Unsure of my future as Kaylee

[Anonymous]

Hello,

As a lot of you may know, I go everywhere in my city and anywhere dressed. I have been thinking of HRT recently. Not to say that I’m going to do it, but if I decide to do it I feel like my family will not accept it.

First of all, one of my aunts (extended family names elude me) is not accepting of this. She said she has never questioned my sexuality, nor can she see me involving myself in feminine activities for the rest of my life.

It’s been close to a week now that my cousin has said that him and his father will discuss the issue of coming around, dressed full time at my family’s house around my great grandmother. I have yet to receive a reply. In fact, my cousin and myself are arguing at the moment over trivial things that we have argued about in the past, and he is also assuming that I do not have an interest in sports, nor does he care about my interest in sports anymore – in fact he thinks I don’t understand them.

Never in my life have I felt so distant from my family. In fact, I don’t think I will be going over for Christmas this year.

[Tami]

Kaylee,

Sadly this is a common occurance in the trans community, that we lose people from our lives because of who we are.  While things are changing it is happening slowly and there are many challenges as you know.  Employment, housing, health care to name a few of the biggies, in addition to public perception and attitudes.  Remember that the people in your life are transitioning as well and it will take time to really know if they are going to be there or gone.

Personally, my brother has basically disowned me, my dad and I do not talk (although that is not a huge change from the past lol) my relationship with my mom is strained to say the least and 2 of my 4 closest friends from my old life have dropped.  My marriage of 14 years is over.

Going into transition I owned 45% of a company which I believed protected my income stream.  Until the management team rebelled against working with a trans person and the majority owner forced me out.  It was only by threatening a federal lawsuit that would have burned everything and bankrupted the company that a reasonable settlement was reached.

HRT will not fix life issues, and in many ways life can be harder during transition.  However, because of transition I personally have found an inner peace and happiness with myself that outweighs everything that has been lost.  Doors may have closed and people gone, but new ones open and new friends come into your life.  Some of the people who initially reject you may come to accept you, and some who initially accept may fade away, you just never know.  Some of my friends who were the most ardent liberals could not handle being friends with a trans person and faded, and some who are the most conservative Ted Cruz types have been incredibly supportive.  My ex wife and I are now better friends than we ever were as spouses, and we talk all the time, though it has taken time for her to get here.  I have reconnected with an old college friend and we have been dating for a couple of months now.  It really has been interesting to experience.

A few things to do as you are working your way through the decision process regarding HRT:

1.  Work with an experienced gender therapist to help determine if this is right for you.  Do not rely on any old therapist as many do not have a clue, work with someone who knows what they are doing.  If you need a recommendation I can provide one for a therapist who will has 17 years of experience and does skype sessions

2.  Develop a support network, are there local or nearby trans support groups, meet people, add to your circle of support.

3.  Read and research, there are many wonderful support groups for trans people in all stages of transition on facebook, seek them out talk to people, learn from their experiences.  There is an excellent group centered around hormones only and there is a wealth of information there from the experiences of hundred of men and women who on HRT.

Take all of this information in and decide if HRT is the right decision for you.  Do not let fear freeze you into place, but be informed and know what you want to gain is versus what you risk losing.  Then you can comfortably reach the best decision for you.  Hope some of this helps.

Tami

[Stephanie Rigoni]

Hi Kaylee. I’m afraid that’s just the reality of us transgendered girls. It’s one thing to be a crossdresser in private–have your fun and be done with it. But that’s never been enough for me. I knew I always wanted more but wasn’t until I discovered this site that I learned why. I would love to transition, but it would also meaning losing a lot that means a lot to me. It’s going to be very tough to learn to balance my needs with my life–most importantly the needs of those I love. I suspect you are in a similar place. If you ever feel like a private chat, drop me a note next time we meet in the chat room. And remember, you are not alone. Hugs. Stephanie.

[Author]

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