The Pendulum

[Cerys Burton]

This is an edited version of a reply I posted to another topic. It’s regarding out better halves and their acceptance, or more specifically their variation of acceptance.

For many, if not most of us, things go tits up, and often with no warning.
I posted recently about my wife being OK with me wearing natural coloured nails…. This lasted two hours… She was happy. Earlier in the day she said that she would crimp my hair. She likes messing with my hair and does all sorts of things to it other than cutting or dyeing. So we’re sat watching telly, I’m enjoying my nails and the general happiness when I asked if she wanted me to get the stuff ready to do my hair…. KABOOM!
My nails were OK…. Doing my hair was OK…. The two together freaked her out. She then remembered her old anxiety from many years ago about me having nails….
No warnings, no signs, not a hint of trouble. She was happy.
The usual night of “discussion” followed. My loathing of being a crossdresser followed ( I do hate what I am and wish I could stop). My packing everything away followed. My depression followed. I lasted 4 days before I buckled and put on a dress. Hating myself for doing so… But all is good again…. I’m happy. My wife is happy and all is good between us…. Until I cross another invisible boundary.

I don’t set out to upset my wife. I love her, and I fully appreciate how luck I am to have such a loving, caring, accepting wife. I do my best to stick within the boundaries. I do find though that acceptance can vary. Most days I can wear what I like, but occasionally, she says “not that”. It might be too short, too silly, too “slutty” (we all do it… Stop judging!) She might see me putting lipstick on and I can see the face she pulls, not always, just sometimes… She might see that I’m wearing a bra (not filled) and she’ll comment… Yesterday it was fine, not so today…. One day she’s buying me a £50 coat, two days later she’s pssed that I’m spending £5 on a dress I’ve found in a sale.

I know that I’m not alone in having a wife/SO that wavers. I just want those that are new to dressing in front of their loved ones that things will change. What’s Ok might not always be OK. Likewise, what’s not OK might be OK one day.
It’s taken me 30 years or more to get to where I am at at the moment. Things are great (mainly). They used to be dire, then they became amazing, then they became hopeless for many years, then things got better and better, then they became poor again, then better…. Now they are great.
I call this The Acceptance Pendulum. Never take it for granted when it swings your way. It can so easily and quickly swing back.
Don’t give up hope when it doesn’t swing your way. It could so easily start swinging your way. If/when it does, don’t push it. Let it swing at it’s own rate.
The rate of swing can be slow. It can also be rapid. In my experience, there is not much you can to once the swing starts, other than let it swing. What you can do is try and prevent the pendulum swinging the wrong way. Do this by observing you SO, and not doing anything stuoid…. Even if you don’t think it’s stupid 🙂

Enjoy the ride.

Cerys.

[Angela Booth]

Very wise words Cerys. Don’t stand in its way as it could hurt someone.

[Sylvia]

Dear Cerys ,

Like Angela said , wise words indeed.
I don’t have a SO but I hope you and your wife can keep the Pendulum
“swinging in balance”.

Love Sylvia.

[Cerys Burton]

Most men would love a wife that “swings both ways”, but alas she doesn’t swing in that way…. TBF, the pendulum is nearly always over the “good” side 🙂

Cerys.

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