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In trying to respond to the “how do you tell” and “coming out” questions, my brain stumbled. It’s been a very mindful day full of turmoul.
We know that crossdressing brings about in us feelings that make it almost possible to ignore. In an effort to try and explain and get empathy from others as to how that feels, I tried to come up with things in their lives that would be akin. I’ll admit I didn’t do well with it, but I’ll assume there must be things that are relateable to our struggle. So I’ll put it out to those who may have had some deep discussions with their SO’s and to the SO ‘s that frequent this site. What is it that they/you do or want to do that goes toward making them/you feel real and fulfilled.
Being understood comes from understanding and Always yearning to learn.
Hi Olivia,
I think its the smile that I have when I am fully looking and feeling like Michelle and my wife has seen it and is happy to see my happy. We are still working out what it all means and probably will for a long time but that moment when I look in the mirror and see myself smiling back makes my male side more at ease with Michelle. I have taken to wearing a necklace as Michelle and have made the choice to wear it in male mode as well. It reminds me of how happy I feel and makes me smile.
Hugs,
Michelle
Hi Michelle, I underdress almost fulltime now and funny you should mention it but i just started wearing a necklace as well. Keeps me constantly in touch with ME, and grounded. These, like dressing, are things we do.
Sorry if it wasn’t clear.
I’m trying to establish what it is the gf’s, wives, and GG’s do or want to do to give them those same feelings.
Hi Olivia, being a cross dresser for me is like an itch that wont go away, sure you can scratch it and get temporary relief, but it keeps coming back!
Another analogy I would put forward, certainly in my case is its the best way to gain a high without causing yourself harm!
The truth is, standard joe public, cant relate to how we feel, unless they are gay, trans or cross dressers themselves, then at least most with have a degree of insight into the feelings and emotions that constantly bombard us most of the time. If you are a sympathetic person, you would never tell a gay person to go straight! so why would you tell a cross dresser to dress drab? just a thought!
Fiona xxx
My SO was most worried about loosing the man she fell in love with, and that I would feel the need to hide things from her (so about that stash…). That was a very real thing we worked on, and we still do. It’s a lot of checking in on how she feels with it, letter her say her piece and addressing each thing she wants to say as best I can. For me at least, my wife does take priority over my crossing, but that doesn’t stop me from doing it. She has asked me to keep her informed of the goings-on, but as good as it feels, I still feel embarrassed putting my own panties on in the morning in front of her so it’s a work in progress on both our ends. Me getting over my own internal stuff while making it clear I’m not trying to hide it from her. She want’s to be kept in the loop of what I’m thinking/ feeling. That’s all. Basically, I’m not hiding anything from her, and she still gets to be with the man she fell in love with. Lilly is for me, by me, and I’m okay with that. Otherwise she’s told me she doesn’t like me in fem clothes, but will leave me to do what makes me happy because that makes our relationship better and she sees that.
As far as the feelings go, yeah they can be intense! I mean, I’m no stranger to psychedelic experiences (as I’m sure with many others here too), but there’s something really, really great about a high and a deeply happy feeling that comes from a piece of clothing and feeling feminine. It’s so easy, and right there! It’s free. Absolutely freeing too. I just tell my SO that, I don’t expect her to exactly-get what I mean, just to understand the intention of what I say. I just describe it as best I can and to be honest about it. That’s all you can really do.
All the World’s a stage, and all the men and women merely players.
(As You Like It)
Shakespeare got that right – although the seven ages are debatable.
<p style=”text-align: left;”>It is just us human beings that have a myriad feelings and requirements for a happy life.</p>
Until I had the chance to dress as frequently as I liked during the day, after being made redundant, I didn’t properly realise how much of myself I was deliberately burying while trying to be a “man”. That is, an idea of man that I felt was required of me.The “feminine” aspects that I was burying came to the fore, and I felt much happier, and what is more, my wife really appreciated the improvements – the lessening of depression, the increased positivity and more.
The last month and a half, since joining here, I have realised fully what I’ve always known inside- we are all being ourselves and doing nothing wrong. Nothing that society can claim any right to dissuade us from or that our wives should worry about or hate on.
The sad fact remains that it is seen as wrong somehow – but by an ever shrinking portion of society.
More people will accept you than you think.
Love
Laura
I’m going to try this again, I must learn to express things differently I guess.
Thank you ladies for answering the question for you thought it was.
I fully understand how it makes us feel, and the intensity of those feelings. So!! When trying to explain this to a gg it would be best and easiest to put it in terms they can relate to. What is it a gg does or want to do that gives them that euphoric Ahhhh! That we get when dressing? Hope that explains my querie better.
First thought is it’s like going on holiday, when you can dress very differently to normal (swimsuits, bikinis, summer dresses), and in turn, that makes you feel more summery and less like normal dull days.
Another take is that it’s like acting in a play – you put on a costume and makeup, and suddenly you’re someone else for a while – still you, but with the edge of the character you’re portraying.
It is exactly that, because the adrenaline before you “put on a performance” (ie, go out on public) is the same – that feeling of butterflies in the stomach, the sense of not being fully prepared, and the tremendous joy of being out on stage doing your thing.
In a non-public scenario, the holiday / escapist metaphor works better – rather than wasting away in front of the television, dressing makes me energised so that I do “feminine” things like tidy the house, clean, cook, gardening – OK, poor choice of descriptor really, but applying the femme really makes me concentrate on these tasks and perform them better.
It takes me outside of myself as a man, and able to look critically without instantly snapping back at myself – for when dressed, I am a different person. This helps me improve my male self – not in an imaginary way, as my wife has confirmed, but cretainly it’s a psychological thing – like being your own therapist.
Works for me :0)
(Does this answer your question better, Olivia?)
Love
Laura
I think it’s the satisfaction/happiness one gets when you get the perfect outfit together with a great hair day and makeup. Looking in the mirror and saying “Yes! this is the look I was going for. Personally in male mode, when I look in a mirror I see nothing “special”-neither good nor bad; but when Cyn does it right, I LIKE how she looks and it just feels..right!. And that is a great feeling.
CynI know exactly what you mean Olivia, I think, although I could be wrong too lol. I THINK, for my wife anyways, she gets the same feeling that I do when I’m dressed, when it comes to finding a cute pair of shoes that look good and feel good. She is very particular! & it’s up to me to tell her the shoes look great, before she gets the chance to ask me what I think. The same thing goes for blouses for her. She is the type that will just wear t-shirts and sweat shirts most all the time. But, if she is wearing a colorful blouse that she must like(otherwise she’d be wearing a t-shirt), she needs me to tell her how great it looks on her, so that she’ll keep wearing it and hopefully buy other similar blouses and such. And, with my telling her it looks great, it gives her confidence and that “ahhhh” feeling. I think women in general kind of, sort of, need our blessing so to speak, to get that “ahhhh” feeling.
When I dress, that alone, makes me feel good. And when my wife thinks something looks good, it makes me feel REALLY good about it.
If I were you I would try to approach things you want to do like that.I hope that answers your question and helps you.
xxx
BrandyI really like that, Bobbi.
That is my week described almost to a T.
When I get home (I’m almost always home first), I have an hour, maybe 2 if I’m lucky, to let Rebekka out and about in the house. I love that time, it really helps in a number of respects. In particular when I need to get her laundry done! 🙂
But really, it can be so tough at times….
…sigh
R
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