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I recently had a weeklong visit from some family, my wife’s sister and her husband to be exact. They stayed at our house for 7 days (longest 7 days of not dressing in my life!) On the very first day my brother in law felt obligated to tell me a story about him spotting a “guy dressed as a woman”. He and his granddaughter were in line at Walmart when he spotted this person. I’ll try to quote his words as best as I can remember them.
“I saw this guy in front of us wearing a skirt and tights. I could tell he was wearing a wig and he had huge boobs. I almost said something to him because I was there with my grandaughter and that was something she shouldn’t have to see.”
I was floored by my brother in law’s ignorance! So much so that I couldn’t respond. I really didn’t think this type of intolerance still existed, but I guess it does. It made me sad and angry. He also took the opportunity a number of times during his visit to give his opinion on gay people (quite negative). His reaction and beliefs are the precise reason I hesitate to come out as TG to my family or my wife’s family.
I am extremely thankful to have this place and all the people here for the support and love that y’all give. I guess I just got a bit complacent with all the positive experiences I have had lately going out dressed. It’s a good reminder that not every one understands us and some will even be unkind in their ignorance.
Thanks for letting me vent!
Hi Emily
I hope you are ok, your brother in law needs to get a life. What a narrow minded bigot he is I think your right not to come out yet, what he doesn’t know won’t bother him.
Best Wishes
Sarah
xx
That’s always a bummer but I think this is fairly common (though not acceptable). Some people don’t get out much and anything outside of their understanding of the world is shocking to them. Education and exposure are how we can attempt to deal with people like that. If they have the capacity to think and reflect they will come around.
I had a different experience but in a similar vein with a friend recently who was complaining about certain groups he considered snowflakes and listed off a few types including “transgender” emphasized in a funny way like it wasn’t a real thing. I wanted to say that I’m transgender, but wasn’t ready for that. He’s a smart guy who cares about others, he just wasn’t thinking about his words.
Trans people often have to deal with their own internalized transphobia just to accept themselves. I think people who aren’t trans shouldn’t be expected to understand without some help. It’s going to be a long road for us. I really do think the younger generations are more accepting though. I hope your brother-in-law comes around eventually.
— Abbie 🥰
I’m sure you’ll be real quick to invite him back. Its truly unfortunate Emily that it still indeed does exist.
It might be worth using his exact example in your mind to come up with a non-combative response that you might put forward should it actually happen, hoping that its never needed.
Perhaps something to do with your belief in a persons freedom of speech and expression obviously being far more positive than his.
Olivia
Emily…
Ouch honey, that must have been such a LONG seven days for you…talk about being bought back down to earth with a bang. Sometimes complacency can creep in, especially if everything is going so well.
It is worth remembering that these people are still out there and to take care EVERY time you go out dressed…..
If you are unlucky enough to meet someone like that, it can really set you back……but it’s all the other trouble free trips that make going out so worthwhile…..and such a wonderful experience.
The bottom line is…we must not let the odd bigot ruin everything we are striving for…..stay strong!!
Grace x
Sad commentary on our society. Imagine if one of Jesus’ disciples spouted off like that – what would He have said? Probably not something in agreement. Sorry to go off on a tangent. It just makes me so ashamed to be in the same gene pool as them. And I’m sorry to insult a member of your extended family. Mine has been a lot the same. Maybe the reason I waited 40 years to even tell my wife.
Maybe someday people will get it – love God and love others…hard stop!
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Emily you are a MUCH classier lady than me. I believe my inner B would have come out and given very explicit directions to the door and what to not let it hit them in on the way out. I have little tolerance for little minds anymore.
🍷C Hi Sarah! Wow, I can relate, as I too have heard such bigoted statement. The good news is people’s attitudes are slowly changing and becoming more tolerate, especially our young people. I’m “out” to my wife, adult kids, select friends, and most neighbors. They have all been extremely and lovingly accepting.
That said, all across the country there are those in power that are pushing hateful ignorant and intolerant discriminatory laws against gays, and transgendered people, especially it seems towards transgendered youth. And of course within memory it was against the law to be CD in many places.
So I believe it is our duty to represent ourselves with dignity and show positive examples when out as our female selves. And that is in itself a reason all of us should live our lives with authenticity, of course while being safe and using good judgment.
Hugs,
Jules
🥰🌈👩Hi Emily, sorry about your family issues.
First, you need to show him one of those online videos of people seen at Walmart. I’m surprised he even still goes to one. Second, I’m always very suspicious of people who go out of their way, more than once to voice their opinion of something they don’t like. Normal, decent, and intelligent people may point out something once and then move on to more interesting things.
Brings up a memory I had. I used to deliver papers and when I’d be going house to house, if there was a dog, it would start barking long before I got there and long after I left. If there was a cat, it would glance my way and then go find something more interesting to do. Guess which was the more intelligent?
Anyway, I am also reminded of that old saying ‘methinks thou doest protest too much’. Makes me wonder just what your brother in law is really thinking when he has to go on and on about something he doesn’t like and why he has to continue convincing people of his outward stance. Maybe there’s something a little more going on that he doesn’t want anyone to suspect.
Hope you’re able to continue navigating safely through family landmines like that! Hugs, ChloeC
“Anyway, I am also reminded of that old saying ‘methinks thou doest protest too much’. Makes me wonder just what your brother in law is really thinking when he has to go on and on about something he doesn’t like and why he has to continue convincing people of his outward stance. Maybe there’s something a little more going on that he doesn’t want anyone to suspect.”
Hi Chloe, and Emily,
I think this must be true in a number of cases. Sadly though some people grow up in an environment where these ‘bare bones’ attitudes are not only tolerated, but encouraged. They just haven’t had the chance to think it through and probably never will as long as their allegiance to their peer group remains intact.
How to deal with it? To be honest, by keeping your head down when there’s absolutely nothing to be gained. But other times, a gentle nudge in the tolerance direction, or even a “what’s the big deal?” question reassures me that even if I’m not out, I’m publicly not accepting of what he’s spouting, and there’s one more person who doesn’t agree with him.
… or even something simpler, painful though it may be when family are involved, it might be better to see less of them!!!
Marti xxx
Something I have noticed happening in a ‘select’ portion of society, is that as we of the LGBTQ persuasion come out of our closets and are accepted by more people, the haters and persecutors are slipping into theirs.
They will generally keep their lopsided opinions quietly to themselves until they think they are amongst like-minded individuals. Their animosity, prejudice and general disdane for anything not ‘normal’ will simmer in the dark until the pressure releases. Then we can all see them for their true selves.
It will surprise you to see just who those people are when we had no prior clue.
PaulaF
So sorry to hear Emily! I am part way out of the closet. A few relatives and work keep me in. Sad commentary for our society. I have hope for some day that I can step out completely.
Sorry you had to deal with that, Emily. Unfortunately there are plenty of ignorant and intolerant people out there in the world. Things are slowly changing and people in the LGBTQ+ world are being more recognized, in a positive way, in the world but there will always be some who can’t accept those who aren’t “like them.”
Hope the week wasn’t too dispiriting. You always have the ladies here when you need us!
-Chloé
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