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Ladies I need your help as you can see by my profile I’m relatively new here but so appreciative of all the support so far, you woman are wonderful. I need you help/ suggestions. I feel I need to tell my wife about my dressing, I would bet anything she knows but not positive. My story is in the intro section and I don’t want to impose on anyone but if you have time to read and offer me any suggestions please let me know. I’ve already had one suggestion so far ( thanks) but would love more.
Hugs and Kisses Always
Candace
Candace – your story sounds familiar, like perhaps I lived it. I told my wonderful wife after about 20 years. Although – like you – she suspected. At first she thought it was a fad that would pass, then feared I was gay or wanted to transition. I assured her not so just wanted to express my feminine self by dressing. She was noticeably irritated whenever I dressed, and forbid me to go outside the home. Of course, I cheated and did go out whenever I had the chance. A few years ago we reached compromise where I can dress whenever I want within reason (knowing she doesn’t want to see me), and don’t go out of the house. Over time she has become more used to seeing me and we quite often have normal days while I am en femme. I just don’t push the envelope too far.
My advice to you – tell her and the sooner the better.
Good luck.
Elaine
Thanks so much for the suggestion. If I may ask was there something she said that led you to believe she suspected? I don’t mean to pry, but want to see if there are any similarities that have led me to believe she really does suspect/ know. Thanks again, you are a doll for responding so quickly!
Hugs and Kisses Always
Candace
I don’t really know if I am rather best one to advise anyone. I am lucky in that my wife not only knows but has helped me go from real simple beginnings to full crossdressing. A thought I had was fro when my wife and I were talking about men wearing heels. It seems like the biggest push is to get guys into the inch stelletos. There seems to be no reasonable step between the extremes.
What if, while in your wife’s presence you limited what you did until she got used to it. Say, coloured nail polish. Once she was used to that, you could add wearing pumps with jeans in the house everyday until it again becomes no big deal, it’s just him. Eventually she would be used to you wearing full femme without it being thrust upon her all at once.it is just a thought.
My wife knew of my general fascination of lingerie for “her” prior to marriage. Eventually I bought basic panties for my self and claimed that they were more comfortable, which they are. She thought not much about them and felt it was fairly harmless as long as the styles were not too crazy. After 10 years of marriage I pushed the issue with her a little more by “playfully” trying one of her camisoles with the intent to dip my toe in the water to see how she might respond and if she’d allow it to progress more. It was shut down immediately. So I dressed in private and in fear.
This was the way it stood for 20 years of marriage until an overwhelming feeling of guilt, deceit and repressed desire made me come clean. I did not want my wife to stumble upon my stash and activities and misinterpret who or what it was about. I needed to be proactive and control the message, not to manipulate it but present it clearly and constructively. It was a BIG risk and it may have been the end of our marriage and family but I could not hide it anymore out of my love for her and wanting to be truthful to her and myself. I weighed the risk and told her.
I confessed to her by writing an 8 page double-sided letter outlining everything about my past present and potential future. Prior to that I read a lot of articles, blogs, personal stories and suggestions from people such as on CDH to try to start to resolve my internal conflict. I could not be truthful with her until I was truthful with myself. I am not a confident writer but the exercise of writing the letter over a few months helped me understand my inner thoughts and feelings and what I hoped for going forward.
I gave her the letter at a time that was appropriate. It was on a weekend after she showered and we were ready to go to bed but enough time to talk. She read it in my presence and it went “well”. Afterwards she hugged me and was more concerned about my mental state and my pent up anxiety and fear of telling her than the content of the letter. Crisis averted and weight lifted off my shoulders. My biggest fear, besides the end of our marriage, was that if she did not run away that this new information would somehow be piled onto HER shoulders and make life awkward for HER. There was no way to know until I told her. Reading the letter gave her a better understanding from which to ask questions, have open discussions going forward and possibly seek out a counselor or therapist.
This is not to say that I am completely free to frolic around the house in whatever I desire but she knows I need my private time. And if she were to find an article of clothing in our room, accidentally in the laundry or an accessory she would not freak out. The key is an open and meaningful conversation. Just be prepared to have confusion, awkwardness, lots of questions and some tears…good and bad. Good luck.
Candace – why did she suspect I was CD? I liked to body shave, I preferred men’s thong underwear, and I wore pantyhose as long underwear to run and play golf. When I would go on business travel she would hide some of her undies in my luggage so as to keep the fire going so to speak, then asked if I wore them. At first I lied then finally admitted. So it was no surprise to her when I finally came out.
Reagards,
Elaine
I have met several girls like us who have told the wife. Sadly many of those relationships came to an end. Then there has been some where the wife was trying to understand and talk to me and other girls like me. Then there was fewer still where there was a new aspect to their relationship and they had fun with it.
My wife met Patty early in out relationship and they became girlfriends. I wish you well Candace. I hope your outcome is like my last example.
Candace
I took the time to read your entire story. Thank you so much for sharing it with us!! *HUGS*
At least it sounds to me that Candace can no longer hide, nor does she want to hide.
I commented to another forum on steps needed for confessing to our wives…
Preparation is huge. You know your wife best. So decide whether a sit down face-to-face is best, or like @Jamie Taal did, write a detailed letter. A letter is a good idea if nerves will have you stuttering to say the right thing.
The hard part which you kind of eluded to is the “negative.” You should prepare yourself for the worst…which means be prepared for the “get out” or “I want a d..!” I certainly wish you the best, but prepare for the worst. Its a key point, because if you cannot accept divorce and/or being on your own, then you may not be ready. If you are ready and prepared then nice deep breaths, its a huge deal, we all know.
Respect her decisions and move forward
Just know that your not totally alone. There’s plenty of girls here more than willing to listen and help.
Wish you the very best
xo – Robyn
I’d first start to prepare her intuition. Make small “public” changes. (By public I don’t mean going about outside the house – but rather within the marriage.)
It could be wearing clear nail polish. Shaving. Using some forms of non obstrusive makeup. (Bb cream. Moisturizers. Concealer.) Make it part of your obvious toiletries. In winter times, tights and pantyhose. (Ensure they are everyday conservative wear, and not sexy / slutty.) Winter time you can use the excuse its for added warmth. Or support for your legs. Both which are “truthful” statements.
don’t
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