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  • #490549
    Paula1
    Participant
    Registered On: October 22, 2015
    Topics: 9
    Replies: 581
    Has thanked: 691 times
    Been thanked: 1410 times

    Hi Ladies, last night I come home after work, I have had the pink fog taking over for the past six to seven weeks wear I can not control how iI have been feeling, the dysphoria has been unbearable, with my wife and daughter being at home all the time I can not dress, so I have been under dressing with bra very small forms body suit under my drab clothes, Well last night I forgot to take out the forms when I arrived home, My wife standing straight in front of me, pushers her hand on my chest and freaks out, The first words that come out of her is WHAT ARE YOU DOING , then she said this is a deal breaker I can’t do this anymore, I know I have overstepped the boundaries, and just don’t know how to explain to my wife why I need to dress under my drab clothes. If it was only that simple. So this day of may I am feeling very Blue

    Thanks Ladies for listening

    Paula XX

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    • #491808
      Paula1
      Lady
      Registered On: October 22, 2015
      Topics: 9
      Replies: 581
      Has thanked: 691 times
      Been thanked: 1410 times

      Hi Ladies

      Thank you for all the support, This has settled down a bit with my wife, she has not said anything to me in the past few days, I also have been walking on eggshells to make sure that I don’t upset her any more. She has asked about see someone to talk to, the only thing about this is she is happy to bring it up but won’t follow through. any way just having a blue friday rant

       

      Hugs Paula

      4 users thanked author for this post.
    • #491284
      Laura Lovett
      Lady
      Registered On: March 26, 2020
      Topics: 16
      Replies: 1187
      Has thanked: 3828 times
      Been thanked: 5721 times

      “Deal breaker”?

      What deal?

      I hate that phrase, simply because I find it really confusing.

      I asked my wife why it was a “Deal breaker”, and which deal had been broken, as I did not remember signing up to such a deal.

      She couldn’t answer.

      As far as I am concerned, the deal is “For Better or worse”, etc.

      I think it’s an angry reaction, with a hint of attempted control, mostly over a situation that feels out of control – or, at least out of her current comfort zone – and nothing more.

      My wife is a self confessed control freak – but I am no mere trophy husband – I have so much more to offer than a “man”, so the conversion attempts continue, as gently but irrepressibly as possible.

      Sorry, but there are certain phrases that get to me that I hear all the time from wives, and that is one of them. I’m annoyed at the phrase, not your wife – she’s just dealing with it with the tools at her disposal – look after her, and good luck, honey!

      Love Laura

      • #491854
        Bettylou Cox
        Duchess
        Registered On: May 26, 2019
        Topics: 21
        Replies: 2217
        Has thanked: 4563 times
        Been thanked: 8151 times

        I’m with you, Laura. If you read the vows, the “deal” we all signed up for was: one man, one wife, one lifetime. Yes, I know doesn’t work out that way at least 50% of the time, but it WAS the promise. And a wardrobe choice is a silly reason to end a marriage.

        5 users thanked author for this post.
    • #491254
      Leah
      Baroness
      Registered On: June 13, 2018
      Topics: 3
      Replies: 246
      Has thanked: 3346 times
      Been thanked: 870 times

      Paula,

      I feel your pain and distress.  I don’t know if your wife knew from the beginning or what but, this is something that is in us and will not go away.  Life is too short for any person to not experience and try what they feel they need to do. In our situation, our need to dress will evolve over time.  It is sad that so many ladies will not have an open mind to it or respect our need/desire to dress up.

      At the end of the day, you need to do what is best for you.  You desire to dress will never go away, and you will never be able to stop dressing or desiring to dress. If that means you need to be without her..so be it. At lest then you can do as you want/desire without her judging you and making you feel guilty or shameful.

      Shame on her for doing that to you,   regardless of any agreement.  The agreement should haev been more like you can have options to dress as you need, she just will not be a part of it.  Women that take this stance in my opinion are selfish and do not care much for their partner’s happiness!!

    • #491253
      Effie Jayne
      Duchess
      Registered On: February 7, 2021
      Topics: 30
      Replies: 833
      Has thanked: 1631 times
      Been thanked: 2814 times

      🌸 I pray you and your spouse can work through this together 🦋

    • #491244
      Bridgette VonSmirff
      Lady
      Registered On: October 18, 2020
      Topics: 32
      Replies: 1040
      Has thanked: 14557 times
      Been thanked: 3904 times

      Oh, baby, I so feel for you. I feel your pain, or at least I can remember it. Shock, pain, dread, and worse all wrapped up. I hope and pray you’ll get through this together.

      Bridgette

      5 users thanked author for this post.
    • #491146
      Kimberly Bee
      Lady
      Registered On: August 11, 2020
      Topics: 1
      Replies: 44
      Has thanked: 594 times
      Been thanked: 163 times

      Hi Paula, my heart goes out to you & anyone else in this situation. I have the same problem with my wife. She knows about kimberley & CDH, but she’s 100% against it. We do chat quite often about my dressing. I too under dress while at work, my need to dress is getting stronger, like an itch that won’t go away. I can’t see my situation changing any time soon & it is putting pressure on our marriage.

      I do hope everything works out for you Paula & keep positive.

      Take care

    • #490809
      Stephanie Kennedy
      Princess
      Registered On: March 15, 2019
      Topics: 13
      Replies: 863
      Has thanked: 5594 times
      Been thanked: 3456 times

      Hi Paula Sorry for the both of you. I would take it seriously. Give her time to figure out what she meant when she said  ‘This is a deal breaker”It sounds like she had a deal or agreement with you and you broke the agreement. You said it your self you knew you crossed the boundary. Boundaries are set up for a reason. In our case its to preserve a marriage.There is not many woman out there that would put up or even deal with a man that wants to present himself as a female. If they do it is out of love. My wife found it cute and funny after many months of her being miserable trying to make sense of it all. She had many boundaries. One of them was breast forms. She just did not want to see her man with female looking breast. I think that is not unreasonable. I would not like to see her without breast. They certainly are a turn on for me. It was only when she seen me getting dressed getting ready for a CD meeting she said something does not look right with that outfit and she stuffed my empty bra with pantyhose and said there .I said your right and did not say anything else. If she only knew how excited I was but I said nothing . It was her idea. My wife did not want me to look bad when I was going out to the club. She feared so many bad things would happen to me if I were seen by the wrong people. Every woman is different. My experience has been if our SOs feel confidant that nothing is going to change in the relationship. She feels confidant there is no one or anything else interfering in the relationship including our cross dressing. She feels totally loved by you. Then she will get more involved if nothing else she does not her man to look stupid or get hurt. Woman take pride in the man they chose and will do anything to protect him. Just a thought to consider.

      Luv Stephanie

    • #490771
      Michelle Trott
      Duchess
      Registered On: April 7, 2021
      Topics: 1
      Replies: 206
      Has thanked: 374 times
      Been thanked: 877 times

      I am sorry Paula. I think a lot of us have felt the kind of pain you are suffering. I hope you can work thru this with your wife. Keep your chin up. It is so hard to try to explain our desires to others. They can’t understand something they can’t relate to. Good Luck Honey.

    • #490764
      Jamie Kane
      Baroness
      Registered On: November 9, 2020
      Topics: 2
      Replies: 59
      Has thanked: 207 times
      Been thanked: 209 times

      I’m so sorry Paula. I hope you and your wife come to terms. The why’s, hows, and because of our dressing are difficult enough for us to grasp. It’s so much harder without support and or acceptance from a loved one. Somebody said “What doesn’t kill us makes us stronger” Well, we’re here and we support you. Hang in there.

      7 users thanked author for this post.
    • #490745
      Tina Q
      Lady
      Registered On: April 14, 2021
      Topics: 14
      Replies: 78
      Has thanked: 353 times
      Been thanked: 436 times

      Sometimes these ‘oops’ moments are a blessing in disguise. It may not feel like it right now but it is a means to open the discussion. I hope everything goes well. I hope the awkward inbetween time is short.

    • #490721
      JillianW
      Lady
      Registered On: October 13, 2019
      Topics: 6
      Replies: 143
      Has thanked: 285 times
      Been thanked: 550 times

      Hi Paula,
      I can only echo what the other girls are saying, they are all great ideas.
      How’s it going today? Any better? I hope so!
      All the girls at CDH are here for you, love you and support you. Reach out when you need us.

      Hugs
      Jillian

    • #490665
      Samantha Jo
      Lady
      Registered On: April 3, 2021
      Topics: 3
      Replies: 56
      Has thanked: 167 times
      Been thanked: 282 times

      Hi Paula

      I am really sorry to hear the situation you find yourself in and I hope that you and your wife can keep taking and find a solution where you are both happy and you can be the person you want to be.

      Take care

      Samantha x

    • #490661
      Grace Scarlett
      Baroness - Annual
      Registered On: February 16, 2021
      Topics: 85
      Replies: 1822
      Has thanked: 6507 times
      Been thanked: 10202 times

      Hi Paula.

      Firstly, I’m sorry for your dilemma, it sounds like you are at breaking point.

      Obviously a time for talking, as others have said……  but this type of call for help comes up so often on cdh that one thing always goes through my mind….

      Have you ever thought about introducing your wife to CDH.???.

      yes, I know that maybe it sounds silly, but if she could see some of the articles and posts on here, it may help her to see more clearly exactly what you are going through……and also that she is by no means….alone.

      Just my thoughts…..grace xx

      • #490754
        Katie Time
        Duchess
        Registered On: April 3, 2021
        Topics: 24
        Replies: 179
        Has thanked: 1216 times
        Been thanked: 981 times

        Grace thank you I said that very thing to my wife last week. But I think she’s afraid of opening that door for whatever reason. I feel her pain, I think she thinks its just going to go away, that I’ll get tired of it.  NOT. 💕💋 Katie

        5 users thanked author for this post.
    • #490658
      Genevïéve
      Lady
      Registered On: July 28, 2020
      Topics: 30
      Replies: 1343
      Has thanked: 11453 times
      Been thanked: 5540 times

      Hi Paula…

      Your wife has known of your feminine side and that you have a desire to dress for quite a while… why is it that she reacted so harshly to your forms ?

      Gen ❤

    • #490650
      Lea
      Lady
      Registered On: March 23, 2016
      Topics: 66
      Replies: 217
      Has thanked: 227 times
      Been thanked: 842 times

      This post has many angles. Underdressing is such a persomal thing. Do we need our wife’s permission on our underwear choice, I hope not. It’s not meant to be seen.

      Pushing your chest, how did that even start. I would never push my wife’s chest, those are intimate parts.

      Sorry, cheer up!

       

    • #490605
      Polly Stewart
      Lady
      Registered On: January 2, 2021
      Topics: 13
      Replies: 957
      Has thanked: 1361 times
      Been thanked: 3309 times

      So sorry for you! Keep chin up sweetheart… if this wasn’t meant to be then it wasn’t. Just be patient and talk, talk and talk some more. Maybe your daughter is more comfortable with the situation?

      Bless you, Polly 💕🌹🌷

    • #490604
      Stephanie Roberts
      Princess
      Registered On: May 20, 2020
      Topics: 8
      Replies: 643
      Has thanked: 5505 times
      Been thanked: 2347 times

      I’m so sorry to hear that Paula. May you and your wife be able to sort this out.
      Big hugs, Stephanie 💖

    • #490589
      Robyn Drake
      Duchess
      Registered On: March 19, 2019
      Topics: 52
      Replies: 375
      Has thanked: 495 times
      Been thanked: 1077 times

      Paula, will your wife go to counseling with you?

    • #490575
      Donna
      Lady
      Registered On: January 17, 2021
      Topics: 81
      Replies: 1071
      Has thanked: 7265 times
      Been thanked: 3943 times

      So sorry Paula Do hope you and wife keep communication going the key to success. Possible little yen and yang.

      Big hugs

      Donna

       

      Oh maybe let her look at the different posts on CDH.

    • #490572
      Sandy Jayson
      Duchess
      Registered On: September 29, 2019
      Topics: 23
      Replies: 531
      Has thanked: 1082 times
      Been thanked: 2436 times

      Paula, feel so sorry for you!! I agree with Katie that we don’t understand the desire or need to dress. Hope you can let the wife cool down then let her know how much you love her but how the desire/need to crossdress just gets so overwelming. IF you could get across to her that you are scared and worried to where it might leed and you could use her help in sorting this out.
      . I hope this helps. We are all here to listen and help where we can.
      . . Sandy

    • #490562
      Katie Time
      Duchess
      Registered On: April 3, 2021
      Topics: 24
      Replies: 179
      Has thanked: 1216 times
      Been thanked: 981 times

      My heart is aching for you, I was in that very situation last week, with the bra strap showing at the shoulder. Have could they understand what we ourselves can barely wrap our heads around. Every day it’s like stepping on eggshells. Not really knowing how she’s going to react on any given day. I truly hope you can work through this, they don’t know how much we need their support in this.  Big hugs 💕 Katie

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