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This Friday, Aug. 19, is one year since my last time out in public as a girl. I went to a an exhilarating trans-friendly bar in northern Virginia for a gathering/meet-n-greet that turned into a lovely night of dancing, laughter and girl talk. I was sooo happy. Then the roof caved in…
The perfect storm of a health scare, a guys weekend (I cherish my male friends) and a dead/decaying marriage led to a bout with anxiety & depression. The guys all talked about going home to loving wives. I didn’t want to leave as there was nothing to go home to. Marriage therapy failed (again), I ended up confessing my desire to dress to my therapist (who was genuinely happy for me) and my wife, who was mystified. It broke much of the anxiety. I vowed to give it up…throw off the switch. Yes, I purged…everything…clothes, CDH account, dinners w/ amazing girl friends, makeovers, social media. Dumped it.
I discovered it’s not a switch. Serena went public online in Dec., 2020. She/I went OUT in public in April, 2021, @ a restaurant gathering/support meeting/post-meeting bar hop. I wasn’t a bit scared for some reason (I’m a very confident, extroverted person) and loved everything about being her. I went out of town and met other girls socially. I discovered a part of me I never knew existed. I was happier than I’d EVER been…EVER.
One year later, I’m back together mentally. I’m not in the physical shape I was but I’m headed there. I’m still in therapy…checks & balances. I’ve made great strides dealing with things I can’t change. One of those things is accepting the FACT that I love being femme and being out as Serena…because she is me.
I’m still married & she doesn’t know what I’m doing or am about to do. I’ll need to learn to deal with it…because I have to. Serena is a HUGE part of me that needs to live. I need to breathe.
I hope someone reads this & benefits. I don’t know how this will all turn out. Understanding that is part of my therapy of letting go. We can only control certain things and have no idea when this life ends. I’m just pursuing happiness, and can’t wait until I look in that mirror, again see a woman (not a man)…and smile…happy & satisfied.
Love you, ladies! 💋💋
Serena
Thanks, Alice. I failed to mention I was a member before but dropping my account was part of my purge. I’d forgotten about CDH until my (hot) girlfriend Liza 💋reminded me of it.
I have been full time since I was 9 till now and I have been enjoying it. Been married till she passed away she would buy me dresses 👗 she wanted me to wear. I make some of my dresses. When I was 9 I had to work the farms to buy my own dresses 👗 and materials to make dresses. Well we are glad to have you welcome to the site
Hi Serena, and welcome back! First I am happy to hear your health is improving. Secondly I am just as happy to hear you have reached that ‘defining moment’ when you realized the girl within you cannot be put into a dark corner and forgotten about. I too had that epiphany about five years ago and since then have been so happy and content, especially since I came out to my wife, family and friends. I find that now Paulette is influencing me in so many ways. She has made me more caring and understanding than I could have been without her. It is such a joy to fully embrace your feminine side and let her do the wonderful things that suppressing her never allowed! I look forward to hearing more on how your journey is progressing. Many Hugs, Paulette
Welcome back Serena. Many times we hope against hope that everything in our lives may fall in the right place (as we would like that right place to be).
Maybe we can’t have it all, but we can only try our best, and keep on trying!Good luck baby doll. I can only imagine the mixed feelings. Don’t have the balls dare I say to face it yet but I’m in your corner
Hi Serena happy to have you home girlfriend not much has changed here since you purged such bad language we speak he he .. So girl please look around again rekindle old friendships and start some new ones as many new ladies here to build friendships with .. Welcome home
Stephanie Bass
Hello Serena, a year of upheaval, but you have come on the other side. Enjoy your public outings as Serena, and over time you will find your desired body shape.
It is wonderful when we dress as we like and this shows others that we are happy and enjoying life.
Best wishes
Jane.Thanks Jane, we’re all here to show what is possible…not what is likely or what is definite, but what is possible. For some people, that’s all the hope they need.
Love you, my sister!
Serena 💋
Goodaye Serena, from the wintery shores of Tasmania. Coming up to Spring here, so summer dresses and strappy sandals are close now
I am going to a Ball in Sydney soon. Abiut 300 people,, should be a fashion statement. Lots of colour and pretty faces.
Keep putting yourself outthere Serena. We deserve it.
Remember when times are shitty, wear a dress.
Jane
Hi Serena. Welcome back. Purging is so painful I hope you never have to go there again. Anyways your health and mental health are so important so be Serena and live life to its fullest.
Susan
Hi Serena, Welcome Back to being you again!! You’re courage, Past, Present & Future in pursuit of Happiness is inspirational!! I have purged many times but Never again, Realizing that it is just
a form of denial to who we are, Who we want to be.. and we only do it mainly because of outside influences, because Serena or Jillian would not make that choice!! Besides that It’s expensive!!Lol!! Best of Luck, Enjoy You’re Health & Well being Serena.. Be Happy!! Big Hugs! Jill💖Serena,
Welcome home. The last two years have been tough on all of us. You made it through. Be happy as you can. Prayers.
Hugs Ginger-
Welcome back Serena, currently my marriage, 2nd also, is crumbling. My SO gets angry with me when I dress. Has even told me she’s embarrassed, wouldn’t even go to a park to take pictures. I kept hoping she would see the girl inside of me is the person she loved. To no avail. Your story gives glimpses of sunshine is possible. Fingers crossed🤞
My dear Joselyn:
While you need to see her side, she needs to see yours. I feel your pain.
I hope we both find happiness and peace on our journeys.
Read your profile and LOVE your passion. It shows in your smile.Love you, my sister,
Serena 💋
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Thank you so much. She is starting to see my softness. Though I don’t know exactly how she feels, I’ve been more willing to listen to her. And NOT try to solve it, right away. I listen. At this point any progress we’ll take.
Thank you, dear. Little has changed…same safe, loving, exciting place for girls like us to “come home” to.
Serena 💋
Hello Serena,
Welcome to our amazing CrossDresserHeaven (CDH) site. So glad you have joined us here. Feel free to explore all that our site has to offer.
The Warmth, Compaasion and Hospitality of our community members can be found throughout the site.
Please do make use of the forums and articles or public chat room and friendships offered here on CrosDresser Heaven.
At any Membership level, You can contact any of us via [ PM ] Private Messages. You can find that link on each member’s Wall under their Profile picture.
Also, you may find what you need such as Help Center or Ambassadors by using the links in the top R/H drop down 3 bar [ hamburger ] menu.
Here is a good link to review the membership levels and the privledges for each. Such as Private Chat, Groups, etc.
Regards,
Terri Anne, Ambassador
=========== Link to our public Chat room ==============
I hate to see marriages falter, and yet I know from my own experiences, that it happens. I can’t offer any advice on how to improve that relationship, but I do wonder if the relationship might improve somehow as come out and enjoy this long repressed part of your life
Sorry if I misled – and this is in my profile – she knows I have in the past. Confessing was part of what reduced my level of anxiety. What she doesn’t know is that I am resuming. It’s complicated (and what part of our lives as ladies isn’t?) .
I tend to view the situations of others through the filter of my own experience. While I was open about being a cross dresser, even acknowledge that it might be more than that (seems it is), I was never fully open with my wife about being out publicly, even in the neighborhood where we lived. I know that was dishonest and further eroded trust between us.
So, if you’re going out its a good idea to think about how this would be viewed by your wife. I think it would be better in the long run if you could at least tell her your future plans to go out in public, rather than carrying on these activities without her knowledge. I would leave past incidences behind and get a fresh start, hopefully with her consent.
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