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Well, I started to post this a few days ago, then stopped. I had ordered some push-up bras, but have donated them to a charity. I am keeping my other bras, leggings, and a couple shapewear tops. Oh and my breast forms. I see myself in this cycle and didn’t want to come out of that and need to buy all that again.
This morning at 6:30 am I had my bra on with forms as I shopped at WalMart with my jacket unzipped. I had a baggy shirt on to hide them, but I knew they were there. Later on after church, (I put the forms in my backpack before I entered church, and back in as I waited for the trolley) I bought a t-shirt dress, and it fits nice – something I’ve been looking for on ebay but couldn’t find the right style, but they had some at my local Dollar General. Maybe I’ll get a couple more tomorrow as they did have a couple different colors and all. When I look down as I sit here, I see a feminine form – breasts, dress, and no bulge down there.
Anyway, I just don’t know what I want. I don’t feel that I ever want to go out in public totally en femme, but today I wore regular guy clothes with a baggy jacket, but had a bra with a B-Cup sized breast forms. I could make them protrude at will. I got a shock when I got on the trolley to a fully loaded one and was afraid someone would notice, but I was just another person on the train. Usually it is near empty on Sunday mornings, but there was a Penguins hockey game today downtown.
I enjoy having breasts, but also enjoy my male parts, nor do I want to even consider surgery for any body parts.
The part that bothers me is this – am I just trying to justify this activity? I am a Christian that knows that as long as I don’t do something to cause my brother to stumble, there’s nothing wrong with it. But on the other hand as a Christian I am to glorify God. How am I doing that when I cross dress in private? Or maybe me mentioning God here is doing just that…
Do I look for a church that would accept this? I know they are out there, but I also know that I shouldn’t find a teacher just to have my ears tickled.
I just feel confused…
There is something deliciously naughty about being out “underdressed ” as if you’re in on a secret that no one else knows.
The religious part of the post is a tough one. I am also a Christian and struggle with the same doubts. First I trust in Gods love and forgiveness. Second, Gen 1:27 reads “male AND female he created them”. I see that as we are all part male and part female. In our case we are more female than most men and that part of us wants expression. Layman thinking I know.
Oh, I vowed to never purge again. I had the cutest shoes and I tossed them “sigh”.
Jillian
I too am a christian and wonder if I am sinning. But as Jillian M. said in another post, we are both man and woman, so I feel that I am just expressing my female side. I will never purge again and if the feeling to stop occurs I will pack everything away until the feeling comes again.
I hate to use an old and over used cliche, but … been there done that… I too have said never again. And for countless reasons including denial. And so many beautiful and expensive and treasured things that I have purged. Gone forevermore! Only to be replaced by even more things down the road.
the TRUTH is we can not change who and what we are! And as hard as we may try! We just keep coming back to ourselves!
it took me 5 or 6 total purges, before I finally accepted myself and vowed to PURGE NO MORE!!! I am who and what I am. I can not stop being me. And no matter the reasons to be ” normal”, I can never be that. The sooner you reach that point of self acceptance, the better and happier you will be. Life doesn’t get any easier. You just quit trying to be someone and something you can never be and accept yourself for being you. As unique and different and contrary to those around you, you need to accept yourself..
i have done all the guy things. Worn al the guy uniforms. And tried as hard as I could to be the guy in all things and all ways. The “male” role, the husband, the father, the breadwinner, the leader, the”all American male! But guess what!!! That is not me!
that is not who I am! That is not what I am! I am (or was) just running away from myself. And I could never be anyone OTHER than myself. And myself is not a man! PERIOD!!!the sooner I accept myself the better for everyone especially me!!
We are all beautiful and are all created by God and we are all different. And we are ..: what we are!!! And need to stop trying to be something that we are not!!
I too am a Christian and struggle. I have purged many times myself and often fantasize going out dressed en femme. One of my favorite cities is San Francisco. While I have never really been outside the touristy areas, I envision going into the Castro and getting dressed up! But there are many other cities that you can do this as well. I struggle with God creating me man, but having all these feminine desires! I even wonder what it would be like to transition at this point as well?
I would echo the thoughts of the other ladies here. I’ve wrestled with the question of right and wrong and how to make this work as a Christian. I’ve gone through periods of time where I was shamed out of doing it, but I still have no answers after years of wondering. Like Michelle said, I don’t think I will purge again. I’ll just put my stuff away for awhile. One thing I do understand now is that my strong desire to express myself as a female will never go away. It’s been with me nearly my entire life. It’s part of who I am and how I was created.
Jennifer
Has anyone thought of starting a Christian Crossdresser group? If not, maybe I’ll upgrade my membership and start one. It would also be nice to be able to upload some pictures once I get brave enough to take some decent pics…
If you start that group, I will join
I have been involved in the church (contemporary Christian) for all of my life. My grandfather was a pastor in our church, and one of my family members currently works for the church. I regularly support the church and do volunteer work for their good causes. I have known most of these people most of my life, but they all know that I am purely and Atheist. There was a time in my life when I was a believing christian, being born into a christian family. Then a time in my late teens came where I wanted answers, and I turned to the church and the bible for answers. I found that the more I investigated the bible, and discussed it with my elders, the more holes got shot through the bible and it’s proclaimed “truths”. When I spoke to people in my church about it, I was told that many people within the church felt the same way that I did, but they loved the people, the social aspects of the church and charity work that they do, so they just continued on not “stirring the pot”.
I am now a person who relies on science and reason to provide me with answers, and rarely does it fail me the way that organized modern religion does. I still love the people in my church who I have known all my life. (…and I have no problem wearing a bra, panties, stockings, and a dress under my clothes to church – and wearing heels in the car while I drive to church)
If you really want to investigate religion in a meaningful way, feel free to look into the 5 religious stories that mirrored the life of Jesus, and all predated the Jesus stories by 500 to 3000 years.(Horus, Buddha, Mithra, Osiris, & Krishna.) There are many sources online, here is link to a very brief one.
It makes it pretty hard to believe in Christianity, once you realize how much of the religion was borrowed (intentionally, or just mixed up by people who learned their religion from multiple sources) from other religions that came before the life of Jesus.
It’s been pretty eye-opening for me that even the Vatican has now relented to agree that Jesus wasn’t born in Bethlehem, and there never was a census in that year, and no one ever had to return to their city of origin for a census anyway. Jesus was called “Jesus of Nazareth”, because he was born in Nazareth – not Bethlehem. The foundation stories of the bible that have no proof outside their own book, continue to be dis-proven by science, and eventually there will be little left of any religion. It may eventually be relegated to third world countries, and “cooks”.
What is inside you is far more important that what any arcane book tells you should or should not be inside you. If you are conflicted by religion, do some digging into it, and don’t ever accept the answer “we can’t explain it, so it is God”. Nothing makes an Atheist faster than a religious education based in truth, that covers multiple religions. Don’t let religion be a problem in your life, we have enough to deal with in this crazy mixed up world.
There is a school of thought that religion and science are not necessarily mutually exclusive; there’s a famous Einstein quote “Science without religion is lame, religion without science is blind”; that being said I think he also referred to himself as an agnostic…there was also a very interesting book by Francis Collins, “The Language of God”. Collins was one of the lead scientists on the genome project. I think the worst mistake we make is adopting absolute positions and not recognizing the rigid posture limits our ability to think, grow and experience life. Which is why regardless of any precepts about whether cross dressing is “right or wrong”; like the others on this string have expressed; it’s who I am and in the end I think it might make me a better person than I’d be if I continued to suppress it. Thanks.
Kim
Kim,
Your Albert Einstein Quote is horribly out of context…
… he was a professed atheist.
“Though religion may be that which determines the goal, it has, nevertheless, learned from science, in the broadest sense, what means will contribute to the attainment of the goals it has set up. But science can only be created by those who are thoroughly imbued with the aspiration toward truth and understanding. This source of feeling, however, springs from the sphere of religion. To this there also belongs the faith in the possibility that the regulations valid for the world of existence are rational, that is, comprehensible to reason. I cannot conceive of a genuine scientist without that profound faith. The situation may be expressed by an image: science without religion is lame, religion without science is blind.”
Daeyton,
Thanks, context is important and regret if I placed that particular piece of the quote out of context.
Will look at the link you sent. Have good day!
Kim
My wife and I were strolling thru Rome. Came across the church of Limbo. What a scream! Where in Scripture was it written? We laughed our butts off. The Catholic Church did a great service in keeping the stories and legends of Jesus alive, but they were, and remain, far from perfect.
I don’t necessarily equate the desire to purge with something adverse to my faith. I likely fall into the category that while recognizing their are inconsistencies in the Bible, I try to place it into the overall context of belief in a higher power, but not one that necessarily reflects word for word in all cases what has been reduced to “record”. As I practice my faith the concept of how I live my life and the impacts it has on others is more important to me than what a particular verse may state. The challenge for me as a cross dresser is if I am in public and I see someone with small children and I am partially femme, it may put the parents in an awkward position. As much as I may believe there’s nothing wrong with what we do and in an ideal world we’d appreciate and respect expression of gender identity as a personal and even fluid choice ; in the immediate moments I’m not ready to push that particularly; in those situations involving parenting. Hopefully this makes sense and doesn’t sound hypocritical.
What a great thread. I love all of the well reasoned responses. I may be a Bible believing Christian, who attends a Babtist church, but I always thoroughly enjoy philosophizing on these things. I suppose unlike many of those I sit next to on Sunday mornings I don’t feel all defensive if someone believes differently. I’m not all knowing, and besides, I could be wrong (I know, gasp, a Christian admitting such a thing!) My faith isn’t shaken if someone has a different opinion. I know some of my fellow Christians and family members haven’t been touched directly by CD/TG issues so they can remain in their ivory towers. Life has humbled me enough that I’ve become more empathetic and pragmatic in many ways. Yes, there are some absolutes with regard to right and wrong, but most of life tends to fall in the gray areas. Just my 2 cents. 😀
Well put, we live in a world of gray, and are just trying to navigate through it…as CDs adding some brighter color as we go through…tolerance and respect for difference would seem consistent with any creed.
Kim
Add this string to the list of reasons I’m grateful for finding CDH. When in church I’ve often wondered whether I’m the only cis male wearing femme wear underneath their guy clothes. While I’ve rationally concluded I’m probably not; the responses here confirm it. Jayme thanks so much for starting this string, I hope you’re getting as much out of the responses as I have.
Kim
Yes, I am getting a lot out of this thread. What I really enjoy is that there is no bashing or flaming going on, just reasoned talk from our experiences. It really does make me want to upgrade from free so I can start that group and maybe upload some pictures. There are so many sub threads that could be started from this as well.
Now I’m on the verge of upgrading my membership. *giggles*
We all have sinned but are saved by grace. Remember that Jesus healed those who came to him regardless of where they were from. He also stated that “none can get to the Father except through Him.”
It is interesting though and believe it or not, I don’t actually worry about it. I thank God for making me who I am and for accepting me for who I am.
You are not hurting anyone, and God made you. I do think there are bigger fish to fry in the world of sin than how we dress. I dress, too, but only indoors and wont go out. I usually only dress for my man. So, is my sin any less since I am indoors? It is easy to lay down this guilt.
After about a month on CDH, couldn’t agree with you more. If the CDH members are a barometer for what the CD “universe” looks like, I can’t see cross dressing or cd’s on a list of the faults in mankind that would require intervention!
Kim
As a Christian myself, I have found that during my journey God has continually let me know that acceptance is there. No one at my church knows that I crossdress but then I have wore different colored tights that I know could be seen while seated and I wasn’t hiding them. Like you I mostly have to hide everything under my other clothing (which I hate). I know everyone here will understand that dressing up does help us feel good but at the same time we can go outside grill, repair trucks, fix things and still be macho, but then if a person is very close to us they will notice we are more sensitive to their feelings and needs due to the facts that we understand and know all about rejection. So I would say don’t purge and stay comfortable. With love in Christ.
Confusion is normal. Sort like the song” been dazed and confused for so long”. You don’t think gg’s aren’t confused too! And even guys. It’s just a very normal part of life. We all have options. And with each option comes new parameters. And with new parameters comes questions, uncertainties and doubts and more confusion. And so life goes on. Have faith! It will work itself out!😋
Well – I do feel better getting all that out and reading all the replies. Thanks to all you ladies. I look forward to when I can be home and go en femme, at least to a casual level. Leggings with my new t-shirt dresses. No makeup or accessories at this point, just loafing around the apartment. I cover up even when going to the laundry room. I really don’t feel I would be evicted, but I get uncomfortable when people stare at me, as most people seem to.
And now in my email I get the newsletter for today, and there’s my post. That tells me this is something a lot of people think about and struggle with.
I feel comfortable now. Years ago I took one of those transgender aptitude tests, and the results were that I would be most comfortable role-playing as a female, but not to dress in public or anything beyond that. That fit what I was doing in cyber space. In Second Life I could totally role-play as a woman and nobody could tell by looking at me. My excuse at first was to see how women were treated first hand, and wow – some of those guys were total jerks… Helped me to see my flaws. Then I kept being Jayme – I have quite a wardrobe in the virtual world. Sometimes I buy things for my AV that I wish I could buy for me in real life. I even went to a virtual church dressed up, as well as attended some women’s bible studies.
But I still feel very uncomfortable when thinking about going public with these desires. For now, I will stick with casual dressing at home as a woman, and full blown in the virtual world. Now to look into upgrading my account so I can start a group and call it “Christian Crossdressers”. How does that sound?
This has turned into quite a deep and thoughtful discussion. I’m happy to be a member of a group with such wonderful ladies.
I’ve asked God a number of times to take this burden (yes, it can be a burden ) from me and for whatever His reason He has not. I’ve purged and sworn “never again” only to find the pull of pretty things irresistible. So here I am, in my bra and panties, just trying to live the best life I can. Trusting in His love and forgiveness.
Thank you all for being here with me, hugs
Jillian
Hi all;
I’ve been a crossdresser for 45 + years with occasional wishes to become a true woman. (It never goes farther than that) I’ve purged and rebuilt more times than I can count, so I know where you’re coming from. Thank you so much for putting your thoughts into words. It really helped to put my own thoughts into order. You go, girlfriend!
i m really researching crossdressing and if its a sin
i think sensuality can be a sin and for me sensuality of crossdressing is the sin ; like anything else if it consumes you and becomes an idol or a god then it (sensuality ) can be sinful
but just dressing ?? cant see it because society sets what is acceptible
homme mystere makes mens lingerie so if i wear that i m not xdressing but if i wear a VS bra I am
no way not buying that
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