- This topic has 8 replies, 9 voices, and was last updated 3 weeks ago by .
Hopefully this will give a few of you a giggle, and not to many “grooooaaannss” about the puns herein.
PS To admins. Nothing in here about being a CD, just a chance for us all maybe to have a laugh
This Level 3 (or 4) lockdown that we’re having to endure is getting old and quite frankly I’ve had enough.
I’ve discussed the matter over a cup of coffee with the kitchen sink, and we both agree that the experience is draining.
I didn’t mention anything to the washing machine as she puts the wrong spin on everything.
Same with the fridge. He only gives the cold shoulder. I asked the lamp, but she couldn’t shed any new light on the situation.
The vacuum cleaner was rather rude and told me to suck it up Princess.
The carpet advised me to sweep my feelings under the rug. But the fan was more upbeat and thought that the crisis would soon blow over.
The toilet looked a bit flushed and didn’t offer an opinion apart from “sit down”.
The wall didn’t say a word either, just gave me a blank stare.
The doorknob was more forthcoming – told me to get a firm grip on the situation and move on.
The front door declared I was unhinged and so the curtains told me to…..you guessed it – pull myself together.
Then the chair told me to table it, and the table remarked, I didn’t have a leg to stand on. When I told the table to break a leg, the mirror said that my comments reflected poorly on my thinking.
However, in the end, the iron set things straight. She said everything will be fine and warm if you can turn me on.
No situation is too pressing for long, anyway.
and this one
Subject: Medical experts were asked if it is time to ease the lockdown.
Medical experts were asked if it is time to ease the lockdown.
Allergists were in favour of scratching it, but Dermatologists advised not to make any rash moves. Gastroenterologists had sort of a gut feeling about it, but Neurologists thought the government had a lot of nerve.
Obstetricians felt certain everyone was labouring under a misconception, while Ophthalmologists considered the idea shortsighted.
Many Pathologists yelled, “Over my dead body!” while Pediatricians said, “Oh, grow up!”
Psychiatrists thought the whole idea was madness, while Radiologists could see right through it.
Surgeons decided to wash their hands of the whole thing and pharmacists claimed it would be a bitter pill to swallow.
Plastic Surgeons opined that this proposal would “put a whole new face on the matter.”
Podiatrists thought it was a step forward, but Urologists were pissed off at the whole idea.
Anaesthesiologists thought the whole idea was a gas, and those lofty Cardiologists didn’t have the heart to say no.
In the end, the Proctologists won out, leaving the entire decision up to the as????????
COVID 19 SELF TEST
A new and easy self-test for the horrors of Covid 19 is making the rounds and is proving surprisingly efficient in determining positive or negative results. It’s really very simple, extremely quick and will provide almost instantaneous positive or negative result.
First, take a glass and pour a decent dram of your favorite whisky into it; then see if you can smell it. If you can, then you are halfway there.
Then drink it. If you can taste it then it is reasonable to assume you are currently free of the virus because the loss of taste and smell are common symptoms.
I tested myself 7 times last night and was virus free every time thank goodness.
I will have to test myself again today because I have developed a throbbing headache, which can also be one of the symptoms.
My “tipple” is a good Aussie red or white… Cheers!!!
Total of 24 users thanked author for this post. Here are last 20 listed.
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.