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  • #384182
    Stephanie Green
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    Registered On: September 12, 2020
    Topics: 2
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    You know the urge.  It’s that feeling we get that causes us to want to get dolled up in feminine clothes, shoes, make-up, etc.  I don’t know about you, but, the first time I dressed up, I didn’t do it because I wanted to.  I needed to.  I felt a curiosity that I had to satisfy.

    Part of dealing with that urge is coming to terms with the fact that cross-dressing is not normal.  We know that there are people in our lives who would have different opinions of us if they found out about our cross-dressing.  Even we go, or have gone, through times when we reject(ed) that side of ourselves that enjoy cross-dressing.  Some here have gotten past that and fully embrace their feminine sides.  Others are still working to do that.  I am in that latter group.  Don’t get me wrong, I do enjoy my Stephanie time when the urge hits me.  But, when I’m in guy mode, I think that things would be so much better and easier for me if I could just be normal.  You all know what happens to those of us who are engaged in that internal struggle.  We promise ourselves or others that we will quit.  We purge all of the our girly stuff.  And, we delete our CDH accounts.  Later, we end up breaking those promises, buying more clothes, shoes, make-up, etc., and creating new accounts here.  I’ve been through those things many times so far.

    In the past, when the urge has hit me, it would usually last a few months.  I’d dress up if I could, or maybe satisfy my need to get into Stephanie mode by just socializing here.  After a while, I’d get that out of my system and get back to my normal life.  Sometimes I wouldn’t give it much thought afterwards.  Other times I’d make an attempt at quitting.  Lately, something has changed.  Over the past couple of months, I have gotten the urge and had it pass is a matter of a week or even a couple of days.  I mentioned earlier that, when in guy mode, I think things would be better for me if I could just be normal.  In other words, when in guy mode, I’m thinking that I should quit.  Earlier this year, I made some of my most serious efforts to do so.  Obviously, I wasn’t successful.  From what I’ve read here, the consensus is that we can’t quit.  I’m not entirely convinced of that.  I believe that the urge will never go away.  Quitting, however, is a matter of willpower.  If any of us wanted to quit enough that we forced ourselves to muster the necessary willpower, we could do it.  I’ve been thinking that, maybe, my ability to get through the urge in relatively short spans of time is a sign that I’m building up that willpower, similar to the way an athlete builds strength, speed or endurance through training.  What do you think?

    I can understand that many of you might think it strange for me discuss the subject of quitting cross-dressing here.  I hope nobody is offended by it.  I’m not trying to tell you that you should quit.  We all have to make our own decisions about what is best for us.  I admitted that I am a cross-dresser long ago.  If I am to forever be a cross-dresser, so be it.  I’m just trying to figure out if that is indeed the case.  Knowing that so many of us have gone through similar struggles, I find it hard to believe that I am the only one here who is thinking something like, “I can accept being a cross-dresser, but first I have to make sure that it really is impossible for me to quit.”  I have made many friends here, have enjoyed interacting with them and appreciate the support that I have gotten.  I am sincere about wanting to know what others think.

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    • #384454
      Stephanie Green
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      Registered On: September 12, 2020
      Topics: 2
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      Stephanie,

      I have to disagree with your statement that cross dressing is not normal.  That would be correct only if you accept that consensus opinion about what defines “normal” is always true. Well, It isn’t.  In fact, I would argue that majority opinions are wrong more often than not – but that is food for a separate discussion.

      This thing of ours is a harmless activity which brings us much pleasure; it it not illegal, immoral or dangerous.  In time, I expect it to bacome accepted, then ignored, just like any other fashion.  Meanwhile, you should not beat yourself up or suffer the unpleasantness of fighting the urge to be who you are.  You deserve better.

      Hugs,

      Bettylou

      I appreciate the encouragement, Bettylou.  As I mentioned in my reply to Peggy Sue, I used the word “normal” meaning what society considers normal, not what those of us here consider normal.

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    • #384452
      Stephanie Green
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      Registered On: September 12, 2020
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      I cannot speak for others.  However, I find my cross dressing to be -very- normal.

      That being said, I am alcoholic but have not had a drink since 1991.  Before I took my last drink, I tried many times to use willpower to stop.  It never worked.  Most people will agree, alcoholic drinking is not normal.  Moreover, alcoholic drinking will eventually destroy your life, then kill you.  I gained lasting sobriety through the Alcoholics Anonymous program.

      “Normal” and “Willpower,”  two interesting words and concepts.

      Cross-dressing seems normal to me too, Peggy Sue.  When I said that it was not normal, I meant that it is not normal in terms of what society generally expects and accepts from men.  I apologize for causing confusion.

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    • #384432
      Holly
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      Registered On: August 31, 2020
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      In the past I have tried to quit and I have purged many many times. But the need and desire to dress has always been there, even from a very young age. I have found over the years and now understand that my attempts to quit dressing where the result of me trying to conform to what others wanted. It was what they wanted, not me. My desire to dress, to explore my feminine side is part of me, part of who I am. I have finally excepted who I am and I am looking forward to my journey as Holly.

    • #384374
      Peggy Sue Williams
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      Registered On: June 26, 2019
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      I cannot speak for others.  However, I find my cross dressing to be -very- normal.

      That being said, I am alcoholic but have not had a drink since 1991.  Before I took my last drink, I tried many times to use willpower to stop.  It never worked.  Most people will agree, alcoholic drinking is not normal.  Moreover, alcoholic drinking will eventually destroy your life, then kill you.  I gained lasting sobriety through the Alcoholics Anonymous program.

      “Normal” and “Willpower,”  two interesting words and concepts.

    • #384364
      Falecia McGuire
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      Registered On: January 11, 2019
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      Stephanie,

      ”Andropause!”  There is a connection with aging.  Read the article at <lightinthecloset.org>  Beyond that, like most of us, I’ve struggled, purged, and binged.  In the long run and IMHO, CD may have caused problems in my life, career, and relationships – I’m not sure!  What I do know is that it has also brought comfort through the struggles.  One of the suggestions that has worked for me (as with my running) is tying it to something that is inarguably GOOD for me, like sensible eating and drinking, exercise, and reading.  For the last 20 years, my CD has helped me stay fit so I could wear the clothes and the look I found satisfying.  I’m sure you can give it up if you need to or want to.  But, it might be good to reflect about what the replacement might be, because there will be one.  The cure might be worse!
      FAM

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    • #384307
      Dana “Jennifer” Banton
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      Registered On: March 19, 2018
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      Stephanie,

      You and I have talked about this quite a bit, and I struggle the same way you do.  Sometimes I feel like Cassie where I simply wished I was a girl, but I am not…at least not physically born that way.    This is very much a source of frustration for me.  I even wrote about it in a post a while back.

      https://www.crossdresserheaven.com/forums/topic/how-do-i-continue-to-live-a-lie-warning-this-is-not-very-uplifting/

      I have tried to quit a few times as well but I spent almost the whole day this past Monday as Dana.  I transformed into Dana just before noon and drove almost four hours to Indiana, checked into my hotel, drove over to Target to buy a few things and then back to the hotel…all as Dana.  Sometimes on my business trips I have the opportunity to do this.  Obviously I did not go to my business meeting as Dana.  LOL  The point is after trying to quit, I have fallen back into it.  I don’t think the people I care about would understand this side of me.

      So is it more important for me to do whatever I want, possibly what makes me happy, even though it MAY cause grief and anguish for those I care about I do I accept that burden so I do not cause others with unnecessary pain or stress?

      That is the big question for me.  I agree with many here that I think we are “wired” a little different.  It does not make who we are wrong or right.  It is just different.  Society says this is not “normal”, at least in the circles I run in.  I may be completely wrong as maybe everyone I know would accept me as Dana.  I highly doubt it, but hey…stranger things have happened.

      Unfortunately, like we have discussed many times, there is no absolute on this issue.  Each of us has to decide for ourselves what is best of us.  I actually do believe the willpower thing.  I think we can build up our willpower to quit and quit for good if that is what we DECIDE to do.  That does not mean the urges will go away.  I don’t think they will ever go away.  Our feelings and urges are not something we can fully control.  But we CAN CONTROL our actions and words.  I believe that.  The big question is, do I WANT to quit.  Really.  I may say that to myself, but do I really believe it?  I struggle with that.  I struggle with that a lot.

      There are so many WONDERFUL people here on CDH.  So kind.  So supportive.  So accepting.  I don’t think anyone would fault you if you do what makes you happy.  How you define happiness is your decision.  But whatever you decide, I am grateful for our friendship and for the friendship of everyone here on CDH.

      Thank you for sharing this and being so open about it.  It is an important topic for many of us.  The struggle is real and I am afraid not going away anytime soon.  Hugs…..Dana.

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    • #384305
      Dani CD
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      Registered On: September 10, 2020
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      Hi Stephanie,                                                         We all understand that urge, and that’s why we’re here on this wonderful Site. I’ve done all those things you’ve explained. I quit smoking 20 years ago and as hard as it was ,it was a walk in the park compared to quitting cross dressing. My self I can’t ever fully quit. All I can do is try my best to manage it the best way I can for wear I’m At in my life at the moment and hope one day it gets easier. I’m only new CDH but I’m already finding out what a great supportive network the ladies on this site truly are and I know you will be supported no matter what decision you make and how many times you change it.                                                               Dani👩🏻‍🔧

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    • #384294
      Mary Ann Summers
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      Registered On: April 29, 2020
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      I do believe you CAN quit. However… for me, the feminine side of me completes me. If I were to quit, then I would be an unhappy incomplete entity. I know that from experience!

      So, can you quit…yes. Should you quit….. only you can answer that.

      Hugs, Mary Ann

    • #384292
      Jenny Thigh High
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      Registered On: August 10, 2019
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      I tend to agree that quitting is impossible.  I purged and quit for about ten years.  Honestly thought it was behind me.

      Then one day, I saw a gorgeous, stunning, sexy (but obvious) CD walk past me in a hotel lobby and the urge flooded back hard.  So many fun memories just flooded back.  That was almost two years ago now.

      Funny story — Just the other day, I was at the dry cleaners picking up guy clothes.  Hanging in front of me was this super hot sequin mini dress (belonging to someone else).  I could not take my mind or thoughts off that dress….it took all the strength I could muster to not grab it and run home LOL.  I was obsessed with thoughts of “I bet I would look hot in this!” 🙂

      Strong urges indeed.

       

       

       

       

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    • #384287
      Anonymous
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      Stephanie, my up and downs and emotions of crossdressing have been a lot like yours. Deleting accounts purging some pretty clothes. Saying to myself, I will never dress like a girl again, only to find myself fully dressed looking like a woman ready to out on a date. I think you are right in saying it would be easier if we didn’t dress, but at the same time I love dressing and applying makeup up so much.                                             I have basically dressed up forever, as a young child I thought it would go away. As I got older, instead of going away my femininity has grown so much.                                                 I have tried to stop dressing many times with no luck, I’m at the point where I have some what accepted that I’m a crossdresser maybe even a little more and I know it’s not going away.      Hugs

    • #384286
      Bettylou Cox
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      Registered On: May 26, 2019
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      Stephanie,

      I have to disagree with your statement that cross dressing is not normal.  That would be correct only if you accept that consensus opinion about what defines “normal” is always true. Well, It isn’t.  In fact, I would argue that majority opinions are wrong more often than not – but that is food for a separate discussion.

      This thing of ours is a harmless activity which brings us much pleasure; it it not illegal, immoral or dangerous.  In time, I expect it to bacome accepted, then ignored, just like any other fashion.  Meanwhile, you should not beat yourself up or suffer the unpleasantness of fighting the urge to be who you are.  You deserve better.

      Hugs,

      Bettylou

    • #384278
      Kimmie
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      Registered On: September 27, 2016
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      I do not believe the fantasies will ever cease to provide me with both comfort and excitement. There have been, however, long stretches of my life when I did not dress. Sometimes it was because my living situation made it infeasible. I may also be misremembering, but I also think there were long periods when if I had the urge, it was very, very weak. It is impossible to know, but if circumstances were such that I “had to quit” I believe I would be able to do so. I hope it never comes to that.

      5 users thanked author for this post.
    • #384259
      Diane Crow
      Participant
      Registered On: October 21, 2019
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      So I am defiantly a Cross Dresser for sure! This is from this mornings Journaling…

      Today I am dressed for work.
      I have a beautiful black dress with green and teal accents. Black hose and maroon block heals with cutouts midway and lovely ankle straps. I look and feel so wonderful and relaxed. I am feeling happy and relaxed. I am ready to start my day.
      Diane, you look so good and feel fantastic!!
      Hugs to you Diane, you are such a nice, lovely and fully competent person.
      You deserve all the success coming your way.
      Have a great day.
      I love you. I love me.
      I think that says it all.
      Hugs
      Diane
    • #384252
      Sandy Jayson
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      Registered On: September 29, 2019
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      Thank Steph, and all you girls for you responses.  I know right now for me just want to go out shopping in fem and be treated as one of the girls when I’m doing this.

      It seems to me that some of people that don’t understand us are pushing us toward going all the way.  Including hrt and surgery.  From what I see here some of the people here are pushing themselves down the same path.  I can understand this desire, being under the pink fog we all desire more and going further.  Hrt and surgery can be so devistating  if you find that after doing this that you are still not happy being a full woman.

      As for me, right now, I just want to go out and present as female and be treated as such.  If all people would accept us as we want to present ourselves it would help us find ourselves.

      So far I am still confused and hoping to get more girl time where I can.

      Love all you girls and your insite                  SANDY

    • #384236
      Riley McCort
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      Registered On: September 10, 2020
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      You have an amazing lady!!!  Enjoy!!

      4 users thanked author for this post.
    • #384233
      Patty Phose
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      Registered On: May 7, 2016
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      I began wearing stockings, heels and a bra when I was 4. I wanted a dress too but that was beyond my reach. I was 13 when I bought my own pantyhose. I would look around the stores at the other pretty femme garments and want them so much too but they were also beyond my reach.

      At 17, I began wearing pantyhose out with short girl’s shorts and platform wedges. I had some means and was able to hide the shoes in the trunk of my car. Still, I longed for all the pretty dresses, sexy stilettos. matching bras and panties, stockings, garters, sexy lingerie, I wanted breasts and pretty hair.

      Then I saw Daisy Duke and that was my no stopping me moment. I wanted to look like her and be her. I wanted the shoes, legs , body and hair. She was my role model and powerful inspiration.

      When I was 18, I got my own place and began buying and wearing all the wonderful, pretty and amazing clothes I had wanted so bad for so long. My style was based on how would Daisy look in this or would Daisy wear this. I had such an intense desire to go out in my Daisy attire. It took overcoming a lot of fear before I was able to do that  Then walking from the house to the car for the first time, I was busted. I was so freaked I sat in the car for several minutes before I could do anything. Then I drove around for a couple of hours and got out in several carefully chosen locations where I felt safe and could be seen but not touched. I was feeling an excitement and thrill and rush like I had never experienced before. I wanted that all the time and knew I had to go out dressed to get it.

      I went to a college Halloween Party dressed fully femme. I got lots of compliments and got hit on quite aggressively by both guys and girls. I met other dressers there who invited me to party with them. I did a lot of that all through college.

      Then after college, things changed. Life was happening.  I was building a career. I bought a little house. Got married. Kids came along. I built a bigger house. I wasn’t dressing much. I gradually discarded or donated  most of my clothes. Life was great. Dressing was fun, but it was something I did in the past. I wasn’t doing it anymore.

      The kids grew and moved out. My wife mentioned it’s like when we started out. Then one night she was watching a show with Drag Queens. She had me take a look. Remember when you used to do this? Of course I did but it was over 20 years ago. She thought I should do it again.

      I kept a few of my favorite old outfits. I got them and tried putting them on. I was surprised at how sexy they were and how I had the nerve to wear them. They were also way too small for me. I had grown a bit. I stuffed myself into one of the outfits, slipped into pumps and put on a wig. Those feelings of excitement, thrill and rush I felt years ago began coming back. I stepped out in my outfit and went to show my wife. She laughed. “You need new clothes”. We went out and got a small starter wardrobe. I began dressing again. I discovered a lingerie shop with crossdressing clients, then got introduced to Femme Fever.

      I began dressing often again. In fact pretty much every day. I began going out again. I still love that excitement, thrill and rush. I love crossdressing. I don’t want to stop. If anything, I want to find more opportunities to dress.

      But, I had stopped dressing for over 20 years. I didn’t miss it. I had other interests and goals. If my wife hadn’t been watching that show I probably would not have thought of wearing my old clothes again. Putting them on brought back a lot of the old feelings I enjoyed. Then with my wife telling me I needed some new clothes and us actually going out to get them, I might have just put my old clothes back in the box and not brought Patty back.

      As much as I love crossdressing, I believe if an event came up where I couldn’t dress anymore, no doubt I would miss it for a while, but I’m sure with my focus in other directions, I would be OK with it. Crossdressing is much like a hobby with me, not a necessity. I love it but could do without it if I had to.

    • #384228
      patty williams
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      Registered On: January 19, 2019
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      HI Stephanie,

      This is a tough topic

      And one that takes some serious thought as I know you are dealing with some serious life choices sweetie.

      All we can do is give you our perspective based on our own feelings and life situation.

      It would be much easier and better for me If I just quit crossdressing, I’ll admit it.

      However when I came to the brink of divorce a while back I had to tell my wife I couldn’t quit if I wanted to.

      Even when my marriage ,the most important relationship in my life was threatened I was thinking about cloths and looking pretty.

      The most honest think I could do is tell my wife I couldn’t stop.that I loved her more than anything and try to balance my crossdressing with the rest of my life so it didn’t cause my wife too much pain and discomfort.

      Dont get me wrong I still like my guy side some and that part of me is needed I feel ,some times I dont feel very feminine at all it kind up abs and flows I guess,but I have a friend that finally got fed up hiding who she was and came out to every body.

      She seems so happy and in tune with herself I admire her.

      When it boils down to it Stephanie you just need to take some time and do some self examining deep down and see what you want sweety.

      We want what is best for you wether thats a feminine lifestyle or your masculine one we love you.

      Sometimes this doesn’t happen overnight.

      I don’t know if this helps at all but we are here for you .

      Hugs Patty

       

       

    • #384216
      Autumn Valiant
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      Registered On: July 14, 2019
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      Hi Stephanie!

      As Commander Peter Quincy Taggart would say “never give up, never surrender.”

      I can’t help it. It’s a line I think of whenever the idea of quitting anything comes to mind. I quit drinking alcohol over 12 years ago so that make me a qualified quitter. Some of my former drunk friends used to say “no one likes a quitter” as they headed to the bar without me. That was all about cutting something bad out of my life. Excising a tumor so to speak. I am lucky in that for what ever reason, God saw fit to remove the urge to drink from me not too long after I quit. I believe he knew EXACTLY how much willpower I had. I am grateful. There are some times that I think that I would love to be able to enjoy a nice glass of wine with dinner. A foolish idea. One glass could have me off to the races again. I have friends who aren’t so luck and struggle on a daily basis. I was with one when a waitress asked him if he would like a drink to which he replied “no, I have to be home by Christmas” and it was only March.

      If you cut us do we not bleed? Yes. But we don’t all react or behave the same way in all situations. Neither willpower nor passion have been equally rationed to the masses either. I suppose there are some who could just throw away their wardrobe/stash and spend the rest of their lives content in a “been there done that” kind of way. I know I couldn’t be one of those. This is something that will be with me for the rest of my life in some fashion or another. High fashion hopefully if I can afford it 😉 I do enjoy the fact that there is a whole mystery of details of this that I have yet to discover. I sometimes wonder how I would feel if I went plowing ahead at this full speed….. would I become complacent….. would it get boring eventually……. and there are things in my life that I once had enthusiasm for that eventually became mundane. But I don’t see that here. Not with this. Not for me. I think it was all buried for so long that there couldn’t possibly be enough time left in my life for me to get bored with this. What I do see is it feeling more natural as time goes on. I see society being more accepting as well. I watch my friends here moving forward and see how empowered they feel and I am encouraged.

      It makes me feel good. It makes me happy. It feels natural and comfortable even when it’s uncomfortably scary. There is a thrill involved just like the one kids get on their first roller coaster ride. Quit? Well, sure I quit some things. But this?

      Never give up, never surrender!

       

    • #384207
      Seren
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      Registered On: March 2, 2020
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      Hey Stephanie,

      I’m not sure I can be much help here… Since coming out to my wife (and therefore admitting to myself that I was a cross dresser) things have gone in completely the opposite direction to the path you are seeking. In a very short period I’ve gone from closet cd to appointments with the endocrinologist. I’m pretty certain that I am trans, and maybe hormone therapy will help calm my growing dysphoria, even if I don’t go 100% femme. Maybe the therapy plus weeks of lockdown introspection has revealed the real me; certainly it seems to explain a lot of the issues I’ve struggled with for my whole adult life.

      Good luck with whatever you decide. Happy to chat anytime if you think it would help.

      Hugs

      Seren xx

    • #384205
      Grace Scarlett
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      Registered On: July 26, 2020
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      Hello Stephanie….golly…well here goes….I think there are several major factors at work…. definitely acceptance, most of us seem in such a mess because we are locked away and afraid to show who we are….if the world would just let us be, we would all be out there living the life. I think age is a major player as well….I really think the older you get, the stronger the urge to dress becomes, maybe caused by frustration that you WANT to be you but you can’t. I don’t agree with the willpower strand, I think we are born with this amazing passion in us, so it’s there for life. Willpower/ purging will never stop it honey…. it’s who you are so accept it……think how hard you have tried to stop….but once again you are here, among friends, writing this post…I honestly believe that like all of us here, Stephanie Green is here to stay…. that’s my rant over….love you all.    Grace xx

      • #384221
        Seren
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        Registered On: March 2, 2020
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        Hello Stephanie….golly…well here goes….I think there are several major factors at work…. definitely acceptance, most of us seem in such a mess because we are locked away and afraid to show who we are….if the world would just let us be, we would all be out there living the life. I think age is a major player as well….I really think the older you get, the stronger the urge to dress becomes, maybe caused by frustration that you WANT to be you but you can’t. I don’t agree with the willpower strand, I think we are born with this amazing passion in us, so it’s there for life. Willpower/ purging will never stop it honey…. it’s who you are so accept it……think how hard you have tried to stop….but once again you are here, among friends, writing this post…I honestly believe that like all of us here, Stephanie Green is here to stay…. that’s my rant over….love you all.    Grace xx

        hey Grace! Love this 💕 There’s evidence that the ‘trans’ brain is ‘wired’ differently (if we assume for a moment that all of us are somewhere on the trans spectrum, which I believe is true) not like a female brain, but not like a male brain either. In the (cough…) transgender forum site one of the writers there is trawling thro the research ‘there’s no smoking gun’

        love you all

        Seren xx

    • #384185
      Cassie
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      Registered On: August 28, 2020
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      Has thanked: 15 times
      Been thanked: 60 times

      I am still new to this who,Ed thing so my perspective is a little different. I am trying to figure out if I am a cross dresser, trans or simply an old man trying to play in a fantasy for a while. I am the product of decades of conditioning that if a boy wanted to dress like a girl, he was gay. I am not gay. I have spent many years wishing I had been born female, closing my eyes and wishing when I opened them I would be a girl and then seeing my reflection in the mirror and hating what I saw. Can I quit crossdressing? Yes. I have avoided it for over 50 years if you don’t include a couple of Halloween parties. Do I want to quit? No, not until I figure out what is making me happy when I dress like a woman. This is kinda the opposite of what you were saying but as I said, I am still new on this path. Maybe if you want to figure out if you want to quit, you might remember back when you were in my high heeled shoes. It’s just a thought. I hope you figure it out for yourself. Which ever way you go. Happiness is the ultimate goal and that is what I hope you find.

       

      Cassie

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