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  • #505947
    Andrea Hopkins
    Participant
    Registered On: December 24, 2020
    Topics: 9
    Replies: 81
    Has thanked: 204 times
    Been thanked: 503 times

    So here is the story, my family do not know I CD, but lately I have been thinking of coming out to them however my nerves I don’t think can handle it right now. Both my brother and my father(Mom passed away in 2019) have very out there opinions of trans community, I don’t want to say they are transphobic because at the end of the day they don’t really care what others do in there own lives, but with me being family I don’t know if they could accept this.

    Really I am looking for tips on how to come out to family members.

    Any help is good help.

Viewing 4 reply threads
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    • #506300
      Stephanie Bass
      Princess - Annual
      Registered On: November 30, 2019
      Topics: 12
      Replies: 1967
      Has thanked: 23945 times
      Been thanked: 6498 times

      Hi Andrea i dont have any advice to you as still in closet to family my wife knows amd is very supportive of Stephanie as she is in the home and not out side but … Just from me do whats in your heart girlfriend and good luck and always remember we are always here for you if you need us ..

      Stephanie Bass

    • #506283
      Trisha Lilly Hibbert
      Baroness
      Registered On: December 8, 2020
      Topics: 44
      Replies: 771
      Has thanked: 3409 times
      Been thanked: 2984 times

      Hi Andrea, I have come out to my entire family and hace been 24/7 for 5 months. Here is an article on how I did it if you’re interested. https://www.crossdresserheaven.com/19-years-and-90-days/

      I can say without a doubt that telling my Iranian war veteran dad that I wanted to crossdress was the scariest thing I’ve ever done, but I’m so glad I did.

      I think Celeste’s idea of doing it in letter form is a fantastic idea.

      Have courage honey and gl.

      Love Trisha

      2 users thanked author for this post.
      • #506289
        Andrea Hopkins
        Lady
        Registered On: December 24, 2020
        Topics: 9
        Replies: 81
        Has thanked: 204 times
        Been thanked: 503 times

        Thank you for sharing that, it makes me feel a little better about my worries. Here’s hoping.

        2 users thanked author for this post.
    • #506267
      Ellie Hope
      Baroness
      Registered On: October 3, 2019
      Topics: 1
      Replies: 119
      Has thanked: 200 times
      Been thanked: 460 times

      Andrea,

      Thanks for sharing this difficult issue. Coming out to my family and loved ones was one of the most difficult and nerve wracking things I have ever done, but it is also one of the most fulfilling, exciting, and uplifting experiences of my life. What a burden had been released off my shoulders. And in nearly every case (not all, regrettably) it was met with acceptance and kindness. I feel so  relieved now that I can go freely in public, to work, to meet with friends and family as Ellie, the person I am inside. And Ellie is now whom they expect to see, not my old male persona. If you feel that Andrea is the person you now are and intend to continue to be, I encourage you to free Andrea, come out to those closest and most important to you first. You are very likely to get their support which will make it easier to continue blossoming to the rest. Your brother and Dad may have trouble with it at first, but time is on your side. I think they will eventually come around because they love you and no one wants to lose that. It’s true my perspective is shaped by my own situation as my family is close and open minded. Although both my parents were deceased when I  came out, their acceptance I would not have questioned. Surprised and perhaps angry and disappointed with me at first, but I know they would quickly back me after the shock wore off. To me, the spouse has the most difficult time. But again, time, talk, and love came through. Take your time. At some point Andrea will insist on  taking over, at least that’s how it felt for me. She will be strong and help you thru this difficult stage. I am still coming out to friends, coworkers, and acquaintances, and it’s getting much easier. I hope you too will soon feel the relief of this behind you. Stay strong. (I have to keep telling myself that).

      Hugs and Love,

      Ellie

      3 users thanked author for this post.
      • #506270
        Andrea Hopkins
        Lady
        Registered On: December 24, 2020
        Topics: 9
        Replies: 81
        Has thanked: 204 times
        Been thanked: 503 times

        Thank you so much!

        1 user thanked author for this post.
    • #506201
      Celeste Starre
      Lady
      Registered On: June 26, 2018
      Topics: 41
      Replies: 1115
      Has thanked: 315 times
      Been thanked: 3808 times

      No real advice about how to tell but wondering why you want to.  Do you wish to dress when you visit them or when they visit you?  My own feelings on the subject is that it’s on a need to know basis and since I’m not transitioning very few need to.

      • #506206
        Andrea Hopkins
        Lady
        Registered On: December 24, 2020
        Topics: 9
        Replies: 81
        Has thanked: 204 times
        Been thanked: 503 times

        I would like to have it known, because honestly I am thinking of transitioning. I have thought about in the past and decided against it for the sake of my marriage, but unbeknownst to me my marriage was falling apart by that point, and now that I am finalizing my divorce, its got me thinking that I just want to be my self, be damned what anyone else wants this is what I want. The only person I have to listen to is my daughter, and she is the only one I will consider when it comes to this.

         

        Edit : If this seems a little angry its not I have had way to much caffeine today, little loopy

        1 user thanked author for this post.
        • #506260
          Celeste Starre
          Lady
          Registered On: June 26, 2018
          Topics: 41
          Replies: 1115
          Has thanked: 315 times
          Been thanked: 3808 times

          OK then all I can suggest is how a friend of mine handled it when she finally decided she wanted to transition.  She sat down and composed letters to everyone that she felt it was important to inform.  I think that’s probably a good way as it gives you time to formulate exactly what you want to say which can be difficult when the person is right in front of you. It also gives the recipient time to ponder how they really feel before responding.

          2 users thanked author for this post.
          • #506263
            Andrea Hopkins
            Lady
            Registered On: December 24, 2020
            Topics: 9
            Replies: 81
            Has thanked: 204 times
            Been thanked: 503 times

            That is a really good idea, thank you so much, and sorry if it seemed I was angry, I’ve had way past my limit of energy drinks today.

            1 user thanked author for this post.
    • #506093
      Angela Booth
      Lady
      Registered On: August 1, 2020
      Topics: 3
      Replies: 212
      Has thanked: 207 times
      Been thanked: 961 times

      In your profile you say you have come out to your Ex and 10 year old daughter. It seems that you have already taken the path. It seems a level of acceptance there.

      Your father and brother have views but it may be different towards you. If they love you as part of the family they could accept it. Whether they embrace it or want anything to do with the dressing is another matter.

      From the brief explanation you give it seems that your dressing is at a stage where you want to progress further. Live full time perhaps which means the family would have to know.

      From my own experience the starting point is that you know where you are going with the dressing and comfortable in your mind. There is no easy way to tell some one but having told an Ex is experience you have.

      If you feel the need then just tell them like you did your ex. 

      I hope it goes well.

       

      • #506188
        Andrea Hopkins
        Lady
        Registered On: December 24, 2020
        Topics: 9
        Replies: 81
        Has thanked: 204 times
        Been thanked: 503 times

        My Ex wife was a little different, I knew she was ok with it before I told her, she had made a few comments at work. However my brother is the super macho type. My Dad is the wild card. I think I will wait until the time is right and just test the water, like I have with just about everyone I have told. I don’t know why telling them gives me so much anxiety. Before my Mom passed I hadn’t spoken to anyone in my family for at the shortest 3 years.

        3 users thanked author for this post.
      • #506148
        Jeannie Jones
        Duchess
        Registered On: October 9, 2020
        Topics: 11
        Replies: 554
        Has thanked: 1655 times
        Been thanked: 1935 times

        My ex once told me when we were married that she would be accepting of our son being a cd if he was but she had a hard time letting her hubby go passed the panty stage.

        2 users thanked author for this post.
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