Hi, all. I’m sure there have been other threads like this before, so please forgive the repetition.
So, some of you know I recently came very close to losing my mom to a sudden, unexpected medical episode. That jarred me in many ways, as I simply don’t know a life without my mom, to include living together for virtually my entire life. Most of the emotions I was able to talk out with friends and extended family, and I’ve also talked most of it out with Mom since she’s recovered. Then, there’s………
No surprise, Mom is unaware of my crossdressing, to the best of my knowledge. And it would be quite out of character for her to know and not say something or at least hint strongly that she knew. I do imagine she knows *something* is up. I have a full chest of drawers in the bedroom that’s fully padlocked shut. I mean, I’m not hiding that I’m hiding something.
When she was unconscious and I didn’t know if she would ever wake up, I couldn’t help but keep thinking that she was going to die with this big secret between us. It just feels wrong. At least to me. So, now that she’s recovered and coming home any day now, I’m wondering is it time to come clean?
She’s not going to disown me. That’s just not her, plus she needs me, even if only for self-preservation. That said, I can see her reacting in one of two extremes – she’ll either be over the top accepting or over the top unaccepting, one or the other, no middle ground. While one is obviously more desirable, I’m not sure either is especially good.
Assuming she reacts positively, I can definitely see her expecting a fashion show from me within five minutes (not doing that). I can also see her behaving as if every little thing is somehow related to my crossdressing, to illogical extremes. Just take my word for it, she does that. And I know I’d have to tell her multiple times daily that I’m only interested in women.
If she reacts negatively, I’ll need stitches. Seriously. But, this, I think, is unlikely.
But, positive or negative, my biggest fear is irreparably altering my relationship with my mother. This isn’t something that’s just forgotten in a month and all’s well. This is a fundamental change, no matter how you slice it. And I just don’t know how I would deal with it if things were forever weird between us.
So, that’s why I’m coming to the panel. I don’t know what the hell to do here.
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