eventually grew tired of being sad constantly. I stopped trying.
Our wedding day will always be the THING I fixate on, but there is MANY other issues. I didn’t ask for ANYTHING no fancy crap, just wanted it to be special. I got my dress on Amazon. (29.99) long story short we married at the courthouse, with his daughter and neice. His mother, and grandparents. Needless to say- the “wedding” was over in 5 mins. We went to a shitty diner, while his daughter 6 and neice 8 we’re being out of control. As we left, I realized that his daughter and neice were coming to my house. THEN…. HE FEEL ASLEEP AND I WAS STUCK BABYSITTING.
I babysat on my wedding, couldn’t even have the day to pretend to be happy. Not long after I attempted suicide. Due to reasons of his mother and ex-wife. The level of toxic they possess is life ruining. The following summer I advised that my level of depression had hit an all time high, he LAUGHED in my face.
All the while- I am supposed to be the supportive wife, doing/ teaching makeup tips, buying sexy outfits, and really embracing it all.
The first 2 years my partner never gave me pleasure. It made me think thing was wrong with me. I started to think so poorly about myself, to the point where I would rather avoid any mirrors.
All the while…. Growing more and more resentful of me accepting his femme side. He is becoming more and more interested in other types of pleasure… I wish I were anywhere else and didn’t feel like I do
I hate seeing relationships go that way. It’s terrible. One thing I will day is this: you do what makes you happy. Not what makes anyone happy. We here will support you always.
Thank you.
I feel alone. I am afraid my depression and thought will eventually consume who I am completely
I’ve been there. It’s not a fun place to be. But I did learn this, even if you feel alone, you aren’t. We’re all with you and will be there. Either in person or in spirit.
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Hi Kay.
Yes, depression will completely consume your entire life until you can no longer see a single ray of light so before you reach that stage I can only give the following advice….
DROP YOUR ABUSIVE HUSBAND AND RUN AWAY FROM HIM AS FAST AS YOU CAN!!!
He will never change but YOU CAN.
I am sorry you have to deal with this. I do not think it is the crossdressing so much as he is just not a nice person. I would run not walk and get away from him. You deserve much better. We all deserve to be happy and in a loving relationship.
I feel as though I helped create the problems. I used to try and want to be a better than the women I was the day before. Not so much anymore. Nothing and I mean absolutely nothing has ever been for me. I planned a trip to Vegas, last November…. It was horrible. The level of selfishness anytime we are intimate… Is laughable.
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Kay,I seriously doubt that you’re contributing to the problem or are in anyway responsible for his actions or lack of action. Some people are just selfish a-holes and it sounds like you married one. Which means he was this way before you ever came along. Perhaps, demand counseling or get a divorce asap. You don’t need to be with someone so insensitive as to laugh at your depression. It’s not healthy for you to be in such an unloving relationship. I hope you find a good and healthy solution and find the happiness you deserve. And for accepting his cross dressing, thank you. Women like you are too rare.
Hugs, Jill
Hi Kay, I am far from the poster child for successfully dealing with this in my own marriage, but what went on from day one is just wrong! It is inconcievable that his family did such a shitty job making your day special. And the groom sure didn’t help!
I am so sorry for what you have been through. There isn’t nuch CDs or trans people (in my case) can say to right the wrongs. My suggestiion is if you have access, please find a qualified counselor or therapist you can talk to. There are many organizations that allow payment on a sliding scale, and my therapist is actually a six-hour drive away and we do telehealth on Zoom.
If your SO is seeking things outside the marriage, you would be hard-pressed to find any member here that would condone that – ever! I hope you can find some way to process all this, but if your SO is unwilling to see your side and try to find an equitable arrangement, then you may have to consider leaving. Staying in a relationship that sounds like it is very emotionally abusive is not going to be in your best interests.
Good luck, and private message me if you want a viewpoint from the other side. I have made a lot of mistakes, but I would like to think I didn’t actively make my wife feel small or not valued.
Hugs,
Brie
Hey Kay,
Take the dressing out of your life and look what you have. From my view you have a relationship centered on your husband and his family and you are just a bicycle to ride, parked in the rain to rust. Marriage is a relationship where both give and take. What you have is all you giving and him taking. For your sanity seen counseling and drag his ass with you. He is a very selfish person. I would never treat my wife or any other person with such disrespect.
All the best,Elise
Try finding a women’s support group in your area. It may be an easier means to receive counselling from others who share many of your difficulties rather than, say, having someone less personally involved. The latter may only tend to focus on an incomplete portion of the overall situation.
They should, from their own experiences, be able to advise you how to develop procedures to deal with your problems. They can give you a more personal touch in their support.Also they should be cognisant of available and suitable community supports or therapists.
My wishes for a significant improvement in your life and the strength and means that you need to achieve that improvement.
Araminta.
You are a treasure for accepting your husband’s femme side. That being said, YOUR happiness is just as important as your partner’s happiness. Marriage isn’t a one way street. It takes both to make a marriage work.
IMHO–toss this selfish person aside and look for happiness elsewhere. You will find it.
Let’s be clear. The problem here isn’t that your husband is a cross dressser. The problem is that he is a total self-centered ass. And I’m being polite in offering that description.
I generally do not give advice, but girl, if you have endured this wretched bastard for four years, you have been there 1,459 days too long.
Being supportive is fine. Every cross dresser appreciates that, but there are exceptions and you got stuck with one. Being supportive does not mean being a doormat. Get out, make a new life for yourself!
Thank you for your words.
I wish that it were different. I have tried so hard. He refused to attend any type of achievemens (i.e. finally graduating from school) which is hurtful
He clearly is willful in his disregard for you feelings, dismissive of your accomplishments, and unappreciative of your support. Leave him now!
Kay,
I am sorry that you have such an awful husband who treats you so badly. You need to move on from him. One thing on this site that I am surprised nobody else has made you aware of is there is a Significant Others group(on this site) of wives who are involved with crossdressers. You probably should be talking to them as well as us crossdressers. They can probably give you more empathy and support and understanding of your situation better than we can.
One other thing, I would never treat my wife that way. My wife is disabled so I bust my hump to do everything around here and take care of nearly all the finances. And, my wife appreciates my efforts to point that my next birthday this summer – she is organizing a party and will be treating me to dinner and will be bringing her friends – many of whom I have also helped out in various ways over time – as my wife etal all want to thank me for my efforts.
Alice Black
My first marriage was terrible and I stayed longer than I should have and I regret that wasted time. Life is too short to live like you are living. I know what it’s like to be in your shoes and it is a terrible place to be. When you are reduced to nothing for long enough you believe that you are nothing. I was convinced that no other man would want me and that I could never make it on my own. Getting out was the hardest thing I’ve ever done and my only regret is that it took so long for me to end that marriage. You deserve better and you will get there.
Hugs,
BettyLet me just say that if I had a wife as wonderful and understand. A wife that takes the time to come to CDH to found out more about her husbands habits, in a good way. That allows him to continues to live that life he enjoys. Well we should all be that lucky.
He has no idea how lucky he is to have you. Unfortunately it sounds like you don’t need him or the luggage of his family either. I can tell you love him and you are afraid to leave the relationship that you try so hard to understand. If you have gone to a councilor and other avenues without any changes then hate to say it but, you can take only so much.
We all wish you luck, but from what you said, doesn’t seem like he’s changing is ways anytime soon.We love you and your efforts as well. Thank you for sharing.
Lisa
Hi Kay
Firstly I would like to say that you are an amazing women, The problem is your husband, he sounds like a total jerk, You would be a dream come true for anyone in this community, I feel from what you have written you need to pack and run, think of your own mental wellness, life is to short to be wasted on someone that is not there as a partner.If you want to talk more there are so many girls here to lend a shoulder for you.
HUGS Paula
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