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    • #408215
      Shana Mac
      Lady
      Registered On: November 4, 2020
      Topics: 4
      Replies: 57
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      I hate the way society has to put labels on everything. The glue can be so abrasive.

      2 users thanked author for this post.
    • #406977
      Val’sheril Starsong
      Lady
      Registered On: March 3, 2019
      Topics: 7
      Replies: 349
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      Wow, so many insightful responses in a few short hours!  I appreciate all of you ladies, whatever your views on the term.

      I guess getting into the game in the 90s I missed most of the derogatory use of the term; in those days if anything crossdresser was the slur.  Of course, this was in the infancy of the internet and so it took me a while to figure out I wasn’t alone and that crossdressing was actually a thing outside campy movies and sitcoms.  And most of what I did find could be rated with one or more Xs.  Not that that problem has gone away.  But I digress.

      Thank you all!

      1 user thanked author for this post.
    • #406968
      Sa•man•tha
      Managing Ambassador
      Registered On: January 21, 2018
      Topics: 499
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      Right on, right on.  I will freely admit there are a couple names some people use to call us by, that I take deep personal offense to, because I feel that they’re misrepesentative and objectifying.  But I dont see transvestite or its diminutive “tranny” as being like that.  In fact, I see these as being ripe for the reclaiming, kind of like what the gay community did with queer.  Not gonna push that here tho.  Personally, I never quite understood why transvestite carried the connotation it seems to for some.  Think that may be a generational thing i missed out on.  It’s a legit identity in my own eyes.

      Hi Val’sheril!!

      1 user thanked author for this post.
    • #406930
      Sarah Du Hessisse
      Lady
      Registered On: September 16, 2020
      Topics: 25
      Replies: 646
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      Hi Val

      In short the T word is just a word don’t let anyone bother you with it, You are a lovely girl just like the rest of us.

      Love Sarah xx

      2 users thanked author for this post.
    • #406906
      Mona
      Duchess
      Registered On: December 18, 2018
      Topics: 10
      Replies: 123
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      I agree with the points made be several others.  Back in the day, the vast majority of people looked down on cross dressers as freaks, weirdos, perverts, etc. (perhaps still true to this day, sigh).  Transvestite was the blanket term used to describe such perverts.  Regardless of its true meaning, the word became saddled with many more negative connotations than neutral or positive ones.

      Quick anecdote: when I came out to my wife after 30 years of marriage, I told her I was a cross dresser.  She was shocked of course and over the next several days got online to do some research for herself (unbeknownst to me – big mistake).  A few days later she asked, clearly dreading the answer, “you’re not a transvestite, are you?”  I don’t know what  info sources she consulted, but it was clear that she came away with the understanding that being a cross dresser was perhaps somewhat acceptable, but being a transvestite was hideous and therefore a real cause for concern.

      I would like to say one other thing: we often hear it said that it’s just clothes, it’s perfectly fine for women to wear men’s clothes, etc. I don’t agree with this, because for most of us, it’s not just about the clothes…it’s also about makeup, wigs, comportment, etc.  In short, we try to completely transform into a woman, which clearly goes well beyond “just clothes.” When women wear men’s clothes, that’s pretty much the extent of it.  “I wish I could grow a beard” said no woman ever (ok, that’s not entirely true, don’t want to insult the FtM community).

      In lieu of transvestite or even cross dresser, I really like the term “femulator”.  There’s a wonderful blog by the same name (“Femulate.org”) and that is where I learned this term.

      3 users thanked author for this post.
      • #406962
        Sa•man•tha
        Managing Ambassador
        Registered On: January 21, 2018
        Topics: 499
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        I would like to say one other thing: we often hear it said that it’s just clothes, it’s perfectly fine for women to wear men’s clothes, etc. I don’t agree with this, because for most of us, it’s not just about the clothes…it’s also about makeup, wigs, comportment, etc.  In short, we try to completely transform into a woman, which clearly goes well beyond “just clothes.” When women wear men’s clothes, that’s pretty much the extent of it.  “I wish I could grow a beard” said no woman ever (ok, that’s not entirely true, don’t want to insult the FtM community).

        Props.  Tru dat Mona, think it goes a little deeper than “it’s just clothes” for a lot of us…

        1 user thanked author for this post.
    • #406861
      Anonymous
      Registered On:
      Topics: 58
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      Hello lovelies

      Sorry….but I hate the “T” word. It sounds so cold and horrible…

      In drab I would just like to be called ” him”..

      In my glorious best I would like to be called ” her”…or grace to my friends.

      Just like a GG in jeans or a leather jacket or a lumberjack shirt would like to be called ” her”

      frustratedly, grace ❤️

      3 users thanked author for this post.
      • #408230
        stephanie plumb
        Baroness - Annual
        Registered On: November 17, 2018
        Topics: 167
        Replies: 2255
        Has thanked: 3575 times
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        ✔✔✔✔✔✔✔

        Good for you!

        Calmed down a bit, Steph 💖

        1 user thanked author for this post.
    • #406859
      Deborah Sullivan
      Duchess
      Registered On: February 27, 2020
      Topics: 2
      Replies: 678
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      Have been called lots of names and never feel offended. Its just a word and most times the speaker is unaware if its offensive so chill out

      1 user thanked author for this post.
    • #406850
      Angela Booth
      Lady
      Registered On: August 1, 2020
      Topics: 3
      Replies: 218
      Has thanked: 219 times
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      Thank goodness the French version of the word was adopted – Travesti Now that would be a travesty for us…

      2 users thanked author for this post.
    • #406843
      Patty Phose
      Duchess
      Registered On: May 7, 2016
      Topics: 0
      Replies: 1708
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      When I began dressing and going out at 18 I was considered a transvestite. I’m fine with that, like I’m fine now with being a crossdresser.

    • #406696
      Rei Durden
      Baroness - Annual
      Registered On: October 11, 2020
      Topics: 27
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      Everything I’ve read in this regard says to address the person in question by whatever label/pronoun they choose.
      If you aren’t sure, just ask? Seems simple enough.

      I guess I’d probably just lead off with “you can call me ———“ when meeting someone for the first time.

      1 user thanked author for this post.
    • #406693
      James Brine
      Lady
      Registered On: October 13, 2020
      Topics: 18
      Replies: 86
      Has thanked: 96 times
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      It just seems like a no-win term. There was a context where it was neutral. As other’s have mentioned times where it was an offensive term. I don’t know if I’d get upset over it, but I would suggest to someone to use a more accurate term for our societal context. If I was going back in time to the days of the latin use of the term I don’t see myself being potential offended.

       

      Sivvi

      1 user thanked author for this post.
    • #406652
      Leonara
      Ambassador
      Registered On: October 13, 2015
      Topics: 4
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      I would like to thank Kelly Terry for her research and paraphrase one of her definitions I am a person who dresses in clothes of the opposite sex and to be the opposite sex,” I have attended counseling which helped me balance my alter egos and prefer that I am gender fluid… The article did not mention another T word but that is a topic for another article… xxLeonara

      3 users thanked author for this post.
    • #406629
      Anonymous
      Registered On:
      Topics: 1
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      I am one and proud to be no matter what people call me, even if it’s in a demeaning manner I don’t care to much anymore. But I can see where it may bother some, we are all different just share the same passion, wearing women’s clothes is the best feeling in the world that I can’t and will never stop til the day I die! Lol

      2 users thanked author for this post.
    • #406624
      Paula F
      Duchess
      Registered On: August 7, 2019
      Topics: 15
      Replies: 1332
      Has thanked: 20370 times
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      Val, I would love to have your attachment as a poster in my home.  Hit’s it pretty square on the head.

      Growing up as I am, back in the 70’s and 80’s, transvestite was one of the few labels society had for us.  They, the uneducated societal namers, put the connotation on it that to be called a transvestite somehow meant that you were a total, depraved, social deviant with no hope of redemption.  You should have been shunned and ostracized for daring to break the rules of polite society.  They never considered the literal Latin translation of the word, and made it, and us, something to be despised and loathed.

      Back then, many of our sister’s committed suicide over the way we were treated if a ‘normie’ found out about our little secret followed by the treatment we got from them.  Many other’s seemed to just disappear in an attempt to escape the scorn and ridicule heaped on us as they moved away to escape the stupid prejudice of people.

      But many of us grew closer together and formed tighter friendships because of it.  Many of us just ignored ‘them’ and went about our lives.  A few of fought back though, both physically and legally, and the cracks began to form in the walls put up to stop us and close us off.  Now, today, we are known by an almost bewildering alphabet of labels and files and terminology.

      When I was going through all of my cancer treatments and surgeries and counseling, I got a lot of questions about how they should list me in my records, trangender, transitioning, bi-gender, etc.  I finally got very tired of that line of questions, and I began answering the “Professionals” by just telling them I was ‘ME’, nothing more, nothing less.  I preferred the word her or she, but I understood the legalities of the labels too.  But I made it clear to them, and they did eventually stop trying to classify me and one dear lady actually did put the word ME on one of the forms for my sex.

      To me, Transvestite is now almost as archaic a term as is werewolf, or witch, and belongs to history and has no real place with us now except in tales told to scare children at night.

      PaulaF

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    • #406598
      Anonymous
      Registered On:
      Topics: 0
      Replies: 37
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      Unfortunately these things tend to be controlled by people outside the community throwing around what is acceptable and not.

      This also goes for sex sexuality gender color and race.

      If you listen to some purists the word transvestite was used in medical terms in times where the wearing of clothes of the opposite sex was considered a kind of perversion and mental disorder.

      The word Transvestite is literally the latin translation of crossdresser which is like the same as most medical words.

      Growing up I considered myself to be a transvestite, there were magazines directed at transvestites not crossdressers and there were dressing services directed at transvestites to dress in full.  I considered the practice off crossdressing to mean someone who simply likes to wear women’s cloths be it just panties or one item of clothing to fully dressed, Transvestism to me seeing fully dressed transvestites with wigs makeup the whole nine yards

      So I for one have never liked the word crossdresser nore liked to be called one,

      It seems now we are stuck with the word Crossdresser to mean someone who dresses in anything from a hair band to fully dressed and trying to take the female form and unlike most comedy acts just because your a crossdresser somehow dose not give you the right to use words some people have now for some politically correct reasoning of turning our backs on the past, bin the word transvestite as if this was somehow the problem and not religion or governments taking human rights away from them in years past.

      The hardiest pill to swallow I find above and beyond the outside world governing words and categorising what we do. is the act of one crossdresser telling another crossdresser what words they can and cant use and feel comfortable with or what category they feel thay fall under.

       

       

      4 users thanked author for this post.
    • #406582
      Sophie
      Lady
      Registered On: September 14, 2020
      Topics: 1
      Replies: 11
      Has thanked: 63 times
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      If nothing else, there is certainly a lot of confusion in the community, about a lot of things.

      1 user thanked author for this post.
    • #406580
      Kelly Terry
      Lady
      Registered On: February 26, 2018
      Topics: 23
      Replies: 272
      Has thanked: 245 times
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      At one point I was trying to figure out what all this words meant and I did stumble over a site/post that claimed that

      transvestite  – a person who dress in clothes of the opposite sex and try to be the opposite sex
      crossdresser – a person who dress in clothes of the opposite sex but does not strive to look like it, just wear some clothes and that’s it.

      I remember thinking that according to that definition most women you see out today are crossdressers.
      I don’t agree with the definition and think a lot of people think it means something else and most probably don’t really know anything about what it really means.

    • #406561
      Celeste Starre
      Lady
      Registered On: June 26, 2018
      Topics: 41
      Replies: 1117
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      Never quite figured that one out myself.  I was a member of a prominent  CD support group for many years and they would get very upset if someone referred to them as transvestites.  Probably something to do with sex and western society for some reason gets very uptight regarding anything sexual.

      5 users thanked author for this post.
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