Viewing 14 reply threads
New Forums
  • Author
    Posts
    • #354534

      Hi all, this is my first post, as well as my first interaction of any sort on this platform. I mostly just lurk to see the thoughts and words of like-minded individuals.

      I’ve a bit of a problem. I don’t know how to tell my girlfriend of over a year that I like to crossdress. Before this whole ‘situation’ hit our society I was planning a wonderful date to then tell her after the great night, but now that I’ve had time to consider it, I’ve realized I have no idea what to say, how to start, or anything. A few months back I told her that I’m bisexual, and she cried a lot. She said she felt that she was the reason I had “turned Bi” (despite me reassuring her of the truth, which is that I’ve been exploring and discovering this fact for years). I dont know if it’s right, but I’ve been sort of testing the waters with jokes about crossdressing. Her responses have not been reassuring, as if she finds it repulsive and stranger than fiction.

      So I’m terrified to tell her. I love her to death, and we’re going pretty strong over a year after starting. I dont want to lose her over something that is so normal to me, yet so alien to her. On the other hand, I simply cannot hide it from her for much longer, as it is becoming an integral part of my personality and identity, and I hate keeping secrets from her. I’ve been 100% open with everything else. Please, any advice that is constructive would be appreciated.

      -C

    • #354585
      Anonymous

      hi girl, well, i am a single person and i have never been in your current situation, perhaps in the future       i will be in the same one, but now i can´t say any advise  with authority, however i recommend you to  ask in the forum of wives and SO, they could give you a better perspective of the  GG  feeling for your case,  also wait for more sisters here who have more experience than me, they surely can give more and better advises, the only thing i am going to tell you is that  any relationship should be  based on the truth,  late or soon, the truth will be revealed and its better by telling for you, she deserve to know who you are and you deserve to live a life without lying, hiding your feeling, being yourself with someone who accept who you are, sweetie i hope the best for you, i hope God give you wisdom to face this difficult situation, hugs and kisses a lot felicity

    • #354607

      Oh Chloe. That’s a terrible situation you’re in. My heart goes out to you.

      I honestly don’t know what to tell you except I agree with Felicity: ask the GGs. The wives and SOs forum is titled “Private: Wives and Significant Others Only” so don’t ask there; respect their privacy. Hope for the best but be prepared for the fact that you might have to break up with your girlfriend. If the GGs can give you some advice that may help, great. But if not then at least hopefully it will be a little easier to deal with. I know, “try it sometime”.

      Feel free to message me if you ever need an understanding ear.

    • #354613
      Emily Alt
      Managing Ambassador

      Hi Chloe,

      The jokes about crossdressing won’t help and you should stop doing that right now. There’s nothing wrong with being who you are. Joking about your identity sends the wrong message and it’s demeaning.

      You already broke the ice when you told your girlfriend you’re bi. You’re still together so there’s hope. But telling her you’re a CD can wait. You need to address her fears about your bisexuality first and get her to accept that. Then there’s a chance she’ll accept your crossdressing. Try to keep her talking and slowly broaden the discussion to LGBTQ people in general. Try watching a few episodes of Transparent with her. Show her some articles about bi and trans couples. Suggest going to a few counseling sessions with her. There’s a lot you can do to break down the barriers.

      I agree that revealing who you are is the only option. You say that you don’t want to lose your girlfriend over something that feels so normal to you, but is alien to her. I would offer that you deserve a partner that accepts all of you. If your girlfriend isn’t that person, it’s best to move on. I sincerely hope that doesn’t happen.

      Best of luck to you.

      Namaste,
      Emily

    • #354625
      Zoe North
      Baroness

      Hi Chloe

      I’m the wife of a cross dresser who has only recently found out about this side of my husband.

      I wish I could give you the answers but obviously everyone is different & there is no one answer fits all.

      I would definitely say don’t make jokes to test the waters, you will only confuse the issue.

      I have to go now but will try to reply with more later or feel free to private message me, more than happy to share my experience with you

      Best wishes Zoe

    • #354778
      Cassie Jayson
      Duchess

      u   Hi Chloe.  The only thing I could add to what has already been said is to find a good consularand go slow listening to your SO reactions.

       

      Sandy

    • #358192

      Update: I decided to finally tell her, and she didn’t react really at all. I believe she’s mulling it over in her head, so I’m giving her time to think on it. Thank you all so much for the advice and encouragement.

      -C

    • #358214
      Anonymous

      We’ll done for getting it out in the open , let her think & don’t push her. Keep her as the no.1 female in the relationship , especially ATM , this may help you both.

      Regarding your bisexuality , are you able to act upon it whilst in this relationship ? Tiff

       

    • #358271
      Anonymous

      I think hinting jokingly is a good way to break the ice. My girlfriend and I had been dating for about 8 months when one night she mentioned how sexy my panties I was wearing were. They were actually mens boxer/briefs but were very fitting and silky. I told her I hate “tighty whities” and that regular boxers bunch up and chafe. She said she noticed that all my underwear were sexier than the few other guys she dated wore. It made it easier to slowly wear more feminine clothing around her. I have not shown her the full “Erica” yet but we are getting there.

    • #360448

      Hi Chloe,

      I’m a little late since you told her already. I voted no. I don’t think any serious subject that affects you or those around you should be joked about.

      I hope it all works out for you two

      Hugs

      Autumn

       

       

       

    • #360680

      @tiff No, and I don’t plan on it

    • #361528
      Leah
      Baroness

      Before I told my current wife about my CD,  we had short conversations and I hinted about lingerie a lot so when I finally told her, actually she guessed that I liked to wear Lingerie. I don’t know who was shocked more. What made it a bit easier, was that I was out of town and we did it over the phone.   Over the next few days I sent her links to a lot of CD articles and fact/fiction about CD. Also giving er time to digest it all and ask what ever questions she had.

      Over the years, my dressing has increased as well as my wardrobe. She is fine with it but still wants balance, which I get. After all as she says, I did not marry a women.

    • #375572

      Another update

      She’s told me she wont ever actively stop me from doing what makes me happy (within legal reason, obviously) but that she’s also rather uncomfortable with the idea of me going out dressed.

      This has placed me in a weird limbo, where I can’t decide what to do. I promised myself, as a birthday gift, that I would go out dressed. Well my birthday came and went, and as a shock to no one I couldn’t bring myself to do it. I want to respect what makes her comfortable, but at the same time this has become more and more of who I am over the past year. I dont know, it’s just tough.

      -Chloe

      • #375583

        I know the feeling, I wanted to go out while the family was away and chicken out. It is alot harder for some of us to do.

         

        Tight hugs. Gloria.

    • #375588
      Anonymous

      Chloe,

      IMO, you have some lifestyle decisions to make.  Your posts indicate that you love this girl, and she obviously cares very much about you.  IF you are thinking about a lifetime commitment to her, then she deserves 100%  of you.  That is, you can consider yourself Bi, but you must (or should) forego acting on your urges.  Not as hard as it sounds; in my time, I’ve had “the hots” for a couple of lovely women, but I promised my wife 100% of me, and I kept that promise.  And as for the CD, her actions indicate she isn’t going to force you into choosing between her and Dressing, but you should expect there to be some limitations (which almost every married gurl on CDH lives with).  Whichever route you choose to make, I wish the best to you both.

      Hugs,

      Bettylou

       

       

    • #375632

      Better sooner than later, honey.

      Drag (DRessing As a Girl) is very popular these days, and, as long as you go slowly, making sure it’s fun – have dress up evenings, go for a walk or shop together – I am sure you can make it work.

      She is probably worried that she’s losing her man, so be sure to be that man as full on as possible to balance it out.

      A pro makeover will really help your confidence, and going to a Drag show is a fun way to normalise the whole guy in a dress thing – the audience totally gets that they are watching a dude not exactly pretending to be a woman, but acting out a character. It’s a great form of self expression in my opinion!

      Just my $0.02 – everyone here has their own dies and approaches, so find what works for you, try different things, but be patient and go slowly so as not to overwhelm her in the way these feelings that drive us to cross dress can overwhelm us!

      Love Laura

Viewing 14 reply threads
  • The forum ‘Relationship Advice’ is closed to new topics and replies.
Subscribe To Our Newsletter

Subscribe To Our Newsletter

Join our mailing list to receive the latest news and updates from Crossdresser Heaven.

You have Successfully Subscribed!

Log in with your credentials

Forgot your details?