We all experience our own femininity differently. Which do you value more?

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  • The appearance
  • The life experience
  • Both appearance & experience are equally valuable
  • No stock answers here, I like something else!
Viewing 42 reply threads
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    • #377480
      Grace Scarlett
      Registered On: July 26, 2020
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      Hello girl

      I think the two go hand in hand. If I dress and think I look lovely, not only does it make me feel wonderful, it gives me the added confidence to get out and about, therefore gathering different experiences all the time.   xx

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    • #376925
      Jemma Schumpert
      Registered On: July 6, 2019
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      This kind of ties in to all the “purge” questions for me.  I could no more “purge” than cut off one of my arms.  When I am unable to dress, I refer to my collection as “Jemma” since that is in essence the truth for now.  Some day I will be able to combine “Jemma” the collection with Jemma the woman and exist solely as her.  I long-no, I ache- for that day.  When I go out and experience life as Jemma complete with all the fear and worry that involves sometimes, I always feel more at peace, and whole.  I love the way I look and cherish the way I feel inside.  The day I can walk out and not care at all about running into someone or being “clocked”, will be the greatest day of my life.  My dream is to one day soon sit and have lunch with the person who outed me and explain that I do not hate them for it and repair that relationship.  That day me be soon as I was recently told she misses having me in her life.

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    • #348498
      Registered On: January 14, 2020
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      I think for me it’s definitely appearance and the feeling of joy when I am in Stephanie mode and look in the mirror. I have only been out in public once for a two day trip away from home with my wife so I don’t have a lot of experience with interaction with people while enfemme. Those two days were fun, exciting and terrifying.  I can dress freely at home and it’s hard to express the happiness I feel when I see myself whether I am in my girly casual lounge wear and no makeup or full enfemme in a dress, wig and makeup. Stephanie

    • #348455
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      I enjoy both appearing feminine and the experience of behaving in a feminine way.  I make myself look as feminine and as beautiful as I can with my clothes, shoes, make-up and hair.  I also do my best to move, act and speak as femininely as I can.  Another part of the experience I enjoy is when others react to me as they would any woman.

    • #348452
      Jessica Scarlett Ray
      Registered On: January 20, 2020
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      For many years I was a closet cross dresser wondering if would ever out my true identity. This situation ended in January and Jessica was free from a prison of her own making. I am no longer John, and talk about liberated does not describe my eurphoric feeling of being free of my masculine past.

      I have met many landmarks in my transgender journey I pride my presentation and appearance and get agitated when things don’t match or coordinate. As a guy I preferred the sleek lines of suits and white shirts but as a woman I now appreciate so much choice with texture, style, form and colour.

      Experiances like rain falling on my shoulders while wearing a tank top or tunic, the freedom of a skirt and the wind around your legs. My hair long and flowing and soft to the touch. The feel of panty hose on your newly waxed legs and then the feeling of your silk skirt beyond that. The liberation of makeup and variety of nail varnish colour and the smell of perfume.

      I cannot help this attractions and then there is how your treated by my feminine cis sisters in most cases with kindness and appreciation. Yes! There is the odd one! Uneducated and not been to finishing school with there own hang ups of being female, ready to out you, but on the whole I have met so much love and support.

      Guys on the whole treat me with respect and I don’t think it’s because I’m 6.1 or 6.3 in heels but I think they respect you for being who you are. It’s nice if you fall over and they come to your aid and ask how you are. My neibours all know I’m transgender and the support I have received has been fantastic but I digress.

      Lock Down as clipped my wings a lot but I’m looking forward to the new normal. I want to be able to go ballroom dancing again in Blackpool Tower as Jessica and not John ” the Dance Pro”. Demonstrate and enthasise my feminine side wearing heels and a stylish dress, feeling a million dollars. My cis girlfriends want to be with me for that moment of joy and satisfaction of forfilling my dream.

      Living and acting female on the whole is a positive experience for me, my partner acknowledges my all persona as improved along with major body and health benefits being a major plus.

      Lots of Love to all reading.

      Jessica Scarlett May.


    • #347990
      Autumn Valiant
      Registered On: July 14, 2019
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      Great topic and poll Sammy!

      I gave this some good think time. I picked experience. Both are important but I think that I do value experience a little more than appearance. This is most likely because much of my experience in the last year has been in my own head much more than expressed by any type of physical expression. Being in the closet, having varied work schedules, and a pandemic have put a major cramp on my physical expression. I partially dressed for a little over 2 hours last week. That’s after a solid 2+ month dry spell. I do wear panties every day and have painted toenails but that’s hidden from view. Right now I am sitting at my computer, in drab pajama pants, t-shirt, and sweatshirt. But my mind is in Autumn mode right now. I mean that as an expression of a feminine facet of who I am. That’s experience in my book.

      At any time right now a family member could walk in and talk to me. They will get the guy facet immediately. Maybe one day that will be different, but for right now at this moment I am Autumn. Just don’t put a mirror on the table in front of me. It might dim the magic. 😉




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    • #347959
      Desiree Scrumptious
      Registered On: June 1, 2020
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      What a wonderful post. Thank you for sharing it. I hope you get to have you hair and makeup done soon.

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    • #347957
      Natalie Nervous
      Registered On: April 16, 2020
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      nothing quite like the feel of something new.


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    • #346204
      Rebecca Duncan
      Registered On: January 28, 2019
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      I like the FEELING!

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    • #346193
      patty williams
      Registered On: January 19, 2019
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      Hi Samantha,

      I chose both,

      I just had my first chance to go out in public and meet another CDH friend.

      I must say it was so wonderful to have the appearance of being feminine but it was more than that for me sharing my feminine side with another Cd and interacting as the woman I would love to be was so exhilarating and fulfilling.

      If you haven’t experienced it yet girls it is so wonderful.

      Thanks for the fun post Sammy.


    • #346092
      Heather Jameson
      Registered On: April 1, 2019
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      Dressing just makes me feel like the real me.

    • #346055
      Auroras Livingfem
      Registered On: May 22, 2020
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      Hi to all sisters of the world I’m just getting to know and learn from one of each before I joined every time I had an opportunity to read all those stories it give me help how to get inside CDH  but maybe some years with this technology which I’m new the more I try to get someone to help me how to use an email or afraid of sending wrong information or real names but at the same time I feel we all together on  CDH I thank Vanessa for opening a window to share a little bit of each of us to anyone who read it our sister Charlene said Her which would be having a makeover while back I read another sister saying ULTA COSMETICS offers free of charge for buying their products which today I ask my wife why one time she got products there she would have a free makeover, she said I didn’t know so when this pandemic starts letting us visiting them I going to take my wife and having an open conversation I can have myself an also extra makeover (now only have to convince my wife) the company wants your business so that’s my next goal first time I learn they’re open for business, good luck there Charlene happy dressing out there. Auroras

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    • #345803
      Charlene Victoria
      Registered On: November 29, 2016
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      As I have matured and have for all practical purposes laid aside the idea of transition I have come to embrace a “blended me”. Slowly but surely I have noticed about myself that it is no longer “man self” vs “femme self”. I am me. I have worked out my own being in my heart as, “I am a woman tasked with male responsibilities by virtue of my God given male body.” With this understanding of self I no longer experience the same guilt and shame experienced previously as I fought my feminine urges and desires.  To meet the need of others, because of my love for them and God, I am content to function as a male. However in that capacity I embrace certain feminine things that give me contentment while not taking from the male that others need me to be. Wherein in the past I fought hard to be “all male” feeling so shameful and guilty that I would even want to be a woman, now I do not. I give others the male they need; I give myself a bit of femininity to meet my need.

      However when I do find the opportunity to dress, peace and inner fulfillment flood over me. As so many of you know there is nothing like it on our male side. Dressing changes me. I can finally put off the old man and be totally me; the woman I know that I am. I act differently, I think differently, I feel differently.  I love being me and nothing in my male life comes close to that experience.

      I have never had the privilege of having a feminine hair style nor the privilege of having my face skillfully made up to bring out my best feminine features while hiding my maleness as much as practically possible. It is a goal of mine. I shall do so. But for the time being what I experience when dressed as much as I can is nirvana.

      When that day comes that I, Charrie,  am finally able to have the hair and face of my dreams no doubt emotions will overwhelm me. I will cry, floods of giddy joy, will require that my makeup will have to be done again.

      For me it is both. The appearance of my feminine self; the putting away of my male self, even if it be but briefly,  creates unmatched experience for the male me. A complete transformation accompanied with going public would be the zenith of life experience for me.


    • #345756
      Jennifer Heels
      Registered On: December 11, 2019
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      When younger it was all about the appearance.. loved wearing suntan pantyhose and high heels. But then the older i get the more it is about the experience of being a woman. Dressing up and movement. And now it is appearance and experience combined as I think the appearance if done right leads to a better experience if that makes sense.


    • #345671
      Molly Katherine
      Registered On: April 27, 2020
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      For me, it’s the experience. One of the reasons I love the clothes so much is because of the shopping experience that women have. It’s a way to pamper yourself in a way that I wouldn’t as a man.

    • #344870
      Alison Anderson
      Registered On: October 15, 2018
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      I thought the answer was obvious.  It’s about the experience.  After all, I’m happy to dress at home with no forms, no makeup, and doing nothing with my hair.  I like the feel of the clothes, I like the way a skirt moves when I move.  I’m not worried about how I look, because I look like a guy wearing women’s clothing.  And I feel calmer when dressed in a top and skirt.  That’s experience too, isn’t it?

      But when I go out, even for a walk around the block, I want to get somewhat of an appearance.  Makeup might consist of a little foundation and beard cover, and sometimes with a little bit of contouring on some facial lines.  I will always have forms in, and usually wear a wig.  I can get away with clip-in bangs because my hair is long enough, but the wig helps change my face.  I’ll wear sunglasses if I am going out around the block, but probably won’t if I go shopping locally.  I’m not particularly pretty, but I do look feminine.  Nowadays, wearing a mask covers enough areas that I don’t even need makeup when shopping.

      I am doing this far more often than for an evening out when I’ll put on a lot more makeup. But for daytime walks or shopping, am I doing this for appearance, or am I doing this so I can have the experience of walking outside dressed in female clothing, and most of the time in a skirt or dress?

      (You can see why I hate surveys.  The answers are always sometime, it depends, what do you mean by that, ….)

      And if I’m dressing because it makes me comfortable, I’m not even sure if this falls under experience or no stock answers, because it is more complicated.  I’m just going to have to pick the no stock answers, because I think it is much more than either experience or appearance.

    • #344843
      Olivia Livin
      Registered On: October 22, 2018
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      The experience for sure.

    • #343979
      Janet williams
      Registered On: January 4, 2018
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      I love the experience and will and often do visit guys and sleep with them

    • #343912
      Registered On: October 13, 2015
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      Emily Alt,
      My sentiments too… When I dress I feel I am expressing my true self …

    • #343898
      Emily Alt
      Registered On: August 24, 2019
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      In the past it would have been appearance. It was all about the clothes, especially lingerie. I was comfortable in my closet, and had no desire to cross social boundaries in public. That ended about 3 years ago.

      Since I started identifying as gender-fluid, life experience has been my motivation. When I present as female, I want to experience living as a woman. Appearance is important. But I need the physical, emotional, and mental aspects too. My experience leaves me feeling at ease. It’s authentic and I can see it becoming my new normal.

      The convenience of living as a guy still has some appeal. It’s the reason I don’t identify as trans. The next few years will be interesting.

      Thanks for the though provoking poll Samantha.


    • #343824
      Kathryn Lynn Peters
      Registered On: October 10, 2016
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      Me too, Betty Lou

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    • #343818
      Ellie Hope
      Registered On: October 3, 2019
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      Both for me and I feel they reinforce each other. Even when I need to be in guy mode, I still want to express to all my female side, so I like to wear some makeup, jewelry, and often girl shorts and top. And I also find that when I can dress fully, it amps up the girl inside.

    • #343769
      Kelly Ann
      Registered On: February 24, 2020
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      My Feminine experience starts with dressing complete bra and panties a nice mini dress and my boots of course it’s then make up time a light foundation wet eye shadow with my eye liner and false lash mascara matching my lipstick with my eyes.Finally do my hair and some nice jewelry and not forgetting my feminine smell.And that’s the best Experience ever from my feminine 💜


      Hugs and kisses


      Kelly Ann



    • #343598
      Jannie Murry
      Registered On: October 15, 2019
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      There’s just something about how I change when I am dressed en femme My thoughts are different and the way that I act and go about my life seems easier. When I see myself in the mirror dressed in a short skirt and a blouse that shows cleveage and I’m in full makeup with my honey blonde shoulder length wig on is when I am the happiest I’m ready to escape from my masculine life and enter into my feminine life to do what girls do when they are out there shopping or just being out there among other girls




    • #343555
      Paula F
      Registered On: August 7, 2019
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      From the time I was first dressed by my sister at 5 yrs old, somehow I knew I was a girl.  I had never heard of crossdressing, tranvestism or whatever they were calling it back then, I just knew I should be in a dress or at least some of my sister’s pink shorts and tops.  I had no idea or temptation for makeup back then, it was all about feeling and acting like a girl and doing girl things that was important.

      At about 10 or so, appearance began to edge to the front ever so slightly.  Mom let me wear my hair long (it was the late 60’s then), so a pretty barrette or hair bow were essential for me to wear as I rode my bike just about everywhere, so I needed to keep my hair in place and combed like my sister, which really did make me feel pretty at the same time.  I loved having it blowing back as I sped around on that bike.

      Eventually puberty slammed into me hard and it took some serious experimentation to hide ‘things’ that changed my appearance.  From there, I started testing with moms makeup, because she had so much and sis would notice if I had gotten into hers.  I was even already shaving my legs by then too since sis did also.  Lost some serious blood the first few times until I could calm myself down enough to do it right.

      At 15, I met my very first man crush, and my whole world changed and nearly fell apart before I could get control of my emotions and outlook on my life.  It all just seemed very natural for me to like him (he was older, btw.) and I wanted desperately for him to notice me and see me as the girl I was becoming.

      With his help and teaching, my appearance changed dramatically as well as how I saw and felt about myself.  Some of the experience I gained with him was shopping at a boutique owned by a friend of his, how to dance, and so many other things I needed to learn.

      So I answered experience and experience are equally important, but one should not outweigh the other, but they often do, with one moving ahead for a bit and the other taking its turn to lead at different times.  But both are very important to our well being and happiness.


    • #343548
      Sandy Craig
      Registered On: March 18, 2018
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      It is the Sum of All.

      Becoming Sandy seems to make me whole. Does this fill some void I have ???-Likely so. A long time ago I stopped worrying and trying to figure out why I enjoy my fem side and embrace it. Appears to be working for me and I have no plans to change. A simple day out doing regular errands, meeting friends or going to some event is a two thumbs up day.


    • #343517
      Stephanie Kennedy
      Registered On: March 15, 2019
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      Most here have said it. When i look more feminine I feel more feminine. It can be simple things like putting on lip stick or putting on mascara and eye liner. Having a smooth hair less body helps me feel more feminine. Cute, sexy panties with a little touch of sweet perfume always adds to the excitement of feeling more feminine. It is what we all have in common just wanting to feel cute and pretty sometimes or all the time. Luv Stephanie

    • #343486
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      To be honest with you I really do not have an answer it’s something that I felt like doing since I was a young child I just can’t even put into words how I feel when I transformed myself from male to female my whole persona changes I just feel so soft and sweet and enjoy the rare moments I get to be Jasmine

    • #343462
      Bettylou Cox
      Registered On: May 26, 2019
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      Isn’t that interesting. My wife, who is mostly non-supportive about my dressing, has said hat when I’m in Melissa mode I’m much nicer.

      Remember that nursery rhyme about girls:  Sugar and spice and everything Nice?   Must be true.

    • #343461
      DeeAnn Hopings
      Registered On: November 10, 2019
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      It is the peace that comes from knowing that I am doing what I need to be doing…

    • #343458
      Darla Adams
      Registered On: April 17, 2020
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      Very well written Laura

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    • #343434
      Deborah Sullivan
      Registered On: February 27, 2020
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      Yes the appearance in the mirror after makeup and putting together an outfit is still a thrilling experience which triggers behavior and mannerisms. Now I can enjoy body movements, walking, talking and behaving as the girl I am. Maybe its the pink fog but a personality shift takes place with most of us I have noticed

    • #343428
      Laura Lovett
      Registered On: March 26, 2020
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      Hi Sammy

      It’s become all about the life experience, but it started out with the imagination – what would those garments feel like to wear, I bet they feel lovely, I can just imagine… Too easily!

      Hooked on the sensation before I’d even tried them, but hooked by the look by a fraction.

      The order of thought was always “That looks lovely, I bet it feels lovely too”.

      Then I discovered that the clothing felt even more lovely than I could imagine – and I have a vivid imagination.

      Sexy at first – but that’s lingerie for you. It’s designed to be sexy.

      Having tasted life en femme, it’s sensuous, not sexy. All the senses seem to be sharper, more finely tuned, and, even, more under control.

      The blissful calm of putting on and admiring a lovely outfit never seems to get old.

      Anxiety seems to fade away – there’s more time for thinking clearly, for enjoying the moment – more time for living.

      As someone who has battled depression in the past, the opportunities I’ve had for living en femme, while brief, have been a shot of positivity, of real confidence in myself and faith and hope for the future, no religion required for this gel.

      Reminds me of a film that really moved me when I was younger – Living Free (sequel to Born Free).

      As I spent the first 2.5 years of my life in Kenya, that film really touched me deeply, aged 8. Surrounded by my mother’s paintings of lions and other African animals, he movie had great significance.

      The titles apply to all of us.

      Love Laura

    • #343422
      Araminta Purdy
      Registered On: January 23, 2020
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      Is not the appearance the fundamental element of the experience? Is not the experience based on the creation of the appearance? I would think the two were inextricably entwined. They interact, one creating the other. Almost ‘chicken and egg’ as to which came first. Whichever, I’ll bet that the other followed pretty soon after.


    • #343412
      Alice Underwire
      Registered On: September 16, 2019
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      Hi Sam,


      A great thought provoking question!

      The appeararence and life experience go without saying but there is more.  The sparkle of your outfit, the aroma of your perfume, the click-clack of your heels, the swish of your skirt or dress, the breeze on your legs, the tug from your handbag on your arm, your hair on your shoulders or the back of your neck, the softness of the fabric of your blouse/top ….  Well, you get the idea.

      I had to answer something else.


    • #343407
      melissa la quinta
      Registered On: September 29, 2016
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      Isn’t that interesting. My wife, who is mostly non-supportive about my dressing, has said hat when I’m in Melissa mode I’m much nicer.

    • #343389
      Bettylou Cox
      Registered On: May 26, 2019
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      Mostly the  look, I think; but I want to look like a girl because I feel like a girl.  Besides, Bettylou is a nicer person, and better company than my other side.

    • #343381
      T.J. Byron
      Registered On: October 18, 2018
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      Yes, Ladies…everyone of us have same/ similar thoughts on the subject.

      Always great to hear the thoughts and process.Interesting how similar we all arrive at our conclusions…


      6 users thanked author for this post.
    • #343380
      Tricia Lynn
      Registered On: November 20, 2017
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      There’s nothing like looking at the woman in the mirror after the “transformation” is complete.

    • #343378
      Danielle Wayne
      Registered On: December 2, 2017
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      I love to look and dress like a woman as much as I can (would do it all the time if possible).  But I feel like a woman all the time, even though my shell is that of a man.

    • #343333
      Kathryn Lynn Peters
      Registered On: October 10, 2016
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      I love all aspects of being Kathryn!

      6 users thanked author for this post.
    • #343330
      Darla Adams
      Registered On: April 17, 2020
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      I could not agree more Patty the look and feel of dressing is above and beyond the best. I am very happy now that I have accepted my fem lifestyle and no longer care what narrow minded people think. Keep your stocking seams straight and enjoy the lifestyle. Hugs to all Darla


    • #343300
      Patty Phose
      Registered On: May 7, 2016
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      Two things love most about dressing is how I look and how it makes me feel.

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