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Hi girls,
I’ve read many discussions about telling young children, but not so many about coming out when your kids are adults. I have 4, ranging in age from 26-43. I have 3 grandkids. My wife is absolutely terrified of what they would think, and I’m not too sure myself. It would not be disapproval or scorn, but possibly rather laughs and lowering respect for me. I want to be their strong father and yet I want very much to be open with them and let them know about this part of me. I’d like to hear from those who came out when their kids were adults and how that went.
xoxo,
Catherine
Yup-a difficult question–With me,I was “OUT” many yrs ago with the help & support of my wife & there appeared to be No problem (esp with grandkids) However–Wife died a couple yrs ago & Now 3 out of the five kids don’t want to be bothered or are just avoiding me–& I can’t get straight answers as to Why–(the three that have children) They aren’t really hostile BUT–
Catherine,
I said in other threads here at CDH that my ex wife outed me to my adult children during our divorce so I had no choice in the matter. I don’t believe I would have done it myself if she hadn’t. I’m not ashamed about being a crossdresser, it’s all part of who I am. But it’s something I would’ve just kept to myself. I prefer to dress in private and alone.. it’s my escape .
it doesn’t really bother me that my children know. My daughter and middle son do not speak to me ( even though I believe he has crossdresser before) my oldest son and I have a decent relationship but the topic never comes up and we’re fine with that.
my best for whatever decision you make.
💋Natalie
such good points and yes, I can relate.
In the same boat, with young adult children very much in tune to today’s world of gender fluidity. I know they would be very accepting, but I’m still afraid of the whole “dad as a man” image. I know that has really had an affect on my wife. I’m not the “man” she married”. Odd too but to me (and I’ve told her this), she’s okay with this sort of thing, as long as it’s not in her backyard. I’m afraid too, of what her influence may be on the “kids”. (Young adults).
We told our grown up kids last year, they were 21 and 25. When I say we, I got the job of telling them but we felt it would be for the best as they could see that I really am OK with it and everything is fine and they could ask me anything they wanted without feeling awkward.
They are both absolutely supportive of Penny as well and we didn’t have any worries in telling them.
The younger generation really are so much more open and accepting I’ve found.
Mxx
I am not the best example here I didn’t have to tell my 3 grown kids because a little over 2 years ago when my X accedently found out the first thing she did was to tell them. Almost all the reaction I get from them on this topic is through my X. I need to figure out a way to go about discussing it more with them.
The other thing my X did was to threaten to tell my 4 brothers, which I fixed myself. I told them myself and suprise at least 3 of them have no problem with it, and even visited 2 of them while dressed in fem.. . .Cassie
We don’t have to face that situation in that we don’t have any children. It’s difficult for my wife to accept in my case, so I’d be the last to comment. I would guess though most children would like their parents to be honest and open with them. Children as rule copy what they see in their parents.
My thoughts, I may be talking complete rubbish
Liz
This is a very tricky and difficult situation, my ex wife knew about my dressing which ended in a messy divorce but I don’t think she told the children.
I now have remarried and have a very understanding and supportive wife and three step children.
This is a subject that we often talk about how to address it if they ever find out, twice I was almost caught out at the weekend, Saturday I was just about to start putting on my makeup when I got a phone call from a tearful daughter asking if I could go around to see her. A quick change then I was off, again on Sunday I had everything planned what outfit to wear, but the day ran away with me and decided not to change which was disappointing, then later in the evening my son phoned wanting to come and pick something up. I am pretty sure if I had dressed up and he came over and found me dressed as Samantha I don’t think he would have anything to do with me by some of the comments he has made in the past out our community, which would upset me if we fell out and he wouldn’t want to see me.My daughter if very much like her mother so again I don’t think she would accept me, so I have taken the decision of not telling them.However every family is different with different levels of acceptance.
Samantha x
I think it would depend upon your extent of crossdressing. Is it just something you enjoy for fun and relaxation or do you want to come out as a transgendered woman?
If it’s just a part time thing then why tell them. If they have no idea then maybe you should just leave it that way.
When my kids were very young I felt it was something I was not going to hide from them. I felt if they grew up with it then it would be normal. I openly dressed in front of them until my oldest became a teenager. Even though they have seen me dressed many times threw the years they did start to question it. I got uncomfortable and stopped dressing in front of them.
They are all adults now and the fact that I crossdress is not something that is ever talked about. It’s really no secret but I do the best I can to keep it hidden.
One day my wife and oldest daughter were having an argument. She told her mother that she hated the whole family and in the heat of the moment she said “My dad is gay!” I was not a part of this argument but my wife told me what she said. It was quite obvious to me that statement was in reference to my crossdressing. That hurt me deeply but at the same time not unexpected.
I’m not ashamed of being a crossdresser but sharing that side of me openly with my children is something I will never do and probably shouldn’t have when they were young.
I think in todays world there is enough for the younger generation to freak out about and having to deal with knowing their dad likes to wear women’s clothes should not be one of them.
Just my opinion. Good luck and do what you feel best in your heart.
Hugs
Lacy
My wife has been lightly pushing me to tell our daughter. We actually sat down and talked about it yesterday. I don’t think I am going to tell her as there is no need. She lives 1,000 miles away so no chance she will just show up. Also, once it is out, it is out. I don’t think she would blab it all over , but I can expect she might tell her husband. At any rate I lose control over who knows about my “secret”.
The one big reason my wife wants me to share with our daughter is she felt she was going through some gender issues in her teens. She has since gotten married and has been for ten years and they get along very well, but my wife thought we have gender issues in common and it might bring us together to sit and talk about it. I did tell my wife I think it can be discussed without bringing up crossdressing. So we probably will dance around the subject one of these days.
Very interesting that your wife actually suggested that you tell your daughter. My wife, and I suspect most wives do not want our kids to know. She’s definitely not wild about the crossdressing, but would probably tolerate it a lot more if not for the possibility of our kids finding out. Our youngest is still home but will probably fly the coop in a year or two at the most. At that point things will probably be a bit freer for me.
Thanks for your reply.
CatherineCatherine, well my wife is fully on board with my CD’ing. I dress around her all the time, when ever I get the urge, which is several times a week. We have “girls nights” where we do our nails and lately she has made a couple attempts doing my make up. Last night I dressed and wasn’t feeling done at bed time so I wore my Roanyer breastplate, a tight tank top and and panties to bed. She was up when I finally got up and we sat and had a pleasant conversation over breakfast while I was still wearing the clothes I slept in, then she was off to work.
Some nights when I am just hanging out in male mode she looks at me and says, “I thought you would get dressed up tonight”
I think it depends on the wife’s perspective / acceptance levels – I pushed / raised the subject of telling our kids as I felt it was time (I had said all along that if Penny started going out then it was only fair they knew in case we bumped into them and Penny agreed). If I was unhappy / having difficulty accepting the situation then I don’t think I would want to know as it was the first thing the kids asked when we told them, how was I and was I OK with it, as soon as they knew I was fine they were on board.
I have three adult children – daughter, son, daughter age range 38 – 42. My son lives a very liberal lifestyle – he and his wife are very open minded with many friends from the LGBT community. The girls are very religious, the oldest especially is fanatically conservative Christian. So I told my son, and showed him pictures. He said he is okay with it – “cool” was his response. I’m sure he has told his sisters. Recently the relationship with my oldest has become strained. There could be lots of reasons, but I suspect cross-dressing is the straw that broke the camel’s back.
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