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I haven’t told many people about crossdressing but the different responses got me wondering some things.
1. Told my wife a year after marriage. I hadn’t dressed really just told her my fantasy of dressing up and a little sexual role reversal (if you get my drift). Initial intrique and then nothing. She eventually pulled back, wanted nothing to do with it, concerns about me wanting to transition (I don’t). She hasn’t seen me dressed in person or photos (point of reference, she’s truly bi-, polyamorous)
2. Told two female friends, one a former co-worker, another a current co-worker. Showed both pics and they were dumbfounded in a good way. Couldn’t believe that was my body, that it was me etc. Both were supportive, one would even go out clubbing with Gina (platonically), and both curious about my sexuality (I come across as a classic male).
So my question is this? Is it different for a female friend vs. a spouse? Obviously one has a bigger investment but did I just happen upon two rare women? Or would my friends act differently if we were in a relationship (were not)?
I think it’s completely different, a female friend perhaps doesn’t feel she’s losing anything, in fact she’s gaining a girlfriend. A wife on the other hand most likely fears two things, first she’ll fear the man she loves is gay, second she’ll fear losing the man she fell in love with. I have told one close female friend and she has been very supportive. I haven’t told my wife and don’t plan to, I have a pretty strong feeling it would end our relationship.
I hear what you’re saying and your comments about the spouse response is probably the most common I can think of. Funny thing in my case is my spouse was (was becsuse we are separated but over other issues) sexual adventurous. My soon to be ex is bi-, has asked me detailed questions about my sexuality, has fantasies of watching me “service” a man, but was threatened by crossdressing. I don’t get it. I thought maybe of all women I had been close to, she would have a different response. There must be something more primordial.
Amyways, thanks for responding.
<p style=”text-align: left;”>That’s really interesting Gina, you would think that with her being that open and adventurous sexually she would have embraced your feminine side. Maybe some jealousy? Are you prettier than her? Just conjecture, your story is interesting, thanks for sharing.</p>
I don’t know. Jealousy? She is gorgeous, has modeled. In fact the leather skirt in my pics was hers (mine know 😉). Yes given her sexuality I honestly thought she would be open to CD
But maybe her Southern upbringing got in the way, with its traditional male roles.
I am free now and able to explore, so I am going for it.
Haven’t dared tell anyone yet. My ex and I are separated, but she’s moving back in for a while. Her job hunt in another state isn’t going well and she needs help while she gets back on her feet. And she says she wants to try patching up the marriage; I don’t see that happening but I do care about her and want to help her out. So I may tell her when she’s back here just because I don’t really have anything to lose, and possibly something to gain. She knows I liked wearing her underwear from time to time and isn’t upset by it, so maybe she’ll be supportive since we’re not together.
I identify as bisexual, but have never been with a man, after all I’ve been married for 24 years and would never have cheated on her, so I feel a bit like a virgin, because I sort of halfway am one. lol She calls herself bicurious. But everything I’ve read and experienced points to sexual orientation as being a very separate thing from gender identity (including crossdressing). Someone who is fine with or at least open minded about a different sexual orientation may not be fine at all with a different gender identity, and vice versa. It’s important to keep the two separate when thinking about it IMO.
I appreciate your thoughtful reply. I guess all I can say is good luck with your talk with her.
As for sexual vs. gender identity, I get it. Since crossdressing I have been bicurious myself but so far only with TG/CDs. It wasn’t something I had considered but I went with how I felt not overthinking it. It felt natural to me so right now I just not using a label. Not that there is anything wrong with that.
Great insight to telling a wife vs. a female friend. The gender issue is a concern to me. I think i have always had a bit of confusion about that. I would never be able to open up to my wife, she is very straight and not open to other life choices. I have always been very much in the closet, and of course the internet helped open things up a lot, thankfully. I have come out to a few female friends. The first is someone I have known for years, we lost touch for a long time but reconnected at a conference, since we are both in the same field. She has always been easy to talk with, and very open about everything. We began to text some, mostly about family, friends, etc. We met up at another conference, enjoying some wine with others, during a private moment, she asked me if I was bisexual, she had a feeling that something was a bit different about me. Well over the next few weeks, one thing lead to another and told her about my crossdressing. She was not surprised and very supportive, as she is to this day. She asks all types of questions about when I started, feelings about wearing different things, is it stressful, gender issue or sexual, etc. I answer all, and we have discussed a lot. Another female friend I came out to because I knew also she would be supportive. Clearly having a gender issue seems to be a more positive way to talk about dressing rather than anything sexual. She is open to it, but doesnt inquire as much. She encouraged me to share with her adult daughter too, she is just as supportive and said she will refer to me as female, which is most validating.
The struggle goes on, but I am happy to have others I can talk with and feel good about my other ‘self’
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