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I am going through a painful, drawn out divorce from my 3rd wife after 17 years together. Turns out she is a malignant covert narcissist. I didn’t even know such people existed until despite my best efforts I just could not accept the lie that was our relationship. I was a virtual slave for 14 years I realized. So now that I have escaped she is making the divorce as drawn out, painful an expensive as possible and is doing her best to ruin me financially, emotionally and in the community, going so far as to try to have me charged with a variety of charges. Thank heaven the police were not fooled.
I have started dressing and am really having fun with it. I bought my first pair of heels and when I put them on and saw them on my feet as I walked around the house doing my normal housework stuff I was thrilled and it was like a new world had opened up for me. I have been buying more stuff, now and my dress high heels and a pair of 2” pumps I wear for housework. I I live alone and find myself spending most of my day in heels and sexy underwear at the minimum.
She Introduced me to bisexual activities as part of her bringing other men into our lives.
I am not anywhere near ready to see other people intimately as I need to take time to get over this and heal from the trauma. Plus I would not want to bring anyone into the daily hell that she continues to do her best to inflict on me.
I say all that to say this… when I think of seeing someone intimately, I do not think of women, I think of men. It will be a long time before I see anyone but I am left wondering has the trauma made me so fearful of women that I am defensively thinking gay? Or would that be my thinking now even without the trauma? The last 7 years she only permitted me sex with men, never her, I think as part of her strategy to keep me bonded to her. Is this just a stage in dealing with the trauma or is this the new me? I am soooooooooo confused. Thanks for listening…
Hi Megan.
So sorry you are having to go through this. At least you are free of her and I hope you can get past this soon. Your sexual feelings will sort itself out in time and only you can decide what that is. Sorry I can’t offer any helpful advice but maybe you can talk to a therapist or someone you trust.
Hi Megan,
I think because of your rejection of your ex wife she seems to want to inflict as much damage on you as she can, what you have to think is by getting a divorce you are free of her and you can live the life you want now, I would leave it for awhile before getting back to dating just to let all the dust to settle, all i can say now is good luck for the future X
Hugs Rozalyn X 🎀
Megan,
I am sorry you are going through a difficult divorce. I am in the process of getting divorced from my wife of 36 years. Will be expensive for me too as I will have to pay her close to a half million dollars plus half my pension. I am never getting married again. I am not interested in men and I’m not sure I ever want to get involved with another woman. I guess right now I consider myself asexual. Sister, I feel your pain and I wish you luck.
Ketri
Dear Megan,
This sounds like an acutely painful time for you. I have no advice, but just hope and pray you will get through this time okay, and that you have friends who can support you through it.
With best wishes,
Helga
Megan,
I was Married to a Narcissist for over 30 yrs. When I finally decided to divorce her she outed me to just about everyone, including my mother and my children. I know the pain and confusion your dealing with. There is a great website called “Out of the Fog” with many resources for men and women who have been victims of a Narcissist.
feel free to private message me if you want to talk.
good luck sweetie!Natalie 💋💋💋
You need to grieve the pain and let your self heal
If you don’t allow yourself to heal and grive you will fall into the same vicious cycle I’m sure you find comfort when you crossdress and take care of yourself
I feel like it’s only a matter of time before I’m in your same situation. I think I’m clandestine enough, but I might be fooling myself. The main reason I’ve stayed married for the last few years is for healthcare. That need is going away. I hope you have good legal counsel that is qualified with today’s LGBTQ+ issues. I hope I can find the same.
Gwyn
Megan & Gwyneth
by my experience make sure your lawyer is aware that you believe your spouse is a narcissist, it is a big deal. Just as big as having a lawyer who is up on LGBTQ+ issues.
google the article “ 13 essential tips if your divorcing a narcissist” from Psychology Today. There’s a lot of psycho mambo jumbo at first but the 13 tips are right on.
my ex drug the divorce out for 4 years having every hearing possible. Thankfully she lost in each and every one.
expect a lot of bill shitNatalie💋💋💋💋
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Thank you. My attorney is very versed in the “alternate lifestyles” and was recommended by the couples /sex therapist my wife and I used to see. The therapist, knowing my wife and situation, said I need to be prepared for her to use every intimate knowledge against me and that she would be likely to fabricate stories as well. And that is exactly what is happening.[postquote quote=688144]
Us… she even made up a narrative that the mediator was being mean to her and stormed out of mediation. Thanks for the tip.My ex did on several visits.
Megan when my wife found out she did some of the same things. She did a good job of ruining me financially, socially, and even spiritually. I did some things to survive I am not at all proud of. If I can give you any advice, get through the divorce first to see where your life is. Then, go sloooooow when it comes to dating. There are few women I ever found interested in me as Dani, but there were a lot of men. Almost all weren’t worth more than a glance. There will be men willing to use you at a moment’s notice and would do so whether it hurt you or not. Please, go slow and use your head. Don’t let the loneliness lead you into bad decisions.
Thank you! I am going very slow… it has been about eight months since I Took my first steps, literally, lol, in the first pair of heels I bought last August. That started a series of events in a journey of self-discovery I could never have imagined. In the months since, I have discovered Megan., Who I have concluded, has been living in me for a very long time. I just wasn’t aware she was there and wanted to come out. (This can get strange really quick when I start talking in the third person about myself with another name but it’s not a psychosis. I’m just trying to express myself to you) Megan has flourished since I. Opened the door for her and got out of her way. In many long conversations with myself and other dressers, I have concluded from my rapid acceptance of her indicates she was bouncing around in my head for quite a while. Now that Megan is out and not out in the coming out sense, but out as in I recognize that part of me. I am much happier. I am find girlfriends as in gurl in the area to help me with my journey, and I am loving every step. Every day a new discovery. And so much fun, exploring all the girls stuff, makeup, wigs, clothes, frilly stuff, oh and shoes, of course! Thank you all for your support. It’s so wonderful.
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Megan, hi and thanks so much for sharing.
I was in a 20-year relationship with a total narcissist. In the beginning, he was very charming and had, what I thought were many wonderful qualities. By the end of the relationship, I was completely brain washed and didn’t trust any of my perceptions. In order to control me he questioned me on everything I did, and constantly criticized me and also controlled me financially.
Its been 8yrs now since I broke free – I have my independence now and I’m doing great.
I wish you the best and don’t forget the light at the end of the tunnel and to use the supports around you.
Eva
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