I transitioned to living as Lauren less than three months ago. I knew very well that I was embarking on a journey unlike anything I had ever experienced. Last weekend, I was spending some time listening to some favorite music and meditating, trying to discern just where my path was taking me. At times life can seem like a puzzle, where you’re trying to find where all the pieces fit, sometimes, however, they all fall into place and you can see the picture. As I considered where I’ve been, and where my path leads me, I realized I have come to a fork in the road. The fork that was beckoning me was to the left and was marked by a large question mark. My meditating was pondering this and asking: who, why, how and where. Who am I? Why am I? How am I and where am I? I know who I am and have always been, I am a trans woman named Lauren. Why am I begs the question that I was born this way, but also asks, why am I doing what I am doing? How asks, how am I going to do it?
While quietly letting these thoughts swirl in my mind, I had the most emotional encounter that I recall ever having. It was as if a warm, comforting presence, almost like a liquid, was being poured out all over me. I felt so overwhelmingly feminine, the tears were flowing and I knew…
…You are Lauren, you are a trans woman and you are loved, you are called to be here for others, and you will know what to do when the opportunities presents themselves.
When I arrived at work on Monday there was a card waiting at my desk. It was from a girl who works there. She wrote how proud she was of me for being so brave and making the courageous journey I’m on, and that because of my example she was able to come out herself as being gender fluid. A short time later, another lady who I work with came up to the desk, voiced the same message and we both erupted in tears.
I have been told how unique my position is as a noticeable person in a very public place, that I am viewed as a role model and highly respected as an example of what a transgender woman is, and that I am like an ambassador for transgender people.
This is my path, and taking the fork in the road has lead me to this place and this time. It is the right path and I am overjoyed to be on it!
You have no idea how much I needed to read this post tonight! It is such a wonderful story of hope to those of us who are on the verge of losing all hope. I probably need to explain:
My wife and I are moving into separate apartments this month and will be living apart for the first time in about 41 years. To say it’s been traumatic to both of us is an understatement. We are doing the walkthrough of our old place tomorrow afternoon, and had a couple’s therapy Zoom meeting tonight. The therapist asked my wife about an email she sent and wanted to be sure she was really okay. Seems she expressed a feeling that she might be better off not being around, but for our daughter.
I was totally blindsided that she was feeling that low! She wouldn’t act on it, but I felt totally responsible and it shook me as bad as anything we’ve encountered so far. I have been doubting whether I really can/should transition – is it worth all this? But then I read a post like yours and I KNOW those sorts of things will happen for me.
Thank you, GF! You turned my night of despair into a night of hope!!
Oh Brie, I know your pain. 🙁 When I moved into where I am now living – a room mate in a condo owned by the mother of a girl at work – my wife helped me move. It was a good time together and I was in drab mode for the final time. When we were finished and we were at the door of my new place, she hugged me tightly, said “this is hard” and was crying, I was crying as well and told her I knew it was hard. It’s been a month and she’s doing fine, calls me every night to tell me how her day went, asks how I’m doing. We don’t know what the future holds for our relationship. In her own way she is also transitioning and it may take some time. My hope and prayer for you and your wife is that, with time, like my wife and I, that some healing can take place. Remember that grieving is a natural part of this process, so while there is joy in the journey, there is also some pain.
Congratulations Lauren!!! Your story is inspirational to girls like me. There is hope and good people in this world. What an amazing journey you are on. I look back and think of so many forks in the road I passed up. Who knows where I would be today. You are an inspiration.
Congratulations Lauren your liberation has liberated others – That is wonderful. You embarked on this journey when you were born, it was meant to be, so revel in your happiness and share the joy around you.
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