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  • #581251
    BellaDawna Stryfe
    Participant
    Registered On: September 1, 2020
    Topics: 3
    Replies: 7
    Has thanked: 38 times
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    So the other morning i decided that I’d get done up and dressed up and i walked out to the communal mailroom to grab my mail. It was the small hours of the morning and quite cold, so no one was out. It was an amazing feeling just to do it. Couple that with the fact that i was out with a cold from work, so I’d been wearing only women’s clothes for the entirety of 3 days at that point. It felt so good and so right, that I’m almost wondering if I’m moving beyond crossdresser into something maybe transfeminine. It’s been in my thoughts forthe last few days, as i travel the Web devouring what knowledge i can find on the matter. I realized these last few days that this is definitely no longer a sexual thing, it’s definitely more of a feeling of normalcy thing. Bottom line, feeling confused right now.

Viewing 15 reply threads
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    • #582172
      Bridgette VonSmirff
      Lady
      Registered On: October 18, 2020
      Topics: 49
      Replies: 1375
      Has thanked: 19862 times
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      Everyone has such great insights and comments. Journeys, spheres, it all works differently for everyone. Only you can decide what you want, where you’re confidante being, and who you really are. Me? I’m still fumbling around here. I know I’m comfortable with myself now, like never before. I hope you find the answers you seek.

      Bridgette

      6 users thanked author for this post.
    • #582136
      Abbie Normal
      Duchess
      Registered On: June 13, 2021
      Topics: 13
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      Sounds like what I started to experience this year as well. Confusion and questioning are normal as is wherever you land afterwards. It’s not always an easy path but it can be liberating. One thing that really helped me figure things out was starting a journal of my journey that covered my first experiments to the current day. I’m still working it out myself. Good luck Donna, feel free to PM me if you want to talk.

      — Abbie 🥰

    • #582008
      Catherine
      Duchess
      Registered On: January 3, 2021
      Topics: 12
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      Well I would say today I am confused, I have been a crossdresser  since a yong age,but from a child ,sorry to say mom wanted a girl ,my sister died at 3 days old ,when I was born I think I became her little girl ,then started to try on clothes after being around 8  got caught by my father  about being a girl ,has alway been there in my mind ,now at 66 it is at the for front of my life ,my wife and children  don’t know, but I feel more like I was born always to be female and inside thats how I feel ,just confused  of who I am ,Catherine

      • #582447
        Dani Grand
        Baroness
        Registered On: October 9, 2018
        Topics: 1
        Replies: 167
        Has thanked: 960 times
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        My story has similarities to yours. My mom told anyone who would listen that I was a girl while I was in her womb. What a surprise and, from what I was told by relatives, a total humiliation for her. In my early years, I was dressed by several relatives to resemble what I was supposed to be. This is where I believe my imprint came from. It never leaves…

        4 users thanked author for this post.
    • #581958
      Beth Green
      Lady
      Registered On: February 24, 2021
      Topics: 31
      Replies: 590
      Has thanked: 7465 times
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      My journey launched into overdrive when I let go of the guilt and thus the confusion. Discovering that I was most comfortable as a woman and dropping the sexual gratification out of the mix allowed all of the negative feelings to slip away. Finding CDH was a mega useful benefit to my mental health and a resource to my growth.

      I now have moved past guilt, doubt and confusion. I have learned that I am a woman but that the man remains within. I am Two Spirit, both existing at once, peaceful and stronger together.

      Now my only confusion is minor daily events, what shoes to wear, which top is better. Confusion over who and what I am is gone to be replaced by wide eyed wonder for where my journey  will lead next. Fear? Only for the immediate moment (is that redneck going to give me a hard time?) The greater part of everyday is life’s journey to be enjoyed, only now it’s a woman’s journey.

      Beth

    • #581954
      Anonymous
      Topics: 0
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      I wonder if I’ll get to that point.

      6 users thanked author for this post.
      • #582207
        Araminta Purdy
        Duchess
        Registered On: January 23, 2020
        Topics: 10
        Replies: 499
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        It sort of sneaks up on you. A clue is when there are more dresses in your closet than trousers or when you have more panties than your wife.

        Araminta.

        4 users thanked author for this post.
        • #582440
          BellaDawna Stryfe
          Registered On: September 1, 2020
          Topics: 3
          Replies: 7
          Has thanked: 38 times
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          Honestly, my male and female wardrobe are almost equal. I definitely own more heels than regular shoes.

          3 users thanked author for this post.
    • #581953
      Robyn Drake
      Managing Ambassador
      Registered On: March 19, 2019
      Topics: 56
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      Hi Donna,

      Confusion can be the first part of understanding and personal growth. Sometimes its ok to not have all the answers.

      – Robyn

    • #581951
      Araminta Purdy
      Duchess
      Registered On: January 23, 2020
      Topics: 10
      Replies: 499
      Has thanked: 1069 times
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      It happens a lot!

      It’s very mornal!

      No need for confusion!

      ‘Cross-dresser’ probably never was an apt description in the first place.

      Probably you are just becoming who you are meant to be.

      Araminta.

    • #581389
      Liara Wolfe
      Lady
      Registered On: August 14, 2021
      Topics: 3
      Replies: 1607
      Has thanked: 3155 times
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      I completely understand. Dressing has not been a sexual thing for me for a long time. I dress because I love it and it feels right.

      Hugs, Liara

      6 users thanked author for this post.
    • #581325
      Sylvia
      Lady
      Registered On: October 10, 2021
      Topics: 1
      Replies: 667
      Has thanked: 16894 times
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      Dear Donna ,

      Maybe you can find information on this site : PDFdrive.com.
      It’s a site with 76 million books you can download for free.

      Love Sylvia.

      5 users thanked author for this post.
      • #582441
        BellaDawna Stryfe
        Registered On: September 1, 2020
        Topics: 3
        Replies: 7
        Has thanked: 38 times
        Been thanked: 92 times

        Thank you, I’ll definitely peruse that for a spell.

        2 users thanked author for this post.
    • #581307
      Barb Wire
      Duchess - Annual
      Registered On: September 16, 2021
      Topics: 17
      Replies: 704
      Has thanked: 4026 times
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      Hi Donna!

      Isn’t that a wonderful feeling, knowing that it feels so good and so right!

      Keep going! You’re almost home…

      🤗 Barb

    • #581305
      Stevie Steiner
      Managing Ambassador
      Registered On: June 11, 2020
      Topics: 85
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      Donna, we all experience some confusion at we travel our journey – and congratulations on the continuance of your journey hon!  We learn, we grow, and we sometimes become a bit kerfuffled as we process that information.  Some say it’s not the destination, it’s the journey that matters.  Well in our case, it’s both!

      But I do know one thing….  The journey of discovering yourself and clearing up that confusion is a journey worth taking.  And friendship & support makes the road traveled a bit easier.  🙂

      Stevie

    • #581304
      Laura Lovett
      Lady
      Registered On: March 26, 2020
      Topics: 39
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      Very few are lucky enough to grow up in an environment where cross dressing is just accepted as something that a person might choose to do – the topic typically rarely comes up for conversation and understanding, so no wonder a large proportion of us, if not most of us are confused by it at first, and even further into our journeys.

      It’s all down to the magic A word – acceptance.

      The higher your own level of acceptance, the lower the confusion.

      I fully accepted this 3 years ago so, when I get the opportunities, I am Laura 100%, and just see where this goes.

      I trust in my journey, and know that I am doing what feels to be right – and the results are amazing sometimes – life has definitely improved for me as a direct result of accepting who I am – and I hope and pray that it will continue that way not just for me, but for all my sisters.

      Love Laura

    • #581301
      Marcellette Laval
      Lady
      Registered On: February 1, 2021
      Topics: 7
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      Donna,

      I think many of us have had our own versions of some of the same feelings that you’re having.  I also think that how we feel can be related to how we describe and  perceive our journey, and where we are on that journey.  For me ‘confusion’ related to not knowing where I was on the journey, where it might lead, and how felt about that uncertainty.  To that end, some time ago I chose to envision all this ‘spherically’ and not ‘linearly.’  Not to get too nerdy about this (but it is in my nature), and I share this only with the hope that it might help you view your ‘confusion’ from a potentially different, and hopefully helpful, perspective.  It simply means that as I think about my crossdressing journey, I perceive myself as being at, and moving between, different points on a sphere rather than somewhere on a single line.

      When we think of this whole experience in a linear way, many people will end up envisioning a line with one end point being occasional ‘just crossdressing’ and the other end point being full-time MTF transition and SRS.  What this does is reinforce, and I think unhelpfully, characterizations of “just a crossdresser” and “beyond crossdressing” as divisive and potentially negative representations, when what they really are which is just ‘different.’  So instead of thinking of all this in that linear way, I try to envision it all as a collection of points on a sphere – none further from the center than another.  And though we’re all at different places on that sphere, no location is ‘less’ or ‘more’ than the other, just different.  And here’s the great part (at least for me in my mind), I can move anywhere I want on that sphere without creating an mental impression of ‘more’ or ‘less’ and, perhaps most importantly, I can go back to a place I was before without viewing it as regressive.  Our journey is the self-exploration of the sphere and finding the place we want (need) to live on it – and that’s where I try to package any feelings of confusion, i.e., when I move to a different point on the sphere, I ask myself do I find myself more or less comfortable, natural, happy, etc.. here?  Where might I go next, and do I want to?  Could I live a contented and happy life here?  None of that movement is ‘forward’ or ‘backward’ – I’m not ‘just’ anything, and I’m not ‘beyond’ anything, I am what and where I am on this sphere of feminine experience.  It sounds like you’ve taken a trip to a ‘full-time crossdressing feminine’ point on the sphere and that place feels more natural for you – only you will know for sure if that’s the place for you…..

      Wow, I wandered all over there…hope something was helpful!

      Marcellette

      • #582448
        BellaDawna Stryfe
        Registered On: September 1, 2020
        Topics: 3
        Replies: 7
        Has thanked: 38 times
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        I like the sphere analogy. I honestly thought of it more as arc. Each section opening up to bigger and more options as different choices are made and accepted and new comfortability led way to confidence to pursue the next wanted place. My confusion i guess, is the next rung in the arc and if that’s a choice i want to proceed with.

         

        Personal journeys are just overwhelming oft times, but definitely make you earn and learn on the path.

        3 users thanked author for this post.
      • #582000
        Anonymous
        Topics: 0
        Replies: 0
        Has thanked: 0 times
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        Good point Marcellette! On my Facebook groups we make sure all trans women, wherever on the scale , or as you elegantly put it, wherever on the sphere.. we are all valid… this is a journey that each takes in their own way and at their own pace 🏳️‍⚧️❤️

        3 users thanked author for this post.
      • #581878
        Raquel Smith
        Lady
        Registered On: August 26, 2021
        Topics: 19
        Replies: 915
        Has thanked: 3061 times
        Been thanked: 3007 times

        Great analogy.

        5 users thanked author for this post.
    • #581281
      Celeste Starre
      Lady
      Registered On: June 26, 2018
      Topics: 51
      Replies: 1487
      Has thanked: 389 times
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      It’s a fairly natural progression that happens to a lot of us.  I still enjoy the sexual aspect of it but there are lots of other aspects to enjoy as well. I’ve been very lucky in that I’ve not had the need to transition and,at 72,I’m pretty sure I’ve dodged that bullet. Good luck.

    • #581273
      Angela Booth
      Lady
      Registered On: August 1, 2020
      Topics: 9
      Replies: 1170
      Has thanked: 4392 times
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       As Regina says, this is an individual thing but this is a similar thread that runs through crossdressing. It is a bit confusing as you have explored dressing to satisfy something sexual then the realisation that it is more than that. This may well be the new normal for you so take your time to see how you feel, how to accommodate and how you want to move on. Some here would say that you have been shrouded in the ‘pink fog’. Enjoy the moment.

       

       

       

    • #581258
      Regine Kelly
      Lady
      Registered On: October 9, 2020
      Topics: 44
      Replies: 1451
      Has thanked: 20372 times
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      Hi Donna,
      I too went through the confused, state, firstly about the crossdressing in total, but then quickly, about being Transgender.
      I think this is different for each of us, for myself it was never sexual, just about the joy I felt, feeling more feminine. Dressing, makes me feel so much more relaxed, comfortable in my own skin, and in love with myself, I am definately on the transgender scale.
      I hope you can work it out, in your heart and mind, if you are, Transgender, and find peace
      Hugs, Regi👸💖

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