- First Box: Be restored Fully as a Male without any feminine feelings or Thoughts?
- Second Box: Fully become the female you were always meant to be?
- Third Box: Remain in your current journey?
Tagged: The Uninvited Dilemma
- May 23, 2020 at 3:01 pm #345941Gabrielle ThomasParticipantRegistered On: December 22, 2015Topics: 1Replies: 6Has thanked: 45 timesBeen thanked: 34 times
Our journey began, regardless of how or where we are now in our journey, we have all come to realize our Uninvited Dilemma….We are all or in part female inside a male’s body. We were born, society took hold from that moment on, and one day we woke up. Our acceptance of at least the fact that we are all or in part female in a man’s body is the very first stepping stone in our realization that we are “different”. We cannot move forward to our understanding of who we are without this self acceptance. Just getting to this point of acceptance has been, is a roller coaster ride of peaks and valleys within ourselves. We did not ask for this; however, this is who we are.
What if by some miracle, we were all visited in our sleep, in our dreams by the Universe seeking us out to present each of us with three individual life changing boxes. The Universe realized in was unfair that each of us was born with this Uninvited Dilemma. Each box contained a button.
Each box represents an Invited Dilemma, a choice to right our original Uninvited Dilemma with the simple pressing of the button on the box:
The first Box would restore you fully as a male, take away any thoughts or feelings of being a female. The previous female feelings you once felt would no longer exist in your mind. Your life would continue without financial consequence of your choice.
The second Box would confirm you fully as a female, the female you always felt you should be in feelings, self, and looks. You would remember your original uninvited Dilemma; however, your life would continue without financial consequence of your choice.
The third Box would keep things in your life exactly as things are progressing or lack thereof in your journey. You would remain with your original Uninvited Dilemma; however, the Dilemma is now realized and as such, now invited.
You must to pick one before you wake up. The box you choose, the button you pressed will come into fruition the moment you wake up in the morning.
Which button would you choose?
Food for Thought: If you were on a deserted Island and you could live out the rest of your days without want, including an all accepting, fully compatible partner, would you live out the rest of your days as a female or male?
Total of 22 users thanked author for this post. Here are last 20 listed.
- May 27, 2020 at 10:10 pm #346864Gabrielle ThomasParticipantRegistered On: December 22, 2015Topics: 1Replies: 6Has thanked: 45 timesBeen thanked: 34 times
Outstanding perspective Falecia McGuire….Wow!❤️
- May 27, 2020 at 9:28 pm #346860Falecia McGuireParticipantRegistered On: January 11, 2019Topics: 6Replies: 76Has thanked: 58 timesBeen thanked: 404 times
Hello Again Gabrielle,
Forgive me if I gush, but your survey continues to haunt me in a remarkable but non-threatening manner. Either you’re incredibly insightful, had really thought this thing through, or just serendipitously hit the mark. I’m sure that right after I post this, I will think of even more nuance to these invited or uninvited dilemmas.
Here are my latest observations. Your first choice enables the chooser to simply be a man, unencumbered by the feminine dilemma. If I chose it, that would be the best way to have it because I would have no regrets of the fantasy and mystery that accompanies the feminine. Dichotomously, your second choice allows the chooser to remember this feminine selection as the chosen solution to a life dilemma. I think that women are genuinely given challenges that cause them to resent and/or abuse their femininity. Remembering that you admired and desired femininity could likely help that chooser appreciated the benefits and advantages of womanhood.
I choose box three because I don’t want to leave my wife and family. I wouldn’t know how to be just a man. Here’s the thing! I think I’ve been a good man. But, I’ve always had this perspective on femininity that made me a better man. I don’t just love women from a man’s frame of reference, but I love women because I feel that I know something of their crusade. I believe that I know how men see women and I know that those views are frequently dismissive and demeaning. I love the pride I experience in pretending to be a woman. It is less a masquerade than an emulation. I don’t want to look foolish; I want to look appealing, poised, and significant.
If I did not have option three, I would have to pick option two because I have found so much fulfillment in this pursuit of femininity. I am so grateful that I have been blessed with this fondness. Regardless of the associated difficulties, I cannot imagine my life without this part of me.
Finally (or not), if I was left on the proverbial island, I would choose to be a man with a woman I loved. I don’t know whether clothing would be an issue because that is more societal than individual. But, if we were participants in a community, we would choose to dress in whatever adornment fulfilled our dreams.
- May 27, 2020 at 3:20 pm #346812Olivia LivinParticipantRegistered On: October 22, 2018Topics: 26Replies: 1267Has thanked: 4183 timesBeen thanked: 2220 times
- May 27, 2020 at 2:25 pm #346795Gabrielle ThomasParticipantRegistered On: December 22, 2015Topics: 1Replies: 6Has thanked: 45 timesBeen thanked: 34 times
Hi Girls….What an awesome response so far to a really thought provoking question that we ask ourselves on a regular basis. Please keep the responses coming in….and comments too!
I finally voted today. I really put a lot of thought into it as if I really had a choice of the three boxes in front of me.
I looked at Box #1…to be restored fully as a male and lose all feelings and thoughts of a woman. I could so relate to the question and the answer was immediate. I am a third generation American of Mexican descent(so I thought until 23 and me test) All my life I grew up between both traditions of an all american lifestyle with my Mexican traditions and foods peppered in. I grew up in all white schools and grew into the business world dominated by older white men. I had to work harder, suffer through prejudice and bias, adapt, and then overcome. Would I want to be “restored” as all American only and lose my Mexican heritage?…..definitely not. I would lose a huge piece of myself and I am so much richer, so much fuller as a human being because. That is exactly how I feel about both sides of my gender. My girl self makes me softer, kinder, balanced, and moreover empathetic to women. I thank the Universe for making me who I am, as hard as it has been and still is to be a woman living in a man’s body.
So why not pick Box #3? I cannot continue to hide gabrielle in a man’s body. To remain as things are is to not be seen or heard…to be acknowledged. In that regard I am pretending to be all man and hiding that I am a female too! I think that’s all we really want, to be seen and hard, to be accepted for all of who we are and not have to lose anything because of it. To transition to being a female is not to deny any of my male self but to add to who I am.
I must pick box#2! We quiet and or temper the voice inside all of us and scream, I am a woman! The woman is always there and it is there because it is who we are, ingrained in our soul. Why do we have to choose between the reality of choosing female and chance, and most likely losing, everything we have fought for and earned as a man? To pick any other Box than Box#2 is to concede the fight and though we wish we could keep balanced in Box #3, we find ourselves on a roller coaster that always begins and ends in the same spot, no matter how high the peaks we climb, because eventually we always have to come back down.
I’m tired of fighting in Box #3. I will start again with baby steps. This week I will begin my search for a Gender Identity Therapist. I will start there. Let my journey begin from Box#3 to Box#2.
Love to all my Sisters.
- May 26, 2020 at 3:36 pm #346609Rozalyne RichardsParticipantRegistered On: March 10, 2018Topics: 0Replies: 186Has thanked: 245 timesBeen thanked: 443 times
<p style=”text-align: left;”>I chose box 3 because I’m still married and my wife doesn’t know about my crossdressing life x if i wasn’t married i would have chosen box 2, and persude my life as a woman, it’s hard to explain why we are what we are, it’s as if we have a split personality half man half woman, most of the time the man has control but every so often she comes to the surface, we all know in the end a man never wins against a woman x hugs Rozalyne x</p>
- May 25, 2020 at 6:27 pm #346402Sandy JaysonParticipantRegistered On: September 29, 2019Topics: 3Replies: 41Has thanked: 78 timesBeen thanked: 114 times
Yes a very interesting question. At this point today I would prefer to do #2 for 10 days and then #1 for 10 days then go back to the way it is now (#3) for a couple of months so I could sort out all of this in my head.
In a year or two on my current journey my answer might be differant.
Still confused at this point today Sandy.
- May 25, 2020 at 12:37 pm #346350Jennifer HeelsParticipantRegistered On: December 11, 2019Topics: 8Replies: 62Has thanked: 388 timesBeen thanked: 191 times
IF i could be a genetic woman all beautiful and a great feminine figure would be NICE .. about 5’2″ with great legs and nice perky breast.. since we are dreaming I might as well go all the way 😉
- May 25, 2020 at 8:55 am #346309Jessica CharmsParticipantRegistered On: July 16, 2019Topics: 2Replies: 26Has thanked: 38 timesBeen thanked: 52 times
Personally I would go with box #2.
While being a male is nice and all, I’ve always felt like I was pretending sometimes. Just going through the motions and whatnot. While sure I have thought the same thing while crossdressing, I would still take box #2.
- May 24, 2020 at 10:02 pm #346210
- May 24, 2020 at 9:58 pm #346209Celeste JoParticipantRegistered On: April 26, 2020Topics: 3Replies: 23Has thanked: 18 timesBeen thanked: 93 times
- May 24, 2020 at 5:26 pm #346192patty williamsParticipantRegistered On: January 19, 2019Topics: 42Replies: 876Has thanked: 898 timesBeen thanked: 2119 times
Interesting Question Gabrielle,
I was just presented a similar question by my wife and as Bettylou mentioned my obligation and love of my family had me choose #3.
However without the family obligations as a factor I would definitely choose #2.
- May 24, 2020 at 3:46 pm #346169Giselle ReevesParticipantRegistered On: September 27, 2017Topics: 1Replies: 99Has thanked: 367 timesBeen thanked: 228 times
without a doubt #1 as i have struggled with gender and sexuality issues all my life, also i have a great wife and family and my coming out to my wife has left our marriage of one of convenience only
- May 24, 2020 at 1:27 pm #346145Paula FParticipantRegistered On: August 7, 2019Topics: 7Replies: 345Has thanked: 240 timesBeen thanked: 1010 times
The only answer for me is #2. I would wish to live out my life as a real life woman. Now if we could just backdate the change also, omg heaven for sure, I would hope.
I am currently going through what I consider my LAST round of counseling and will decide soon if I am going to go to the full conclusion of my journey, knowing the expenses and tribulation of transition, or will remain as I am now, healthy and happy.
- May 24, 2020 at 1:16 pm #346144Falecia McGuireParticipantRegistered On: January 11, 2019Topics: 6Replies: 76Has thanked: 58 timesBeen thanked: 404 times
Thank you Gabrielle,
IMHO, your survey was insightful in the choices available. While the choice of moving back and forth at will would seem to be a dream many of us share, that would be too easy. And, while #3 is the only genuine achievable alternative, #4, so to speak, would be the greatest fantasy. Here’s the thing that amazes me most. At various times throughout my life I might have chosen either #s 1 or 2 because crossdressing was both tedious and compelling. I have longed for a simpler life as just a man. On the other hand, there have times when I was so enthralled with my femininity that I would have quickly chosen womanhood. Now I am older and wiser. I love my family, my career, and the life I have lived as a man. I have no experience as a woman, so I can’t know my level of satisfaction. What I do know is that I have been blessed with a wonderful feminine experience that, while causing pain and frustration, has been enormously fulfilling. I selected number 3 in a flash. There really is no other choice! So much of life is imagination anyway.
- May 24, 2020 at 9:29 am #346112Lisa BrownParticipantRegistered On: October 30, 2019Topics: 0Replies: 1Has thanked: 0 timesBeen thanked: 3 times
I have always wanted to be a real woman. No matter what I do, even having surgery, I won’t truly be what I dream of. I don’t know why I wasn’t born a woman, but I hate being male. I have never felt comfortable being who I am, and being a crossdresser makes me feel even more uncomfortable with myself.
- May 24, 2020 at 8:47 am #346106ChristinajaneParticipantRegistered On: October 9, 2018Topics: 0Replies: 18Has thanked: 33 timesBeen thanked: 45 times
I would love to say the first box but there is no way. It’s funny I think most cis girls entertain being a man and it’s benefits. I know lots of guys that are total male and life would certainly be a lot easier that way. I totally relate to and enjoy being “one of the girls”. The thought of losing my femininity kind of scares me. I don’t think I could ever disregard that part of me.
- May 24, 2020 at 4:29 am #346061Amanda AndersonParticipantRegistered On: August 18, 2019Topics: 4Replies: 307Has thanked: 369 timesBeen thanked: 732 times
- May 24, 2020 at 3:48 am #346057Stephanie KennedyParticipantRegistered On: March 15, 2019Topics: 8Replies: 370Has thanked: 1350 timesBeen thanked: 1080 times
Hi Gabrielle. Great topic If i was asked to answer this question 2 years ago I would of picked #1 without question. My desire to express my femininity my entire life was and still is very exhilarating but it has been just too much trouble trying to maintain two identities. One or the other not getting the attention that each of them deserved. I know the right one has always been the female part of me. I just did not have the body first of all. I did have several opportunities in my life to make it right and i backed out both times. I could not go through with it. I do regret now it in some ways. What I have achieved with male body was a reasonable and very acceptable standard of living financially. Male privilege had a lot to do with it. Why give up something that valuable that is given without even asking. I know it it sad to say it but i gave up my true identity for financial success. I also found a very loving and loyal wife that has come to know the true me and some how accepts who i am. I truly wanted to be the man she fell in love with all the time . It was not for me it was for her. We have two lovely children who gave us 5 grandchildren.. So today I would pick #2 the torment of not accepting and denying who i really am has finally got to me. I know my wife will accept it. I do not think it would not be her preference but she would allow it because she knows it will make me feel joy and happiness. She loves it when i am happy. The lovely qualities of the feminine nature come out in me and i love feeling those qualities. You are right it was and still is a uninvited dilemma we all had to deal with. We make choices when dealing with this dilemma our entire life. Today #2 is my choice. Thank you for this thought provoking question. Luv Stephanie
- May 24, 2020 at 1:43 am #346041Laura LovettParticipantRegistered On: March 26, 2020Topics: 2Replies: 108Has thanked: 237 timesBeen thanked: 353 times
As far as I see it, those boxes just replace one uninvited dilemma with another.
The 3rd box is particularly toxic, as it says “Shut up and quit whining”.
It’s not a whine to complain that we’re marginalised for the way we like to dress – appearance is a personal choice, and to dictate a person’s dress is tantamount to saying that there’s a uniform way we’re allowed to look, mostly based on where we live, and what people around us think.
Why do we need anyone’s permission to dress a particular way?
We don’t – only our own.
The uninvited dilemma is not that we are different – everybody is different, that’s a given.
The dilemma stems from perception.
That the specific difference we share, our live of feminine attire, may not be accepted by other people.
Their problem, not ours, but there are people who want to make it our problem, so our dilemma is: Do we risk upsetting people by dressing how we want?
Framed like that, the solution becomes easier.
We need to help others understand the ridiculousness of their perception.
Why be upset about clothing?
There are way bigger things to get upset and be shocked about.
Climate change, deforestation, wars, pestilence, famine, death – the full apocalyptic set.
Wearing dresses doesn’t come close. Half the population can do it without issues, why not the other half? It’s only clothing!
And it’s only perception.
There are plenty of people who accept cross dressing, often to their own surprise!
It’s as big a deal as you allow it to become.
Hiding it for decades is not a great start.
So, as I’m not accepting the premise or the nature of the dilemma, I reject the boxes.
No-one puts me in a box!
- May 23, 2020 at 11:36 pm #346033DianeParticipantRegistered On: August 6, 2018Topics: 20Replies: 189Has thanked: 113 timesBeen thanked: 448 times
That was a difficult question. I chose Box 3 simply because of family and close friends and not wanting to cause any upset or leave them. Had that not been an issue I would definitely have gone for Box 2. My preferred option, had it been available, is the one which Celeste would have chosen as well (Box 4 – to be able to switch between male and female bodies whenever I wanted).
- May 23, 2020 at 11:20 pm #346028Natalie NervousParticipantRegistered On: April 16, 2020Topics: 2Replies: 3Has thanked: 22 timesBeen thanked: 32 times
well said most ppl dont take the time to consider the consequences of thier decisions ,when presented with an opportunity of a lifetime. i would pick the second box, live out the rest of my days as a female . but stuck on a island with some hairy ass nasty guy forever , NO000000000000! my partner would have to be one fine ass T.g . i just think guys are gross and they are . so why not have a real woman keep me company instead?? lmao id never leave , you couldnt pay me to leave , the shit eating grin would be visible from orbit day or night !!!
- May 23, 2020 at 8:58 pm #346016Rachel GwenParticipantRegistered On: April 28, 2020Topics: 1Replies: 6Has thanked: 15 timesBeen thanked: 38 times
This is some what of an interesting dilemma. Each box seems to be good in each of it’s own way. If I have to choose though, I would choose box B. I have thought about this situation a long time. As for the island, it really wouldn’t matter to me as long as it didn’t matter to the person I was there with.
- May 23, 2020 at 5:42 pm #345973Alison AndersonParticipantRegistered On: October 15, 2018Topics: 1Replies: 144Has thanked: 61 timesBeen thanked: 442 times
I answered a similar question the same way; no change. The main reason? The butterfly effect. How many people whom I touched would have been different if I were a female? What about my children and grandchild? Other CD’ers who need advuce? Friends I met because of my crossdressing?
I’m not unhappy as a male; I just wish I could express my feminine side without judgement or strange looks or endless questions from others if I do it otherwise presenting as a male.
In any event, I also don’t believe in magically changing.
- May 23, 2020 at 4:44 pm #345971K SwimParticipantRegistered On: July 8, 2019Topics: 7Replies: 552Has thanked: 270 timesBeen thanked: 886 times
If I could rewind and start over, my luck might cause me to be miserable. I’m a guy who loves wearing women’s swimwear and even though I use breast forms with them, I don’t consider myself as a female.
As far as everything else goes, my only problem in life is that I have no significant other. My finances are stable, and the economic impact of covid-19 had no effect on me. Starting over, my life could totally suck.
- May 23, 2020 at 4:37 pm #345970Celeste JoParticipantRegistered On: April 26, 2020Topics: 3Replies: 23Has thanked: 18 timesBeen thanked: 93 times
- May 23, 2020 at 4:02 pm #345960Kelly AnnParticipantRegistered On: February 24, 2020Topics: 6Replies: 65Has thanked: 77 timesBeen thanked: 186 times
I Chose box two to become the woman I always wanted to become.
I’ve always known I was different from an early age but back then didn’t understand why but as I got a little bit older my feminine side started to show and I’ve never looked back and know so many years later I’m expressing my feminine side more
- May 23, 2020 at 4:01 pm #345957Bettylou CoxParticipantRegistered On: May 26, 2019Topics: 11Replies: 1015Has thanked: 1271 timesBeen thanked: 2502 times
Interesting “what if” question. My sense of obligation to family would cause me to choose the 3rd box. But IF that were not a factor, it would be #2 in a heartbeat. The first box is a non-starter, because I was never a fit in male society.
- May 23, 2020 at 3:41 pm #345946Lisa FoxParticipantRegistered On: March 24, 2020Topics: 1Replies: 28Has thanked: 326 timesBeen thanked: 127 times
Great question and very difficult! I am not sure if my answer is based on the current mood I am in and could change, but I selected the second button. I really do not like the dilemma and if I had to choose one or the other, well… My concern in selecting two was more related to family and I extrapolated “financial” to family.
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