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    • #343909
      Anonymous

      I have been on off and on again cross dresser since 5 years old. I have had anxiety and depression since 12. I used to use drugs as a teen until I was 27 when I had my first panic attack. After that I quit drugs and sought help. I have lived clean since then and I take a mild antidepressant. Over all my years I have cross-dressed binged and purged many times. I recently divorced and stated exploring myself again, cross-dressing came back. With the help of these forums I thought that I had finally began to come to terms with my fem side and accepted myself for this.

      This brings me to my dilemma, I have recently began dating again and I am running in to that same problem of being scared of finding a great woman and then losing her due to cross-dressing. This fear has made me go down the shame spiral again and made me feel like purging again. A few months ago I came out to my therapist, it was the first time I came out to anyone other than a S.O., she seemed ok with it and thanked me for sharing such a secret part of myself, we haven’t spoke of it much since then. Yesterday I talked to my therapist about this issue and she believes that crossdressing is different than transgender, because crossdressers don’t have gender dysphoria and we choose to do this, therefore it can be controlled by embracing my masculinity, who I truly am, and trengthing my self esteem as a man. She also believes that this is similar to an addiction. This made me feel even worse and more confused. I have read and I know from personal experience that this doesn’t go away. I am upset because this has been the best therapist at helping my anxiety and depression, but now this has made me question everything yet again. My acceptance has taken a hit and I feel miserable. I want to dress it feels good and now I’m feeling uncomfortable about it again.

      Erika

    • #343924
      Peggy Sue Williams
      Duchess - Annual

      IMHO, this therapist is clueless, concerning transgendered and cross dressing issues.  I hear stories in our support group of how therapists like this cause damage to lives.  According to your profile, you are located in California.  You should have no problem, finding a therapist experienced in transgender and cross dressing issues.  Here in a Atlanta we are blessed with many clinical psychologists who are experienced in transgender and cross dressing issues, and I can say with certainty they would have never given you such a faulted opinion as you got from this person.

    • #343954

      Very curious…

      The only thing that I will say is that if it was as easy as embracing your maleness, there would probably be very few crossdressers…

    • #343955
      Anonymous

      Erika, sweetie the firsts thing you have to do  is to accept yourself, your masculine side as your feminine, both are part of you, begin to accept yourself as you are, as God made us, so that we can learn to walk steadily despite the world’s misunderstanding, you have to try to bring peace to your heart and that begins with self acceptance, you are a valuable person and the woman who is going to be with you is going to have to accept you as you are, that simple, if you are not yourself in a relationship then why be in it , if you are always going to be lying and hiding who you really are … you are a great person, start to believe it and don’t worry about a partner, learn to be with yourself and the couple will appear, God has a great woman for you .. Hugs Felicity

    • #343956
      Seren
      Baroness

      I feel for you. Making sense of this and dealing with our compulsion is hard enough even before you start factoring in a loving relationship, let alone the unhelpful comments of your therapist.
      Like others have commented we all know this is fundamental to who we are; trying to stop is like trying to shut off a large part of our personalities.
      Everything I have read over the past few months (trust me, it’s a lot) talks about how false the binary concept of gender is, everyone is on a scale.
      Also the idea that embracing your masculinity will enable you to give up? I’m increasingly certain that the rejection of so many of the common modern ideals of masculinity are reinforcing my desire to embrace my femme side.
      Best of luck with your new relationship

      Sera x

    • #343957
      Anonymous

      Thank You for all the responses. I have been doing a lot of reading and I have to agree with all you. It is not something that I can just make go away. It is part of me and it’s not going anywhere, I have to accept the fact that relationships are hard in any capacity and that whoever I am with has to accept me for who I am. I know that some of my anxiety and depression comes from crossdressing and my acceptance level with it. Fighting it just makes it worse. I will have to find a new therapist that can help me work through all of this. I really appreciate everyone that takes the time to read my post and reply to it.

      Thanks Erika

    • #343972
      Emily Alt
      Managing Ambassador

      Hi Erika,

      I know I’m a little late to the discussion. The other girls have given you some great advice and I agree with everything they’ve said. Here’s my 2 cents, FWIW.

      Ten years ago I was in therapy to be “cured” of crossdressing. Like your therapist, mine was clueless about gender issues and said pretty much the same things. Unfortunately I didn’t know any better. The “therapy” actually seemed to work, and I didn’t dress for a few years. Of course the desire came back, stronger than ever. It was a tough lesson to learn. Expensive too.

      Samantha is right. Finding a “great” woman that won’t accept all of you is the last thing you need. You’ll be miserable. I know. It’s one of the reasons I have an ex-wife.

      Oddly, Bobbi’s suggestion is a good one. Most people don’t look for a mate in a bar these days. But I agree that an LGBT bar would improve your chances of finding the one right for you. Let me tell you about a recent experience.

      Shortly before the lockdown, I had a girls night out in Palm Springs, and we ended up at a popular gay bar. I met an attractive woman that was clearly flirting with me. She admitted she’s attracted to CD’s, and that was her reason for being there. I wasn’t playing so she moved on. But if I was on the “market” I guarantee I would have gotten her number!

      I glad you realize you need to find a therapist that has experience with gender issues. Living in LA that should be pretty easy. You’re on the right path. Things will get better.

      I live just down the road in San Diego. Drop me a line if you want to chat.

      Namaste,
      Emily

    • #343981

      Hi Erika Its time to look for another therapist. I have had four including my present one. No one who makes you feel bad about your self should be a part of your life including SO,s and therapist.There is nothing wrong with anyone person wanting to express their femininity.It is apart of us that needs and demands attention. It is not something we should want to go away. IT MAKES US IS FEEL GOOD. Most here identify with the female gender for whatever reason. If you want to understand your reason then find a therapist that has credentials and understands gender issues. Anxiety, depression suicide the list goes on and on are issues concerning gender identity. It is a huge issue requires a lot of education. There are so many people out there looking for their soul mate. Some one they can love and be loved back. Stay true to your self that is the most important thing. Do not deny or shame your self. We all have done that enough for everyone including future generations. Potential partners pick up on that immediately and just move on. Just being a kind. empathetic truly loving person will initially draw people who are like minded to you. Simple things like wearing your hair longer or having your ears pierced sends a message to potential partners. Having self confidence and being happy with one,s self sends a message. That is what a therapist should be helping you to achieve. So many of us have traveled the road you are on. There is only one thing to be learned on that road “Its time to move on”. Stay true to your self and enjoy expressing your femininity it is what makes us special people.                                  Luv Stephanie

    • #344232
      Kimmie
      Lady

      I have a somewhat different take before you jettison this therapist and start from scratch with a new one. Have you told the therapist how what she said made you feel and how you didn’t think it fit the feelings you have? If not, do that and see how she reacts. If she is defensive or dismissive or otherwise  is not “hearing” you, then firing her may be the best course.

    • #344237
      Nancy
      Lady

      Erika,

      The fact that the therapist didn’t explore this further with you when you told her, throws up red flags. I agree that you should tell her how her comments make you feel, as I’m not sure she truly understands crossdressers. If she makes you feel bad, perhaps it is time to find someone more accepting. I think LGBTQ+ friendly therapists commonly help people deal with depression and anxiety too.

      Birel

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