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I first posted this way back when I had a different role here, but my sentiments remain the same.
“To friend, or not to friend, that is the question…” Okay, so Shakespeare didn’t really write it that way but I think the statement readily encapsulates a problem I have when we join on-line groups like this.
Throughout my life I have always been somewhat insular; partially because of the secret I carried and partially because I didn’t really make friends easily. Thus, whilst I had a wide circle of acquaintances I didn’t really have many people I would call ‘friends’ – people I could share confidences with, people I could trust implicitly. That situation persists today and the number of people I can call true friends I can count on both hands.
So where does that leave me, or indeed us, when we join sites like Crossdresser Heaven? There is often an initial euphoria when we discover others like us, people who’ve experienced some of the same pain, troubles or even joys. We feel close, a kindred spirit with each and every one yet, when we step back and view things from outside the pink fog, is the view that different from ‘real life’. I don’t believe it is.
To call someone my friend, and acknowledge them as such, I like to get to know them. Find out what makes them tick and as importantly, let them know my own ticks and tocks. In the harsh light of day perhaps I am not the sort of person they want to call a friend and I am quite okay with that. We are all individuals and friendships are special. We can all be friendly; I would actually expect that to be the case. Good manners and civility are the hallmarks of being a supportive site, but general friendliness doesn’t necessarily mean friendship, not the kind of friendship I’m talking about.
I am always happy to receive friendship requests but I like to know a bit about the person making the request. I am no trophy and don’t see myself as being simply part of a collection. I value friendships. If you want me to be a friend then that’s cool so I’d like to know more than just your name. I reckon that’s only fair.
All that said, you do not need to be my ‘friend’ for me to want to help, support and encourage you. Along the way I have made some wonderful friends on line after very tentative starts but I am willing to help anyone who needs it. That’s what being friendly means to me.
So, if I reject your friendship request please do not take it as a rejection of you, as an individual. If there was a ‘Not Just Yet’ button I’d click that one a lot more than ‘Reject’ so for now, until we get to know each other, ‘Reject’ really does mean ‘Not Just Yet’.
Hugs,
I agree with Jane on the “friends” bit. This is another word….like sale that is over-used.
To me a true friend is one who is willing to dig shrapnel out your your butt or suck the poison out of your butt when a rattler bites you. A true friend is one who sits by your side in the hospital, lend you money without asking why, one who drives half way cross the country when your in need. Most friends are just casual aquaintences whom personalley you just meet now and then. My favorite friend is one who hauls you out of the rice paddy when your out and down, and still runs to haul your busted ass from in front of the enemy and under-fire.
Lady Veronica
I’m so glad that approved snake bite treatment has come a long way from sucking out the poison, though I get your point. 😉
Here in the Antipodean Paradise we have an expression – “Mate”. It has a few meanings, but ‘mateship’ is a recognised Australian characteristic. It’s a strong understanding of the bonds between close friends. We have friends but then we have mates. The latter are special.
🙂
I too agree with you and I’m often leery of fried requests out of the blue. More often the not I reject them, especially if their profile is incomplete or non existent. Last thing I want is to be trolled, cat phished, etc.
I do agree that friendship entails a very definitive meaning, but what should it be call then? a contact request? a camaraderie request perhaps. It is really hard to establish a friendhip with anyone here. aside from a message here and there over time we forget or are forgotten. I rather sometimes just read the comments and some of the articles that come up to give me a sense of being accepted and not having the feeling that I am alone.
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