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    • #209227
      Vaela Kay
      Lady

      “DO YOU WANT TO BE A WOMAN?”

      She said she was asking as my best friend, as someone who wants me to be who I am. Would i be happier living as V?  I denied it a few times, and honestly I still don’t know if I do. What I do know is that there are definitely times when I want nothing more than that. It’s not all the time. But it’s frequent enough to make me seriously think about it.

      “You don’t have to answer now. Just think about it.” She said it not as an ultimatum, so much as a tapering of expectations. If I were to answer yes and begin the process of transitioning, could she be okay essentially being with a woman? (Questions like that.)

      I’ve been thinking about it all day. Imagining how it would feel and how much everything would change. The very honest answer is I don’t know. If there were a third option and I could be a woman at a flip of a switch and then go back to the man by doing the same thing… well that would be the preference.

      Right now V is episodic. I do my makeup, put in my forms, sometimes using a countour kit to make it look like I have the kind of chest dimensions I’ve always imagined V would have. Of course, when the episode is over, she gets taken off and put away again. And I’m okay with that. I’m okay going back to the man default. I can’t help but wonder if it’s comparable to that feeling you get on the way home from vacation: back to the routine you know. It’s familiar, sure, but does that make it better?

      Becoming V permanently almost feels like never coming home, like I’d have done that thing everyone proposes when on vacation: let’s stay on vacation forever!

      For those who have transitioned, what’s been your experience? And for those who would never say yes to the BIG question, how far do you let her go?

      Ladies from all walks, please share with me.

      Your insights are so very much appreciated!

      V

       

       

       

    • #209273

      Hi Valorie

      The only person that can answer this question is you, but as you say you don’t know what you want at the present time. I do not want to transition, I have considered it very carefully but I know it’s not for me. However I would support anyone that does decide to go down that route. Having said that you need to be absolutely certain this is the path for you, working that out will not be easy but it’s much better if you get a clear idea in your mind now what your ultimate goal will be, as I said this is not easy, but it will become clearer with time. In the meantime do a lot of research into transition, find out about the drugs used and possible side effects, the operation and any potential difficulties, if you can talk to girls that have transitioned and find out about their journey. The thing is you have to get to the truth, somebody trying to sell you hormones may play down potential side effects, someone against transition may make those side effects seem much more serious, the truth is somewhere in between. That is why it is important to talk to girls who have gone through transition or currently going through it. You also have to consider your family life, could your wife really live with another woman? what about other family, work etc? I’m not trying to be negative, far from it, you need to know what you really want, what the advantages and disadvantages are, only then can you make a decision. You say in your post you wish there was a switch so you could change from male to female just by flicking a switch, this would suggest to me you would not be happy in transition, otherwise you would only want a one way switch!

    • #209280

      Valorie, i understand your feelings.  Over the past year i became online friends with a couple of trans women because i had begun to wonder about the same question.  One of them had not begun physical transaction until her fifties so I was especially interested in her experience. Between those two women and many friends here on CDH i have concluded that no, i am not a woman in a man’s body though I do have a very definite feminine side.  You need to take time and explore who you are deep inside.  Not who others are used to or who others expect but what skin you feel comfortable in.  No one lives inside your head 25/7 but you so no one else really knows.  It is not a decision that has to be made now or that has to be made tomorrow.  Give yourself time.

      As for me currently i think of myself as bigendered, there are two aspects to my personality one is Bob who while not macho is still male and quire comfortable there.  The other is Bobbie who frankly wishes she was a sexy young woman but is trapped in a ‘mature’ body, but she likes the idea of dressing up and stepping out in the sun.  She wants her ears pierced to wear dangly earrings. She wants a makeover.  i have decided that after 67 years she deserves sometime in the sun.

      Keep on kkeepin’ on and look for your path.  Feel free to ask me anything

    • #209308

      I had asked myself this very question when I was younger,  why else would I feel the need to dress up as a woman?

      Turns out as I learned more about Crossdressing this was a normal reaction.  I did not really feel like a Woman, I just really liked wearing the associated clothing and portraying my feminine side. Yes,  there was a constant nagging to dress but never the actual feeling of being trapped in the wrong body.

      I was also asked the same question by my wife when I told her about my Crossdressing.  It was a question she had to ask for herself.  The answer was no then and it’s still no today.  I do not feel like a Woman deep down,  just a guy who likes to wear dresses and makeup at times.

      Cynthia

    • #209320

      “If there were a third option and I could be a woman at a flip of a switch and then go back to the man by doing the same thing… well that would be the preference.”

      Wow, that is SO me right there. I’ve been questioning before in much the same way. The vacation metaphor is apt. For now, I’ve concluded being both parts of myself (male and female) is necessary and my default male self is the home plate or a known reference point.

      There’s more discerning to be done, however I think my fem side has more to do with free expression and creative license vs. a gender identity. Like any day being Halloween for me if I so choose. The freedom to slip out of myself into a character of sorts seem quite liberating. Not there yet but definitely working on it 🙂

      Anyway that’s most sense I’ve made of it so far; a temporary, indulgent escape which doesn’t negate the daily self I’m quite comfortable with. I think, it would only add to it.

      Thanks for your posting 🙂

       

    • #209327

      Valorie,

      That is a question that we all face. It was also the scariest question for my wife when I shared my feelings and preference for women’s clothes.  I know that I love who I am and don’t see myself as or feel that I am a woman. It did, however, take me years to understand my feelings as they are, and I know that my wife still struggles to understand that my preference for women’s clothes does not change that I am a man or that I am proud to be that man, her husband.

      MacKenzie Alexandra

    • #209377
      Anonymous

      I like to return to my roots to figure out who I really am and what my potential is.

      I feel I need to be able to go back.

      So I will never transition.

      Love Laura

    • #209482

      My wife and I had the very same discussion a few short weeks ago. I’ve since began therapy. At the time, I blurted out a yes. A really big yes. I love being a husband and a father more than anything in the world! It was my dream to be the man I am today my entire life. The woman in me ran almost a parallel life to my male persona until we married. Then, I tucked her away for good. Or so I thought! I started trying to grow my hair out after being married five years. I started sneaking her birth control pills that she missed. I wear earrings anytime I’m driving alone, anywhere. The woman in me wants out! Then, I see this amazing life I’ve built, and realize that I can’t let her destroy these blessings. I want to transition to a woman in a bad way. The life I’d have to give up means more to me than what’s between my legs though. I desperately need to find a place to let the woman in me slip into her pantyhose and mascara where it won’t destroy everything else in my life!

       

      Thank you for your post! I came here today for this specific reason!

    • #209490
      Anonymous

      Hi Valorie , I used to get the same question from my wife, not anymore . Initially  i obviously wondered myself . From our perspective this has been relieved as she’s comfortable with my gender fluidity , so I get to express my female side daily , underdressing , female jewellery painted nails etc. My mannerisms can be quite feminine also & she doesn’t restrict this either . As a result I feel I get the best of both sides , I can return to male but with an identifiable female side . ☺ Tiff

       

    • #209610

      Hi Valorie,

      So many good comments and advice here that I will avoid repeating.  I must say that this will require some intense soul searching, intense self reflection on your part.   For years I have wished I could be a woman and constantly wish for that now.   I don’t believe my wife has any clue as to how I feel as I have hidden it so well but if she ever asked me that, I think I would be tongue-tied and thunderstruck on what to say in reply.  Societal culture and pressures much too strongly influenced my past decisions and here I am now…an unhappily married male with wonderful grandchildren.  I would rather be a grandmother to them than a grandfather but I know I would risk destroying my access to them if I were to transition.  At 62 yo, it’s not worth it to me to nuke my entire world for the self pleasure of transitioning into the physical person I want to be and mentally/emotionally presenting myself to an entirely new world.  I would most likely lose all my friends and need to create a new support base of friends.  If I were in my 20’s now with the medical technology of today, the decision to transition would probably be a lot easier to make as I would then have all the future years to live how and who I truly feel.  But at this “late stage” of my life, the pain/trouble/effort/work to get a few years of happiness as a transgendered woman at the expense of losing her grandchildren is not worth it.  I don’t know how young/old you are but do think carefully about this and as others have mentioned, research this carefully as well.  My best wishes to you that you reach the best decision as you consider your future destiny.

      Anne

    • #209647

      Hi Valorie,

      That is a question I would say most of us on here ask a lot.

      It as said depends on your feelings and you don’t sound totally sure so I would say you are not wanting to.(yet anyway)

      It also depends on your age and situation a lot.

      As Anne said how much will you loose to gain being a full time woman and are you 100% committed.

      I know some who are fully committed and are enjoying a wonderful life.

      I love my wife very much and love being her husband and best friend.

      I would probably loose my spouse and my Stepdaughter and granddaughter for sure.

      Some here have not had that choice when they revealed themselves their spouses could not accept it and the spouses made the choice for them per say.

      The other factor is age If I was younger and did not have all these life commitments I probably would.

      Also I am happy now getting to dress at home and possibly start going out occasionally.

      I still enjoy my male side some.Maybe because I am more safe there I don’t know for sure.

      These gurls have given you some great advice and I would trust their experience.

      I wish it was a clear cut answer but its not.

      Its all on who you totally want to be and are committed to being.

      Patty

    • #209671
      Vaela Kay
      Lady

      Thank you for the replies ladies,

      Age isn’t a factor at all. I’m only twenty eight and my girls are still little. Like my wife has said before, if i decided to do it, it’d be better to do it now than later, better while they’re still young.

      I know if I could do it without blowing up my life, at the very least I would try to live as V for a time. I hate the catch22 nature of this whole thing. When I wasn’t married or even dating, I was doing my best to kill the woman. Now that I’ve been married for over 7 years and have experienced all that goes into being a husband and father, I now experiment with the woman more. I didn’t start indulging really until my wife suggested it. When she supports something, I feel free to explore it.

      She asked this question and now I’m looking at it from all angles. She didn’t assure me our marriage would end if I did become V. She also couldn’t say we’d stay together. She just said I wouldn’t lose her from my life. But unless she was okay with being with a woman in all aspects, I doubt it would work.

      Then again, if I were to become V, would my constant struggle for inner peace finally end or would it rage on all the more? It’s never been I’ve felt entirely at unease in my body; it’s more if I had had the choice, I’d have chosen being a woman. So my displacement isn’t as severe as some. I could continue living full time as a man and be okay. It’s just the longing to experience life as a woman is in me too. And I believe I would find it would fit me more completely.

      I want to answer yes to the question but it’s not that easy. There are so many other details involved. If only I could do a trial run haha

      Thanks for listening ladies,

      V

       

      • #209692

        Well, V, what you might consider is a trial gradually transitioning socially without HRT or surgery for say a year.  You will need to do part of this anyway ( you maybe able to use HRT during this time) to see how you actually feel as a woman 24/7.  It will not be easy making the transition as some You know may be neither supportive nor even tolerant of the change.  Detransitioning will not be any easier though.  It is wist to realize that prior to HRT and the body changes it brings it is all reversible.  First though if you are seriously considering transitioning see a counselor who specializes in transgender counseling.  They can both help you clarify gourmand and help you with the actual transition and you will need a letter from at least one to get surgery I understand 

        Best of luck with you difficult decision 💋

    • #210078

      I am also very fortunate to have a loving and encouraging wife. I don’t think for us a total change is in the cards. But, I can dress female at anytime. I hope you come to a mutual agreement. Life is too short to procrastinate….

    • #209588
      Anonymous

      I’m liking Tiffany Alexis a lot 🌈😊😊

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