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I am interested to know if others feel the same as I do. I am gender dysphoric and would happily spend the rest of my life as the woman I should have been (putting aside all constraints such as family etc). However, in my head I’m a 30-something lithe 5’4″ brunette with longish hair and a stunning figure, but the reality couldn’t be further from the truth. Hence, even when I get the opportunity to dress, which isn’t very often, I struggle as to dress or not to dress. If I do indulge, then that overwhelming sense of actually being who I am just envelops me and I feel content. However, I know that when I look in the mirror I’ll be so disappointed by the woman looking back at me because the visual and the perception are completely different. I’m exercising and losing weight, looking after my skin and looking after me so that I can be the best woman I can be, but even when I reach my target weight, have a professional make-over, a perfect wig, wear the classiest outfit, etc, I know that the woman looking back at me in the mirror is not who I believe I am – it’ll still just be some guy in a frock. The dysphoria goes way beyond gender identity. Any thoughts?
Thanks
Rian x
Some of us take a long time to become comfortable with who we see in the mirror. I’ve never looked for the person I’d love to look like because, as you say, the imagination and reality can be very far apart.
Once we do accept who we are, and come to believe that we have every right to be who we want to be, the face in the mirror becomes easier to accept.
I can’t be the woman I used to imagine so now I just try to be the best ‘me’ I can be.
It’s not always an easy thing to do but it’s better than beating myself up over something I can’t change.
Well, I enjoy being a woman.
Fortunately I make a quite lovely and passable woman. So in a way I am the person I want to be.
I have become very feminine and pass very readily as a woman. Usually when out I am accepted as a woman. Have to watch voice and not to forget and start walking like a man.
So I am very comfortable being Martha.
I too would like to dress and live as a woman ( but no transitioning) full time.
So I am comfortable where I am at.
Oh my!
I think most of us know that feeling, some more than other simply due to our looks, size, voice … I have never shaved and will never forget the first time I wore opaque tights and pantyhose over them and put on a dress. I had always worn tights but the look with pantyhose was stunning. I actually looked like a woman’s legs. It has been many incremental things like that, nail polish, perfume, jewelry, the finishing touches so to speak. I’m mid 40s now and lets face it, most women do not look like the goal we have for ourselves to be beautiful. As I get older I don’t worry near as much as I did about passing because there are lots of women my age and older that are “not attractive”. I’m not sure how to word that without being rude. I find myself looking at women in public and thinking she could be a cd about lots of women especially as they get older.
I have the same disconnect of reality and imagined appearance. Like the other girls here, we have to learn to accept and be the best “me” possible. For me, I like my legs and the feel of hair on my shoulders. I love the feel of the clothes. When I pose in the mirror, I focus on those features and mask the face with my long hair. While in that state, I am very girly affectionate to my pets. I guess that is why I have not gone out in public., but will go out and be seen from a distance.
I have similar feelings, my physique is generally conducive to presenting as Kim, and with a little help from breast forms and hip pads I’m actually confident from the neck down I could pass…but neck up is a challenge…have to accept what we have and enjoy it!!
There will always be a disconnect between the ideal we wish we were and the person we really are. While ideals are fine as incentives to improve, they should not get in the way of reality. I do not pass very well at all, but this does not stop me from dressing up and presenting myself as best I can. I do not go out very often, but just dressing at home is a good way to express myself and relieve my gender anxiety.
Im six foot tall and down to a lower weight at 168lbs… yet I still have my shoulders and upper body mass. Exercise like crazy and working my lower body helps but completely understand not seeing how I feel in the mirror. I love my tights and leggings… so sitting crosslegged and looking down I feel wonderful but the disphoric missmatch in the mirror can be tough. I think we all have been there. Try to just focus on whats good excentuate that. Also remember your own bias can get in the way. We all look in the mirror constantly as “men” and have been doing so our whole lives. My first full makeup/wig experience I saw femme but I also just saw what I always do… my face.. So getting away from the critical mind is crucial. Take care~ Ohh Im new here. Im Michelle but also dont mind going by Rynn…
Dear Rian, don’t be so hard on yourself. There isn’t many perfect people in this world no matter what sex you’re looking at. If you’re comparing yourself to those pics of CD’s you see on the trash sites, I hate to tell you most of those are women with certain parts photoshopped onto them, if you get what I mean. Go on my profile and have a look at my pics, Jennifer Aniston I am not. Sorry I love her, she’s what I call naturally beautiful, but I like what I see and I like me. Just carry on what you’re doing and your skills will improve. Stand in front of that mirror and throw your hair back and maybe pucker up and smile with a bit too much lipstick on. Smile and enjoy being you. There’s only one you, just be the best you, you can be. Okay, I’ve rambled enough, when you get to know me you’ll see I have a tendency to ramble. You’ll see my name come up and think, oh no it’s Heather! I better go to the washroom and get a drink before I answer this. LOL See you’re smiling already. Take care, Heather.
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