Tagged: CD Stigma shopping
- February 27, 2021 at 6:04 am #454712HariettaParticipantRegistered On: December 13, 2016Topics: 99Replies: 238Has thanked: 8 timesBeen thanked: 1292 times
With all the normalization of LGTBQRST…yada yada I am finding that part of the allure of crossdressing, the verbotneness of it all is diminished. It’s been replaced by acceptance and warm admiration in some cases…What say you?
- This topic was modified 1 month ago by Gabriela Inamor. Reason: Moved this poll to the polls section
- March 31, 2021 at 2:59 am #471636Jemma SchumpertLadyRegistered On: July 6, 2019Topics: 1Replies: 30Has thanked: 13 timesBeen thanked: 125 times
Although the thrill of being dressed in public is always nice, it has never really been about the thrill for me. In fact, as I have found more and more acceptance and support, it has reinforced my belief that I need to move further forward as my true self.
- March 1, 2021 at 8:26 pm #456208Amy MyersBaronessRegistered On: February 11, 2019Topics: 16Replies: 1283Has thanked: 3685 timesBeen thanked: 3542 times
I answered no. However, what I can say is that it is different from the early days. The anxiety is so high when one first goes out, and it can be quite the adrenelian rush. That is now replaced with not worrying about it so much, and I find myself enjoying simply being my femme self more than ever, sometimes I think of Amy as my real self, and presenting as feminine makes me feel whole.
- March 1, 2021 at 6:41 am #455823Kaliegh BoundLadyRegistered On: January 19, 2021Topics: 1Replies: 6Has thanked: 34 timesBeen thanked: 40 times
For me it’s helping me so much. I have been shopping in the women’s department most of my adult life, though wearing privately until recently. Dressed as a guy I used to get rude looks and comments regularly. Now that I’m dressing much more femininely (although not necessarily passing) I am finding much more acceptance and often treated like a lady and sometimes quite warmly. I’m fairly certain some of those people know that I’m CD but with so much of that stigma not present, I’m finding the experience quite pleasant.
- This reply was modified 1 month ago by Kaliegh Bound.
- February 28, 2021 at 8:38 am #455406Inga KrasivayaLadyRegistered On: January 18, 2021Topics: 16Replies: 383Has thanked: 444 timesBeen thanked: 1291 times
This is a great question – just not one that I think I could ever fully answer! I haven’t read all the answers above as I really, really need to go and lie down (still not well) so please forgive me if I address anything that has already been done to death. Dressing in public is indeed thrilling – and terrifying at first (still so for me!) I’m aware that many of the ladies out there found dressing to be a sexual thrill at first (yes, me too) but at some time in (almost) everyone’s journey, that has been replaced by the sheer thrill of being out as ME rather than as someone else thinks I should be. But would that diminish the experience for me just because people accepted me in a miniskirt and 4″ heels rather than a pair of oil-stained jeans and a three day beard? Well – probably not; I’ve still done it and it’s still an achievement! I can’t conceive of the day when it didn’t make me think that I’ve achieved something, rather than that I’ve merely gone along with (or against) socially accepted norms. Mind; I don’t cross dress because I want to go against the “normal” view; I do it because it feels right to me. I guess that my concise answer would be “No, it’s not lost the thrill – because it was never that sort of thrill in the first place.” Hope that makes sense to someone out there… Inga NotTheFreudian….
- February 28, 2021 at 8:07 am #455389
- February 28, 2021 at 2:07 am #455263Emily AltDuchess - AnnualRegistered On: August 24, 2019Topics: 12Replies: 523Has thanked: 434 timesBeen thanked: 2404 times
I would say dressing in public is living. There isn’t a thrill….unless I’m dressed to the nines or wearing something outrageous.
I agree the LGBTQ movement has become more visible. There is more acceptance. In some areas very much so. We’re a long way from being normalized everywhere.
- February 27, 2021 at 7:10 pm #455123Diana MorganLadyRegistered On: February 22, 2021Topics: 7Replies: 573Has thanked: 4198 timesBeen thanked: 1762 times
I voted no because although I have never ventured further than my back yard while dressed, I am constantly thrilled by the stories of those of us who do walk, run, bike and drive through the wider world, don’t ever stop girls, you are role models to us stay-at-homes. 💋 Diana.
- February 27, 2021 at 8:00 pm #455141Camryn OccasionnelDuchessRegistered On: December 10, 2018Topics: 0Replies: 446Has thanked: 827 timesBeen thanked: 1163 times
Indeed, Diana, I never tire of hearing about the experiences of those who have ventured out en femme. With every passing month, I dream more and more about actually meeting another CD or two somewhere out where it’s safe. I depend on those girls to keep my dream alive.
- February 27, 2021 at 6:39 pm #455107Stephanie ScottLadyRegistered On: February 8, 2021Topics: 18Replies: 246Has thanked: 706 timesBeen thanked: 1298 times
The LGBT “movement” has actually made things much much worse for me, and CDing has become even more verboten in my world because thanks to the misguided notion that T is the same as the rest, there is almost no hope of being able to distinguish CDing. My wife now views it exactly to be the same as being gay, and that contributed to her withdrawal of support. So far from “opening up acceptance,” the movement has ruined it for me.
- February 28, 2021 at 2:34 am #455271Laura LovettLadyRegistered On: March 26, 2020Topics: 13Replies: 1090Has thanked: 3584 timesBeen thanked: 5273 times
This is down to assumptions and lack of education.
We need to “un-ruin” this aspect:
Just because gay and trans people ride bicycles, that doesn’t mean that riding a bicycle makes a person gay or trans.
A lesbian is not the same as a trans person – although there’s an aspect of crossover with MtF trans.
It’s not the LGBTQ+ movement that has ruined things, it’s the perceptions of people who divide the world into “those LGBTQ+ people” and “Us normal people”.
The message should be that we’re all somewhere on the sliding scale, not boxed into some arbitrary pigeon hole.
People are as individual as their fingerprints and DNA. We’re not clones from set templates.
We’re a long way from normalisation because people don’t take the time to read up and understand the issues – and CDing is still not widely discussed, and remains a grey area, even in LGBTQ+ society.
Going out and meeting people from all walks of life is an education – and just talking about it leads most people to get where we’re coming from pretty quickly.
As soon as people understand that you’re a human being who happens to like dressing a particular way, it’s like a light goes on. A little elucidation of some of the trials and tribulations we encounter has led to me making some amazing friends in the LGBTQ+ community, as we have that much in common – heterosexual people tend to view themselves as normal, and it can take a while to adjust to having gay people around, especially family members. The first thoughts tend to be “What if my friends find out…”.
Trans people often have it harder – but I think CDing is one of the hardest to explain.
Even Drag is easier – you want to be a performer.
Drag is Dressing as a Girl, like Drab is dressing as a Boy.
Women had to fight to be allowed to drab, now it’s our turn!
- February 27, 2021 at 6:25 pm #455100Bettylou CoxDuchessRegistered On: May 26, 2019Topics: 19Replies: 2000Has thanked: 3879 timesBeen thanked: 7056 times
Bettylou has only been self-aware and Dressing for about 5 years, and disapproval from certain quarters is the worst that could happen to me; so I have never feared discovery.
That feeling as I attach my forms, put on my face and step into a nice outfit is like an adrenaline rush: pure pleasure. And when I’m out running around, dining or shopping, I feel whole and at peace with the world….it doesn’t get better than this.
- March 1, 2021 at 4:51 pm #456130LeslieLadyRegistered On: September 14, 2020Topics: 14Replies: 158Has thanked: 1162 timesBeen thanked: 748 times
I am with you it is being me out and about that is the thing. I really don’t real care much about what people think of me. I guess have a strong streak of DRAG QUEEN in me that even enjoys shocking them a bit.
- February 27, 2021 at 5:41 pm #455050Polly StewartLadyRegistered On: January 2, 2021Topics: 9Replies: 876Has thanked: 1231 timesBeen thanked: 2902 times
Darling Harietta, The yes and no of it are not at all important! The ‘thrill’ is in being me, Polly. In my community the affirmation is strong so I feel in no danger (I’m able to take care of myself!) so I voted no!
I love being me and being out and about, dressed well, even casually is a wonderful feeling and I cannot help, will not apologise for who I am!
Ohh, how I love being me, Polly xxx 🥰
- February 27, 2021 at 4:16 pm #455024Araminta PurdyDuchessRegistered On: January 23, 2020Topics: 6Replies: 344Has thanked: 590 timesBeen thanked: 1250 times
Most emphatically not!
Just to be clear, I voted, ‘No’. It is still a thrill.
I hope that is understood.
I have been out in public. It was scary but nice and fun but the opportunities to repeat the experience died with Covid-19. Maybe next year. Sigh.
Even so, especially in respect for my wife’s sensibilities in the matter, I am conflicted by the need for stealth.
I will agree that the degree of openness present in the past 10-20-years is an immense lifting of an incredibly weighty burden. There have been other attempts in the past, even distant past. Not as overt and rarely long-lasting but the freedom of today was built on such resistances to social values and they may not have been necessarily futile. It was the necessity of subterfuge in transmitting the mimeographed newsletter (Anthony Comstock and the Post Office) in a plain, brown wrapper that was just one of many obstacles. Recently I have detected what I believe is a historical continuity of a fairly significant period of time in which gender variant males have earnestly attempted to earn the right to be seen as a authentic and beneficial elements of that society. Each generation seemed to inspire the next to take a step further.
It was the Internet that exploded everything. Pictures, videos, naughty pictures naughty videos. Stories, cries for help, flaming dogfights, political chicanery and that’s just in the few, rather crude and hesitant initial attempts (many long gone) of cross-dressing sites that grew to a flash-flood of increasing sophistication sweeping all concepts regarding gender into a foaming spume washed limpidly up onto a cold shore. It was fast and nobody was ready for it. It’s going to take years to sort it out. That should keep a few dozen social scientists happy.
I wondered about the naughty photos, some with and some without promotional material. I realized that the people without the ads, and many with for that matter, were doing it on purpose. Not for gain, but the joy of being briefly, openly sexual. This raised many new concepts and questions about old ones. The answers, in the latter case, were often disturbing.
Now, it is probable, very, that, just because I frequent (haunt?) cross-dressing sites, I have derived the impression that the subject is everywhere. Sometimes I feel that way, but I know that cross-dressing is not that ubiquitous. Still, I tell you, there is a lot more gender variance surrounding us than was evident when a 15-year boy look up ‘transvestite’ in a volume on sexual pathologies in the local library. Much more than I expected. Or anyone else expected apparently.
And what is sad is that I’ll bet that for every cross-dresser on the Internet, there are a dozen frustrated males sneaking a peek and wondering why they feel ‘that’ way. But, there is still a long way to go. Give it a year or two.
- This reply was modified 1 month ago by Araminta Purdy.
- February 27, 2021 at 3:44 pm #455009Trisha Lilly HibbertBaronessRegistered On: December 8, 2020Topics: 32Replies: 614Has thanked: 3041 timesBeen thanked: 2267 times
I dress basically 24/7, have done for the last month or so. When I first started going out I used get a buzz from it. All my colleagues knew and made a fuss over me. When I went to the supermarket next door I always wondered did they notice?
Now I’m much more comfortable going out. At work it’s normal for me to be dressed now. I still ask for advice, just 2 days ago I needed it to see if the work pants I bought were too big. My lungs astill rebel occasionally, so I didn’t wear my bust for 2 days, still went shopping and even complimented a woman on her shoes, in my not even remotely passable voice. I’m much more relaxed out these days but the buzz has gone. No one has ever insulted me to my knowledge.
- February 27, 2021 at 1:13 pm #454894Jennifer LynnLadyRegistered On: August 15, 2020Topics: 1Replies: 234Has thanked: 101 timesBeen thanked: 1236 times
The thrill I get isn’t from going out in public. The thrill I get is being able to live my life as Jennifer day in and day out. If I had to live one day and dressing as my former self I would be so bummed out and wouldn’t want to get out of bed.
- February 27, 2021 at 9:50 am #454794Heather JamesonDuchessRegistered On: April 1, 2019Topics: 7Replies: 486Has thanked: 822 timesBeen thanked: 1779 times
- February 27, 2021 at 1:29 pm #454914LadyRegistered On: March 26, 2020Topics: 13Replies: 1090Has thanked: 3584 timesBeen thanked: 5273 times
Yes – this unexpected pleasure is one of the biggest thrills of going out.
Some people treat you like a celebrity and yes, are quick to commend you on your bravery.
It’s not something I ever sought, or seek – but when it happens, it’s like taking one for the team.
It shows that cross dressers as a whole are regarded very favourably by many.
- February 27, 2021 at 8:00 am #454762Rochelle MillsBaronessRegistered On: March 16, 2019Topics: 8Replies: 105Has thanked: 215 timesBeen thanked: 205 times
Though I may not ever be enamored with the preparation time, I don’t think the warm feeling of walking out the door dressed will go away, at least not completely. Meeting other trans/CDs and especially cis-woman continues to be so refreshing and validating. After they notice you are a CD/trans, most cis-women I’ve encountered have been so accepting. It’s more fun when they don’t notice until I start talking!
- February 27, 2021 at 7:59 am #454761Katey DoeLadyRegistered On: February 3, 2021Topics: 35Replies: 637Has thanked: 1539 timesBeen thanked: 1834 times
I said no. I have not yet gone out in public as Katey and my desire is to be Katey in public so I don’t think anything will diminish my feeling to get dress and go out. Hugs – Katey
- February 27, 2021 at 7:19 am #454741Effie FulkDuchessRegistered On: February 7, 2021Topics: 21Replies: 540Has thanked: 1125 timesBeen thanked: 1731 times
not here where I live, what I call the “dirty south”, good ol boys, rednecks 🤣…confederate flags everywhere (really) ..cd’ing is frowned upon and lgbt issues are mocked here..so the thrill of being “taboo” , for me, is still strong.. and I won’t let them stop me from being me. And I will go out in public….although I must use caution 😢
- February 27, 2021 at 1:36 pm #454922Caty RyanBaronessRegistered On: August 27, 2017Topics: 78Replies: 790Has thanked: 6 timesBeen thanked: 2609 times
- February 27, 2021 at 2:16 pm #454951Effie FulkDuchessRegistered On: February 7, 2021Topics: 21Replies: 540Has thanked: 1125 timesBeen thanked: 1731 times
Don’t be confused Caty, the big cities, at least here In NC are liberal cities, and so I’m sure things are more tolerant in those locations, and open to all types of lifestyles…
but there is a large rural population also, like where I live…and although many of them are good people, there is still a prevalent anti-LGBT sentiment.. it does still exist and can be dangerous and I have seen it up close..they call themselves “the silent majority “
- February 27, 2021 at 12:29 pm #454872Jamie PeridotLadyRegistered On: February 19, 2021Topics: 1Replies: 190Has thanked: 1128 timesBeen thanked: 552 times
- February 27, 2021 at 1:33 pm #454919
- February 27, 2021 at 9:39 am #454789Kathleen 60454LadyRegistered On: January 8, 2020Topics: 44Replies: 412Has thanked: 2055 timesBeen thanked: 1497 times
- February 27, 2021 at 1:30 pm #454915DuchessRegistered On: February 7, 2021Topics: 21Replies: 540Has thanked: 1125 timesBeen thanked: 1731 times
Hi Kathleen, yep you are right there in the thick of it like me! Shoot we should try to get together at some point being only about 2.5 hours apart… or form a cd support group!
- February 27, 2021 at 7:14 am #454735patty williamsLadyRegistered On: January 19, 2019Topics: 70Replies: 1313Has thanked: 2170 timesBeen thanked: 4625 times
I get no thrill from going out in a society that doesn’t accept me for being feminine.
My thrill comes from my feminine being and that covers every aspect from the hair and makeup to the cloths to the shoes and acting feminine to the kind loving being that a woman can be.
Its all so wonderful and it just envelopes me it the wonderful pink fog.
So no. LOL
- February 27, 2021 at 7:10 am #454732LadyRegistered On: March 26, 2020Topics: 13Replies: 1090Has thanked: 3584 timesBeen thanked: 5273 times
We’re still in an odd place – if you CD and have no plans to transition, a lot of people really don’t get it.
Despite the promotion of diversity, LBGTQ+ groups are still threatened (in a physical sense) by people who don’t get it.
We’re in the early days, and we are pioneers.
Yes, there are plenty who can lay claim to the accolade of pioneer from decades, even centuries ago, but only now is the light beginning to spread, and the rainbow appearing via the sunshine through the rain.
It’s an exciting time to be a CD – it’s still a really big deal to come out and be yourself – and exactly the right time to encounter people who will encourage you in daily life rather than among peers in the various support groups.
If you want to come out and go out, now is the best time there’s ever been.
It’s a personal choice, of course – so make it a personal choice!
- February 28, 2021 at 4:59 am #455318Rowena GoldLadyRegistered On: February 3, 2021Topics: 4Replies: 73Has thanked: 1480 timesBeen thanked: 264 times
Laura, you made the following comment that I want to address;
[[We’re in the early days, and we are pioneers.]]
Someone close to me called me a pioneer the other day for being en femme in public and it started me wondering about what it means and where it is headed.
To be honest I am not yet that comfortable to consider myself to be a pioneer of any kind and yet what I am doing is still a form of pioneering in my own rural area. I know that I will never completely pass so instead my goals are self confidence and acceptance. When I have achieved that level of confidence and I am accepted for being myself then I will consider that I have become a pioneer.
The acceptance of LBGT does not include Crossdressers at this point in time from everything that I have gathered so yes, there needs to be pioneers who can go out and be seen to be ordinary normal people who are not a threat to society but rather productive contributors to society. That means that there needs to be more of us and yet so many are constrained from doing so by their SO’s.
Yes, I wish that I was not alone out there and that I would see other crossdressers as I go about my activities. But that is not going to happen until we make it acceptable so it looks like pioneering falls on those who are able to do so.
I have the utmost respect for all of the pioneers who have already stepped out ahead of me and I appreciate that they have made it easier for me but the individual trepidation that each of us feels is still something to deal with.
Thank you for letting me share my thoughts.
- February 28, 2021 at 6:28 am #455351LadyRegistered On: March 26, 2020Topics: 13Replies: 1090Has thanked: 3584 timesBeen thanked: 5273 times
Thank you for your thoughts – I would think that they’re shared by many.
This glossary of terms is a useful reference to think about, even though I don’t agree with everything in it, it’s nevertheless thought provoking:
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- February 28, 2021 at 11:20 am #455510Clara CrossLadyRegistered On: December 7, 2020Topics: 9Replies: 225Has thanked: 649 timesBeen thanked: 1045 times
Thanks for that link Laura. I’m sure most are pretty familiar with everything in that glossary, but it’s something we should all take a look at and have a good grasp for these terms. I especially took note of this: Gender non-conforming | A broad term referring to people who do not behave in a way that conforms to the traditional expectations of their gender, or whose gender expression does not fit neatly into a category. If this doesn’t describe most of us here, I’m not sure if there is a better term. Of course, as it says, it’s a broad term, thus aptly describes the very broad spectrum of our CDH family.
Again, thanks for the link. And as usual, with all of your comments in this thread, you’ve hit it out of the park. Or whacked it out of the cricket patch. Whatever it is you girls do over there.
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- February 27, 2021 at 3:23 pm #454996
- February 27, 2021 at 6:54 am #454727Sandy HoneyLadyRegistered On: February 24, 2021Topics: 7Replies: 141Has thanked: 84 timesBeen thanked: 655 times
I hope that the issues we face will diminish due to the normalization of being who you want to be. I don’t dress for the thrills but wear feminine clothing because I enjoy wearing beautiful fashion. It has been this way since I was a small child. It is who I am.
- February 27, 2021 at 6:45 am #454726Grace ScarlettBaroness - AnnualRegistered On: February 16, 2021Topics: 51Replies: 1093Has thanked: 3796 timesBeen thanked: 5661 times
The sooner there is a general acceptance of crossdressers, the sooner we can all get on with our lives ” properly”. It would be amazing to go out without prejudice, or fear…just be the person I want to be.
I get a rush going out dressed, but it’s because I look good and I feel good and I feel liberated….it’s not a turn on, it just a natural buzz….I don’t think this would diminish with acceptance, i honestly think real freedom would heighten the experience….I would wear everything and go everywhere!!!!
- March 1, 2021 at 4:58 pm #456133LadyRegistered On: September 14, 2020Topics: 14Replies: 158Has thanked: 1162 timesBeen thanked: 748 times
I so understand what you are saying, but I also just don’t really care a lot about what other people think, of course being 6’2” and 220 pounds may have something to do with that feeling of security LOL. But I just so feel like the REAL me then.
- February 27, 2021 at 1:01 pm #454888Bridgette VonSmirffLadyRegistered On: October 18, 2020Topics: 26Replies: 774Has thanked: 11286 timesBeen thanked: 2925 times
I’m totally with you Grace.
- February 27, 2021 at 1:17 pm #454901
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