- December 4, 2020 at 3:03 am #413984Felicitydee PlandresParticipantRegistered On: April 25, 2019Topics: 2Replies: 5Has thanked: 6 timesBeen thanked: 41 times
I tried hard to stop dressing. Believed it was a mental problem and didn’t want to have that. Stopped for about 12 months but that was that. I love it too much and feel good dressed as a woman. Unfortunately my wife hates it and so I do it secretly still and only go out in public when she is away and where no one will see me. I want to take my dressing further so something is going to give.
Total of 30 users thanked author for this post. Here are last 20 listed.
- December 6, 2020 at 12:22 pm #414992DeeAnn HopingsDuchessRegistered On: November 10, 2019Topics: 11Replies: 747Has thanked: 9 timesBeen thanked: 1966 times
To broaden this out a bit…
What is discussed here is precisely why Conversion Therapy doesn’t work and if often very harmful. You can’t change things that are innate to humans. When you try, there is often damage.
However we consider gender, as crossdressers or as transgender people, it is just part of us. When we try to deny that is when the trouble starts. It is not learned behavior…
- December 6, 2020 at 11:53 am #414978Jennifer HeelsLadyRegistered On: December 11, 2019Topics: 15Replies: 113Has thanked: 760 timesBeen thanked: 493 times
I’ve dressed on and off for years; bought and threw away hells, stockings, dresses, wigs, makeup, shoes, dresses, etc. only to one day buy it all again. To then one day burge once again. It is as if purging will cure me of CDing. It doesn’t, it won’t. It is what it is and accepting it is the only way of dealing with it.
- December 5, 2020 at 3:30 pm #414637ANDREA RAVENLadyRegistered On: December 21, 2017Topics: 6Replies: 301Has thanked: 29 timesBeen thanked: 644 times
The unfortunate truth is you will never be able to leave crossdressing behind and be completely happy. I know, I have tried and tried! I purged three times, heaven knows how much money I wasted, but I eventually learned to accept that this is part of me, part of my whole self. My male side would not be the person he is if it were not for the female within me, and in truth she would not be the person she is if it were not for the male within me. It can be very difficult to come to terms with this side of your life, and when you have it can be very difficult to communicate your need to your SO. Some, particularly with the younger generation are much more accepting, but not all by any means. You have t ofind a way to steer the course of your life and accommodate the will of others at the same time ensuring you have the time and space to be the person you want and need to be. It’s not easy and sadly for many impossible, but there can be a way if both sides agree to accept the differences, however I have not managed that yet, so although my SO does know it can be very difficult at times, particularly during lockdown. But you can get there and you can be happy, it just might take a little time……………………
- December 5, 2020 at 2:21 pm #414609Rachel McFaddenLadyRegistered On: November 13, 2020Topics: 2Replies: 60Has thanked: 111 timesBeen thanked: 363 times
As someone who is wrestling with the idea of coming out to my wife and planning how to deal with the potential fallout, you have my sympathies – I hope that the two of you manage to reach some sort of accommodation.
The purging, as many of the ladies here have said, is ultimately a pointless waste of time and money – you might be able to stop for a while, maybe even a really long time if life manages to keep you distracted sufficiently but the desire to dress will come back in the end. Acknowledging that this part of your life exists and is real seems to be the only hope.
I don’t think many around these parts will agree that what we do is a mental illness – although, I guess there’s a degree of partisanship in the audience 🙂
However, even if by some bizarre twisted logic the desire to be feminine and beautiful were some sort of illness, you’d have to say, it’s a damn harmless one – you spend your time and your money doing things that make you happy and contented. If we are truly surrounded by friends and family who love us, I would hope (and certainly do hope in my case) that they’d allow us that freedom of expression without piling on unnecessary shame and guilt.
- December 5, 2020 at 1:08 pm #414591Grace ScarlettBaroness - AnnualRegistered On: July 26, 2020Topics: 46Replies: 1304Has thanked: 6307 timesBeen thanked: 7421 times
- December 4, 2020 at 8:00 pm #414324Araminta PurdyLadyRegistered On: January 23, 2020Topics: 2Replies: 227Has thanked: 317 timesBeen thanked: 792 times
I am so sorry you have to go through this. I have no meaningful advice except to reassure you that you are nor crazy at least not for wanting to be feminine. I do not understand why anyone would think wanting to be feminine was pathological. What is wrong with being feminine? Is it because they think women are inferior?
Also, I am pretty sure this is not going away to try to be accepting of that and, while taking care of the considerations of others, do not allow your own state and condition to descend to intolerable despondence.
- December 4, 2020 at 6:24 pm #414294Robyn DevineDuchessRegistered On: October 24, 2020Topics: 13Replies: 515Has thanked: 1608 timesBeen thanked: 2207 times
Both Patty W. and Maria hit the nail on the head.
One should never EVER apologize for being their TRUE and AUTHENTIC self.
Hence why so many have had the vicious cycle of binge and purge. We try to hide it, try to deny, stop cold turkey and it will go away…WRONG!! It just comes back sooner or later even stronger.
Wanting to fulfill your wants and needs is NOT a crime. It’s also why sooner or later you have to have “The Talk.” Felicity wants to come out…she’s done being stuck in the closet.
- December 4, 2020 at 6:11 pm #414289Maria PinkDuchessRegistered On: October 18, 2020Topics: 3Replies: 91Has thanked: 166 timesBeen thanked: 361 times
I have learned over the years that quitting is easy I have done it hundreds of times…. it’s the not starting back that is hard. Denying who you are can cause more issues than letting yourself just be. Be true to yourself what ever you true self is.
- December 4, 2020 at 4:43 pm #414257Felicity D’AmorLadyRegistered On: July 16, 2020Topics: 1Replies: 37Has thanked: 43 timesBeen thanked: 127 times
hi felicity, in Spanish i will say “tocaya”, but i don know the word in English, “tocaya” is the person with same name by the way, but what i want to say is don’t worry girl, you are not alone, we are here for you if you need our shoulders to rest, to listen you and to hug from the distance, you are a fantastic person, please don’t doubt about it, believe in God, He knows the reason why we have this feeling, perhaps to understand better to women and make this world less rude and more happy hugs a lot felicity D´Amor
- December 4, 2020 at 1:53 pm #414193Laura LovettLadyRegistered On: March 26, 2020Topics: 12Replies: 757Has thanked: 2425 timesBeen thanked: 3681 times
- December 4, 2020 at 12:19 pm #414170
- December 4, 2020 at 11:59 am #414166Bettylou CoxDuchessRegistered On: May 26, 2019Topics: 17Replies: 1671Has thanked: 2957 timesBeen thanked: 5562 times
Been there, done that; but lucky me, my wife finally began to accept Bettylou after we had The Talk and I explained that this was just something I HAD to do. If you haven’t already done so, may I suggest you Talk and see if some sort of compromise is possible?
- December 4, 2020 at 10:08 am #414117LeahBaronessRegistered On: June 13, 2018Topics: 3Replies: 201Has thanked: 2621 timesBeen thanked: 628 times
As most of us will tell you, our desire/need to dress will never go away. If may ebb and flow but will always be there. Depending on your spouse/so and their support, your dressing may increase and change over the years. It has for me. It has been nice to fully dress for extended period of time as well as buy a clothes and accessories.
Sad to say that she cannot or will not accept this part of you. Good Luck and sty the course!
- December 4, 2020 at 8:09 am #414076Dani CDLadyRegistered On: September 10, 2020Topics: 2Replies: 54Has thanked: 248 timesBeen thanked: 242 times
Hi Felicitydee , you have our understanding as most of us girls have been in a similar situation. I am unable to dress at this current stage of my life but finding CDH has been my savior, the support of all the wonderful ladies on this site has stopped me feeling ashamed of who I really am and I am now proud to call myself Dani. My wife struggles with my cross dressing but in my situation honesty is the best policy ( hiding it didn’t work several times). Good luck and remember no matter what happens, us girls will be here for you. Dani👩🏻🔧
- December 4, 2020 at 7:11 am #414063patty williamsLadyRegistered On: January 19, 2019Topics: 64Replies: 1188Has thanked: 1927 timesBeen thanked: 4045 times
My dressing caused our marriage to be driven to the brink of Divorce.
Even then I had to be honest and tell my wife it is a part of me that I can not stop or eliminate.
It’s who we are girlfriend and I will not apologize for it any more.
Our feminine side is a beautiful part of us.
That requires no shame or apologies and it is not any kind of mental sickness.
- If any body has the sickness it’s those that won’t accept us for who we are.
- December 4, 2020 at 8:21 am #414083rebekka mooreLadyRegistered On: January 7, 2017Topics: 77Replies: 865Has thanked: 433 timesBeen thanked: 1745 times
So True Patty! We are not the ones that have something wrong with us! Felicitydee, you can’t stop, least in my experience.
It’s like having that horrible hangover (only better), and saying “I’ll never drink again!” It feels too good but more so than that, it is a part of who we are. It’s a part of our genetic makeup and you cannot stop that. Maybe for a period of time, but there is always a trigger that brings us back.
My wife does not like nor accept it either. I’ve found alternative methods of dress (which she still hates) but it satisfies my needs.
Hang in there dear, you will be fine! No, you ARE fine!
Love and Hugs,
- December 4, 2020 at 6:58 am #414058Cindy LouBaroness - AnnualRegistered On: November 18, 2020Topics: 9Replies: 412Has thanked: 1753 timesBeen thanked: 1880 times
Hasn’t almost every single person who has purged done so in an effort to stop? I mean I get the motivation to not get caught, but isn’t stopping usually not far behind? When you give up the notion of giving up dressing you’ll start to feel better, much better.
- December 4, 2020 at 6:23 am #414048stephanie plumbBaroness - AnnualRegistered On: November 17, 2018Topics: 116Replies: 1312Has thanked: 1912 timesBeen thanked: 5656 times
It is not a mental illness. Its perfectly normal! – for your gender identity.
The most likely explanation is that parts of your brain (which was female until weeks 6/7) were not masculinised due to a low level of testosterone in around week 8/9 of your development, so parts of your brain (which are thought to be responsible for our gender identity) are still wired more like a ciswomans than a mans. Explains it all doesn’t it?
I tried to stop – couldn’t. Ever tried to stop blinking? or breathing? Can’t. Hardwired.
My situation is virtually the same as yours, and I have learned to live with it. Being on CDH helps a lot by sharing my femininity with friends and other girls who are in the same situation. I don’t worry about being seen anymore because I am confident that my look makes me accepted as being female. I kept on pushing my boundaries until I realised that no one was paying me any attention. My next door neighbour jogged past me and didn’t make me – because he wasn’t expecting to see me as a woman.
- December 4, 2020 at 6:00 am #414034EmilyLadyRegistered On: April 30, 2016Topics: 19Replies: 726Has thanked: 3905 timesBeen thanked: 2251 times
I have been in the same place where I tried to stop. You are absolutely not alone in these feelings! I don’t believe I’ve ever made it more than a couple months before the need comes back, usually stronger than before. Fortunately I stopped purging clothes many years ago. That got a bit costly! I too have a non supportive spouse, so that makes it a bit more of a challenge and limits my time. I am now retired and my wife still works, so I do get most weekday mornings to be Emily. I have started going out dressed more and more lately. It fills the need. Sometimes for a walk on local trails, and sometimes shopping. Most other people are too busy and wrapped up in their own lives to pay much notice. Those that do, are most usually don’t say or do anything. Pick your outings carefully and you should not have any problems. Best of luck!
- December 4, 2020 at 5:12 am #414023
- December 4, 2020 at 4:42 am #414017Rachel CrossDuchessRegistered On: October 13, 2020Topics: 22Replies: 192Has thanked: 1153 timesBeen thanked: 1095 times
i think its in our blood. it was passed down for generations. did you know that in the pass all babies were dressed in dresses until they were about 4 years old. if you look at old pictures of babies you will find just about all look like girls. so some how it must be passed down to us. just something to think about. i read it some where. they had a picture of one of the presidents when he was little and he was wearing a dress. we also had a president that liked to wear womans clothes in private. i think it was president hover.
- December 4, 2020 at 7:24 am #414066Deborah SullivanDuchessRegistered On: February 27, 2020Topics: 1Replies: 451Has thanked: 1901 timesBeen thanked: 1681 times
- December 4, 2020 at 7:32 am #414068Cindy LouBaroness - AnnualRegistered On: November 18, 2020Topics: 9Replies: 412Has thanked: 1753 timesBeen thanked: 1880 times
There’s a photo out there somewhere of him all dolled up sitting in a living room with some unsavory looking men, think they were mobsters. There was also a rumor that the mob was helping him explore his fem side.
- December 4, 2020 at 4:11 am #414004Patty PhoseDuchessRegistered On: May 7, 2016Topics: 0Replies: 1494Has thanked: 1087 timesBeen thanked: 3826 times
I’ve been wearing stockings, pantyhose, heels and bras since I was 4. Unfortunately I didn’t have my own pantyhose, heels or bras in my size So I had to take what I could get. Unfortunately by the time I was 12, I outgrew the heels and bras. By 13 I outgrew the pantyhose.I began buying my own pantyhose but was only able to wear them with shorts or a shirt that looked like a short dress.
I longed for the day I would have heels in my size, pretty dresses and matching bra and panty sets. I used to look in magazines and department store catalogues just longing to have and wear all the pretty, lingerie, dresses, stockings and pantyhose.
When I was 17, I shaved my legs and began wearing pantyhose out with shorts. Soon after I bought a bunch of short girls’ shorts and began wearing them with my pantyhose. Then I had to have shoes. I had fallen in love with platform wedges and just had to have them. I went out in my pantyhose and short shorts to the store and tried on and bought bought 6 pairs. I went out shopping in that attire many times buying a lot more pantyhose and some more short shorts.
At 18, I got my own place and began buying and wearing all the pretty and wonderful clothes I dreamed of having for so long. I loved wearing them at home. then I decided, I’m going out dresses. That took a while and a lot of courage building but one evening I finally did it. It was filled wit moments of fear and terror but overall it was so exciting and such an incredible thrill.
I went fully dressed in very sexy attire to a college Halloween Party. I was very nervous at first but I ended up being a big hit. I also met other dressers who had their own parties and invited me to join them when they did. I did a lot of parting with them.
I had been dressing a lot for a couple of years when I met my wife. She showed up at my place a couple of weeks after we met. When she came in and saw women’s clothes lying about, she was not happy.I decided to explain to her they were mine. I enjoyed wearing them for fun and out to parties. She asked me to show her. I changed into one of my favorite and sexiest outfits and introduced her to Patty. She was shocked at how pretty and sexy I was and was amazed I didn’t look anything like my male self. Her and Patty became good friends and often went out together as girlfriends.
After college, the parties stopped, I began dressing less and less. Life was happening. My interests began going elsewhere. I dressed less and less. I began donating or discarding much of my clothes except for a few favorite items.
it was over 20 years later. The kids had grown and went out on their own. The house was quite and empty. My wife remarked at how it is like when we started. One day she was watching a show with Drag Queens. She asked me to take a look. “Remember when you used to do that?” “You should do it again. It was fun”.
I located my stash of my few favorite remaining clothing items. I was a amazed at how sexy they were. I had the nerve to wear these things. I tried to put them on. I was surprised at how much smaller I used to be. I could barely get the pantyhose on. The skirt waistband was very tight. I slipped into a pair of stiletto pumps. They were a bit tight, but surprisingly I could walk in them like I hadn’t worn them in maybe a few weeks. I walked out to show my wife. She laughed. “You need new clothes”. We went out and bought several get started items. A couple of pairs of shoes, a bunch more pantyhose, several bras and panties a few dresses, some makeup and a few costume wigs that looked pretty good and some foam breastforms.
I put on some of the clothes when we got home. I felt the thrills and excitement I had felt when I had been dressing. We became girlfriends again.
Then I learned of a lingerie shop with crossdressing clients. I went to see them. I met other dressers. We talked, dressed, got makeover together and encouraged each other. Some of us even went out. Then one of the others told me of Femme Fever. I went to one of their meetings. Loved it. Went to a party. Such great fun being out and meeting others.
I had longed to dress up in pretty things since I was 4. When I was able to do that years later, I was living dreams and fantasies. I loved it. There was a lot of fear and terrifying moments, but excitement and thrills I could not get form anything else.
Still after college and not dressing for over 20 years, I found not only didn’t I miss it as life was happening but didn’t even think abuot it much. Then my wife, drag queens and a suggestion to dress again got me going again.
I guess Patty was a dormant part of me for a long time. All it took to get her going again was putting on some pantyhose, heels and a skirt to feel those feelings again. So you may not be able to do away with your fem side forever.
I would suggest you get your thoughts together, decide which way you want to go and act on it, what ever that might be. Don’t let it dwell. Work your way through it.
- December 4, 2020 at 2:27 pm #414206Mika MaloneDuchess - AnnualRegistered On: November 11, 2020Topics: 26Replies: 553Has thanked: 1679 timesBeen thanked: 2195 times
Oh, Patty! I had already learned about your early years but hadn’t known the rest of your story. It’s absolutely fabulous!
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- December 5, 2020 at 7:41 am #414484
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