Tagged: Tell or not Tell
- December 1, 2022 at 10:53 pm #698339Joanne VParticipantRegistered On: November 7, 2022Topics: 8Replies: 24Has thanked: 123 timesBeen thanked: 149 times
Hi all I have told my partner and best friend I am now in too minds if I should tell my family looking for advice.
I’m a MTF Crossdresser
Thank you for reading
- This topic was modified 2 months ago by Joanne V.
- December 2, 2022 at 7:03 pm #698545Heather101 HaileyLadyRegistered On: December 3, 2022Topics: 0Replies: 3Has thanked: 0 timesBeen thanked: 5 times
- December 2, 2022 at 1:29 pm #698493Fiona BlackBaroness - AnnualRegistered On: November 23, 2019Topics: 1Replies: 446Has thanked: 281 timesBeen thanked: 1886 times
- December 2, 2022 at 1:17 pm #698488Jaimie JennLadyRegistered On: November 24, 2022Topics: 0Replies: 2Has thanked: 0 timesBeen thanked: 7 times
I would say weigh it very carefully; don’t be drunk or altered or up or down emotionally – play the tape all the way through. For me I can never tell; at least it seems that way now. If you play it safe you always have the option later, but if you still it you can’t unspill it.
Have a good one , – J
- December 2, 2022 at 12:34 pm #698476Sarah CeriseLadyRegistered On: September 25, 2022Topics: 5Replies: 162Has thanked: 440 timesBeen thanked: 617 times
It is a really on a need to know basis if they don’t need to know keep it minimal, sometimes in life less is better. Only you really know how other’s may react.
- December 2, 2022 at 10:10 am #698432DavinaDuchess - AnnualRegistered On: April 15, 2022Topics: 1Replies: 171Has thanked: 1522 timesBeen thanked: 558 times
That is such a personal choice. Not knowing your family or friends or having clue as to how they would react, I am in no position to offer you advice. Sorry.
I can simply say for me, right now I am keeping it between my wife and myself. I choose not to involve the rest of my family or friends. Some may accept it, others probably not. Unless there is a need to know, no reason for me to involve them at this time. That is my personal choice. I respect all of the others and the choices they make.
- December 2, 2022 at 8:00 am #698391Nikki Just NikkiLadyRegistered On: September 29, 2022Topics: 5Replies: 107Has thanked: 881 timesBeen thanked: 717 times
I wrestle with this a bit myself. In general, I agree with the “need to know” criterion, but it’s defining that “need” where things get messy. My brothers, never. My mom, never. My daughter? Well, that’s a lot less clear because we’re so close. On Father’s Day in 2021, she came out to me as bisexual because she wanted me to know and understand that about herself. She still hasn’t told her mother. While she never “needs” to know that her dad is bigender, and therefore trans, it’s pretty easy to imagine her being hurt that I didn’t trust her with it if she finds out after I’m gone, or if someone outs me to her, or if she discovers some other way. That would really bother me.
I think the need to know is still a good default position to take, but ultimately it all hinges on the kind of relationship you have with the family member in question and, crucially, whether or not they can handle the truth.
I wish you the best in navigating these waters!
- December 2, 2022 at 9:02 am #698422Emily AltHostessRegistered On: August 24, 2019Topics: 24Replies: 1285Has thanked: 1443 timesBeen thanked: 6654 times
I think Nikki nailed it here. Need to know and can the person handle the truth.
Those are the questions I ask myself. Need to know casts a wide net since I’m transitioning. I’m out to most people and will eventually be out to everyone. I’ve yet to get any pushback or unacceptance.
However, there are a few that can’t handle the truth for various reasons. I expect to lose those folks or have strained relations with them. Unfortunately one of them is my 94 year old father. Then there’s my staff at work. Most of them are openly transphobic. I’ve written about them several times. It’s my biggest challenge.
- December 2, 2022 at 7:59 am #698390J JLadyRegistered On: September 13, 2019Topics: 5Replies: 513Has thanked: 0 timesBeen thanked: 1982 times
I was about to write nearly everything Kris wrote because it is so spot on.
If you feel your family really needs to know, then yes, but do they really?
My wife knows I dress, because she needs to know, one because I don’t hide things from here, and two, I don’t want to be caught and have to explain things. If that applies to family then tell them, but for me,their is no need for my family to know because I don’t dress around them nor are they likely to ever know unless I tell them. If things change and I feel the need to dress in front of them, then I will have that conversation at that time.
If you have a particularly close relationship with a certain family member who you can confide in and feel the need to talk to somebody close, then just talk to that person and ask for confidentiality. I have a cousin I confided in because we always had a special relationship, but she is the only family member beside my wife who knows. It is nice to have somebody to talk to who has my best interest at heart.
- December 2, 2022 at 6:25 am #698371Darcy S.LadyRegistered On: May 10, 2019Topics: 1Replies: 29Has thanked: 25 timesBeen thanked: 75 times
I too agree with the responses. Only you know your family, and unless it’s become important to you that they know, well then that’s a whole different story.
Although a bit of a long wait now – maybe just wait till next Halloween & get “dressed to the nines” then smoke-test your families response! 😉 you’ll have a get out of jail card (just for Halloween etc) if it doesn’t go well. And gives you ample time to contemplate telling them at all.
I too have been feeling that I should let some other people in. Maybe a long time friend. Because I have a new fear that started shortly after I began living alone (recently divorced😔). Although I do have a longtime friend who I revealed to in 1988, she taught me so much and we had a great time and we’re still close, but she is not the right candidate.
So nobody in my family knows (neither does my ex…at least I think) about my feminine self – what if something tragic we’re to happen to me!? My family/friends would have no idea about the “Whose and What’s” of this now rather large wardrobe! Admittedly this is kind of silly, but it started to seriously make me worry. I suppose the wigs would be a certain giveaway, but… Maybe I’ll tell one of my closest open minded friends – with the disclaimer to please educate my family about me if necessary. I just feel as if I need someone to be ready & able to explain so there is no mystery. preferable than having my family searching for the mysterious “missing girlfriend or roommate!” Or even worse allowing them to create a narrative of their own… This is important to me because my duality goes deeper than just dressing up.
Anyway good luck whatever you decide.
- December 2, 2022 at 3:11 pm #698508
- December 2, 2022 at 5:14 am #698364Alison AndersonDuchessRegistered On: October 15, 2018Topics: 15Replies: 950Has thanked: 760 timesBeen thanked: 4024 times
It’s such a vague question that there’s no way for us to answer it. Are you talking parents, siblings, kids, or more distant relatives? What’s your reason to tell them? Are you concerned they may pop in unexpectedly, or stay over and find your things? What’s their attitude to crossdressers and/or transgendered? Are they the type who post everything on social media? What does your partner think (or what are their feelings) about telling others?
Like Kris, I tend to follow the need to know basis. If there is no need, nothing to be gained, then it’s my business and not theirs.
- December 2, 2022 at 2:24 am #698357Roberta BroussardBaronessRegistered On: July 20, 2020Topics: 7Replies: 507Has thanked: 6925 timesBeen thanked: 2486 times
- December 2, 2022 at 12:54 am #698348Allysa GrantLadyRegistered On: November 1, 2022Topics: 0Replies: 252Has thanked: 1857 timesBeen thanked: 1000 times
Hi, Girlfriend. I would suggest you look at all of the angles carefully. What do you think their feelings are towards CD. I have family that always make snide remarks about men and women who are CD so I refuse to say a word. I truly wish you luck. Big Hugs, Allysa
- December 2, 2022 at 12:09 am #698344Peta MariLadyRegistered On: September 30, 2020Topics: 31Replies: 616Has thanked: 974 timesBeen thanked: 3133 times
Big question. We don’t have enough information about your family dynamic to answer that question.
Thats something you should discuss with your partner.
You haven’t said if your a crossdresser or transgender. If your planning to transition or am basically a straight male who likes wearing dresses.
What does your partner think?
- December 2, 2022 at 12:05 am #698343Kris BurtonLadyRegistered On: August 6, 2022Topics: 1Replies: 120Has thanked: 524 timesBeen thanked: 734 times
When deciding to tell members of your family I would ask myself “Do they need to know”? If you are considering transition, CDing 24/7, or likely to be “caught” while dressed or in a compromising position, I would say they should know. If not, I would say it is your business how you proceed with your private life, and their knowing is not imperative. Of course if you feel you are hiding something from your loved ones then it may be necessary for you to come out for your own peace of mind – but unless it affects them in some way I would not find it a primary concern. Evaluating that is a decision only you can make in your based on your personal circumstances.
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