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Trusting your instincts!
Just under a month ago- I posted the forum topic “Coming Out The Sequel” (https://www.crossdresserheaven.com/forums/topic/coming-out-the-sequel/) where I told the story about telling one of my friends about Cynthia for the first time. This is a follow-up to that post. I had thought I had chosen well when considering who to tell..Needed to be someone understanding and kind and who could keep it to themselves-someone nonjudgmental and willing to learn about who I really am.(along with me!!:) ) And after the initial reaction, I was positive I had chosen successfully. She was the girlfriend of my friend who goes to all the football games with me, and she had been very accepting and positive toward me when I told her on the way home from New Orleans!
A day or two later, we spoke on the phone and texted a few times but the last time was on January 3! I kept trying to get a hold of her (or him) for the next three weeks-getting progressively more frantic. Now understand I KNEW both of them lead very busy lives and HE in particular always had full voicemail box and rarely checked his phone but SHE was usually very good about answering hen called and/or getting back EVENTUALLY even though it might be few days later I would try every few days but got no response! Zero! No email! No text! No voicemail! Each of my texts and messages got progressively more sad and self-deprecating. I figured that maybe after having had time to reflect more on m situation, she, or perhaps he, had reconsidered their opinions and decided it was just too much to deal with-that the friendship was not worth the hassle of dealing with something so anathema to society! I even said this in the messages-trying to give them “an out” to at least tell me of the rejection rather than being in limbo-not knowing what was going on. I even had told them I would stop calling or texting til I heard from them!
Then last week(About ten days ago I got a call from my friend and he an di talked about football as if nothing had happened. He didn’t mention my issues leaving me wondering whether she had said anything to him or not. I had THOUGHT she was going to as we had talked about her doing so, but then MAYBE she just didn’t. So I did not say anything either. I mentioned that I hadn’t heard from HER in a while, and he said she had been busy but he would tell her that I wanted to touch base with her ASAP. SO I waited and waited but NOTHING for another week or so.
Finally in desperation, (though I had promised I would stop bugging them) I felt led to try ONE LAST TIME so I sent the following text:
Are you guys upset with me? I know u don’t always check ur phone vm or texts all the time but I feel like you’re avoiding me,,if I upset you somehow I’m sorry-and if it’s bad enough that you don’t wanna talk to me then at least TELL me that-please? I hate being in limbo-i know yall are both really busy and I’m certainly not your only friends and prob not ur BEST friends but I thought we were close enough to not ignore each other-if I’m reading too much into the lack of communication I apologize but it has really hurt me and made me feel like I’m worthless-not even worthy of a call or text to say “leave us alone”..I don’t know…maybe ii am just being oversensitive-i just thought we’d had such a good time on the trip and then BAM nothing from Lauren after jan 3 and after a good talk with chris earlier this week I thought maybe I had been wrong but still nothing since then. I really like you guys and this lack of response hurts all the more because of that. Renewal time Is approaching for VT season tix and I wanted to ask if we were still on for next year? Anyway I apologize again if I misinterpreted anything-im just in a sad mood right now!! I love you guys!:
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At that point I was feeling about as low as I ever had, feeling rejected and alone! But then….I heard the telltale “ding of an incoming text message and got the below from the girl I had shared my inner most story to a few short weeks ago:- a friend I had just about written off (pardon the direct language but I did not want to change anything about it ):OH NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Not at all!! I am so sorry!! I am just a shitty
friend! I thought Chris had talked to you, I told him of our conversation
on the way home from New Orleans and he was fine with it (I knew he would
be). I thought he had actually spoken with you a few times also. With my
work schedule I haven’t been able to call, we have games 6 days a week and
I work at the restaurant on most Sundays. When I get home from work it is
usually around 1AM and I don’t want to call or text anyone that late.
I usually give Chris a hard time for “not keeping up with his phone like an
adult,” but this time I pulled a Chris. I ran out of my house in Lancaster
in a hurry Friday morning because I preferred to be snowed-in in Midlothian
and it started earlier than I expected. I ran out without my cell phone.
Chris does have his phone but he is at work. I borrowed my parents jetback
so at least I could get online. I’ve been snowed in since Friday with no
phone, internet, or cable…at least if I would have been snowed in in
Lancaster I would have been able to practice pool!
Please don’t be sad, I am just not a good friend and get so caught up with
school I abandon everyone else, Chis and my mother both yell at me for
that. 🙂
I only checked this email address because my password expired on my work
email so I ant get in and needed to email a few other ADs about
rescheduling games.
And I cant wait to go back to New Orleans!!!!!!!!!!!
Love you!!
Lauren——-
As I read the reply she had sent, tears streamed down my cheeks! I had NOT been wrong with my initial instincts! She and he WERE the wonderful people I had thought they were! It was ME who had not trusted my instincts and had I not felt led to try ONE more time, I might have lost the friends who I hope are the ones that help me realize who I am and love and accept me as that person! While the years flowed, I typed the following reply to her:Thank you soooooooo much!! You have NO idea how much that means to me!! And btw u can text/call me ANYTIME 24/7-i am up til 1 or 2am most nights anyway. I am almost crying with relief right now-i really thought yall had just thought more about it and decided I was just too weird! I should have known better and trusted my first instincts about yall-that you were kind goodhearted nonjudgmental people who I could trust with this information about me, please forgive me for doubting you:). If there is an email address or better text # that I can be sure u will see at least within a couple days please let me know and ill use that! I love u both and my day just got 100000% better by getting this message! God bless both of you!:)<3 hope to actually talk to you soon. Maybe we can play pool this weekend if ur in town-or just hangout! Thank you thank you again! Kevin
——
So what is the moral of this story? Why did I write this post? It is to remind each and every one of you to TRUST YOUR INSTINCTS! When you begin to doubt them, remember this story. I cannot promise you that everything will always work out for you as it did for me-but I CAN guarantee that you miss 100 % of the shots you don’t take! Also listen to that still small voice in your head! It is trying to tell you the right thing to do –you just have to do it! Please-please! Don’t ignore it! You have too much to lose and SO much to give to the community here!Love,
CynSo great Cyn, thanks for sharing.
I can only imaging the relief you felt to finally
hear from your friend that everything was indeed ok.
Hugs
Oh my goodness, that must have been absolute misery Cynthia! If it were me, I can assure you my mind would have been going absolutely wacky. I would have had the exact same thought process – “did I freak them out”, “why-oh-why did I tell them”, “do they think I am some sort of weirdo now”. Like you stated, it would be the not knowing that would drive me crazy. Reject me all you want, at least I know where we stand!
Glad to hear it all worked out in the end. Sounds like you have two pretty great friends in those two… all be they a bit phone lazy! Hugs!
<3 Lauren
Hello I’m so sorry about what happened. I New to this not told no one. I really need to talk to some one maybe we can be friends
A great story and lesson for everyone Cyn. Remember this lesson as unfortunately it will repeat itself as you continue to grow into you. Once we’ve faced one of our many fears (ie slowly coming out and sharing with friends/family, making that first public appearance, etc….) we realized that we were afraid for no reason. They are for sure hard lessons to learn sometimes and needlessly put ourselves in a tizzy, but 9 out of 10 times positive results occur. I’m super happy for you that this turned out to be one of the nine, yayyyyyy. 🙂
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