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Hi girls, hope you can help?
Ok, so my wife has only known about my crossdressing for around 6 weeks (though i know she has suspected for far longer due to internet history and some very frank and open discussions about bisexual fantasies) The fact she apoarently accepts me for who i am and is ok with what i do is great. She was not happy that i kept it from her all this time but is glad that i am happy being a man and dont want to become a woman which understandably scared her. She was also very glad to hear that i have my own clothes and do not borrow hers. I get why that is important to her and i respect her boundaries.
Last weekend while we were indulging in some pillow talk, out of nowhere she told me she had found me a wig that would be just perfect and she said she’d picked out a cardigan from the store for me but had ended up not buying it because she wasnt sure how i’d take it. She even offered to paint my toe nails!
My heart was pounding as she told me this and i could not believe my luck or hide my happiness at this obvious acceptance. I was beaming from ear to ear and I told her i would be delighted if she bought me clothes, even though i’ve already told her that i dont want to appear as Polly in front of her.
You might be thinking that this sounds like paradise; Well i do know how lucky i am to have an accepting wife especially compared to those who dare not tell their SO’s or those who have tried and found disapproval. But my dilemma is this: I love that my wife finds me so masculine and comments on it often. I love being the contrast to her girlishness and femininity. I definitely dont want her to start visualising me twirling in dresses and tottering in heels and blowing my nail polish dry.. yet by the same token i have hidden this secret for 35 years and now someone knows i am desperate to share it with her. I want to talk to her about it all the time as i am now growing my wardrobe with confidence and would love to get her advice on outfits and combos and also make up as i am frankly clueless. Yet i find myself biting my tongue and holding back in case she feels like she has opened Pandora’s box. I want to be her manly man and for her to see me as that and not feel the need to go elsewhere for that.. I love her so dearly and dont want to do anything to put that at risk. But on the other hand I also want Polly to be free and liberated and i would so love to share my happiness with my wife. Has anyone else been through this process and what advice can you give me? I think it is all going very fast and i probably just need to take a few deep breaths and slow down lol
Polly, it is exciting that your wife has accepted your feminine side. A relatively small proportion of SOs do. Your caution is understandable but she has voiced her willingness to go forward. However, talking and not pushing too hard is important. Let her take the lead.
My wife does not accept me wearing a wig and makeup. When I dress in the evenings she still wants to recognise me. She says she does not want to sit with another woman. Maybe this is a desire for me to retain some mascilinity, I don’t know.
Good luck on your wonderful journey,
Grace
Polly as someone who also has an amazingly supportive spouse of 20+ years, and who too feels the masculine / feminine dichotomy you speak of my advice is this:
Every problem we’ve had over the years came down in part to a lack of openness. If Polly is part of you then by definition she’s part of your marriage. Keeping it as something that your wife knows about but doesn’t share in (to her comfort level) is short changing both of you.
In my experience expressing Bree hasn’t stopped me from also being Brian. My wife doesn’t see me as less anything. It sounds like your wife’s at a similar place.
Take it slow but be open.
[quote quote=57259]Polly as someone who also has an amazingly supportive spouse of 20+ years, and who too feels the masculine / feminine dichotomy you speak of my advice is this: Every problem we’ve had over the years came down in part to a lack of openness. If Polly is part of you then by definition she’s part of your marriage. Keeping it as something that your wife knows about but doesn’t share in (to her comfort level) is short changing both of you. In my experience expressing Bree hasn’t stopped me from also being Brian. My wife doesn’t see me as less anything. It sounds like your wife’s at a similar place. Take it slow but be open. [/quote]
Wow.. that is fab advice.. exactly what i needed. Thank you so much xPolly. Hi! My advice for you is don’t go all drag queen with outrageous behavior or flashy clothes. Do not do bigger and flashier than your wife….this will really get her angry….they see it as competition. Just a few thoughts….seek her opinion on all purchases too…they like to be consulted.
Lady Veronica Graunwolf.
[quote quote=57287]Polly. Hi! My advice for you is don’t go all drag queen with outrageous behavior or flashy clothes. Do not do bigger and flashier than your wife….this will really get her angry….they see it as competition. Just a few thoughts….seek her opinion on all purchases too…they like to be consulted. Lady Veronica Graunwolf. [/quote]
Good advice Veronica. Luckily just like my male self, i always go for understated looks with fashion and so will not be likely to upstage my wife. Is that unusual do you think that my feminine side is equally as shy and demure? Are most people’s female alter-ego’s a bit more out going and flamboyent? xHI polly: reading this is so unbelievable me much of what you said describes my journey . coming out 3 months ago to my wife and her acceptance and now she’s taken my hand and leading me along my dressing was far in between not much at all then that change the feelings got strong and she had to know it happened and thankful it did .much you said I hear and going slow small steps is what’s it about got to move your feet before you learn to dance. Hair and makeup soon coming. By christmas hoping to show off all of stephane to my wife. Sorry just her no I think I’ll show all of you. I’ll feel good in a big way. 🌹
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