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I have been dressing to some degree since childhood and my dream is to go out some time but I’m very apprehensive with all the narrow minded people out there. How do some of you get the nerve up? I guess I could find a CD friendly place in Austin but I don’t ever really get out in regular guy mode and wouldn’t know how to act in a club. I’m just destine to be a wall flower I guess.
Hi Nicki,
The first time out is scary, as every girl has gone out can testify. But you CAN do it, in small steps. Austin is a liberal town, so most places will be safe. I don’t “club” either, but shopping malls and supermarkets are good places to go, and my first public appearance as Lulu was at Ulta, where I kept my appointment for a makeover, followed by a very short visit to a nearby mall. I didn’t stay long, and I didn’t shop; just out long enough to see that the public wouldn’t come after me with pitchforks and torches. My actual first time out as Lulu was just a drive, about 30 miles. When I got there, I got out of the car, walked around it once, then got in and drove back home.
Every trip after the first one becomes easier to do, and your photos show a very nice-looking and convincing lady. You might also buy a couple of things at a Walmart, and use the self-checkout to minimize interaction.
Hugs,
Lulu
Nicki, yes, it is scary. But you can do it. In my case, the first time had to be like ripping a bandaid off, or jumping into a cold body of water. There’s only one way, quickly.
If you can work up the courage, I would recommend going to a CD friendly club.
I’m very shy, but my most recent experience in a club was so fulfilling. I was sitting alone and was approached by a lesbian and was asked if I wanted to join her and her friends at their table.
They accepted me with open arms and I enjoyed 4-5 hours or blissful fellowship and fun.
They were truly compassionate with my situation of being closeted at home and even asked my preferred pronouns. I hadn’t even given it much thought, but asked to be referred to as she, her, and hers.
I thought I was in heaven.
Everyone is different, though, and I realize my approach might not be for all. Previously, I had taken smaller steps, but you just have to try something.
I wish you the best.
Much love,
Raquelps. Please keep us updated.
Just pull up your panties and do it. No question that it is scary but once you are out I am betting that you will soon find that people will look but …………… so what they arent going to take you to task for anything other than their own thoughts which remain in their head. For me it has been the scariest and most thrilling thing I have ever done. No question that it is most difficult to take that first step out but once you do you will have a hard time to not smile.
Best wishes for a great experience.
Hi Nicki!
Hang in there! I’m in the same boat, but have gone out “semi-femme” once the moon rose over the horizon. It was such a liberating feeling, but terrifying too! I had some make up on, short-shorts (love them!), nude nylons, but hideous work boots! Only 2 ladies and a guy could make out what I was wearing, but said nothing and didn’t give me a second glance (boo!). I think I may just get some cowboy boots – that could work with that outfit…
Yes, the world is a very funny place, where everyone has a funny, funny face. (Now where have I heard that before?).
Good luck, Nicki!
💋 Barb
It’s not easy. I’ve been out a few times. I was self-conscious every time, but loved being out. But I admit I go back and forth. I haven’t been out in a few weeks because I got cold feet. But I know I will get out there again. It’s inevitable.
For me it was just a matter of deciding that it was part of who I am and the people around would never come to accept until and unless I get out there and show them. So I just…did it. And for the most part, nobody seemed to care. I really think it’s all about confidence. If you’re worried about how people are perceiving you, it will show. If you’re confident and comfortable, people around will also relax and be cool with it.Im with you nicki. I haven’t been out either. I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve dressed , had a purse packed and lost my nerve at the door. In my case I lack the motivation to risk being clocked to simply go shopping etc. If I had a cd friend to meet with for a lunch or dinner for example that would motivate me to finally get out the door. Good luck.
Hi, Nicky.
Looking at your photo’s, you have nothing to fear, you are one beautiful lady.
I agree with several of the girls, here, go for a drive, and stop at Walmart, or some similar store, Austin is a pretty good sized place, and I can guarantee, not many people will be looking askance at yoou, there are too many “oddities”, at every wally world I have ever been to,,lol
Hugs,Regi👸💖Nicki.
Get dressed, look the best you can …then just go …even if it’s to your front gate or the end of your garden.
The next trip go a bit further….and the more nothing happens, the more your confidence will soar….you don’t have to go to packed places…go for a walk in a park, or on a beach. You don’t need to mingle until you feel comfortable…and that will happen, but it just takes time….
best wishes, grace x
No pain ,no gain as they say. The degree of your fear is outweighed by the thrill of the experience sis. That is why so many girls like us continue doing it and never stop. The girls here have given good advice about stepping out at first and after a while you wont even give it a second thought. The excitement and satisfaction of being out and being yourself is far better than merely dressing at home. It all became second nature to me now and do it several times a week. Good luck sis
Here’s another thing. People are generally very self-absorbed. 99% of them won’t even notice. I love to wear lipstick and earrings when I’m driving around. I always try to see if other drivers or passengers notice and almost NEVER get a reaction.
Maybe I should try to keep my own eyes on the road, though, so I don’t get into an accident. 😁
I know what you’re saying girlfriend. I’m afraid to go out in public as Liara. I want to but can’t get up the nerve.
Hugs, Liara
Liara.
I have just read that you have only just got up the nerve to post pictures of your face…well let me tell you, you look great.
Going out and about ???…never say never!!!!
Grace xx
HI Niki first step is always the worse. Like many said do it in small steps even if just around the yard or up and down the driveway. Once get comfortable doing that maybe take little drive get some gas or such.
Think you a very attractive woman and will have no problems once start getting out.
Hugs
DonnaHi Nicki, like everything in life the first step is often the hardest. You are a beautiful transwoman. Be confident in who you are. There is never a time when I’m not feeling some apprehension when I go out in public en femme. I remind myself however I must be true to who I am and go out to live that truth.
‘You can do this. One small first step. Hugs, Debbie Lynn
I so want to go out, my two sisters that know of my dressing are supportive and very willing to help, the issue is my SO. Who knows but is not on board with me doing this. So I’m rather stuck, my body hair which I long to be rid of is another issue that she is not allowing me to do. Right now I’ve booked a room at Keystone so maybe that will be a way for me to get out there. What better way than at a conference, right?
Hugs KatieOh Nicki, how many of us have been in your predicament. I needed to go out. I had no one to support me so was on my own.
I remember those many times stood behind the front door ,after dark, building up the courage to go out. Sometimes I would open the front door and peek out to see who was around. If a piece of paper blew across the sidewalk I would hastily shut the door and abort the mission. I couldn’t do it but so wanted to. One evening I decided to set a goal, post a letter.
The usual fears had me standing behind the door and eventually I launched myself out and closed the door. I started to walk at speed to the post box. Someone approached and I nearly turned tail but carried on and posted the letter. I walked back and a car came round the corner and I was full in the headlights. Oh my! I was going to be seen so I hastily diverted and in my rush I did not see a low fence and tripped over it. I managed to keep some semblance of balance and righted myself. The car was gone. My tights were shredded and shins bleeding.
I got home and sorted myself out. I sat there and realised I had done it and the only disaster was of my making. No one stopped me, no one stared, I posted the letter and achieved my goal.
They were my first steps in a long journey and I hope you do yours soon.
Hi Nicki nice to meet you and i cant add to these others here as i have never been out either.. My first time will be at Keystone as have plane flights and reservations to sheraton reserved along with my wife for us both .. She is very supportive and knows where we live it will never happen to go out so to Keystone it is so looking foward to the experiance and meeting so many girlfriends there cant wait yay..
Stephanie Bass
Hi Nicki,
You’ll find most people don’t notice as they are wrapped up in their own life. Some women may smile but the guys they have themselves on their mind. As Grace suggests get dressed up to blend in with the crowd and go for a drive. If you’re hungry visit your local drive through restaurant and in a soft tone order a simple beverage and sandwich. You’ll enjoy yourself immensely and build up your courage. Just let your inner girl out!
Alice
“The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.” Franklin Delano Roosevelt.
It’s true in so many aspects of life. Our fear builds up, feeding on itself until we cave in to it. What can we do to overcome fear? You have taken the most important step already. Expressing your fear to your support group…. the girls here at CDH. Our love strengthens you and our experience and advice gives you the tools to succeed.
I had been out a few times at night when I wouldn’t be seen clearly. It was the first steps to build confidence. The first time out in daylight was terrifying, it was only just outside of the door to greet the mail carrier. I knew her, she’s gay, and her acceptance was expected but it was such a huge accomplishment that I was giddy. Then it was to gas up the car… yes, another goal achieved. Now the big one, shopping at Walmart. Nervous… yes. Confident… YES! I can do this! Guess what? Nobody notices and the few that do are either nice or keep their thoughts to themselves.
My advice: one step at a time. Small steps, just go outside. Then walk a little. Then get in the car and drive. Soon you will be confident to be a regular out and about woman. Nervous, butterflies, jitters… yes, always. But it is nothing compared to the feeling of being YOU!
❤
Beth
remember my first time going into actual stores. At first would pick a time to go when less people normally early in morning or later in the night. Went in with skinny jeans and v neck top. and some wedge sandals. Depending on where planning on going dress for the outing. Try not to over dress or underdress. Oh try not to act to nervous.
Donna
Hi Nicki. Going out that first time can be such a huge mountain to conquer. You have received so much good advice so far. Going out for short walks can be such good way to start. I did mine very early in the morning ( before 5am). Going out for a drive is also a great idea. I added to my driving to stop at a rest stop to get out to read at a picnic table ( again early, before 7am), I wanted to be seen but only at a distance.
The first HUGE step for me was to go to Ulta to get my hair colored while en femme. Told them I was CD when I made the appointment. I figured by making an appointment I was committed. I was only able to work up the courage to do this after a year of reading all the stories here on the forums and finally decided ‘I want that to’.
Best of luck to you. CassieNo worries Nicki, you look great. I once read on CDH that at first look good to pass at distance and you do. As many have mentioned try small steps, backyard, etc and t will drive the desire to go further. I certainly do not pass, I never get looks at distance and the odd one when close, each outing has thought me something to improve and reaffirmed something did right. In general people are too busy with their own thing. Good luck
Nicki,
All great sharing and advice from the girls. As they say, take it a little at a time, dress to blend, guaranteed in today’s world, people are more interested in themselves then staring at you.
Believe me, the first time one of those Texas gentlemen opens a door for you and addresses you as “ma’am” you will be on a Pink Fog high for the rest of the day!
After a while, if you have regular places you shop, act and look lady-like and treat the sales staff to a few kind words. You will find they easily remember you and will give you a cheerful greeting by name. I find this true even in large Walmart stores.
Hugs,
Peggy Sue
My first time out was last year. The whole mask thing allowed me to be more anonymous, at least in my head. Wear a mask and maybe some sunglasses, dress to blend in and not stand out, and nobody will give you a second glance. Stay away from interactions with others for your first time out, and until you are more comfortable. That first time out will be a thrill, I promise you. And you’ll be hooked. Small steps, like others have said.
All of y’all who have yet to take that first step, it’s not as bad as your afraid it is. You’ll feel like people are looking (they’re not), like you’re doing everything wrong (you’re not, and nobody’s watching anyways), or maybe like someone gonna tell you’re mom on you, lol. It’s a little bit scary, I admit I was nervous. But the thrill! Worth it!
I’ve been out many many times now, and my neighbors must’ve seen me, but I’d never gone out with them actually outside in their garden. Well, a couple weeks ago, there they were after of gotten all dolled up to go out, and I froze at the front door. I eventually called my wife, and she said just go anyways, and so I did. They couldn’t have missed that, but in the end, I have to live my life, not theirs.
Go live your life. Only you can.
Bridgette
Hi Nicki, if you are in Austin, you should get in touch with Catherine and Wife of Catherine here on this site. They may be able to meet up with you. I don’t want to speak for them, but they seem really open and welcoming.
I also agree with others here – you are drop dead gorgeous! You have absolutely nothing to be worried about, GF!
Hugs,
Brielle
Nicki, the girls gave you the best advice you can get. I used to go down to Austin a lot, though it has been longer than I would like it to be.
If you are planning a drive or shopping excursion, I would suggest that you find the route you want to drive in daylight, in drab. First to make sure there is no construction to block you, and to get a feel of where you are going. Visit any stores you might plan to go to, a couple of times at different hours and days to check the crowd size and parking.
Plan an alternate destination in case your first choice becomes too congested for your comfort.
I don’t know if some of these places are even still around, but I would hit the little Doby Mall on Saturday morning, s few strip malls after that, Merlin’s Magic Time Machine for lunch, more shopping then back to the hotel for a rest and clothing change (usually the big Holliday Inn on Congress. Supper would usually be Conan’s Pizza, then the rest of the evening down on Guadelupe Str.
Don’t know if any of those places are still there, but they were CD/T friendly even back in the 80’s and 90’s.
Have fun whatever you do, be careful, but don’t worry too much about the soreheads.
PaulaF
My first time out was when I was 17. I had wanted, dreamed and fantasized about doing this since I was maybe 5. I wanted to be a pretty girl and see how it would feel.
Finally, I had the clothes and a plan to do this, but fear entered the picture. It took several failed and partial attempts before desire became stronger than the fear.
To look myself over in my plalfrom wedge heels, sheer to waist pantyhose, short shorts, bra stuffed with pantyhose and a long, wavy wig, was one of the most amazing and euphoric experiences of my life. Then to get out of the car and walk around where I could be seen raised the excitement and euphoria level even higher.
My ultimate fantasy though was to be dressed in this Daisy Duke attire and go buy pantyhose. Fear kept holding me back. I worked in little steps. I would get out of the car and walk up to the store, then chicken out. Then little by little I made my way in to the store. I walked around, stopped and looked at the bras, panties and pantyhose but didn’t have the nerve to buy them.
Little by little I would pick out bras panties and pantyhose but put them back and left. Then one day I had several pairs of pantyhose and decided this was it. I’m buying them. I was so scared and nervous but excited when i got on the cashier line. I had purchased easily hundreds of pairs of pantyhose in boy mode but this was my first time en femme.
Occasionally I would get asked of the pantyhose was for me. I often wondered how many people wondered if I was buying them for myself. Now, if they were close enough and looked down at my legs, they could see I was wearing pantyhose and buying more. That would remove all doubt. They were for me. That excited but scared me. Did they think I was a guy dressed a a girl, or a tall, leggy girl happily and proudly showing off her legs at their best?
I advanced through the line, paid for my pantyhose and left. It was a non event as far as I could tell. Just a girl wearing and buying pantyhose. Incredibly exciting though. Needles to say, I did most of my femme clothes shopping en femme. I bought a lot more pantyhose, panties, bras, short shorts and even shoe shopping dressed like that. It was scary and I did chicken out many times, but when nerve and desire peaked, I did it for the thrill and experience. There was no other way I could feel like that.
Nicki, I think the other girls have given some good advice. Not sure I have much to add to what has already been said. Yeah, it’s scary. For me, it’s still scary, but it does get a little easier every time.
Of course, pick someplace that is going to at least be more comfortable for you. I know from experience that if I stop in the hardware store dressed to pick something up, people are going to stare and give me judgemental looks. But, I can walk into the Starbucks a block from that store and the baristas are friendly to me and no one cares. So, pick your locations wisely to decrease your chances of having a bad experience. Most importantly, be confident. Whatever you do, walk in like you have just as much right to be there as anyone else. Because, you do! And if someone doesn’t approve of your presentation, that’s their problem, not yours. Don’t let anyone else make you feel bad, shame, guilt, etc. You keep that power yourself.
I don’t really fully dress very often. It’s usually just partial dressing for me, to express my feminine side a little. But, I do push those limits a little further, as I get more confident and comfortable. For example, I started wearing women’s skinny jeans out shopping. And I would observe people. Sure, some people looked, like they knew what I was wearing. But, nothing bad happened, so I started to not care or pay any attention to others. Just yesterday, I put on a pair of leggings and went for a hike. And to the mall. And to Walmart. Again, nobody confronted me for straying outside the traditional gender binary box or attacked me or anything. So, I’ve now kind of normalized this for myself. I can wear leggings out anywhere and there’s nothing wrong with that, or me. Now, I did miss having pockets. I want to get a pair of those leggings that have the phone pocket on the leg, or perhaps I just need to carry a small handbag. 🙂
So, do what you are comfortable with, but don’t get stuck in your old comfort zone either. Whatever you do, enjoy yourself!
Birel
Birel, we must have similar wardrobes…mine has become almost exclusively women’s wear. Over time it has become surprisingly routine to wear leggings, skinny jeans, women’s cut tee’s, and so forth almost all the time. I kind of forget there is any difference in the look of men’s vs women’s casual wear. In my minds eye, the clothes are very ordinary until I’m reminded somehow that the men’s/women’s cuts are definitely different. As happened yesterday, someone, a friend, said to me, are you wearing your wife’s jeans? It made me feel uncomfortable to be sure but my answer was, “ no, these are mine”. Not much else was said.
On a related note, it’s those times when my appearance generates the comments of family or friends that seem most uncomfortable. I don’t care one whit in the company of strangers, but, not being “out” to family and friends makes me feel more cautious about what I wear when I know I’ll see them. Actually, “repressed” is probably a better word. It’s to the point I feel I have to consciously tone down the androgeny for some people. I can only tell myself that it is their loss that they don’t get to see all of me. But I really dislike the feeling of dressing differently for different people. And while I’ve made a few forays fully femme while amongst strangers, I’m not sure my circle of family/friends, outside of wife and daughter, will ever meet the real Clara.
Finally, I don’t know if it’s the exact same feeling, but I certainly feel empathy for bio-women when they are subjected to comments on their appearance. I get it.
Sorry for the ramble. Thanks for reading.
Complicated Clara
Clara, yeah, I know what you mean. It seems wrong that I have to be careful what I wear around relatives. It feels like it should be the exact opposite. These people are family. They should be the ones that I should be comfortable being most open and most myself with. What does that tell me about the true nature of those relationships, and the vast differences in our moral values?
When I went to therapy last week, I wanted to share a little bit of my feminine side with my therapist, and her intern. So, I wore a black and gray short running skort, and black sandals showing my bright red toenails. She complimented me, said I have better legs than she does, and we all talked about nails. They both shared with me that getting a mani/pedi is a wonderful experience that I need to try sometime. And then we forgot about how I was dressed and went on with our normal appointment. I reflected on this a lot afterward. Sitting there in a skirt, casually talking about nails, it felt so nice! I thought, I wish I could sit in a coffee shop, relaxing, casually visiting as one of the girls. I want that feeling in real life, outside of the therapist’s office. Why can’t I have that? Why can’t everyone be so accepting?
Birel
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