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  • #670507
    Serena Stephens
    Participant
    Registered On: August 14, 2022
    Topics: 1
    Replies: 25
    Has thanked: 32 times
    Been thanked: 144 times

    This Friday, Aug. 19, is one year since my last time out in public as a girl. I went to a  an exhilarating trans-friendly bar in northern Virginia for a gathering/meet-n-greet that turned into a lovely night of dancing, laughter and girl talk. I was sooo happy. Then the roof caved in…

    The perfect storm of a health scare, a guys weekend (I cherish my male friends) and a dead/decaying marriage led to a bout with anxiety & depression. The guys all talked about going home to loving wives. I didn’t want to leave as there was nothing to go home to. Marriage therapy failed (again), I ended up confessing my desire to dress to my therapist (who was genuinely happy for me) and my wife, who was mystified. It broke much of the anxiety. I vowed to give it up…throw off the switch. Yes, I purged…everything…clothes, CDH account, dinners w/ amazing girl friends, makeovers, social media. Dumped it.

    I discovered it’s not a switch. Serena went public online in Dec., 2020. She/I went OUT in public in April, 2021, @ a restaurant gathering/support meeting/post-meeting bar hop. I wasn’t a bit scared for some reason (I’m a very confident, extroverted person) and loved everything about being her. I went out of town and met other girls socially. I discovered a part of me I never knew existed. I was happier than I’d EVER been…EVER.

    One year later, I’m back together mentally. I’m not in the physical shape I was but I’m headed there. I’m still in therapy…checks & balances. I’ve made great strides dealing with things I can’t change. One of those things is accepting the FACT that I love being femme and being out as Serena…because she is me.

    I’m still married & she doesn’t know what I’m doing or am about to do. I’ll need to learn to deal with it…because I have to. Serena is a HUGE part of me that needs to live. I need to breathe.

    I hope someone reads this & benefits. I don’t know how this will all turn out. Understanding that is part of my therapy of letting go. We can only control certain things and have no idea when this life ends. I’m just pursuing happiness, and can’t wait until I look in that mirror, again see a woman (not a man)…and smile…happy & satisfied.

    Love you, ladies! 💋💋

    Serena

Viewing 15 reply threads
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    Replies
    • #671876
      Kim Dahlenbergen
      Lady
      Registered On: November 18, 2019
      Topics: 1
      Replies: 197
      Has thanked: 141 times
      Been thanked: 641 times

      I hate to see marriages falter, and yet I know from my own experiences, that it happens. I can’t offer any advice on how to improve that relationship, but I do wonder if the relationship might improve somehow as come out and enjoy this long repressed part of your life

      3 users thanked author for this post.
      • #671915
        Serena Stephens
        Duchess
        Registered On: August 14, 2022
        Topics: 1
        Replies: 25
        Has thanked: 32 times
        Been thanked: 144 times

        Sorry if I misled – and this is in my profile – she knows I have in the past. Confessing was part of what reduced my level of anxiety. What she doesn’t know is that I am resuming. It’s complicated (and what part of our lives as ladies isn’t?) .

        2 users thanked author for this post.
        • #672194
          Kim Dahlenbergen
          Lady
          Registered On: November 18, 2019
          Topics: 1
          Replies: 197
          Has thanked: 141 times
          Been thanked: 641 times

          I tend to view the situations of others through the filter of my own experience. While I was open about being a cross dresser, even acknowledge that it might be more than that (seems it is), I was never fully open with my wife about being out publicly, even in the neighborhood where we lived. I know that was dishonest and further eroded trust between us.

          So, if you’re going out its a good idea to think about how this would be viewed by your wife. I think it would be better in the long run if you could at least tell her your future plans to go out in public, rather than carrying on these activities without her knowledge. I would leave past incidences behind and get a fresh start, hopefully with her consent.

          1 user thanked author for this post.
          • #672203
            Serena Stephens
            Duchess
            Registered On: August 14, 2022
            Topics: 1
            Replies: 25
            Has thanked: 32 times
            Been thanked: 144 times

            I appreciate your thoughts, Kim. I’m thankful to have supportive sisters who are willing to share their input.

            1 user thanked author for this post.
    • #671114
      Terri Anne
      Ambassador
      Registered On: February 7, 2018
      Topics: 32
      Replies: 1287
      Has thanked: 1907 times
      Been thanked: 2788 times

      Hello Serena,

      Welcome to our amazing CrossDresserHeaven (CDH) site. So glad you have joined us here. Feel free to explore all that our site has to offer.

      The Warmth, Compaasion and Hospitality of our community members can be found throughout the site.

      Please do make use of the forums and articles or public chat room and friendships offered here on CrosDresser Heaven.

      At any Membership level, You can contact any of us via [ PM ] Private Messages.  You can find that link on each member’s Wall under their Profile picture.

      Also, you may find what you need such as Help Center or Ambassadors by using the links in the top R/H drop down 3 bar [ hamburger ] menu.

      Here is a good link to review the membership levels and the privledges for each. Such as Private Chat, Groups, etc.

      Regards,

      Terri Anne, Ambassador

      =========== Link to our public Chat room   ==============

      https://www.crossdresserheaven.com/chat/

      4 users thanked author for this post.
    • #671036
      Stephanie Flowers
      Ambassador
      Registered On: June 26, 2017
      Topics: 35
      Replies: 6368
      Has thanked: 12789 times
      Been thanked: 13205 times

      Serena  welcome back sweetie

      Stephanie 🌷

      3 users thanked author for this post.
    • #670906
      Lara Tucker
      Lady
      Registered On: September 29, 2021
      Topics: 2
      Replies: 1066
      Has thanked: 23573 times
      Been thanked: 3772 times

      Hi Serena,

      It’s good to have you back where you belong!

      Welcome home sister!

      💕Lara

      4 users thanked author for this post.
      • #670907
        Serena Stephens
        Duchess
        Registered On: August 14, 2022
        Topics: 1
        Replies: 25
        Has thanked: 32 times
        Been thanked: 144 times

        Thanks Lara, darling. It’s good to be home among my lovely sisters! ❤️💋

        3 users thanked author for this post.
    • #670892
      Jocelyn Beyoody
      Duchess
      Registered On: May 4, 2022
      Topics: 0
      Replies: 86
      Has thanked: 183 times
      Been thanked: 281 times

      Welcome back Serena, currently my marriage, 2nd also, is crumbling. My SO gets angry with me when I dress. Has even told me she’s embarrassed, wouldn’t even go to a park to take pictures. I kept hoping she would see the girl inside of me is the person she loved. To no avail. Your story gives glimpses of sunshine is possible. Fingers crossed🤞

      • #670893
        Serena Stephens
        Duchess
        Registered On: August 14, 2022
        Topics: 1
        Replies: 25
        Has thanked: 32 times
        Been thanked: 144 times

        My dear Joselyn:
        While you need to see her side, she needs to see yours. I feel your pain.
        I hope we both find happiness and peace on our journeys.
        Read your profile and LOVE your passion. It shows in your smile.

        Love you, my sister,

        Serena 💋

         

        4 users thanked author for this post.
        • #671206
          Jocelyn Beyoody
          Duchess
          Registered On: May 4, 2022
          Topics: 0
          Replies: 86
          Has thanked: 183 times
          Been thanked: 281 times

          Thank you so much. She is starting to see my softness. Though I don’t know exactly how she feels, I’ve been more willing to listen to her. And NOT try to solve it, right away. I listen. At this point any progress we’ll take.

          2 users thanked author for this post.
    • #670713
      Ginger Snap
      Baroness - Annual
      Registered On: March 9, 2022
      Topics: 12
      Replies: 114
      Has thanked: 1831 times
      Been thanked: 503 times

      Serena,
      Welcome home. The last two years have been tough on all of us. You made it through. Be happy as you can. Prayers.
      Hugs Ginger

      3 users thanked author for this post.
    • #670642
      Jillian(Jill) Evers
      Lady
      Registered On: August 2, 2022
      Topics: 3
      Replies: 34
      Has thanked: 165 times
      Been thanked: 185 times

      Hi Serena, Welcome Back to being you again!! You’re courage, Past, Present & Future in pursuit of Happiness is inspirational!! I have purged many times but Never again, Realizing that it is just
      a form of denial to who we are, Who we want to be.. and we only do it mainly because of outside influences, because Serena or Jillian would not make that choice!! Besides that It’s expensive!!Lol!! Best of Luck, Enjoy You’re Health & Well being Serena.. Be Happy!! Big Hugs! Jill💖

      6 users thanked author for this post.
    • #670630
      Susan Talbot
      Lady
      Registered On: June 28, 2022
      Topics: 1
      Replies: 247
      Has thanked: 2317 times
      Been thanked: 918 times

      Hi Serena.  Welcome back. Purging is so painful I hope you never have to go there again.  Anyways your health and mental health are so important so be Serena and live life to its fullest.

      Susan

    • #670587
      Jane Mansfield
      Lady
      Registered On: December 27, 2020
      Topics: 4
      Replies: 316
      Has thanked: 643 times
      Been thanked: 1098 times

      Hello Serena, a year of upheaval, but you have come on the other side. Enjoy your public outings as Serena, and over time you will find your desired body shape.
      It is wonderful when we dress as we like and this shows others that we are happy and enjoying life.
      Best wishes
      Jane.

      5 users thanked author for this post.
      • #670588
        Serena Stephens
        Duchess
        Registered On: August 14, 2022
        Topics: 1
        Replies: 25
        Has thanked: 32 times
        Been thanked: 144 times

        Thanks Jane, we’re all here to show what is possible…not what is likely or what is definite, but what is possible. For some people, that’s all the hope they need.

        Love you, my sister!

        Serena 💋

        5 users thanked author for this post.
        • #670589
          Jane Mansfield
          Lady
          Registered On: December 27, 2020
          Topics: 4
          Replies: 316
          Has thanked: 643 times
          Been thanked: 1098 times

          Goodaye Serena, from the wintery shores of Tasmania. Coming up to Spring here, so summer dresses and strappy sandals are close now
          I am going to a Ball in Sydney soon. Abiut 300 people,, should be a fashion statement. Lots of colour and pretty faces.
          Keep putting yourself outthere Serena. We deserve it.
          Remember when times are shitty, wear a dress.
          Jane

          4 users thanked author for this post.
    • #670584
      Stephanie Bass
      Hostess
      Registered On: November 30, 2019
      Topics: 25
      Replies: 3907
      Has thanked: 55983 times
      Been thanked: 13816 times

      Hi Serena happy to have you home girlfriend  not much has changed here since you purged such bad language we speak he he .. So girl please look around again rekindle old friendships and start some new ones  as many new ladies here to build friendships with .. Welcome home

      Stephanie Bass

      6 users thanked author for this post.
      • #670585
        Serena Stephens
        Duchess
        Registered On: August 14, 2022
        Topics: 1
        Replies: 25
        Has thanked: 32 times
        Been thanked: 144 times

        Stephanie:

        Thank you, my sister. I feel sooo @ home here. I love and miss the relationships and am anxious to build & rebuild as you mentioned…almost as anxious as I am to dress and again and reveal the woman inside me.

        Love you, sweet girl,

        Ssrena ❤️❤️

         

        4 users thanked author for this post.
    • #670574
      Meeshelle Pauly
      Lady
      Registered On: January 15, 2022
      Topics: 0
      Replies: 57
      Has thanked: 104 times
      Been thanked: 233 times

      Good luck baby doll. I can only imagine the mixed feelings. Don’t have the balls dare I say to face it yet but I’m in your corner

      4 users thanked author for this post.
      • #670575
        Serena Stephens
        Duchess
        Registered On: August 14, 2022
        Topics: 1
        Replies: 25
        Has thanked: 32 times
        Been thanked: 144 times

        I know you are, pretty girl, and I’m in yours. ❤️ Hoping we can discuss it sometime while overlooking the river. 😉

        Love you, my sister!

        3 users thanked author for this post.
    • #670544
      Gabriela Romani
      Managing Ambassador
      Registered On: January 11, 2021
      Topics: 988
      Replies: 463
      Has thanked: 406 times
      Been thanked: 2294 times

      Welcome back Serena. Many times we hope against hope that everything in our lives may fall in the right place (as we would like that right place to be).
      Maybe we can’t have it all, but we can only try our best, and keep on trying!

      5 users thanked author for this post.
      • #670545
        Serena Stephens
        Duchess
        Registered On: August 14, 2022
        Topics: 1
        Replies: 25
        Has thanked: 32 times
        Been thanked: 144 times

        Thank you for your loving words, my dear. I’m so glad to be back among girls like me. This IS where I belong.

         

        💋💋

        3 users thanked author for this post.
    • #670532
      Peta Mari
      Lady
      Registered On: September 30, 2020
      Topics: 29
      Replies: 571
      Has thanked: 914 times
      Been thanked: 2876 times

      Welcome back.

      4 users thanked author for this post.
    • #670531
      Paulette Parfois
      Duchess
      Registered On: November 17, 2021
      Topics: 2
      Replies: 554
      Has thanked: 1867 times
      Been thanked: 2109 times

      Hi Serena, and welcome back! First I am happy to hear your health is improving. Secondly I am just as happy to hear you have reached that ‘defining moment’ when you realized the girl within you cannot be put into a dark corner and forgotten about. I too had that epiphany about five years ago and since then have been so happy and content, especially since I came out to my wife, family and friends. I find that now Paulette is influencing me in so many ways. She has made me more caring and understanding than I could have been without her. It is such a joy to fully embrace your feminine side and let her do the wonderful things that suppressing her never allowed! I look forward to hearing more on how your journey is progressing. Many Hugs, Paulette

      • #670537
        Serena Stephens
        Duchess
        Registered On: August 14, 2022
        Topics: 1
        Replies: 25
        Has thanked: 32 times
        Been thanked: 144 times

        Thanks, Paulette. The support and encouragement of girls like you is something I miss. I appreciate and cherish your friendship. Love you, my sister. 💋

        3 users thanked author for this post.
    • #670513
      Christina Isme
      Lady
      Registered On: April 8, 2022
      Topics: 0
      Replies: 397
      Has thanked: 407 times
      Been thanked: 1169 times

      I have been full time since I was 9 till now and I have been enjoying it. Been married till she passed away she would buy me dresses 👗 she wanted me to wear. I make some of my dresses. When I was 9 I had to work the farms to buy my own dresses 👗 and materials to make dresses. Well we are glad to have you welcome to the site

      4 users thanked author for this post.
    • #670511
      Alice Underwire
      Lady
      Registered On: September 16, 2019
      Topics: 95
      Replies: 5398
      Has thanked: 7465 times
      Been thanked: 13876 times

      Hi Serena,

      Welcome to CDH.

      Alice

      3 users thanked author for this post.
      • #670512
        Serena Stephens
        Duchess
        Registered On: August 14, 2022
        Topics: 1
        Replies: 25
        Has thanked: 32 times
        Been thanked: 144 times

        Thanks, Alice. I failed to mention I was a member before but dropping my account was part of my purge. I’d forgotten about CDH until my (hot) girlfriend Liza 💋reminded me of it.

        3 users thanked author for this post.
Viewing 15 reply threads
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