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  • #631386
    Rayaa Sires
    Registered On: March 26, 2022
    Topics: 2
    Replies: 0
    Has thanked: 20 times
    Been thanked: 47 times

    Hi my names Justin, but when I dress up I consider myself Rayaa. All my life I’ve been living in the way society said I should as a biological man, and I’ve been extremely depressed because of it, to the point where I tried to take my own life. I felt like a disappointment to society, but after talking to a counselor I came to the realization that I’ve never been true to myself. I’ve been living the way others wanted me to and because of it I’ve suffered great  mental and emotional stress. So i took the plunge and tried living for myself. I’m a closeted bisexual, and yet even though I’m a cross dresser sometimes I don’t feel like I’m actually crossdressing, but instead just wearing the clothes I’ve been meant to wear my whole life. I only ever feel happy about life when I’m dressed up, but I don’t have the independence to live my life like that being that my folks are paying for my college tuition(their homophobic). Any tips on how to be true to myself while still catering to those that surround me will be much appreciated. Also kind of new to the concept of gender, if I don’t feel comfortable as a man would that make me trans?

    Any Responses would be appreciated my therapist said this would help with my inner conflictions. 

Viewing 14 reply threads
  • Author
    • #633965
      Esme Reese
      Registered On: April 5, 2022
      Topics: 1
      Replies: 24
      Has thanked: 46 times
      Been thanked: 77 times

      Hi Rayaa,

      First of all, Welcome! It’s great that you’re here!

      Second, take a moment to acknowledge that you’ve already taken some major difficult steps. Acknowledging this part of you is a big deal and you should be proud of yourself. I say this with all the authority of someone who’s been doing this for about a month and only joined the group about a day ago ;).

      Third, I’m right there with you. Societal pressure and fear of family and community disapproval kept me in denial about this part of me for years. It’s so hard to be the person you know you are and be the person the people you love expect you to be or think you are. But the good news is that, as you can see, you’re not alone and there are so many great people here (and out there too) that are willing to listen, help, and share your struggle. Take a few little steps and see where they lead.

      You got this! I’m rooting for you, we’re all in this together.

    • #633497
      Michelle Newman
      Registered On: June 22, 2017
      Topics: 2
      Replies: 3162
      Has thanked: 0 times
      Been thanked: 2432 times

      Welcome Rayaa!

    • #632722
      Stephanie Bass
      Princess - Annual
      Registered On: November 30, 2019
      Topics: 22
      Replies: 3437
      Has thanked: 49457 times
      Been thanked: 12255 times

      Hi Rayaa nice to meet you and happy you found and joined us girls here on the best CD site on the internet so get settled in relax and enjoy yourself here ..  As for your self there are so many ladies here that need questiond answered and girl you came to the right place for that.. Some of us my self included as i came out to my wife just after we were married which was just passed as 39 years and she has allways been accepting and supportive of Stephanie .. I till last week have never been out of my home as a conservative area with no acceptance for trans/CD girls .. Went to Keystone conference in PA a wonderful time .. So ask away girl amd dont be shy good luck ..

      Stephanie Bass

      2 users thanked author for this post.
    • #632660
      Brielle Ross
      Registered On: August 14, 2021
      Topics: 5
      Replies: 409
      Has thanked: 2036 times
      Been thanked: 1808 times

      Hi Rayaa, I can sympathize with your story. I felt as you did for most of my 60-something years. When I was your age, I too had a family that would not have even entertained the idea that I could be “in the wrong body”. There were no forums (heck, not even Internet) or people I could talk to. If I had sought counseling, I’d have been diagnosed as mentally ill and put on librium or given “conversion” therapy.

      I never did self-harm, but many years and periods I dispaired of my life. It wasn’t really one of these darker periods at the beginning of 2021. I hadn’t bought any feminine things for several years, since the last purge. But something just clicked (snapped?) and I bought everything I wanted off amazon and a couple of other Websites within a couple of months. I knew this time was different and I couldn’t hide it or stay as I was. I came out to my wife in July and a coupke of months later admitted I needed to start HRT and transition.

      Both our families, our church, our close friends, are not likely to be overly supportive. I doubt my job is at risk, although the area we live in is pretty conservative and traditional, so I know I’ll encounter some negatives. My wife is trying to come to gri[s with it and we are just taking it one day at a time.

      In the end, if you are miserable you aren’t helping yourself or your family. You have to be true to yourself. I’m not advising you to do anything either way, I just would hate to see you live as I did the last several decades. I have been happy as a husband and father, but I’ve lived half a life and kept everyone I meet at arm’s length so they would not find out about my secret side. Now that I am starting my transition, I am happier, I’m confident, and I have a new purpose to make my life what it should be and to be an advocate between the faith community and the LGBTQ+ community.

      Take care!


      5 users thanked author for this post.
    • #631698
      Trish White
      Registered On: December 2, 2021
      Topics: 3
      Replies: 193
      Has thanked: 487 times
      Been thanked: 725 times

      Hi Rayaa, I’m turning 72 soon and have been crossdressing since I was 4-5 years old. Having spent 60 odd years dressing in women’s clothes I have found that the people who accept you for who you are are the only ones that matter. Your parents and immediate family may surprise you. I came out to my oldest son just a couple of weeks ago and I was shocked but happy at how accepting he was. All my family, my wife’s family and finally my son have all accepted who I am and that it is a part of who I am. You need to know, sooner or later, where you stand with the people in your life. You need this for your own mental well being. From reading your post it sounds like you’re Trans and deep inside you probably already know. Joining CDH will be a massive help to you knowing you’re surrounded by loving and compassionate girls. You can reach out to me anytime Rayaa and good luck to you.



      5 users thanked author for this post.
    • #631691
      Topics: 0
      Replies: 0
      Has thanked: 0 times
      Been thanked: 0 times

      I believe acceptance starts with yourself.  It took me a long long time to come to terms with my feminine feelings to where now it is just so natural.  I don’t ask for anyone’s approval but gladly accept it when it does come.  Believe me you are NOT alone.  Please, by all means, feel completely free to reach out to any of us.

      6 users thanked author for this post.
    • #631682
      Terri Anne Knoan
      Registered On: February 7, 2018
      Topics: 32
      Replies: 1156
      Has thanked: 1771 times
      Been thanked: 2585 times

      Hello Rayaa,

      Welcome to our amazing CrossDresserHeaven (CDH) site. So glad you have joined us here. Feel free to explore all that our site has to offer.

      The Warmth, Compaasion and Hospitality of our community members can be found throughout the site.

      Please do make use of the forums and articles or public chat room and friendships offered here on CrosDresser Heaven.

      At any Membership level, You can contact any of us via [ PM ] Private Messages.  You can find that link on each member’s Wall under their Profile picture.

      Also, you may find what you need such as Help Center or Ambassadors by using the links in the top R/H drop down 3 bar [ hamburger ] menu.

      Here is a good link to review the membership levels and the privledges for each. Such as Private Chat, Groups, etc.




      Terri Anne, Ambassador


      =========== Link to our public Chat room   ==============




      3 users thanked author for this post.
    • #631550
      Alice Underwire
      Registered On: September 16, 2019
      Topics: 92
      Replies: 5026
      Has thanked: 7261 times
      Been thanked: 12763 times

      Hi Rayaa,

      Welcome to CDH.


      3 users thanked author for this post.
    • #631525
      Fredrika Jones
      Registered On: February 24, 2021
      Topics: 1
      Replies: 358
      Has thanked: 444 times
      Been thanked: 1213 times

      Like a line from the Desiderata poem says, “As far as possible without surrender be on good terms with all persons.” The essence of “selfish” is not exclusion of others, but rather focus on onesself. You go girl – you’ll be okay; you’ve come to the right place! I’m pansexual, so I understand!
      Big Welcome Kiss,

      3 users thanked author for this post.
    • #631458
      Paulette Parfois
      Registered On: November 17, 2021
      Topics: 2
      Replies: 341
      Has thanked: 1001 times
      Been thanked: 1249 times

      Hi Rayaa, and welcome. It sounds like you are caught up in the classic dilemma that faces many of us. While Shakespeare said “To thine own self be true” he followed it by saying “It must follow as the night the day thou canst not then be false to any man”! He recognized the conflict very well. I do not claim to offer advice and can only speak for myself. But when I decided to be honest with myself, and not be overly influenced by what others thought of me, things began to work out. In fact, when I resumed crossdressing after many years I was open and honest with my wife and family. She has slowly accepted Paulette as long as I am respectful of her wishes. I guess what I am trying to say is conflicts can only be resolved through honesty, and unfortunately there is NO one-size-fits-all solution to your situation. Perhaps taking it ‘slow and easy’ and ‘testing the water’ as you go forth may be a good way to move forward. Hugs, Paulette

      6 users thanked author for this post.
    • #631417
      Celeste Starre
      Registered On: June 26, 2018
      Topics: 49
      Replies: 1374
      Has thanked: 381 times
      Been thanked: 5043 times

      Unless you tell your parents and get their support, I would say it’s not going to happen until you are independent of them.

      4 users thanked author for this post.
    • #631410
      Angela Booth
      Registered On: August 1, 2020
      Topics: 9
      Replies: 1002
      Has thanked: 3712 times
      Been thanked: 4666 times

      Hi Rayaa,

      It seems that you have discovered your true self from your dealings with a therapist and , from what you say, you would be considered Trans. Sadly you aren’t in a position to live as you want to live. This is something so many of us here have had to deal with. The issue is how can you express the true you without upsetting your family and the status quo. It was a good call from your therapist to reach out here as there is a good community here and you are not alone now.

      Where next?  The next stage is to start to reach out and find the opportunities to get support and places to be yourself. Do you have some real good friends who you could confide in or is there an LGBT society within your college or locality? 

      Society has moved on and is much more accepting but there are always those that are going to lack understanding due to the way they have been bought up and conditioned by society. This makes life hard and I can understand your position and fears with your family. All I can suggest is that you try and find the groups or friends that are accepting and reach out to them. You are making steps to establish your inner self and continue that as it will make you stronger. To me the most important thing is to focus hard on your education to get the best grades you can. Why? Because this is your passport to independence in getting a good job and money to get your own space where you can be the real self. With all that is going on in your mind clear the decks and focus on your education to gain that freedom. In the background work to make Rayaa happen. You are young and have a life ahead of you just don’t panic and make a plan, focus on the means to get there. It isn’t going to happen overnight but you can make it happen, just be patient.

      You have the support of everyone here and feel free to P.M. me if there is anything you want to ask.



      6 users thanked author for this post.
    • #631409
      1968 Sonia
      Registered On: November 14, 2021
      Topics: 0
      Replies: 50
      Has thanked: 134 times
      Been thanked: 180 times

      Hi Rayaa!!!

      6 months ago my wife said to me that she doesn’t want a lesbian relation with me ( until that moment I only had dressed twice), tha caused a strong pressure on me that made me to come out as a cd/tv to her and to some people.

      At the beggining When she said that I reacted against her no acceptance…. until I realized that who didn’t accept herself was me.

      So…, first of all is to work inside us and in my opinion if your goal is also to finish the university could be ok to combine your inside job with a selective outing that would let you be yourself with no risk for your studys.



      5 users thanked author for this post.
    • #631395
      Chrissy Simpson
      Duchess - Annual
      Registered On: January 14, 2022
      Topics: 1
      Replies: 286
      Has thanked: 1670 times
      Been thanked: 873 times

      Welcome Rayaa, enjoy the forums and friends here. There is a lot to offer here and I am sure you have a lot to share. Spend some time reading these forums.   There is a lot of heart and soul in them and you will find some similar areas that you are asking.  There will be others that will tell you about their experiences, which is great, but each person has so many different variables in their life.   In my opinion you need to be happy and that is the first priority. Without your happiness you cannot flourish. Have I come out yet?  No, I will when the time is right for me.  I am blessed that I get to be Chrissy each day and am happy with that at the time.  The only time I am not myself is when I am working.  Besides that Chrissy is still growing and achieving her goals.  So read on young lady and you just might find the answers you seek.   


      5 users thanked author for this post.
    • #631390
      Jane Mansfield
      Registered On: December 27, 2020
      Topics: 4
      Replies: 214
      Has thanked: 346 times
      Been thanked: 773 times

      Hi Rayaa, welcome. My past year on CDH has taught me that everyone to some extent hss been through trauma. Fear dreading of peoples opinions. Tonight, my wife and I are at a Casino, in Hobart Tasmania. I am enfemme for the first time.
      I did wonder about this should I.
      Most people have ignored me, some comments.
      So Rayaa, In a roundabout way, take lityle steps, go to a public place to have a coffee, half enfemme. To the shops walk around, smile, hold your headup, shoulders back.
      You can do this.
      Best Wishes

      5 users thanked author for this post.
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