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I have been crossdressing for more than 30 years and still can’t fully embrace my feminine side. I’m sure that all of us crossdressers have experienced that struggle to some degree. There are many reasons why I find it difficult to embrace being a CD. Reasons relating to religion, a wife who wants me to quit crossdressing, and the desire to just be a normal guy are few of them that I am going to have to address myself. I’ve gotten input from friends about those things already. I don’t want to get into them here.
What I’d like to know are your thoughts on violating societal norms. Do you care about it? Does it bother you? Why or why not? What do we owe society? What does society owe us? When I started crossdressing, I did it at home, in private. If I never went beyond that, none of this would be such a big deal to me. I did go beyond that though. The more I dressed, the more I wanted to dress, both in terms of the amount of time I spent dressed and the extent to which I was dressed (started in just lingerie, currently dress from head to toe, wig to shoes, including lingerie, outerwear, makeup, jewelry and perfume). So far, my en femme outings have been to a CD friendly store. A man presenting as a woman there is not a surprise to anyone. The staff and other customers, whether male or female, treated me like a woman. Once I got over my initial nervousness about being out en femme, my experiences there have been wonderful, enjoyable escapes from my normal life. Now, I want to go out to other places, to do more than just go shopping. Am I still looking for escapes from reality, or is being Stephanie now part of my reality? Time will tell. Either way, if I start going to places that do not cater specifically to CDs, it is inevitable that I will end up interacting with people who know little about CDs and may have never met one of us. How should I act when that happens? Such a situation could go so many different ways depending on the people involved and what is going on. I like to think that most people, regardless of what they think about crossdressing in general, would be kind enough to not create a scene, but I also know that there are a lot of jerks out there. Any advice on dealing with rude people, being outed, or generally uncomfortable situations would be appreciated.
What about being a man in women’s spaces? Has that caused any of you concern? How did you get past it? In addition to the shopping, I’ve also gotten a makeover at the CD friendly store near me. Being transformed from an ugly duckling into a beautiful swan by a professional makeup artist was an unforgettable experience. In the future, I’d like to get a manicure or have my hair done too. They don’t offer those services at the store I’ve been to, so I’d have to go elsewhere. I know that there are CD friendly salons out there. Still, I’d feel at least a bit uneasy going into a women’s space like that. The same can be said about dressing rooms and restrooms. There are many supportive and understanding genetic girls here. That may not be the case when I venture out into the world as Stephanie. I can understand that women want their spaces. They don’t want males around even if the males are feminine. I get it. No matter the clothes, makeup, hair, shoes, padding, surgeries or hormones, a genetic male will always be different from a genetic female. I’m not going to say that anyone is wrong to think that. As a matter of fact, that’s one of the things that has me thinking I should quit crossdressing.
My crossdressing experience has been a progresssion toward presenting myself as close as I can possibly get to being real woman. Aside from the struggle we all go through, it has been fun. (How far am I going to go with it? That’s an entirely different matter.) As I think about doing more and going out into public as Stephanie, I’m concerned about the problems such activity can cause for me and those around me. Should I try to rein in my feminine side completely, continue carefully going forward, or throw caution to the wind?
I welcome your comments.
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