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  • #380465
    Bianca Everdene
    Registered On: April 11, 2017
    Topics: 22
    Replies: 720
    Has thanked: 2764 times
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    Hi everybody

    I was on chat a couple of night ago and the subject of ‘what are we?’ came up briefly.

    Many of us, and I am one, don’t really care for labels, they don’t upset me, I just don’t really care , I am me!!! a wonderful meld of feminine and masculine, sometimes Bianca takes over for a while and I go for a wonderful rollercoater of feminine clothes, make up, jewellery, emotions etc. Most of the time I am who I am supposed to be, a drab ( although pushing these boundaries🤣) responsible single father of two wonderful kids, a ‘male’ role model.

    Anyway back to the chat the other night. The subject of ‘Trans’ came up.

    Hope I don’t ruffle any feathers and apologise in advance if I do🥴

    My old male self always took Trans, the T in LGBT to mean people who were trapped in the wrong body, male or female, and have had, having, or wanting gender reassignment therapy/surgery etc. I fully support this and wish them well, and could see how they would come under the LGBT umbrella, being subject to persecution by some ignorant sections in society.

    Since joining this sight however my perception of the prefix trans has been muddied. I understand the membership here is reflective of society as a whole, some of us are transitioning to become female full time (my love and best wishes to you all), some are gay, some are bisexual, or pansexual, all fine by me. However there seems to be different interpretations of whether a heterosexual male who simply wishes to enjoy all the clothes, make up etc normally assigned to women, is Trans. It’s just a kind of wonderful hobby for me, makes me feel good inside. I don’t want to be a woman, just enjoy what they enjoy.

    I have read articles about multiple types of  ‘gender’ but I feel my gender is male, simple for me! Am I oversimplifying it?

    Some here think we do come under the ‘Trans’ umbrella, and that’s fine. There is now a ‘Q’ as well, at the end of LGBT.

    Am I ‘Q’? Any Star Trek TNG fans would love to be ‘Q’ ( inside joke😂).

    I would love to go to one of the Pride parades sometime. Both to express my inner Bianca freely, and to show support for everybody having the opportunity to express their inner self freely. Would that make me ‘T’ or even ‘Q’?

    What is Trans a prefix for, Transsexual, Transitioning, Transgender ?

    Sorry if I am appearing ignorant, not meaning to offend anybody, just trying to find out if I am alone having these thoughts, and what others think!


Viewing 18 reply threads
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    • #380932
      Diana W
      Registered On: July 9, 2020
      Topics: 14
      Replies: 252
      Has thanked: 1377 times
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      I have no plans or desire to tranition.  But I’m much more than a man who likes to wear women’s clothes.  I actually consider myself 60% (or maybe more) feminine.  I vastly prefer to wear women’s clothes and jewelry etc and I actually FEEl feminine pretty much all the time now.  I guess I’d consider myself trans.  I’m still 100% heterosexual and married to a wonderful understanding and supportive woman who is helping me flourish as Diana.

    • #380791
      Bianca Everdene
      Registered On: April 11, 2017
      Topics: 22
      Replies: 720
      Has thanked: 2764 times
      Been thanked: 2765 times

      Thanks for all your wonderful and interesting replies.

      Trans-on a journey between somewhere and somewhere else . Somewhere better, calmer, more floral, smoother, silkier, fragrant, sexier, more interesting, colourful, comfier, exciting, a truer picture of self expression…

      love you all.


      4 users thanked author for this post.
    • #380756
      Paula F
      Registered On: August 7, 2019
      Topics: 12
      Replies: 901
      Has thanked: 9164 times
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      My third, and final counselor, have come to an understanding about my status as I currently live:  I am Transgender but not in Transition.  My mind transitioned years ago, my plumbing has yet to do so.  My doctor and endocrinologist are happy with all of my post cancer tests and evals so far.  Two years, 2 months and 26 days, and I can be given the okay from the three of them, should my counselor and I agree that I would be happier to go through full transition, SRS, legal documentation and the whole 9 yards.

      I am happy now, as I am, no matter what label people put on me, trans, gay, queer, homo or whatever.  I am who I am, I live it, others can live with it.  Will I take that one step to remove certain ‘things’, I think so.  Will I have the other parts installed?  who knows.  At my age, post cancer and all, I don’t think having them would make a big difference.  But then again…never say never.


      PS.  I WILL have the legal documentation done for sure.

      • This reply was modified 6 months ago by Paula F.
      5 users thanked author for this post.
    • #380697
      Stephanie Kennedy
      Registered On: March 15, 2019
      Topics: 9
      Replies: 606
      Has thanked: 3789 times
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      Hi Bianca I think it is important to stop every once in a while just to take a snap shot in time so you can determine how we are viewed by society in general. When i was much younger “back in the dark ages” I had a special woman friend that called me her “IT’. Not because she was being mean or trying to be derogatory, She just did not know how best to describe us. She only knew i was not born with a female body but enjoyed dressing and acting like female. Maybe it is better that there be a label that best fits who we are at any given point in our lives. I believe it very fluid as I have changed  over the years. It does show me that society is at least trying to understand our very diverse community. I like the word TRANS for some reason. It is certainly much better than being considered a “IT”.

      Luv Stephanie

    • #380668
      Dawn Wyvern
      Registered On: February 23, 2019
      Topics: 5
      Replies: 239
      Has thanked: 227 times
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      Hi all

      In general, the use of ‘Trans’ differs in the US to the rest of the world.

      In the US its used most often to identify someone who wishes to transition, with crossdresser being someone who dresses in the clothes of the opposite gender. But on the whole, Transgender (Trans) is an umbrella term to cover all who have gender non-conformity.

      Psychologists and psychiatrists  first used to use the terms ‘transvestite’ and ‘Transexual’ as definitions since the 1920’s and 1930’s, however we have moved away from ‘medicalisation’ or ‘defiened illness’ of our identity with more relaxed usage. There are over 30 variations in gender identity which I know of, with Trans being the main umbrella term.

      According to a long-detailed definition by the WHO, ”Transgender people have a gender identity or gender expression that differs from their sex assigned at birth. (WHO, 2016)

      Also in another reference, the term ‘Transgender’, often shortened as ’Trans’, is also an umbrella term that covers a range of gender identities – such as –  (Oliven, 1974)

      • Trans includes people whose gender identity is the opposite of their assigned sex (Trans men and Trans women), it may include people who are not exclusively masculine or feminine (people who are non-binary genderqueer, or including bigender, pangender, genderfluid, or agender etc.).
      • Other definitions of transgender also include people who belong to a third gender, or categorise transgender people as a third gender. (WHO, 2016)
      • The term transgender may be defined to include transvestites, cross-dressers, drag queens and drag kings, and other forms of gender nonconformity.
      • Not all Transgender people wish to undergo surgery or take medication to develop secondary sexual characteristics, but may live in their preferred gender role.
      • Some transgender people who desire medical assistance to transition from one sex to another identify as ‘Transsexual’(Wikipedia, 2012)
      • Being transgender is independent of sexual orientation (Anon., 2013)
      • The term transgender is also distinguished from intersex, (OHCHR, 2015)

      Ive been writing some research up for a medial publication this month so have this to hand..

      Hope that helps



    • #380629
      Amy Myers
      Registered On: February 11, 2019
      Topics: 15
      Replies: 1200
      Has thanked: 3366 times
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      Despite the confusion about labels, I find a need to use them for myself, and not so much on others. That’s because I seem to want to know who I am, and perhaps where I belong. A bit silly I suppose, as like others have said I am ME, whatever mix of contradictions that might seem to be.

      When out en femme I sometimes use the term “trans” to describe myself, as when I’m dressed I believe I can correctly be a transwoman, but not trans sexual, as I have not had any physical changes to my body, nor do I expect to. I am mostly happy with me male body. Of course there are things I wish I could change, but a complete sex change is not one of them!

      The other term I think describes me is “Gender Fluid”. Sometimes I present as a female, other times, and that’s most of the time I present as a male. However all of the time I consider myself hetrosexual.

      So I do think labels have their use, as long we don’t get hung up on them, I’m this, but not that, kind of thing. Also recognize that the labels sometimes need to change, or get removed entirely as the case may be.


    • #380603
      Olivia Livin
      Registered On: October 22, 2018
      Topics: 43
      Replies: 1562
      Has thanked: 7414 times
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      Since I no longer present or feel and act as a traditional male would, I will allow the trans label to be used without a problem if in fact one feels the need to affix a category. I have no desire or intention of doing any medical alterations and enjoy the aspects that come from both the male and female in what I consider to be ME.

      Hugs to all, wherever you may fall on the spectrum



    • #380593
      Registered On:
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      Replies: 51
      Has thanked: 38 times
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      I say that there are 360 degrees to my personality and I enjoy all 360 of them. I love being a girl but most of the time I am a man.

    • #380578
      Stevie Steiner
      Registered On: June 11, 2020
      Topics: 43
      Replies: 987
      Has thanked: 4674 times
      Been thanked: 5101 times

      Oops.  I’m not in the wrong heaven, am I?  Now you’re freaking me out a bit. 🤯  I’ve met others here who I believe feel the same way, and I Like it here!

      Stevie (!)

      3 users thanked author for this post.
    • #380577
      Stevie Steiner
      Registered On: June 11, 2020
      Topics: 43
      Replies: 987
      Has thanked: 4674 times
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      Lord knows I loathe the divisiveness of labels, I am only trying to sort them all out so that I may answer questions accurately,  and I’m still not sure!

      From what I have learned in my time here is that I am, *I think* , a non transitioning transgender?   But I have already heard comments like, oh, so you’re a crossdresser.  And i think, no, not from what i have gleaned from the terminology.  I’m much more than that. I guess it does depend on who you ask, not a lot of consistency in opinion it seems.

      No matter, I am what I am and that’s all that I am.   And you know what?  I’m happy with that. 😊  ( tho I’d be happier with the correct t body, of course).



    • #380540
      Peggy Sue Williams
      Baroness - Annual
      Registered On: June 26, 2019
      Topics: 12
      Replies: 261
      Has thanked: 935 times
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      Put 100 members of CDH in a room, and you will probably get 100 different answers to your question.

      Tri-ESS tried dealing with this very issue for decades.  Most of their chapters ceased to exist, due to internal bickering over this issue.

      Why fret?  Be a girl, be happy!

      I can only speak for me.  I am a heterosexual man, a man who greatly enjoys presenting myself as a female one or two days a week.  I am my male self and my female self, one personality.  I love all things female.  I am still a man, when I am presenting as a female, but I endeavor to be a very convincing female, when cross dressed.  I have fun being a very convincing female.

      So what label is appropriate for me?  Who cares?

      I enjoy keeping company with other guys like me (before the virus).  We all dress and act as girls and have fun.  We call ourselves girls, when we are presenting as females.

      Hope this helps you some,


      Peggy Sue





    • #380536
      Bettylou Cox
      Registered On: May 26, 2019
      Topics: 18
      Replies: 1835
      Has thanked: 3389 times
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      Hi Bianca,

      The nice thing about opinions is that all are equally valid; i.e. they are subjective.  My opinion is that the T has two interpretations, highlighting the distinction between gender and sex.  Sex-wise, I’m a straight male, but I identify as a TG girl.  Can’t have surgery or hormones, but probably would if I could.  Yes, I enjoy shopping for, and wearing the pretty clothes, putting on makeup and painting my nails; but for me, it goes deeper than just enjoyment.  These things feel natural and “normal” for me, and comfortable in a way I can’t describe…sort of like a well-tailored suit (or should

      I say “dress”).   They feel like ME!   Some will insist I’m either  pretending or addled; I say we will have to agree to disagree.



    • #380533
      Managing Ambassador
      Registered On: January 21, 2018
      Topics: 430
      Replies: 1743
      Has thanked: 7665 times
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      Hi Bianca, having had such conversations with several others here & introspection over the past couple years…this is only my own personal feeling…made as simple as I can.

      1) gender and sexual orientation are two different topics

      2) understanding yourself as having a different gender from what your physical body portrays = that’s transgender

      3) being more or less dysphoric about that doesn’t make one more or less transgender…it just makes one more or less dysphoric.

      4) transition is intended as therapeutic treatment for dysphoria.  It’s not necessarily for everyone who can identify as trans

      5) how you feel about yourself in regards to all this is up to you.  You oughtn’t need permission from the medical establishment, legal system, or really anyone else…although, they may be helpful to talk to.

      Just my opinion, and trying to make it simple for the sake of this reply.  Its not always this clear cut in real life.


    • #380511
      Registered On:
      Topics: 58
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      Hi Bianca….I have similar feelings to you really….when in drab I guess I accept who I am and go about my normal day, regarding work etc….buy as grace I am a different personality if you like. As Kay says, “I am feminine down to the core” I do not want to be a woman physically, but I do want EVERYTHING else, and I do think of myself as female during this time…I am out and the drab man is in the closet…..hugs, Grace xx


    • #380496
      Christine Fun
      Registered On: August 24, 2020
      Topics: 3
      Replies: 16
      Has thanked: 98 times
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      Terms evolve fast and even faster in smaller groups.

      Meaning, what was may not be and it will continue to evolve at a faster rate. Dysphoria based on the cloths or your need for a fem look (just for fun or not) qualifies one as trans by some current scholar’s terms. However, if it is just for sex only, that may be more of a fetish; I’m not sure. I noticed the group that meets on the coast each year focus only on crossdressers and really do not want a person having transitional issues around clouding up the waters for people who just like dressing; that’s kind of cool.

      So, it really depends on what you belive at this moment; ya?

      5 users thanked author for this post.
    • #380491
      Registered On:
      Topics: 19
      Replies: 700
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      Let’s not forget Q from James Bond! Although who wouldn’t mind looking like the Bond girls!

      I consider myself trans. I will probably never have any surgeries. HRT is probably off the table for health reasons.

      I was a member at 2 other sites. At both sites, some of us were read the riot act by people who had fully transitioned including all the surgeries. So I am cautious when I say that I am trans! But for me it is much more than clothes, makeup and wigs. It is a feminine feeling down to the core that has always been there.

    • #380476
      Registered On: December 21, 2017
      Topics: 6
      Replies: 308
      Has thanked: 34 times
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      This is a difficult one to answer, mostly because many think of ‘Trans’ in different ways. If You Google ‘Trans’ you will get the definition that trans means transgender of transexual, so even a google search can’t make up it’s mind!  I personally believe I am somewhere on the ‘trans’ spectrum, so I would identify as trans even though I have no intention to transition. Obviously the word transvestite contains the word trans, and as the dictionary definition:  a transvestite often wear’s clothes designed for the opposite sex, that would be me. But I rarely describe my self as transvestite because of the connotations it has as a result of the way transvestites were  often portrayed in the media – the seedier end of life i.e. being involved in porn and prostitution, which is definitely not me! However I do think nowadays certainly in the UK the term ‘Trans’ has taken on a more acceptable meaning and is therefore understood, or at least accepted by the general population. Not that any of this really helps Bianca as there is no definitive definition of the term. At the end of the day the label means little, it’s the person inside that matters irrespective of what they choose to call themselves…………..

    • #380474
      Alexis Tresse
      Princess - Annual
      Registered On: March 27, 2020
      Topics: 0
      Replies: 88
      Has thanked: 1122 times
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      Hi, Bianca! You are not alone because my thoughts are the same as yours. LGBTQxyz seems to be mostly an umbrella term for people who get bullied by bigots who themselves may be jealously reacting to the same internal sensations we feel. T has always meant transgender but I think it now should denote transsexual. I sense strong hormonal flows internally that are physically real and that I can stimulate through CD … our pink fog, I think. When my sexually competent wife walked our earth I did not regularly feel those flows. Since I’m not dysphoric (yet?), I think I am left to consider myself as transgender to some degree of androgynous.

      To me the distinction is that transsexual individuals face far more difficulty in life than do mere crossdressers such as me and apparently you.

      Your photos on your profile pages are very cute.

    • #380472
      Celeste Starre
      Registered On: June 26, 2018
      Topics: 34
      Replies: 836
      Has thanked: 238 times
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      I would say it’s either transexual or transgender.  I always felt transgender was kind of a catch all term that included anyone questioning their gender while transexual is more specific to those who alter their body to match their gender.  There fore the T in LGBT would be “transgender”.

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