• This topic has 16 replies, 15 voices, and was last updated 3 weeks ago by J J.
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  • #708889
    KHeart
    Participant
    Registered On: October 1, 2020
    Topics: 10
    Replies: 135
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    I don’t know if anyone here relates, but I’m feeling very down and just wanted to write it anyway, incase any other girls know or have any advice.

    I just had a two day window free for myself to dress up, do makeup, make pictures. Suffice to say, it’s now the end of the two days and I did nothing, yet I had everything to wear, makeup, accessories, wig all styled… even set up an area that would be great for photos, but I just couldn’t pick up a single makeup product and begin the transformation process.

    Before I continue, this isn’t me fearing being feminine or wanting to quit. The reason I’m writing is because I’m so desperate to look and feel feminine again, but I just seem to have developed a wall in the last half a year where I’ve become scared to even start.

    I used to post pictures on instagram and Flickr on a regular basis for nearly 2 years up until half a year ago where now I rarely can post anything.

    I have gone through countless makeup tutorials, used so many different products, and bought books and guides(online/offline) to help with my makeup and dress style, but I feel that I’m just clueless and I’ve either just overcomplicated everything, or I just have no structure that I trust. I feel that half the tutorials contradict other ones, and others are just isolated for a particular makeup technique that doesn’t take into account the rest of the preparation that’s needed.

    I guess I don’t know where I’m going with this post, so feel free to ignore, but I’m just feeling at an alltime low and had to write. (And please… no advice like ‘just keep practicing’… because that’s the worst advice I can receive at this moment, as for the last few years I’ve done nothing but that)

Viewing 13 reply threads
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    • #709302
      J J
      Lady
      Registered On: September 13, 2019
      Topics: 5
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      Don’t focus on the results, but the process. Just enjoy getting en femme to what ever leave you choose. At the end of the process accept you will never look like a runway model or movie star, very few gg’s do, so why would we? There is not right way or wrong way to do make up, hence all the conflicting advise. Just find sometimes relatively simple that works for you and enjoy being en femme. While I try my best to look my best, I know I will never be perfect. Do not let perfect be the enemy of the good. Just have fun.

      • This reply was modified 3 weeks ago by J J.
      1 user thanked author for this post.
    • #709204
      Lea
      Lady
      Registered On: March 23, 2016
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      It can sometimes just all be so….overwhelming, daunting. To dress takes effort. To not dress, yet feel happy, also takes effort. To dress, knowing it can only be temporary and you have to change back, takes effort.

      I used to think that dressing brought me happiness. Feeling complete makes me happy. But there are so many things that make us fully complete, not just dressing alone.

      You’re not alone in how you’re feeling. I’ve been there in that spot at times. Try to get through the time, that wonderful feeling will come back.

      • This reply was modified 3 weeks ago by Lea.
    • #709188
      Teri Linnealis
      Lady
      Registered On: January 28, 2022
      Topics: 10
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      It is no small task when you step in front of the mirror and decide to turn coal into a diamond. I have days I am not up for the task and earrings and lipstick are as far as I go. Usually however, the make-up and frilly clothes soothes me and I find myself truly enjoying the transformation. It takes a stellar attitude to aid in the metamorphosis , some times you just can’t make it work. MAYBE, a new hairstyle, a new dress or different make-up will break the spell you are under. LuvNHugs…..Hope you Shine again soon. TERI

      1 user thanked author for this post.
    • #709177
      Jillian(Jill) Evers
      Lady
      Registered On: August 2, 2022
      Topics: 5
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      Hi, I can Def relate.. I go thru many periods of not dressing, not because I don’t
      have the time or place and Not always knowing the reasons why.. Sometimes Depressed,
      other times just not feeling it, stressed out, The Fog is gone, What ever reason..
      BUT.. What I have found is I have to Kick that wall down and Just Do It, Put together
      Who I want to be! I go about it as this is what I want & This is the way I always do it,
      and Look in the Mirror and See Me… and Smile…, I’m Back!!
      I have always done My own make up, hardly watched any tutorials, I know it’s not
      always perfect but Most people don’t know that either.. If I like what I see in the Mirror
      That is all I Need.. Sometimes I think we try to hard!! Remember too, What we see on Television
      & the Movies is not reality, not everyday life, We Look Beautiful, all of us, We are Real!!
      The main thing I find is once I am dressed again.. That “Femininity” takes over & I don’t want to ever change Back!!
      I actually Love that Feeling! Happens every time!! I hope you have those same feelings
      when you Dress again!! Just do how you like and Be You.. Take Care Jill💖💖💖

      1 user thanked author for this post.
    • #709154
      Fiona Black
      Baroness - Annual
      Registered On: November 23, 2019
      Topics: 1
      Replies: 452
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      I think you are suffering from analysis paralysis. Go to a trans-friendly boutique that does makeovers, describe your situation and have then show you a basic, simple routine that looks good on you.

      2 users thanked author for this post.
    • #709004
      Michelle McQueen
      Lady
      Registered On: June 14, 2021
      Topics: 31
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      We all know as humans our desires wax and wane and thats normal for almost everyone. If you didn’t feel like it, then don’t worry too much but relax and wait until those desires come back, and they will. You say you’ve worked at learning makeup and some info is conflicting or confusing. I think thats just going to happen coming from different sources. Have you ever booked a professional makeup session? If not you may want to try that approach.

      4 users thanked author for this post.
    • #709001
      Cassie Jayson
      Duchess
      Registered On: September 29, 2019
      Topics: 72
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      K, I think what you just expressed is something many of us go through. I don’t often take pictures of myself and don’t look often in the mirror once out dressed. I know I am not a great looking woman, but I know for the most part I do pass. For me a little makeup to hide some male features and the lipstick and nice earrings put me over the top on my fem feelings. Right now I don’t mess with eye makeup (I think I look ‘clownish’ because I tend to put to much on ).
      I guess I am saying don’t worry to much on perfection, just enjoy the feminine ride?!??!

      . Cassie

      4 users thanked author for this post.
    • #709000
      Kim Dahlenbergen
      Lady
      Registered On: November 18, 2019
      Topics: 1
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      I know what you mean about the myriad and confusing, often contradictory advice. What I would suggest to break through the confusion is to go for a minimalist, daytime look, modeling your makeup after women around your age who have similar coloring (hair and skin). If you are still conflicted, ask your wife or a female friend for advice and help.

      The other thing is to practice. If you don’t like how your makeup looks, wash it off, start over and try something different.

      2 users thanked author for this post.
    • #708985
      Angela Booth
      Lady
      Registered On: August 1, 2020
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      It seems there may be something deeper than just make up. You had no issue with posting images of yourself, have an understanding wife who has been out with you so we can only surmise that your presentation is quite acceptable. Sometimes we reach a point where we question what and why we are like this,  I have been there too, although the desire was still there I would sometimes walk away from the wardrobe or after dressing I would just take it all off and felt confused. The other aspect I found was that I wanted to look perfect and really overdid things at times but was lucky to have friends and family who would give honest comment which reined me back.

      What I did was to stand back and look into myself and try to sort out the reasons and where I wanted to go using the support I had to get myself back on track. Are you talking to your wife about these feelings as you say you are down and that could reflect on how you are during this time and others may see it. Roberta suggested a counsellor which is an option although us stiff upper lipped Brits aren’t as keen to do that as our U.S friends but is an option if you can’t talk elsewhere.

      None of us here know the background and it easy to tell you what to do based on what you have written but there are usually things we can’t see.

      The main thing is that you have opened up which is a good thing to do and I hope that you will move forward in finding the reasons and find your happy place.

       

    • #708960
      Roberta Broussard
      Baroness
      Registered On: July 20, 2020
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      If you have no one to confide in, then I would seek out a counselor. A professional can be a lot of help. I look at this as being no different than consulting with an engineer on structural components of a building. Hire on the talents that you don’t have. get the job done and get your head clear again.

      This may not sound right but sometime back i was kind of in the same mindset. After looking around, i realized that the world is full of people going about their business. Some are really good looking and others not so much. Yet everyone has to do the basic of life to sustain ourselves. If you look closely very few are dressed and made up to perfection and those few even have bad hair days. So, no one is flawless every single moment of every day.  Many GG have their basic makeup routine down to 15 min. for any given day out. When a wedding or other special event comes about that process may go to several hours and stretch over a day or so. Most of us just dont have that kind of time to prepare.

      Like GG, i just had to find an acceptable way of presenting myself. Then go out and be myself, flawed and all.

    • #708954
      Amanda Woods
      Lady
      Registered On: November 26, 2019
      Topics: 1
      Replies: 125
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      Hey girl, ignore all the negatives, I have alot of hangups also. At the end of the day, makeup or not, passing or not, you have to ask yourself one question, or mabe 2 lol. 1. Do I feel pretty? 2. Does this make me feel good? And if the answer to these is yes, then dress. I used to get depressed that my make-up wasnt right or that I did not have enough time, but do what you can, when you can and the rest will fall in place in due time. I wish I was pretty and passable, but as of now I am not. But it will never stop me from dressing and trying to feel as feminine and pretty as i want to be. God Bless and stay beautiful, as it starts from the inside.

      3 users thanked author for this post.
    • #708943
      Саманта
      Managing Ambassador
      Registered On: January 21, 2018
      Topics: 908
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      One of the things the pandemic taught me was that there’s no point in having great makeup game, the mask will just mess it up. So i had to get comfortable being out there with a minimal amount of makeup. And once i got to that point, i never went back. I’m not sure what your goals are or if you have one, but i guess i’m sharing this to try to illustrate that you don’t really need a lot of makeup or high style to feel pretty or to enjoy yourself. I hope you’re able to find a balance that works for you.

    • #708935
      Alison Anderson
      Duchess
      Registered On: October 15, 2018
      Topics: 15
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      I can’t be the perfectionist or I would never go out. No matter how long I practice at makeup, I would never be as good as getting a professional makeover.  If I tried to measure up to them, I’d be felling bad about myself.

      I do the best I can. If I don’t like something and can fix it (both ability and time), I will. If I can’t, I’ll do my best and just leave it with that. My goal is to make myself look feminine, and not to make myself look like I have flawless makeup.

      The same goes for outfits. I’m usually in a skirt and top, so I just want something that goes together while fitting the season. Most of the time I’m out casually so I don’t worry about accessories. In non-coat weather, I’ll choose between an off white and black fanny pack when out. In coat weather my phone and camera just go in the coat pockets. If I need a bag, it will usually be black, but I may use a white one in summer months.

      If I’m going somewhere special, then I’ll pay more attention to details. Otherwise I just keep it simple.

      4 users thanked author for this post.
    • #708915
      Jess
      Lady
      Registered On: January 13, 2023
      Topics: 8
      Replies: 20
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      I’m really new to all of this and want to explore it more, but my family is very against it and very scared to try much more. But I think I understand a bit from where your coming from, as a crafter/sculptor, I like making miniature swords. Last September was a big art sword challenge and the idea is to make a sword a day. Now it’s meant to draw one a day, but decided to dip my toes into the challenge by making one as quick as I could. I got through about 8 before the quality dropped quickly and I just burnt myself out. I keep telling myself jump back into it again, but there’s no passion for it right now. The stress of the lack of time to do it and knowing I can’t get it back doesn’t help. I don’t know if this really helps in the same sense, but I do understand the frustration of just sitting there and having no drive. Not really sure of a solution yet unfortunately or if this helps, but sometimes a reply helps showing someone is listening.

      5 users thanked author for this post.
      • #708925
        KHeart
        Lady
        Registered On: October 1, 2020
        Topics: 10
        Replies: 135
        Has thanked: 436 times
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        Thanks for the reply. It does help, so thank you for taking the time to answer. I really relate to the burn out you mentioned with your sword sculpting in regards the standard or quality of my makeup dropping. I hope you find a good situation for yourself to explore more your femininity, even under tricky circumstances with your family.

        2 users thanked author for this post.
        • #708927
          Jess
          Lady
          Registered On: January 13, 2023
          Topics: 8
          Replies: 20
          Has thanked: 49 times
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          I really want to try something out, but my wife really scares me. It’s not that I don’t love her and want to be the man in her life anymore, just want to enjoy what this new feeling is.
          I doesn’t help that medically my testosterone is low and we haven’t been able to enjoy anything for a couple years. So this to her now is me going way overboard or as she yelled at me earlier,” I don’t like change!”  I love her, but I’m terrified of her for different reasons emotionally. I hope we can overcome our fears in pursuing what we want to do and maybe we can talk about things more. I don’t have much in friends these days or much less people I can open up to.

          3 users thanked author for this post.
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