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I recently had the chance to reconnect with a old friend from High school. A group of us hung out together and were like brothers. We all knew that one of us we will call Dave was gay but never talked about it and it didn’t bother anyone either we were brothers.You have to remember things were different in the 80’s and you just didn’t talk about it. Every year for Halloween I would somehow find a way to make my costume so I could dress as a woman and enjoy my secret passion. Fast forwards 10yrs and here we set talking about old times and all the things we did. I don’t mean to offend anyone so I am sorry if I do. Our friend Dave passed away a couple years ago and we all took it pretty hard. I say to my friend I sure miss that Gay b****d. He was my best friend and the a***ole had to go and die. Lane turns to me and says “You know I am gay right” I told him that I always thought he was at least Bi but that I was never sure. He then asked if I still found ways to dress in girls clothes without making people question if I was gay. He laughed and told me that he never understood why I did when he knew I was straight. He said most of his friends that are Trans feel like. straight men crossdressing kinda take away from the work and suffering they have had to go through to become the person or gender they feel they really are. I had never thought about that aspect of it. I have always dressed because I liked the way the clothes feel and I think the female body is the greatest peices of art there is. It’s a thing I do to relax and take a break from the stress of my life. I never thought about how Trans or Gay crossdressers might think it as a derogatory act towards them. I hope that one day anyone anywhere in the world will be able to Dress/Act/live in anyway that makes the person happy with themselves and who they have become without being judged. We all deserve to be
I believe that creativity, self expression, self determination, claiming one’s power or rights is not a zero sum game. One person or group doing something good for themselves does not take something away from another group. That said, appropriation is a subtle issue that requires the examination of intent. If crossdressers intended to weaken the position of trans people, that would be a serious matter, but I don’t believe that is the case.
– Robyn
Interesting point of view, some of his friends have. Personally I think that the more men that choose to openly express themselves in a feminine light the more normal society will look at it. I think it would aid the LGBQT movement. Yes it shows differences between different dressers but that’s true in every community.
Look at the cycling community for example there’s roadies, mountain bikers, tourers and commuters. Those that prefer to wear lycra and shave there bodies, and those you are just as committed who prefer regular clothes. As a cyclist I don’t spurn anyone who rides, just wish more would use proper lights and safety equipment.
Love Trisha
I think that shows how far apart we still are, even for purple who are somewhere within LGBTQ+ Community. I do not understand how me dressing like a girl because that’s how I see myself in that moment takes away from anyone else. I cannot understand what I’m doing that takes anything away from what you/ they/whoever are doing. Like Robyn said, this isn’t a zero sum game. I have heard a few times that some in the gay community do feel that way though. Can anyone explain why,? I’d really like to understand it.
Bridgette doesn’t get it
Sadly the LGBTQ+ community is much more fractured in this respect then we would like it to be – more fractured than it should be. I’ve watched enough trans vs crossdresser things to see that. From what I have come to understand ( admittedly limited as it is ), many in the trans community look at crossdressers as a fetish hobby and as belittling and taking away from the seriousness of being a transgender person; giving the trans community a “bad name” sort to speak. And of course society just can’t help but fight amongst itself to start with. All very counterproductive in the long run in my opinion. We all – both my crossdressing and trans sisters here at CDH – manage to get along quite well, maybe everyone else should just try a bit harder. It is possible for people to get along with each other, you know.
….. just my opinion 🙂
Stevie
I haven’t met a single person in the LGBTQ+ community who isn’t understanding and supportive.
Our stories are the common link – we discover something about ourselves that the wider society has traditionally had issues with, and much of our journey is spent in dealing with this and trying to find some way of expressing it.
What we do is Drag, and Drag does not have to be an expression of sexuality, although that’s the most common way it’s portrayed, especially with the rise of Ru Paul.
Why do some of us want to dress even though we might be heterosexual?
Because we do.
Because we admire women so much, our role models are female rather than – or even as well as male, and we wish to express that admiration via imitation, perhaps.
From my experience, the LGBTQ+ community embraces us as sisters.
Love Laura
Thank you. I can’t believe how close to my own words what you wrote says. I am one were part of the reason for dressing is because I believe the female body is a work of art and am just fascinated by it. My first time crossdressing was in my early teens. I had been hanging out at a girlfriends house and she wanted to go swimming in their pool. I only had my jeans so she said here just wear these and threw me a pair of boycut type swim bottoms of hers. From that day on I was hooked.
I think you’ve hit on a very complicated issue here. Over the years I’ve befriended a number of trans women and even dated one, so perhaps more than most “outsiders” I relate to the myriad societal, emotional, and hormonal issues related to transitioning. I can understand how some can justify this sort of sentiment, and particularly in light of several recent and well-publicized (and paid) cases who shall remain nameless… yes, I can see how the issue of appropriation might be seriously considered.
Nevertheless, the LGBT community should know better than most the damage that can be caused by denying the self-expression of another. Crossdressing in itself is not a gender identity thing, it’s not an appropriation thing, it’s not something that most of us choose (at least initially). It just kind of happens. And to blame us for expressing that part of ourselves is, in my opinion, a sort of bigotry and hypocrisy that borders on heterophobia and does not belong in the community. As has been said so often in these forums: it’s just clothes, why should it matter?
Curiously, I’ve been put in the reverse position before. One running joke in the community (at least in my neck of the woods) goes as follows:
“What’s the difference between a crossdresser and a trans woman?”
“About two years.”I could have taken offense to this, I could have said they were belittling my way of life or trying to appropriate it. I chose to laugh it off, it’s funny in its own way. And really, doesn’t the world need more laughter?
Hi Erica I’m sorry to hear about your friend it’s hard when we lose some one we have known and grown up with,
The thing is i think your other friend is wrong when he says that you are taking something away from the LGBQ community when you dress up in your female attire, I’m like you I’m a man who likes to wear womens clothes nothing more nothing less, we are all individuals with individual tastes and shouldn’t be put into boxes and told this is your box and you have to stay in it,
Well enough of my rants it’s nice to meet you we are like one big happy family on here so come in and join the family xxxxx
Hugs Rozalyne x
Thank you. I do have to say that after we finished talking we both had a better understanding of each side. I personally am ashamed that at one time I had friends that were afraid to tell me or talk about the fact they were gay. I know I have grown and become better at understanding that everyone is different and no one should have to be afraid to just be themselves
Hi Erica we don’t really know people at all, one of my brothers is gay and we didn’t find out till the turn of the millennium, he was in the military i think he just went in to hide the fact that he was gay like a lot of guys did,
Hugs Rozalyne x
Erica,
I too have experienced a similar reaction, and I also don’t understand it. I prefer women’s wear, but do not mask that I am a man. As such, I have verbally attacked by those in the CD community. I am being true to who I am, that is all. Personally, I find such attacks to be hypothetical – how can one expect society to be accepting if one is not accepting of others who are different.
MacKenzie Alexandra
You know it’s pretty bad when we can’t even get along in our own community. I’m trans and I’m bisexual but I don’t look down to say your just playing around to get your jolleys, no. This community has gone through a lot to get to the point we can walk down the street and feel safe, never mind accepted. I’ve been told I’m not trans because I can’t transition fully due to medical reasons, well trust me in my mind and that’s the most important place I’m all Heather. Now, enough of this, we must help and support one another. We’ve still got enough people in the world who don’t like us never mind discriminating against ourselves and yes as it’s been mentioned I would say 99.9% of trans people start out as crossdressers. Crossdressing is definitely an evolutionary thing, most of us started with that pair of panties maybe some nylons and it progresses from there. It’s up to the individual as to when you say this is good for me.
Alright, I’m done, I’ll be quiet. Once again, big mouth Heather. Love to all.
Reading this post, the strongest emotion I felt was sadness. It wasn’t rooted in your loss (obviously that’s sad in itself) but because that’s how we’re seen. We don’t fit into ‘normal’ society and now we don’t fit into the LBGQT community either.
We all dress for different reasons – really good post on here recently – some because it feels good, some because they like the style women’s clothing offers, others beacuse, in our minds, we are women. So for me, just because I want to be able to drift between my two very real modes, causes me to be an outcast.
I just want to be loved and accepted 😢
Didi💋
I am yet to go out in the gay community, although it is only a matter of time. I am bi and crossdress, my best friend who is trans and I see as a sister is very supportive of me, but that’s almost expected. Dressing on the goth scene is almost a so what thing, goths have been gender bending for decades. So if what you are saying is true that there is an animosity towards CDs in the gay scene, then that deeply saddens me, whilst we are fighting amongst ourselves, the homophobes, transphobes and general bigots are winning. We should be standing strong together, supporting each other, it’s the only way to progress further than where we have got to. 🖤
I don’t see anything wrong with crossdressing simply for the sake of it. I don’t see that it takes anything away from trans gender people or minimizes them in any way. I’m trans. When this all started for me I thought I was just a crossdresser until I changed in other ways. Just be who you are. We need less judgement in this world.
Well said. I am straight but enjoy wearing nice ladies clothes especially the panties. Not trying to take anything away from anybody else regardless of the journey they are on.
I agree I am not trying to make light of anyone else journey in life. I just enjoy some pretend time and like the look and feel of female cloths. It doesn’t make me want to be with a man and I don’t want to transform to a female 100% of the time. If someone else does I will support them and just hope that they would understand and support me. My friend and I made alot of moves in the right direction and will always be there for each other
Erica, I for one have no problem at all with straight men who are CD also. Two of my long time (from the 90’s long time) CD friends I meet up with some are straight as a board with wives, children and grand children.
I did see one of them explain to an admirer once, that any further flirting or touching, accidental or otherwise, would fall under the legal area of “Assumption Of Risk” statutes.
To me, they are no different than any other sister, and that they are part of the vast majority of CD’s.
Enjoy what you do, know that other people’s opinions do not matter to what makes you happy.
PaulaF
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