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So the other morning i decided that I’d get done up and dressed up and i walked out to the communal mailroom to grab my mail. It was the small hours of the morning and quite cold, so no one was out. It was an amazing feeling just to do it. Couple that with the fact that i was out with a cold from work, so I’d been wearing only women’s clothes for the entirety of 3 days at that point. It felt so good and so right, that I’m almost wondering if I’m moving beyond crossdresser into something maybe transfeminine. It’s been in my thoughts forthe last few days, as i travel the Web devouring what knowledge i can find on the matter. I realized these last few days that this is definitely no longer a sexual thing, it’s definitely more of a feeling of normalcy thing. Bottom line, feeling confused right now.
Hi Donna,
I too went through the confused, state, firstly about the crossdressing in total, but then quickly, about being Transgender.
I think this is different for each of us, for myself it was never sexual, just about the joy I felt, feeling more feminine. Dressing, makes me feel so much more relaxed, comfortable in my own skin, and in love with myself, I am definately on the transgender scale.
I hope you can work it out, in your heart and mind, if you are, Transgender, and find peace
Hugs, Regi👸💖As Regina says, this is an individual thing but this is a similar thread that runs through crossdressing. It is a bit confusing as you have explored dressing to satisfy something sexual then the realisation that it is more than that. This may well be the new normal for you so take your time to see how you feel, how to accommodate and how you want to move on. Some here would say that you have been shrouded in the ‘pink fog’. Enjoy the moment.
Donna,
I think many of us have had our own versions of some of the same feelings that you’re having. I also think that how we feel can be related to how we describe and perceive our journey, and where we are on that journey. For me ‘confusion’ related to not knowing where I was on the journey, where it might lead, and how felt about that uncertainty. To that end, some time ago I chose to envision all this ‘spherically’ and not ‘linearly.’ Not to get too nerdy about this (but it is in my nature), and I share this only with the hope that it might help you view your ‘confusion’ from a potentially different, and hopefully helpful, perspective. It simply means that as I think about my crossdressing journey, I perceive myself as being at, and moving between, different points on a sphere rather than somewhere on a single line.
When we think of this whole experience in a linear way, many people will end up envisioning a line with one end point being occasional ‘just crossdressing’ and the other end point being full-time MTF transition and SRS. What this does is reinforce, and I think unhelpfully, characterizations of “just a crossdresser” and “beyond crossdressing” as divisive and potentially negative representations, when what they really are which is just ‘different.’ So instead of thinking of all this in that linear way, I try to envision it all as a collection of points on a sphere – none further from the center than another. And though we’re all at different places on that sphere, no location is ‘less’ or ‘more’ than the other, just different. And here’s the great part (at least for me in my mind), I can move anywhere I want on that sphere without creating an mental impression of ‘more’ or ‘less’ and, perhaps most importantly, I can go back to a place I was before without viewing it as regressive. Our journey is the self-exploration of the sphere and finding the place we want (need) to live on it – and that’s where I try to package any feelings of confusion, i.e., when I move to a different point on the sphere, I ask myself do I find myself more or less comfortable, natural, happy, etc.. here? Where might I go next, and do I want to? Could I live a contented and happy life here? None of that movement is ‘forward’ or ‘backward’ – I’m not ‘just’ anything, and I’m not ‘beyond’ anything, I am what and where I am on this sphere of feminine experience. It sounds like you’ve taken a trip to a ‘full-time crossdressing feminine’ point on the sphere and that place feels more natural for you – only you will know for sure if that’s the place for you…..
Wow, I wandered all over there…hope something was helpful!
Marcellette
Great analogy.
Good point Marcellette! On my Facebook groups we make sure all trans women, wherever on the scale , or as you elegantly put it, wherever on the sphere.. we are all valid… this is a journey that each takes in their own way and at their own pace 🏳️⚧️❤️
I like the sphere analogy. I honestly thought of it more as arc. Each section opening up to bigger and more options as different choices are made and accepted and new comfortability led way to confidence to pursue the next wanted place. My confusion i guess, is the next rung in the arc and if that’s a choice i want to proceed with.
Personal journeys are just overwhelming oft times, but definitely make you earn and learn on the path.
Very few are lucky enough to grow up in an environment where cross dressing is just accepted as something that a person might choose to do – the topic typically rarely comes up for conversation and understanding, so no wonder a large proportion of us, if not most of us are confused by it at first, and even further into our journeys.
It’s all down to the magic A word – acceptance.
The higher your own level of acceptance, the lower the confusion.
I fully accepted this 3 years ago so, when I get the opportunities, I am Laura 100%, and just see where this goes.
I trust in my journey, and know that I am doing what feels to be right – and the results are amazing sometimes – life has definitely improved for me as a direct result of accepting who I am – and I hope and pray that it will continue that way not just for me, but for all my sisters.
Love Laura
Donna, we all experience some confusion at we travel our journey – and congratulations on the continuance of your journey hon! We learn, we grow, and we sometimes become a bit kerfuffled as we process that information. Some say it’s not the destination, it’s the journey that matters. Well in our case, it’s both!
But I do know one thing…. The journey of discovering yourself and clearing up that confusion is a journey worth taking. And friendship & support makes the road traveled a bit easier. 🙂
Stevie
Dear Donna ,
Maybe you can find information on this site : PDFdrive.com.
It’s a site with 76 million books you can download for free.Love Sylvia.
I wonder if I’ll get to that point.
It sort of sneaks up on you. A clue is when there are more dresses in your closet than trousers or when you have more panties than your wife.
Araminta.
My journey launched into overdrive when I let go of the guilt and thus the confusion. Discovering that I was most comfortable as a woman and dropping the sexual gratification out of the mix allowed all of the negative feelings to slip away. Finding CDH was a mega useful benefit to my mental health and a resource to my growth.
I now have moved past guilt, doubt and confusion. I have learned that I am a woman but that the man remains within. I am Two Spirit, both existing at once, peaceful and stronger together.
Now my only confusion is minor daily events, what shoes to wear, which top is better. Confusion over who and what I am is gone to be replaced by wide eyed wonder for where my journey will lead next. Fear? Only for the immediate moment (is that redneck going to give me a hard time?) The greater part of everyday is life’s journey to be enjoyed, only now it’s a woman’s journey.
❤
Beth
Well I would say today I am confused, I have been a crossdresser since a yong age,but from a child ,sorry to say mom wanted a girl ,my sister died at 3 days old ,when I was born I think I became her little girl ,then started to try on clothes after being around 8 got caught by my father about being a girl ,has alway been there in my mind ,now at 66 it is at the for front of my life ,my wife and children don’t know, but I feel more like I was born always to be female and inside thats how I feel ,just confused of who I am ,Catherine
My story has similarities to yours. My mom told anyone who would listen that I was a girl while I was in her womb. What a surprise and, from what I was told by relatives, a total humiliation for her. In my early years, I was dressed by several relatives to resemble what I was supposed to be. This is where I believe my imprint came from. It never leaves…
Sounds like what I started to experience this year as well. Confusion and questioning are normal as is wherever you land afterwards. It’s not always an easy path but it can be liberating. One thing that really helped me figure things out was starting a journal of my journey that covered my first experiments to the current day. I’m still working it out myself. Good luck Donna, feel free to PM me if you want to talk.
— Abbie 🥰
Everyone has such great insights and comments. Journeys, spheres, it all works differently for everyone. Only you can decide what you want, where you’re confidante being, and who you really are. Me? I’m still fumbling around here. I know I’m comfortable with myself now, like never before. I hope you find the answers you seek.
Bridgette
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