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  • #386564
    Mary Ann Summers
    Participant
    Registered On: April 29, 2020
    Topics: 11
    Replies: 86
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    So, I played every scenario I could out in my head on how I would tell my wife and what would (could) happen when I did. 99% of them were bad. Today I decided it was now or never (couldn’t be never so now it was). We were sitting on the porch talking about an up coming trip and watching the sun go down.. I swallowed hard and braced myself for my new life… alone.

    I told her I needed to tell her something about me that I have never figured out how to tell her before. I also said I’ve never told anyone I’ve ever been with in the past about this. “I love to wear women’s clothing and always have”. She asked if I was kidding…I said I wasn’t. She asked again. “Nope”. She asked if I go trolling for guys when I’m dressed… I laughed and said If I were to have been born a woman, I’d have been  gay, I love everything about women… in every way. So, no on the guy thing. She had a few more questions about how I do this or that, then said “If that’s what makes you happy, then it’s ok by me. I’ll always love you for who you are”. She said I’m still her husband and will always be her “manly man”. I said that it isn’t like she is loosing a husband, it is like she just gained a much larger wardrobe. She smiled at that… and that was it.

    I had feared and planned for the worst… but hoped and prayed for the best. I received the best… 20 years ago and didn’t realize it.  And, I under estimated her love and affection for me… that will never happen again.

    Hugs, Mary Ann

Viewing 33 reply threads
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    • #387223
      Sandy Jayson
      Participant
      Registered On: September 29, 2019
      Topics: 13
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      Congrats, Mary Ann.  So happy for you.  It’s stories like yours that keep the hope alive for many of us and help us to build up the courage to take the next step.  I currently am working in my mind how to tell my brothers and mother.  I am going to have to tell them something with my longer colored hair and pierced ears, but at my age of 66 I keep trying to convince myself that life is getting to short to not enjoy my new found joy in CD.  Hope all keeps going well for you.

      Sandy

      3 users thanked author for this post.
    • #387160
      Leslie
      Participant
      Registered On: September 14, 2020
      Topics: 6
      Replies: 35
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      That “pink fog” is dangerous.

      3 users thanked author for this post.
    • #386872
      Sharon Wiltshire
      Participant
      Registered On: July 27, 2020
      Topics: 3
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      Well done, I know how hard it is after so long.  And others have said, (although I know from experience that it is hard to do) take it slow and let her take the lead on how far, and how quickly you take it with her, and be ready for lots of questions, and lots more.

      6 users thanked author for this post.
    • #386842
      Sarah Du Hessisse
      Participant
      Registered On: September 16, 2020
      Topics: 4
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      Well done Mary Ann enjoy your new lease of life, you deserve it girl.

      I personally am contemplating the same, really not sure how wife would react.

      I have been secret for 40 years and no one knows.

      My very best wishes to you.

    • #386832
      Leslie
      Participant
      Registered On: September 14, 2020
      Topics: 6
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      Your SO sounds like mine, except mine isn’t getting an expanded wardrobe, I’m about two sizes smaller than her lol, hopefully I will get to dig through her old clothes from before she gained weight. She had some really nice stuff!

    • #386827
      Amanda Burton
      Participant
      Registered On: January 15, 2020
      Topics: 5
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      Congratulations Mary Ann, it’s fantastic to read that all went extremely well for you.
      Really nice to read that your wife positively received your your admission that you love to CD.
      There may be many wobbles to come as this information is fully processed, as she struggles to understand and take it in. communication and reassurance is vital, as a couple it’s a new road for both parties.
      I wish you both the best for a new and hopefully beautiful chapter in your marriage together.
      LOL Amanda X

    • #386816
      Araminta Purdy
      Participant
      Registered On: January 23, 2020
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      Congratulations!

      But …

      Go carefully. This is when the Pink Fog can hit the hardest and do the most damage (especially to the credit card).

      Araminta.

    • #386803
      Danielle Clark
      Participant
      Registered On: August 17, 2018
      Topics: 1
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      Glad to hear the positive response from your wife. Every woman is going to handle this information differently. I told my wife back in 2010, 4 months before we got married. Her initial response was positive and supportive. But by the next day, a lot of questions and fears swirled through her mind. Things got bad…very bad. It almost broke us up. We ended up going to therapy for a while, which at least smoothed things over a bit. Our wedding day came, and everything went great. We stopped going to therapy, but then also stopped talking about the crossdressing. It basically turned into a don’t ask, don’t tell situation for the next 7 years. I dressed at home alone when she wasn’t around. The subject would rarely come up, and when it did, it was always awkward.

      However, in 2017 while on vacation, we reached a breakthrough. We started talking about it again and she was someone able to let go of any past concerns and accept me for me. There was still lots to tell about my history of CDing and we talked for hours about it every day for the next week or two. It really brought us closer together as a couple.

      We have now come full circle. We can now casually talk about women’s clothes and makeup, go shopping together, and even go out together while I’m dressed. We are also similar in size (except for shoes), so we share a lot of the same wardrobe, which is fun! (and cost effective!)

      Just know that there may be fluctuations with her acceptance level. Just take it slow, don’t pile on too much at once. Let her digest it and just assure her that you are still her husband. Hoping the best for you and your wife!

    • #386780
      Bobbi Sue
      Participant
      Registered On: September 15, 2020
      Topics: 10
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      What a great story, and a great wife.  May I offer a bit of unsolicited advice?   Go slow.   She hasn’t internalized it quite yet.  There will most likely be more questions.   But I’m pretty sure you already knew this. 😉

      Kisses, Bobbi Sue.  💋

    • #386765
      Dani CD
      Participant
      Registered On: September 10, 2020
      Topics: 1
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      Has thanked: 84 times
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      Hi Mary Ann,                                                         I’m so excited for you both, that’s great news. Dani👩🏻‍🔧xoxo

      5 users thanked author for this post.
    • #386762
      Suzette York
      Participant
      Registered On: September 4, 2020
      Topics: 1
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      Mary Ann,

      OMG that is truly wonderful!  i read your beautiful tale with such dread but then what a fabulous outcome.  i, and i am sure all of us, are so happy for you.  It is so terrific to hear such a warm and loving story – you are lucky that you have your soul mate and she is lucky to have a wonderful person as you are to be her spouse.  i hope you both have a perfect life now that you know each other so intimately.

      hugs

      suzette

    • #386756
      Stevie Steiner
      Participant
      Registered On: June 11, 2020
      Topics: 24
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      Mary Ann ….. what a beautiful story, thank you for sharing.  I couldn’t help but be smiling from ear to ear by the time I finished reading that.  I can only imagine the relief and joy you felt.  A shout out to your wonderful wife too, not to forget the other half in this.  And you knew the key phrase – ” a larger wardrobe “.  Lol.

      I’m so happy all went so well for you.  Just imagine your first shopping trip together.🙂.

      Stevie

       

       

    • #386748
      DeeAnn Hopings
      Participant
      Registered On: November 10, 2019
      Topics: 11
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      What you have discovered is that often the reality is much better that our fears…

    • #386717
      Dana “Jennifer” Banton
      Participant
      Registered On: March 19, 2018
      Topics: 6
      Replies: 52
      Has thanked: 183 times
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      Congratulations!!!  That is so wonderful and I am so happy for you!!    Dana

    • #386705
      Emily
      Participant
      Registered On: April 30, 2016
      Topics: 13
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      “The talk”. It’s what we all fear. You are incredibly fortunate to have a spouse like that. A lot of us are not that lucky. I applaud you for your bravery in telling her. And, I applaud her for her response. Well done and congratulations! I’m sure that is a huge relief for you. Baby steps from here forward will help in the long run.

    • #386693
      Mary Ann Summers
      Participant
      Registered On: April 29, 2020
      Topics: 11
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      Jamie….

      You are so correct… It is a huge weight lifted and no more feelings of deceit. I too was quick to anger & would withdraw after. My biggest regret is that I had not told her MUCH sooner. I cannot imagine where we would be right now if I had. For that matter I can’t fathom where I would be in my femme journey also. 20 years could have done much for both. But I digress, water under the bridge… new day, start again! Already this morning she was asking what I thought of her outfit for the day….I said I have always liked her style & I am the one who should be getting the tips from “the expert”. LOL

      • #386710
        Jamie Taal
        Participant
        Registered On: June 14, 2019
        Topics: 3
        Replies: 49
        Has thanked: 298 times
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        Agreed. I wish I told her 23 years ago. I feel I would have been in a better place mentally throughout our marriage and provided her more a more stable “me”. Yep, water under the bridge though. Then again having access to great resources on the internet and CDH sepcifically and recently has really opened me up to accepting who I am without guilt. Not sure I would have been as successful telling her then as compared to now without my personal growth and aceptance over the years.

        4 users thanked author for this post.
    • #386673
      Diane Crow
      Participant
      Registered On: October 21, 2019
      Topics: 8
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      Has thanked: 1417 times
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      I so love the dbl the wardrobe!! You hit the jackpot with that one! It opens up your relationship to an entirely new level of experience and love. I am genuinely jealous of you two! Keep going girl. Cant wait to hear about your adventures together.

      Hugs

      Diane

    • #386669
      Jamie Taal
      Participant
      Registered On: June 14, 2019
      Topics: 3
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      That is fabulous! I can relate. The pit in your throat when your thoughts move from your mind, to your voice and then to her ears is excruciating. There is no putting the genie back in the bottle. I am so happy that you did it and it worked out well for you. I find that if the mutual love is true and deep then a SO will accept one’s dressing. This does not mean she has to agree with it or want to see it but just accept it for who you are and that it is is part of what makes you you. For me the burden of carrying the secrete around for so many years weighed so heavily on me that I was quick to anger, quick to dismiss and withdraw frequently. Upon telling my wife I am more relaxed, open and giving. I am a better husband as a result of it.

      Good luck in the days to come and keep us updated on your progress.

      All the best, Jamie

    • #386666
      Robin Snow
      Participant
      Registered On: May 7, 2019
      Topics: 18
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      Congrats on coming out to your wife.   I’m am so happy it went well.  Take it slow and keep the lines of communication open.

      Robin

    • #386665
      Heather Harrison
      Participant
      Registered On: August 3, 2020
      Topics: 10
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      Has thanked: 642 times
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      That is wonderful! I had a very similar experience when I told my wife. This journey is a process for both of us, but honest communication is so important.

    • #386659
      Stephanie Flowers
      Ambassador
      Registered On: June 26, 2017
      Topics: 25
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      Happy hearing it. Certainly a emotional experience and sounded like everything is going to be wonderful. Your wife has much to embrace before all will seam fine. She’s willing to give you her support,  now its you that will have to make this work.  Don’t push things so she won’t.  Now wait until the moment comes when she decides she wants to meet Mary Ann. That moment for me was extremely a nervous time but after revealing myself everything went beautifully and a new chapter in our lives became to flourish. The best to you both in your journeys together….

      Stephanie 🌹

    • #386658
      Debbie Werner
      Participant
      Registered On: September 12, 2020
      Topics: 2
      Replies: 35
      Has thanked: 210 times
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      That took a lot of courage to do,I came out to my SO back in July,wish I would have did it sooner. What an enormous burden has been lifted off of your shoulders,good for you.

    • #386648
      Grace Scarlett
      Participant
      Registered On: July 26, 2020
      Topics: 12
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      Hi Mary Ann…..well done, you found the courage and got the answer you needed to hear .I am so pleased for YOU BOTH….no more secrets…..Grace xx

    • #386632
      Penny Jay
      Participant
      Registered On: August 4, 2020
      Topics: 2
      Replies: 17
      Has thanked: 56 times
      Been thanked: 124 times

      Well done, looking forward to hearing more, perhaps joint adventures.

      One step at a time.

      PennyJ

    • #386626
      Patty Phose
      Participant
      Registered On: May 7, 2016
      Topics: 0
      Replies: 1328
      Has thanked: 921 times
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      I guess planing for and expecting the worst then not having it go nearly as bad or even good is a good thing. Congratulations on your good result.

      You can be a manly man and a girly girl. I’ve heard it called being gender fluid. That’s what I am.

    • #386610
      Kay Anderson
      Participant
      Registered On: June 1, 2020
      Topics: 16
      Replies: 484
      Has thanked: 4446 times
      Been thanked: 2500 times

      Hi Mary Ann,

      I found your wife’s response so sweet! I am happy for you!

      Hugs,

      Kay

    • #386607
      Bianca Everdene
      Participant
      Registered On: April 11, 2017
      Topics: 14
      Replies: 520
      Has thanked: 1672 times
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      So happy for you Mary Anne.

      Acceptance, and a great weight lifted off your shoulders. A wonderful couple.

      ❤️B

    • #386606
      Mandy Wife
      Participant
      Registered On: September 12, 2019
      Topics: 5
      Replies: 93
      Has thanked: 46 times
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      I’m so happy for you Mary Ann.  Definitely more talking in the future but going at your wife’s pace when she’s ready to talk & see and that you both have your SIL to talk to as well is ideal.

      So lovely to know of another supportive wife and I wish you both much happiness in your future adventures together.

    • #386605
      Seren
      Participant
      Registered On: March 2, 2020
      Topics: 36
      Replies: 395
      Has thanked: 3321 times
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      Hey Mary Ann !!

      This makes me so happy 😀, we are truly blessed to have partners who continue to love and to help grow the relationship having see the closet door open. It takes such a weight off to know you can be you.

      hugs xx

      Seren

    • #386595
      Mary Ann Summers
      Participant
      Registered On: April 29, 2020
      Topics: 11
      Replies: 86
      Has thanked: 238 times
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      Stevie….

      Yep I have been in constant contact with SIL. All is good. Thanks.

      6 users thanked author for this post.
    • #386589
      Mary Ann Summers
      Participant
      Registered On: April 29, 2020
      Topics: 11
      Replies: 86
      Has thanked: 238 times
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      Stephanie Bass…..

      You are correct much more talking has to be done. We did discuss many things during the conversation, I just didn’t want the post to be REALLY long. Looks like I will have a day on our up coming trip to go out en femme with her. But, yes, I think there will be MANY more questions and conversations. I want her to feel comfortable with what I’m doing too.

    • #386588
      Stevie65
      Participant
      Registered On: September 6, 2019
      Topics: 16
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      Has thanked: 152 times
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      Congrats Mary Ann!!! I guess it would be a good idea to tell your SIL that you told your wife and that if she could act a little surprised instead of saying yes I knew a while ago (that would cause other issues). Other than that it is a big relief I bet and you can sleep better knowing that at some point in time your wife and you can go out shopping as ladies for what ever you both feel like.

       

      Huggs Steveie

    • #386585
      Stephanie Roberts
      Participant
      Registered On: May 20, 2020
      Topics: 1
      Replies: 268
      Has thanked: 2141 times
      Been thanked: 879 times

      I’m so happy for you Mary Ann. Well done!

      Love, Stephanie ❤️

    • #386567
      Stephanie Bass
      Participant
      Registered On: November 30, 2019
      Topics: 4
      Replies: 740
      Has thanked: 6217 times
      Been thanked: 2200 times

      Hi Mary Ann congrats to you girlfriend  as it sounded like you got the courage and it was a wonderful result  so happy for you . Now lots more talking to go as asking about dressing with her  in front of  her will she help thats the fun part her helping you get pretty build up to it all sweety  anyway been there done that  good luck and have fun girlfriend.

      Hugs Stephanie Bass💋💋

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