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  • #396284
    Celeste Starre
    Participant
    Registered On: June 26, 2018
    Topics: 26
    Replies: 606
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    I looked around the room. I saw a closet full of dresses,skirts,blouses,and nightgowns. I saw a vanity with make up and jewelry. I saw a shoe rack filled with high heels. I saw a dresser filled with bras,panties,stockings,and slips. I saw myself in the mirror wearing a pretty dress,full lingerie,high heels,make up,jewelry,and a wig. Then I thought back to when I was 12 years old wearing my mothers slip. If someone had said to that 12 year old boy that 60 years from now you will see what I now see I would have said that will never happen but that’s what happened.

    My point being that cross dressing is an escalating experience and never say never. OK,so you meet a woman,fall in love and want to get married. Do you tell her? What do you tell her? If you were like me you thought that this will change me and I won’t want to dress anymore. Of course that didn’t last so what now? I guess I could dress up in secret and not tell her and that will be enough. Of course it wasn’t so what now? Or maybe she caught you so what now? You tell her the truth and hope for the best. Perhaps she likes it and you live happily ever after. Perhaps she hates it and divorces you. Those are the two extremes. In the middle you make deals. The question is can you live up to the deal you made whatever it is? See the first sentence in this paragraph. You can be completely honest but it’s only the honesty of the moment and not necessarily the honesty of the future because YOU don’t know what that might be.

    I’ve known many cross dressers mostly over the last 25 years. One thing they all had in common is that their cross dressing changed over time. Some of them even went all the way with hormones and surgery. I even knew one that timidly showed up at “First Event” in ill fitting clothes filled with fear. Less than two years later she was a very pretty woman after hormones,facial feminization surgery and SRS. She was also divorced.

    What I’ve learned over the years is that probably cross dressers really should not get married because they really don’t know for sure where their cross dressing will lead them. If they do decide to marry they should tell their intended the truth as far as they know it. Finally for any woman thinking about marrying a cross dresser they should be aware that there is a possibility that some day their husband is going to want to transition into a woman. It’s not the norm but it does happen.

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    • #396656
      Patty Phose
      Participant
      Registered On: May 7, 2016
      Topics: 0
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      I had been dressing a lot for a couple of years before I met my wife. When I met her, I was wearing sheer to waist pantyhose with shorts shorts and platform wedges. When she showed up at my place and saw lots of women’s clothes lying about, I felt it wasn’t much of a stretch to tell her the clothes were mine. I enjoyed wearing them in the house and often went out in them for little drives, brief walks and even college parties. I know it sounds kind of silly but I enjoy it.

      She asked me to show her. I went in the bedroom and put on one of my favorite and sexiest outfits with makeup and everything. When I went walking out, she was stunned. She was amazed at how pretty and sexy I was. She liked it.

      I would often be dressed as Patty when she came over. She was very comfortable with it. Then one day she suggested we go out as girlfriends. She wanted to do some shopping and thought I might enjoy it too. I was reluctant. I had gone out in pantyhose, short shorts and platform wedges countless times and did lot of shopping in that attire. I was always nervous and often quite scared, but there was an excitement, thrill and rush about it that I couldn’t get from anything else. But going out fully en femme in a crowded public place was a whole new level. My going out was for drives in the car, getting out in what I felt were safe places and even running a few brief errands. But going to a mall or crowded stores was just beyond where I planned to go. I was not ready for the real world. Yes. I had gone to many college parties dressed and did walk from the car to the party, whether it was in a dorm or private house. But to me, even that wasn’t the real world.

      One Saturday afternoon, I decided to give it a try. I got all dressed up. we walked to the car and drove to the mall. I was bit nervous but I had walked from the house to the car and had gone driving around countless times. When we got to the mall and parked it was very crowded. I was scared to get out of the car. I opened the door for a few minutes. Then I got out and stood up. I looked around, No one seemed to be threatening. I grabbed my purse, shut the car door and we headed to the entrance. I was petrified. When I got to the entrance, my fear level went up even more. I was scared to go in. Once inside I was trapped. No escaping. I somehow made it inside. It seemed like wall to wall people. I looked around seeing if there was any reactions towards me. I did see some people looking our way. Did they see a pretty young girl and a guy in a dress, or two pretty, young and leggy girls? One thought frightened me the other excited.

      There didn’t seem to be any threats coming my way. I began to enjoy the excitement and thrill of being out as Patty. The we began looking at clothes. I began to get all excited about getting and wearing them. We tried on and bought a lot of great clothes that day. It was very exciting, a lot of fun with some moments of intense fear mixed in. After we were done for the day, I couldn’t wait to do it again.

      We often went shopping and we began going out as girlfriends. I would ask her if I should go out as Patty or my male self. She would tell me to do whatever I wanted. So I would be Patty most of the time. The after a while I stopped asking.

      I think it was good we got the Patty thing worked out early in our relationship and she got the chance to know Patty and become friends with her. I think for a thing like that to come out after so many years of a relationship, can be damaging. I’m glad we got it resolved early.

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    • #396597
      Bettylou Cox
      Participant
      Registered On: May 26, 2019
      Topics: 17
      Replies: 1494
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      IMO, if you try to keep any part of your life secret from your SO, sooner or later, you WILL be found out; and the consequences may be worse than if your had revealed all in the beginning.  This can be a real conundrum for those ladies like myself, overcome by the Pink Fog after many years of marriage (in my case, 50 years).    I could be certain she wouldn’t leave or kick me out; of our future relationship, not so much.  Twenty years ago, it would have probably been used as an excuse to dump me, had I not presented my case exactly right; but our love prevailed.  Even though she insists that it is wrong for a man to wear women’s clothing, she accepts Bettylou, and we have even gone out together three times in the past two months.  Lucky me; Blessed woman.

      Hugs,

      Bettylou

      5 users thanked author for this post.
    • #396547
      Bobbi
      Participant
      Registered On: September 13, 2018
      Topics: 26
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      Best to lay your cards down on the table sooner, rather than later.
      In the beginning, YOU hold all the aces. the more time that passes, the aces change hands, & you stand to lose much, if not all of the life you have built together.

      5 users thanked author for this post.
    • #396539
      Amy Myers
      Participant
      Registered On: February 11, 2019
      Topics: 15
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      Celeste, they are some extremely good points you make. The future is unknown to us all, no matter what, but the way this compulsion somehow takes us by the nose and leads us to who knows where?

      I too started at about 12, and if I were to take it as a starting point, I have just turned 67 today, which means 55 years!!!! Wow. However, for so long it was just an occasional thing. I never did the binge and purge along with the promises “Never again” which so many others have gone through, but I just gave it up, and didn’t really miss it. Then, as we all now know she comes back from who knows where, and the need to dress up is back, and usually more intense. This was how it went for most of my life.

      Then between 2-3 years ago I really really wanted to dress up more and more. So I bought my first mini skirt, and started wearing it around my private backyard, and OMG it was so wonderful! Then more and more clothes, most know what that’s like too!

      Last year was my breakout year, as I went from being quite closeted at the start of the year, to going out completely en femme to public places before the end of it.

      So that was a very scary transition, but not just for the obvious reasons. I worried about am I going to start to feel an overwhelming need to actually transition? I did not want to lose my wife. She is accepting and supportive of my dressing up, but to actually physically transition would be too far for her.

      At this time, I feel rather at peace with my dual gender nature. I am happy to be a guy some of the time, then I dress up and go out to present myself as female at other times.

      Certainly I’d love to dress up more, but this is a balance which I can live with. Though this thread begs the question, “Will I feel the same way next year”. All I can say is I don’t know, but I do hope so.

      Amy

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    • #396532
      Rachel Cross
      Participant
      Registered On: October 13, 2020
      Topics: 19
      Replies: 163
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      that is a good question. i see life in different stages. there is the kid stage where you have lots of friends. then you your independent stage where you move out and do your own thing. then you have your married stage where you start a family. then you have your divorce stage where you try to find your real self again. i havent gottin to the next stage yet so i dont know what that might be. but every stage of your life has one thing in common. thats you. its your journey and you chose your path. no one is going to follow you from the beginning to the end of your journey. its a long journey (not long enough) and there will be many changes. just hope you can look back and see all the improvements you made.

      3 users thanked author for this post.
    • #396485
      DeeAnn Hopings
      Participant
      Registered On: November 10, 2019
      Topics: 11
      Replies: 676
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      I think it is always better to be proactive rather than to be outed by someone or outing yourself by forgetting to remove tell-tale signs. Once you have been outed, it is almost impossible to get control of the narrative. At best it usually becomes damage control.

      By being proactive you get to choose the time, place and have time to think about what you are going to say. However, if shit blows up and you get outed, you are at the mercy of whatever comes next…

      6 users thanked author for this post.
    • #396356
      Kristen Smithly
      Participant
      Registered On: September 25, 2020
      Topics: 1
      Replies: 11
      Has thanked: 44 times
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      I am on my third and final marriage. I told all three when we were first dating. One was didn’t care at all what I wore, another was fine with it until she found religion in a ultra conservative church and told me one day the cross dressing had to stop or the marriage was over (this from a woman who gave me over half of my feminine items I had as gifts to me) And my last wife is okay with panties and nighties, but that’s it.

      5 users thanked author for this post.
    • #396348
      Laura Lovett
      Participant
      Registered On: March 26, 2020
      Topics: 8
      Replies: 412
      Has thanked: 1152 times
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      Whether ’tis nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune…

      It’s a personal choice, and, for me, became no choice.

      I am who I am – the 4 year old boy who started daydreaming about wearing girls clothes and became more upset about it the older he got.

      Why does it matter so much?

      It’s only clothing.

      That question is squared at people who want to do it as much as those who oppose it, and neither have the answers.

      My answer is self expression, a basic human right and need, under food and shelter.

      No-one has the right to dictate what you wear. But be sensible, girls 😃

      Live and let live.

      Love Laura

      I

    • #396328
      rebekka moore
      Participant
      Registered On: January 7, 2017
      Topics: 77
      Replies: 846
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      I respectfully disagree,

      I’m glad I got (am) married and have wonderful children.  I can’t imagine a life without them.  My crossdressing is my thing to deal with, and for others to accept or not.

      I don’t want to fully transition, but I can’t have the “best of both worlds” either.  Sexually I love the touch, feel and aroma’s of a woman.  But I’m very curious about men as well.  Not all men, very picky, but cannot really go there.

      It is tough the way things are, but right now I don’t want them another way, other than a little more acceptance perhaps.  But I cannot control how people will react.  That is those peoples decisions.

      Love and hugs,

      R

    • #396322
      Genevïéve
      Participant
      Registered On: July 28, 2020
      Topics: 5
      Replies: 243
      Has thanked: 2863 times
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      Married 30 years, but separated and living on my own… Still chill with the ex frequently. Finally told her a few months ago of my CDing. Have been CDing since early childhood.

      Surprisingly, she was okay with ‘Genevïeve’… however, she doesn’t want to meet ‘Gen’. She is okay with panties and nail polish… other than that, it’s on my ‘own time’.

      I’m just so relieved that it’s not a secret anymore.

      Gen 💋

      5 users thanked author for this post.
    • #396296
      Debbie Werner
      Participant
      Registered On: September 12, 2020
      Topics: 2
      Replies: 45
      Has thanked: 285 times
      Been thanked: 183 times

      I warned my SO 42 years ago when I proposed,so when I recently came our of the closet she didn’t take it too hard.

      Debbie

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