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Hi my name is Kandace,
I made a vow to myself that 2023 is going to be the year I tell my wife I crossdress. I need to so very much so for I’ve been living with this for over 50 years and as I get older I need to know I can dress more often. My bio tells my story and I’m hoping I can get some guidance, direction, opinions from those who have been thru both the good and the bad conversations.
I look so very much to future help and friendships and thank everyone in advance for their time.
Sincerely,
Kandace
Hiya, Kandace; I read your bio… SHE ALREADY KNOWS! There’s no way of “telling her” – just outright ask her what stockings she thinks would look good with that mini skirt you undoubtedly have stowed away in the back of your cupboard! Do it very “matter of fact” – I can pretty much guarantee that she will not bat an eyelid and will tell you that the black, lacey top holdups will look fantastic! You have nothing to worry about; just go for it! Holly XXX
I agree, she already knows. You have dressed i front of her many times already and she has accepted it. It is like the elephant in the room. Have the conversation thanking her to allow you to dress and tell her how much you like it and ask her how she feels about it. If she had issues, she woudl haev said more than a “raccoon eyes” comment or why are you dressing or any other potentially negative response.
Keep us posted
Thanks so much Leah, I agree with everyone and deep down inside I believe she knows and not because that’s what I want to believe, I am just so damn scared to start the conversation. I’ve thought of settling with a good bottle of wine in hopes I get tipsy and this will give me the courage to start the conversation. I thank you so much for your time and thoughts about my situation, it really means a lot especially being the new girl to block here!
Sincerely,
Kandace
I agree, she already knows. BUT what exactly does she know/ think about all this. You have already had a couple of great opportunities to tell her, you just need to suck it up and do it.
Maybe you can pick a time when you know she will be willing to listen to your story. Maybe show her some pictures of yourself and communicate how much you love presenting as a woman. Be prepared to answer all the normal questions.
Good luck. CassieKandace I agree with others she definitely knows. I also have told myself this is the year I tell my wife about my Crossdressing we have been married over 40 years she is a very smart observant lady so I’m sure she has her suspicions. I look forward to hearing how the talk goes for you any advise you or others have is greatly appreciated. Good luck!
Hi Kandace, I agree she probably knows something. All I can offer is what I would do which may or may not work for your situation. I wouldn’t take for granted what she knows or doesn’t know. The info in your bio is a good way to let her know how you got where you are . Including the instances with her that could help her associate with what your telling her. If it where me I would be careful not to place any expectations on her being involved unless she brings it up. Leave that up to her. Give her time to process the info that you are a cross dresser
Good luck, maybe you’ll be one of the lucky ones and she’ll dive right in and say get dressed we’re having a glass of wine or something. Just make sure whatever route you take you are addressing her concerns, needs, etc.RachelAnn
thanks so much for taking the time it is so very much appreciated. I agree with everyone I really believe deep down inside she knows and the several instances where I’ve “ presented “ she’s never had a negative or blow up moment but she is someone who likes to keep things inside ( maybe block out) that she may rather not discuss.. I don’t know I’m rambling now, but thanks again for the help
Kandace
My wife is similar, while we had the talk years ago, she takes a don’t ask don’t tell approach and if I’m being honest I’ve found she doesn’t think about it a half of a percentage as much as I do, lol. She doesn’t look down on it, but she doesn’t wish to be involved which is fine. We have guidelines like don’t go out in our immediate area, the kids don’t know, etc. nothing major. The bottom line for us is I’d rather have her in my life then push her involvement in something she isn’t comfortable with. She says dressing in cloths made for women once in a while is a pretty small blip in the roller coaster of marriage and life. Just thought I’d offer what we do that works for us, but everyone’s situation is different.
Hi Kandace. I have to agree from reading your Bio and the other comments that she already knows. Maybe not to the extent of how much you love dressing. I think she is waiting for you to bring it up. It is a conversation we all fear but I feel you have a very understanding wife. Just go slow and answer her questions as they arise. Keep the conversation going. Not all at once but over time. Good luck Kandace!!!! You are in a great place for support!!!
Hi Holly, me and my wife hsve SO much fun together, shes Brianna’s best freind, was a life changing move to tell her, best thing i EVER did, showed her a skirt i wore one Halloween, she didnt say much, then elaborated on how much i liked it, started wearing it around the house, then had the discussion, are you gay, bla, bla, told her my feelings about dressing up, then it snowballed from there, Brianna was born!!! Yay, now she buys me clothes, jewelry, scarfs, if your wife accepts one aspect, feel her out, go from there,, good luck, best wishes.
Xx
BriannaAfter reading your bio I am with the girls that think your wife knows and the common consensus is that you should go for it. If you can’t say the words then print off your profile and as the next dinner together ends pour a glass of wine for each of you and offer the words you used in your profile’ I have a gift for you and a surprise’ then hand it over.
Hello Before you talk to your wife, you have to be honest with yourself! What do you want from this? Do you just want to crossdress more and with her, do you want to become a full time woman or somewhere in-between? Are you just a crossdresser or do you have Gender dysphoria? You may all ready know the answer to that. If you’re unsure and need help with that then go see a therapist! It never hurts to talk with the pro’s. I did that and found out that I’m gender fluid!
When you are ready to talk with your wife be truthful and honest with her and give her time to absorb it all in and go from there! Society is starting to understand that there is more than just male and female! You wife may understand that also or maybe will have to talk to a therapist as well.
My wife of 33 years knows I wear panties and did not care. She works in the medical field so she understands what I’m going through. But I do believe there is a I had enough button in her and I don’t want to push it!
You should tell your wife everything as she has the right to know! I think getting caught would make it worse because she will wonder what else you are doing behind her back! People here thinks she already knows and maybe she has a blind eye for it! So she might say I know that already!
I wish you the best on this and hope everything comes out well and you are accepted for who you really are! Good luck BrendaKandace, I do not recall exactly how I actually introduced the topic, but I remember that in the pre-planning stage I was planning to say something like “that outfit looks so sexy on you, I would like to try it on and feel sexy too.” Not that we could share clothes because we are very different sizes. It was just meant to break the ice.
Best wishes with this, Kandace.
As others have suggested, you should first clarify and prioritize what you want in your own mind. When I say prioritize, understand that you may not get everything you want, but at least need to know what is most importantly you.
After you have reached some clarity, find a quiet time to sit down with you wife for conversation. Don’t try to spill everything at one time, just find an appropriate starting point and acknowledge what she already knows, that is you have enjoyed wearing womens clothing on the occassions she is fully aware of and that you would like to do it more often. Then see how the conversation(s) unfold.
Hi Kandace,
Everyone above is exactly right. I waited way to long for the right, the perfect moment. Dreamt about it for years. Then one day I walk in and my SO is looking at pictures of me she had found. She was shaken and confused and I felt horrible. Just simple pictures of trying to get my look right.
Thank goodness I didn’t deny or excuse. I just owned it.
After 250 years or a couple of weeks, whichever comes first, she finally wanted to talk. It was an amazing talk. And I realized what an amazing person I was with. We slowly, and I mean slowly, have started to work Kari into the relationship.
Take the leap, you all have to live the truth of your journey.
KariI agree about a good bottle of wine, but not to the point of being tipsy. Just a glass or two so you are both relaxed, and inhibitions are a little reduced. If you think she knows, then the battle is already won and you just need to discuss terms. Do not volunteer too much, at least not at first. She may know, not not to what extent. That can come out over time. Be honest offer to answer any and all questions and don’t lead the conversation once you have admitted your desires. She may want to know it all, or none of it…her choice.
As much as I want to discuss all aspects of my dressing with my wife, she has no great desire to talk about it and just accepts that I like to do it and is fine with it. I can wear what I want, with her and just keep it private at least when she is around. I would love to go out dressed with her, but I know she doesn’t’t want others to know, so I respect that to a point. She has never set limits, so I can and do go out dressed on my own. So, do tell her, be open and honest, and respect her feels, good or bad and take your time.
Thanks so much JJ for you caring response. It’s so very interesting and most helpful that many have suggested not offering up full details I’m very thankful for the input because all along I was thinking that’s what I would do, but with yours and others input taking it slowly makes so much more sense
Thsnks again
Kandace
I agree with everything that people have added. I to waited much to long to tell my wife. Don’t be surprised if your wife like mine is very upset and accuses you of lying to her. I have trouble understand how not telling someone something is lying? My wife was also very upset that I didn’t trust her enough to be honest with her and she just wouldn’t listen to my side. We had to visit a councilor to act as a middle person to help get the conversation started. It took some time and the acceptance is a journey, but if you love each other you can find a way to make it work. Best of luck
Omission is a subtle form of lying and I can understand why she would be upset. The bigger issue is the not trusting our wife enough to be open and honest about oneself. I simply told my wife how hard of a thing it is for us to understand, let alone telling others. I hope you two have worked it out. Goodluck
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Hi Kandace.
Good advice from all the girls here. After reading your bio I would say SHE KNOWS ALREADY! It seems its just your nerves getting in the way and we girls who have been there can understand how outing yourself is so difficult but I think you will be pleasantly surprised by her reaction. Good luck and go for it! Just take things slow and you will be so happy you did, a burden will be lifted and you can begin to let Kandace blossom.
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