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With all the normalization of LGTBQRST…yada yada I am finding that part of the allure of crossdressing, the verbotneness of it all is diminished. It’s been replaced by acceptance and warm admiration in some cases…What say you?
Hello Harietta
The sooner there is a general acceptance of crossdressers, the sooner we can all get on with our lives ” properly”. It would be amazing to go out without prejudice, or fear…just be the person I want to be.
I get a rush going out dressed, but it’s because I look good and I feel good and I feel liberated….it’s not a turn on, it just a natural buzz….I don’t think this would diminish with acceptance, i honestly think real freedom would heighten the experience….I would wear everything and go everywhere!!!!
Grace xxx
bless your cheeky smile xxx
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I hope that the issues we face will diminish due to the normalization of being who you want to be. I don’t dress for the thrills but wear feminine clothing because I enjoy wearing beautiful fashion. It has been this way since I was a small child. It is who I am.
Sandy
We’re still in an odd place – if you CD and have no plans to transition, a lot of people really don’t get it.
Despite the promotion of diversity, LBGTQ+ groups are still threatened (in a physical sense) by people who don’t get it.
We’re in the early days, and we are pioneers.
Yes, there are plenty who can lay claim to the accolade of pioneer from decades, even centuries ago, but only now is the light beginning to spread, and the rainbow appearing via the sunshine through the rain.
It’s an exciting time to be a CD – it’s still a really big deal to come out and be yourself – and exactly the right time to encounter people who will encourage you in daily life rather than among peers in the various support groups.
If you want to come out and go out, now is the best time there’s ever been.
It’s a personal choice, of course – so make it a personal choice!
Love Laura
Laura, you made the following comment that I want to address;
[[We’re in the early days, and we are pioneers.]]
Someone close to me called me a pioneer the other day for being en femme in public and it started me wondering about what it means and where it is headed.
To be honest I am not yet that comfortable to consider myself to be a pioneer of any kind and yet what I am doing is still a form of pioneering in my own rural area. I know that I will never completely pass so instead my goals are self confidence and acceptance. When I have achieved that level of confidence and I am accepted for being myself then I will consider that I have become a pioneer.
The acceptance of LBGT does not include Crossdressers at this point in time from everything that I have gathered so yes, there needs to be pioneers who can go out and be seen to be ordinary normal people who are not a threat to society but rather productive contributors to society. That means that there needs to be more of us and yet so many are constrained from doing so by their SO’s.
Yes, I wish that I was not alone out there and that I would see other crossdressers as I go about my activities. But that is not going to happen until we make it acceptable so it looks like pioneering falls on those who are able to do so.
I have the utmost respect for all of the pioneers who have already stepped out ahead of me and I appreciate that they have made it easier for me but the individual trepidation that each of us feels is still something to deal with.
Thank you for letting me share my thoughts.
Warm hugs
Rowena 👩🏻🦳
Hi Rowena,
Thank you for your thoughts – I would think that they’re shared by many.
This glossary of terms is a useful reference to think about, even though I don’t agree with everything in it, it’s nevertheless thought provoking:
Love Laura
Thanks for that link Laura. I’m sure most are pretty familiar with everything in that glossary, but it’s something we should all take a look at and have a good grasp for these terms. I especially took note of this: Gender non-conforming | A broad term referring to people who do not behave in a way that conforms to the traditional expectations of their gender, or whose gender expression does not fit neatly into a category. If this doesn’t describe most of us here, I’m not sure if there is a better term. Of course, as it says, it’s a broad term, thus aptly describes the very broad spectrum of our CDH family.
Again, thanks for the link. And as usual, with all of your comments in this thread, you’ve hit it out of the park. Or whacked it out of the cricket patch. Whatever it is you girls do over there.
Best, Clara
HI Harietta,
I get no thrill from going out in a society that doesn’t accept me for being feminine.
My thrill comes from my feminine being and that covers every aspect from the hair and makeup to the cloths to the shoes and acting feminine to the kind loving being that a woman can be.
Its all so wonderful and it just envelopes me it the wonderful pink fog.
So no. LOL
Hugs Patty
Hi Harietta,
not here where I live, what I call the “dirty south”, good ol boys, rednecks 🤣…confederate flags everywhere (really) ..cd’ing is frowned upon and lgbt issues are mocked here..so the thrill of being “taboo” , for me, is still strong.. and I won’t let them stop me from being me. And I will go out in public….although I must use caution 😢
💖
I know what you mean Effie. I live in Greenville SC. All the Rednecks and Good Old Boys.
Kathleen
Hi Kathleen, yep you are right there in the thick of it like me! Shoot we should try to get together at some point being only about 2.5 hours apart… or form a cd support group!
💖
I should practice up on my karate skills (of which I have non)🤣
💖
Yet I continually read on sites like Femulate, that Womanless Pageants/Weddings in the USA are the most prevalent in the (as you put it) the “redneck south”.
To quote an old school mate of mine…. “I’m confused”..
Caty
Don’t be confused Caty, the big cities, at least here In NC are liberal cities, and so I’m sure things are more tolerant in those locations, and open to all types of lifestyles…
but there is a large rural population also, like where I live…and although many of them are good people, there is still a prevalent anti-LGBT sentiment.. it does still exist and can be dangerous and I have seen it up close..they call themselves “the silent majority “
💖
Though I may not ever be enamored with the preparation time, I don’t think the warm feeling of walking out the door dressed will go away, at least not completely. Meeting other trans/CDs and especially cis-woman continues to be so refreshing and validating. After they notice you are a CD/trans, most cis-women I’ve encountered have been so accepting. It’s more fun when they don’t notice until I start talking!
Rochelle
I love the acceptance, it makes going out even better when people talk to me and compliment my attire and my nerve.
Yes – this unexpected pleasure is one of the biggest thrills of going out.
Some people treat you like a celebrity and yes, are quick to commend you on your bravery.
It’s not something I ever sought, or seek – but when it happens, it’s like taking one for the team.
It shows that cross dressers as a whole are regarded very favourably by many.
Love Laura
Absolutely Laura, I don’t go out looking for praise but it makes me feel good. I just like when people are polite and welcoming, I’m not here to be put in a cage and gawked at just treat me like every other person.
I dress basically 24/7, have done for the last month or so. When I first started going out I used get a buzz from it. All my colleagues knew and made a fuss over me. When I went to the supermarket next door I always wondered did they notice?
Now I’m much more comfortable going out. At work it’s normal for me to be dressed now. I still ask for advice, just 2 days ago I needed it to see if the work pants I bought were too big. My lungs astill rebel occasionally, so I didn’t wear my bust for 2 days, still went shopping and even complimented a woman on her shoes, in my not even remotely passable voice. I’m much more relaxed out these days but the buzz has gone. No one has ever insulted me to my knowledge.
Most emphatically not!
Just to be clear, I voted, ‘No’. It is still a thrill.
I hope that is understood.I have been out in public. It was scary but nice and fun but the opportunities to repeat the experience died with Covid-19. Maybe next year. Sigh.
Even so, especially in respect for my wife’s sensibilities in the matter, I am conflicted by the need for stealth.
I will agree that the degree of openness present in the past 10-20-years is an immense lifting of an incredibly weighty burden. There have been other attempts in the past, even distant past. Not as overt and rarely long-lasting but the freedom of today was built on such resistances to social values and they may not have been necessarily futile. It was the necessity of subterfuge in transmitting the mimeographed newsletter (Anthony Comstock and the Post Office) in a plain, brown wrapper that was just one of many obstacles. Recently I have detected what I believe is a historical continuity of a fairly significant period of time in which gender variant males have earnestly attempted to earn the right to be seen as a authentic and beneficial elements of that society. Each generation seemed to inspire the next to take a step further.
It was the Internet that exploded everything. Pictures, videos, naughty pictures naughty videos. Stories, cries for help, flaming dogfights, political chicanery and that’s just in the few, rather crude and hesitant initial attempts (many long gone) of cross-dressing sites that grew to a flash-flood of increasing sophistication sweeping all concepts regarding gender into a foaming spume washed limpidly up onto a cold shore. It was fast and nobody was ready for it. It’s going to take years to sort it out. That should keep a few dozen social scientists happy.
I wondered about the naughty photos, some with and some without promotional material. I realized that the people without the ads, and many with for that matter, were doing it on purpose. Not for gain, but the joy of being briefly, openly sexual. This raised many new concepts and questions about old ones. The answers, in the latter case, were often disturbing.
Now, it is probable, very, that, just because I frequent (haunt?) cross-dressing sites, I have derived the impression that the subject is everywhere. Sometimes I feel that way, but I know that cross-dressing is not that ubiquitous. Still, I tell you, there is a lot more gender variance surrounding us than was evident when a 15-year boy look up ‘transvestite’ in a volume on sexual pathologies in the local library. Much more than I expected. Or anyone else expected apparently.
And what is sad is that I’ll bet that for every cross-dresser on the Internet, there are a dozen frustrated males sneaking a peek and wondering why they feel ‘that’ way. But, there is still a long way to go. Give it a year or two.
Araminta.
Darling Harietta, The yes and no of it are not at all important! The ‘thrill’ is in being me, Polly. In my community the affirmation is strong so I feel in no danger (I’m able to take care of myself!) so I voted no!
I love being me and being out and about, dressed well, even casually is a wonderful feeling and I cannot help, will not apologise for who I am!
Ohh, how I love being me, Polly xxx 🥰
Bettylou has only been self-aware and Dressing for about 5 years, and disapproval from certain quarters is the worst that could happen to me; so I have never feared discovery.
That feeling as I attach my forms, put on my face and step into a nice outfit is like an adrenaline rush: pure pleasure. And when I’m out running around, dining or shopping, I feel whole and at peace with the world….it doesn’t get better than this.Hugs,
BettylouThe LGBT “movement” has actually made things much much worse for me, and CDing has become even more verboten in my world because thanks to the misguided notion that T is the same as the rest, there is almost no hope of being able to distinguish CDing. My wife now views it exactly to be the same as being gay, and that contributed to her withdrawal of support. So far from “opening up acceptance,” the movement has ruined it for me.
This is down to assumptions and lack of education.
We need to “un-ruin” this aspect:
Just because gay and trans people ride bicycles, that doesn’t mean that riding a bicycle makes a person gay or trans.
A lesbian is not the same as a trans person – although there’s an aspect of crossover with MtF trans.
It’s not the LGBTQ+ movement that has ruined things, it’s the perceptions of people who divide the world into “those LGBTQ+ people” and “Us normal people”.
The message should be that we’re all somewhere on the sliding scale, not boxed into some arbitrary pigeon hole.
People are as individual as their fingerprints and DNA. We’re not clones from set templates.
We’re a long way from normalisation because people don’t take the time to read up and understand the issues – and CDing is still not widely discussed, and remains a grey area, even in LGBTQ+ society.
Going out and meeting people from all walks of life is an education – and just talking about it leads most people to get where we’re coming from pretty quickly.
As soon as people understand that you’re a human being who happens to like dressing a particular way, it’s like a light goes on. A little elucidation of some of the trials and tribulations we encounter has led to me making some amazing friends in the LGBTQ+ community, as we have that much in common – heterosexual people tend to view themselves as normal, and it can take a while to adjust to having gay people around, especially family members. The first thoughts tend to be “What if my friends find out…”.
Trans people often have it harder – but I think CDing is one of the hardest to explain.
Even Drag is easier – you want to be a performer.
Drag is Dressing as a Girl, like Drab is dressing as a Boy.
Women had to fight to be allowed to drab, now it’s our turn!
Love Laura
I voted no because although I have never ventured further than my back yard while dressed, I am constantly thrilled by the stories of those of us who do walk, run, bike and drive through the wider world, don’t ever stop girls, you are role models to us stay-at-homes. 💋 Diana.
I would say dressing in public is living. There isn’t a thrill….unless I’m dressed to the nines or wearing something outrageous.
I agree the LGBTQ movement has become more visible. There is more acceptance. In some areas very much so. We’re a long way from being normalized everywhere.
For me it’s helping me so much. I have been shopping in the women’s department most of my adult life, though wearing privately until recently. Dressed as a guy I used to get rude looks and comments regularly. Now that I’m dressing much more femininely (although not necessarily passing) I am finding much more acceptance and often treated like a lady and sometimes quite warmly. I’m fairly certain some of those people know that I’m CD but with so much of that stigma not present, I’m finding the experience quite pleasant.
I answered no. However, what I can say is that it is different from the early days. The anxiety is so high when one first goes out, and it can be quite the adrenelian rush. That is now replaced with not worrying about it so much, and I find myself enjoying simply being my femme self more than ever, sometimes I think of Amy as my real self, and presenting as feminine makes me feel whole.
Amy
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