- May 17, 2022 at 3:21 am #645794Lauren BParticipantRegistered On: January 15, 2022Topics: 6Replies: 36Has thanked: 35 timesBeen thanked: 223 times
I’ve had the luxury of having my own place for university for the past 3 years so I’ve been able to dress as much as I wanted. Now I’m having to move back home until I get my own place, I don’t know whether to come out to one of my family members so I can continue to dress there, any advice?
- May 19, 2022 at 9:05 am #646260Simone CLadyRegistered On: January 23, 2019Topics: 9Replies: 182Has thanked: 73 timesBeen thanked: 742 times
Phew! Really tough one. Trouble is there is no going back with family! Come out and get a negative response and then what…?
I had a moment with my mother as a teenager, she suspected something and asked me straight out if I was crossdressing. I knew it wasn’t her clothes as I never wore them, and suspect it was a friend I dressed for on a dare when my parents were away had said something. I denied it, and felt she had (well meaningly) invaded my space. Our relationship was never quite the same.
Years later I thought of telling my sister, and made a kind of neutral remark about some CDs who were at a local event to test the water with her, expecting her to be open (she is very liberal). Good move, as she came back: “Oh god, those queers in frocks! What were they thinking of, how disgusting!” Imagine if I had come straight out?
I really hope for you that things are different, but in your shoes (nice, low heeled pumps today if you ask) I would wait for my own place or look for one of the studios that specialise in CDs where you can store your clothes AND get make up advice!
- May 20, 2022 at 1:14 am #646417
- May 18, 2022 at 6:32 am #646016Lara TuckerLadyRegistered On: September 29, 2021Topics: 2Replies: 864Has thanked: 19098 timesBeen thanked: 3069 times
You know your family best, but maybe you could wear some ambiguous clothes first. Like a pair of pretty sneakers, and leggings. Maybe that could open up a dialogue with your aunt? If it didn’t go well you could put them away until you get your own place.
I think Stevie’s suggestion would be the safest way for you to go, I just thought you could have some fun with this if you think there’s a good chance they might be more open to the idea of your dressing.
- May 19, 2022 at 1:51 am #646205
- May 17, 2022 at 5:19 pm #645965Brielle RossDuchessRegistered On: August 14, 2021Topics: 5Replies: 462Has thanked: 2297 timesBeen thanked: 1936 times
Hi Lauren, I guess my thought is to decide what are the benefits versus potential hurts with either choice. If you are very immersed in the feminine lifestyle, will you be okay emotionally and mentally to abruptly stop all of it? Would you be forced to purge everything, and how hard would it be to get back into it later?
Will your parents and/or siblings be super negative or maybe just not crazy about it? Will you be forced to purge or move out and be thrust on your own? Can you talk to one of the family members with total confidentiality until you can broach the subject with others? Do you have your own private space with a separate entrance if there is some objection, but can have a DADT about it?
You may be surprised how accepting they may be since you are an adult now and other than providing a place to live, they have no right to dictate how you live your life as long as it won’t hurt yourself or others. I agree with Kim, though, that you need to think it through and have an “exit strategy” if you get super negative responses and need to find another place to stay suddenly.
I hope you can work it out and at least reach an equitable compromise! You deserve to be happy as much as anyone else, GF!!
- May 17, 2022 at 4:37 pm #645961Roberta LaneLadyRegistered On: May 10, 2022Topics: 5Replies: 64Has thanked: 228 timesBeen thanked: 224 times
Hi Lauren I am not quite sure what to offer in the way of advice.I know my parents would have had a hard time accepting my crossdressing.I had a very uncomfortable episode with my mum at one time.In my mid twenties she and my dad found my huge stash of my tights and a pair of high heel shoes.I had to pretend they were my girlfriends (now my wife) With the benefit of hindsight I think my mum knew they were mine..Happily,times have changed since back in the day.Hopefully your family will be accepting.I wish you luck.
- This reply was modified 1 month ago by Roberta Lane.
- May 17, 2022 at 10:09 am #645871Angela BoothLadyRegistered On: August 1, 2020Topics: 9Replies: 1036Has thanked: 3959 timesBeen thanked: 4820 times
If you feel that you cannot turn back from crossdressing at home and feel this is going to be for life then at some point it may be something you will have to do in the future so why not now then I’m with Stevie. You know your family, well I hope you do, their thoughts and opinions on subjects. To come out is a bold thing and will have an effect, good or bad. Your Aunt sounds as if she could be the one but is it jesting or would she be accepting. If it is her and you feel you could trust her then she may be the first to tell as she is family but detached to a degree. Women find it easier to accept than men and age is not an issue from my experience.
In essence there is no good or bad way to go about it as the words will be the same and the result unknown. And as Raquel says , go with your heart and expect a lot of questions. I wish you well.
My own experience was that I told my mother after many aborted attempts and she was accepting but I didn’t live at home. I was allowed to dress there and go out. Alas my father passed before I could tell him but it was felt he would have accepted it as well. I then told my siblings and the acceptance was beyond my dreams thereafter. I had a couple of people that accepted but had difficulties which is something we all have to expect.
- May 17, 2022 at 9:40 am #645862Lauren MugnaiaRegistered On: November 1, 2021Topics: 6Replies: 178Has thanked: 1687 timesBeen thanked: 899 times
Hi Lauren, from one of the other Lauren’s. Only you will know when it’s the right time and the right way to “come out”. It is a very personal journey but I can tell you that once you have “come out” the sheer relief that you feel is so amazing! You’re finally free of hiding the secret and you are no longer carrying that heavy burden. I’m transgender and recently transitioned to living fulltime as a woman, my cardiologist called me several weeks ago to tell me all my lab results were very good but asked if there had been any major changes in my life recently. I told him about transitioning and he congratulated me, saying that carrying a secret like that through your life is a great burden on your physical health. He said the test results showed a marked reduction of stress levels in my body since I came out and transitioned! Wishing you all the best and I hope it all works out for you.
- May 17, 2022 at 4:32 am #645801Stevie SteinerManaging AmbassadorRegistered On: June 11, 2020Topics: 79Replies: 1876Has thanked: 8334 timesBeen thanked: 9569 times
Hi Lauren. That’s a bit of a situation. After 3 years of having the freedom to dress as you please, and when you please, having to hide again is difficult. The two questions I would have is A: how long do you think it would be till you do get your own place, and more importantly B: is there one family member you think would be supportive of your coming out. Many of us eventually come out – it’s not always easy, but it is a huge emotional weight removed from our shoulders when we do. Any way you could test the waters of opinion on the subject with a family member? For example, here in Canada the Pride parade will finally be a Go again this year and its in the news. A casual comment on a subject like that could get you a feel for their attitudes and give you an idea on their thoughts. Thing is, if you do have to live there for an extended period, you don’t want it to be uncomfortable. You know your family best, hopefully there are some open minded people there.
I do wish you luck and success. None of us like going back into hiding after having tasted freedom.
- May 17, 2022 at 4:36 am #645802Lauren BLadyRegistered On: January 15, 2022Topics: 6Replies: 36Has thanked: 35 timesBeen thanked: 223 times
- May 17, 2022 at 4:51 am #645803Stevie SteinerManaging AmbassadorRegistered On: June 11, 2020Topics: 79Replies: 1876Has thanked: 8334 timesBeen thanked: 9569 times
Haha, the answer in your head would be “yes, please” right?
If her joking was not done spitefully or in a mean way I would certainly investigate just what her feelings on the subject are. Is she laughing in a derogatory way or genuine in care. If it happens again ask her what she would think of your brother if he said yes to the bikini. You could even show your opinion by saying it would not change how you think of your brother ( which I think it wouldn’t? 🙂 )
Always try to tip your toe in the water before diving in.
- May 17, 2022 at 4:54 am #645805Lauren BLadyRegistered On: January 15, 2022Topics: 6Replies: 36Has thanked: 35 timesBeen thanked: 223 times
- May 17, 2022 at 5:05 am #645806Stevie SteinerManaging AmbassadorRegistered On: June 11, 2020Topics: 79Replies: 1876Has thanked: 8334 timesBeen thanked: 9569 times
- May 17, 2022 at 4:31 am #645800Raquel SmithLadyRegistered On: August 26, 2021Topics: 16Replies: 810Has thanked: 2883 timesBeen thanked: 2683 times
- May 17, 2022 at 4:31 am #645799Kim DahlenbergenLadyRegistered On: November 18, 2019Topics: 1Replies: 122Has thanked: 78 timesBeen thanked: 375 times
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