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Hi ladies!
For many, if not most of us, myself included, crossdressing is not something we chose. Instead, it is a part of us and has been for most/all of our lives. You could say that in efect, it chose us. Why is still a mystery that we may never know or understand, all we know is that we have this desire, no, this need to express the feminine component of our personality.
But interestingly enough, there are some that were not born this way, or have this need. Instead, they have chosen crossdressing as a “lifestyle” they want to embrace. Some of these people have come from the cosplay world, others from the drag scene, while others consider crossdressing an art form.
So of course, that got me to wondering…
Were you born this way or did you choose crossdressing as a “lifestyle”?
Hugs,
Holly
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My answer is born this way because I was getting into my aunts makeup as a little child and at 6 wanted to wear pretty Easter dresses. Problem was I had to hide it for decades and decades but now living my girly life as best I can.
Yes, born this way. Even before I knew what sex was I had always thought I was a girl, not wanted to be, but was one. In the 50’s you don’t say anything. They will think that something is wrong with you! So you are told not to speak of it to anyone, family or friends. That being said, I talked about it to my mother when I was only 5. She saw me playing with dolls and doing other girly things. I told her why, that I wanted to be a girl. She told me it would never happen, stop doing it and don’t let me catch you do things like this again!
So I grew up in the shadows of myself.
I didn’t choose it, it has always been in me.Lisa Leigh
Hi Lisa, your story is an echo of my story. “Don’t you dare touch such things!” I’m actually writing a book, an autobiography of my life, and all those similar things will be in it. I already have a publisher and the title will be “The Woman Inside, Lauren’s Journey”
Big hugs,
Ms. Lauren M
Born this way, always walked the edges, she spoke up and said “its now or never” around 5 years ago, been going with it since.
Zenn
Hey, Ladies:
I selected other because neither of the other two options fit me. It was not until my mid teens did I ever fell the desire to don myself in feminine attire. So with that in mind I can’t say that I was born this way. But on the other hand I can’t say that I chose this lifestyle. So I voted other.
The argument could just possibly be made that I was born this way, but that I was a late bloomer. It will be interesting to hear any thoughts that any of you ladies have on that.
I do know that it was not a lifestyle choice that I made. I didn’t choose to have these desires. I didn’t choose to have the confusion, shame and self-loathing that have been apart of this journey. Thankfully after many decades and much careful consideration, research and soul searching I have come to a level of peace, understanding, acceptance and appreciation of who and what I am.
I have come to discover that expressing Jessica, my feminine side brings me happiness and puts a lift to my steps.
It is a lifestyle choice to express my femininity with clothes, makeup and the like, but the desire is intrinsic to me. So like I said, I think that other is the best of the three options to answer the question.
Not sure I understand this. I mean when you choose lifestyle don’t you do that on things you like and that is something you got from birth. It’s just that later we are indoctrinated to think differently and when we choose cd as a lifestyle it’s really because that you where born that way.
I guess some may choose cd as a lifestyle because of influence around you but I don’t think it’s that many doing that.
/ksi was born this way ive tried to stop a few times now i have a whole closet full of clothes most of them pink and ive never been happier
I have allways felt that I was a girl, I really disliked guy sports and from about age 8 or 9 I sneaked into my mothers wardrobe and panty draw.I have not really any way to expres myfeminty as I went ot a boys boarding school .i took asome classes at te girls schoolnext door and allways wondered what life would be like wearing their clothes,playing their sports ,getting dreessed in the mornings as a girl.Now I hae a little oney and I am trying .
Love to all,
Hi Holly. Well, from a layman’s perspective, I have come to accept that I was born this way. My vivid memories go back to age 4 or 5, and as I developed, so did my desires. Basically by my late teen years and early 20’s, I pretty much accepted that I was most likely transgendered. Before that since in the 60’s and 70’s there was precious little discussion going on and even less access to any discussion that might have existed, I wavered between thinking I might be a transvestite/crossdresser or a full fledged transsexual.
There were also precious little role models, too. Milton Berle, Flip Wilson, Jim Bailey, all were outwardly doing comedy or widespread presentations as crossdressers but I always felt I was much more than that. Yet, it seemed only the crossdressing community, limited though it was, was the only path available, if I so desired. ( especially the ‘drag’ shows that advertised “30 Ladies on stage and only 1 is female. Try to guess which one? (very true in Chicago at the time) So I hid it all as best as I could.
I then read a lot of books coming out, Nancy Friday’s Men In Love, Canary by Canary Conn, Mirror Images by Nancy Hunt, Conundrum by Jan Morris, and came to accept that I was probably fully transgendered.
At no time did I ever seriously consider getting therapy. First, I was fully functioning outwardly as a male, second, if I had gone that route, I would have had to explain that my father died accidently when I was 4, I suspect my mother turned to me for companionship/solace as my older brother, 6 at the time, was now called ‘the MAN of the family’. That would have encouraged at least 2-5 years of therapy to resolve that issue. No, thank you very much.
So, as I’ve stated before I’m a failed transsexual, with crossdressing as my way to deal with my issues.
Hugs, ChloëC
I don’t think I was born a cross dresser. I had 4 sisters who decided that I was their “Living Doll”, and would dress me up in their clothes.
I had long hair which they would curl and tease. I was a very slim and a little shorter than normal for a boy back then which made it easier to wear any of my sisters clothes. I have been wearing panties from the age of 5, and a bra from the age of 11, and they taught me how to apply makeup at that time. They taught me how to “be a girl” in all aspects of life. I love them all for doing this to me, as well as teaching me things that boys shouldn’t have known about. I spent every summer till I was around 14 wearing a dress. And yes, I had panties on. I wore a camisole till I was 11, and then a training bra and nylons with a garter belt, a slip was sometimes added also. My friends never teased me or made fun of me in any way. I really don’t know what my mother thought of it all, but she never interfered or commented about it. My dad was clueless about it, as he worked 2 jobs and wasn’t around much during the day. If he did comment about it, he would be told by mom, that we were “just playing” dress up. I wore my sisters hand me down clothes excusably. When I went to school, I would have a pair of slacks and a nice blouse on over my panties and camisole. Some pretty little ankle socks and some very low heeled shoes. I was so happy to be dressed up every day like this, and still am. I don’t know if it was natural, or the “Mothers Network” had put the fear of God, or a substantial spanking was promised if they did.
When I am dressed, I feel calmer and safe. I have worn nothing but panties since 5, and still wear them to this day. Along with a bra and pantyhose now. Did I mention that I love ny sisters for dressing me up.Definitely NOT born this way.
I’ve always said I didn’t choose crossdressing, crossdressing chose me. And then, not until relatively late in life, maybe around 40ish. But I now fully embrace it, not exactly as a “lifestyle”, because I’m far from a 24/7 dresser, but as a magnificent obsession — and I’m obsessed at least a part of every day.
— Camryn Occasionnel
I have to go with other.
Not having feminine desires other than letting my hair grow for several years, suddenly at 59 years old I had to put on a skirt. The desire was powerful, and of course the skirt felt amazing, so other clothes followed. Dresses, and tops don’t look right if they are not properly filled out… so a few years later with clothes, shoes, lots of pretty panties, bras, and forms here I am. I guess you could say I chose this, but it sure feels like it chose me!
Was I born this way and things just took their time? Is there something to lower testosterone levels allowing something that was there all along to gain control?Yes, definitely other.
Another good one Ms. Holly!
💕Lara
I voted other. My fem side has always been there, just sitting on the sidelines most of the time. Once i started making the choice to let my fem side out a little more it was at first a little trikkle, then a small stream, now I am pushing against the dam so I am not flooded with the desire to be fem 24/7.
Since right now it is enough to present fem fully 1 to 4 days a week and all nights it is OK to be part time Cassie.. Cassie
Not a simple answer yet it is. My decision to dress is a choice. How I came to be this way was not by choice.
i have explained my childhood history in other posts. Suffice to say that my CD habit emerged in a period of pain, self loathing, etc. when I was about 11. It happened in an instant and I have never forgotten it. Something woke in me and just…took over my mind. Like a roaring fire.
40+ years later it still crosses my mind daily. But it is no longer an obsession (except for occasional pink fog attacks).
I will call it a choice because that is what it is, even during pink fog episodes. I can say no…but I don’t.
maybe I should point out the difference between choice and choice. The part of my mind that emerged that day was not a choice, nor is it really today. The compulsion is there, but to do or not do, that is the choice available to me.A fascinating question, and I’m not sure of the answer, so I voted “other”. I know for certain I was not born this way. I had no crossdressing experiences as a child or teen, and the thought never even crossed my mind. I was very sexually shy and repressed however – and I don’t know why, I can’t identify anything in my background that made me so, I just was. It was not until age 28 that I tried on a nightgown belonging to my then girlfriend – later to become my wife – as a joke. She asked if I liked it, and I said no. I lied – I liked it a lot. I considered it a harmless kink, but still I fought off these impulses. Finally at age 69 I began to crossdress actively, giving in to impulse that I had from time to time in the intervening years. I guess that was a choice, but it isn’t now. I find it not only sensually satisfying but such a lift psychologically – perhaps answering and making up for my repression of my earlier years, which has always haunted me. Whatever the case, its kind of an obsession now, but one I do not desire to quit. I cannot even imagine doing so, that’s the kind of lift I get from it. I’m quite sure it will be with me for the rest of my days. It is part of who I am, not a choice at all, and I’m the better person for it.
Both of my parents were in the US Marines. I was the youngest of 4 boys. One summer, when I was around 7. My Mom would put her bathing suit over the shower rod to dry. For some reason i was fascinated by the look of a one piece. Finally, one day i pulled it down and put it on. It woke something inside of me and I’ve bene hooked on the feeling ever since. It was like the last piece of the puzzle was suddenly found. I think it was the feeling of completeness that got me.
So, in short, I had to have been born this way. As nothing in my family’s lifestyle would have made this a learned trait.
I had a mother and two sisters who hung things in the bathroom all the time, all I can say to them is – thank you!
Lucky girl!
Well in my opinion I think we were all born with it but some took longer to figure it out then others. While trying to except myself over the years I’ve done tons of research and counseling and most articles I’ve read say it’s in you from the start. Either way I truly love my feminine side and never plan on stopping.
I’m clearly in the yes, no, and maybe categories all at the same time. So I guess that puts me at other.
Was I born this way? No, I don’t think so. I can remember incidents (or at least snippets) from my very early childhood that influenced me. Too many to repeat here (I have written about it before on CDH). But things that made my body tingle (not that I really understood it at the time). It’s like getting the shivers when watching a scary movie; you hate it, but keep coming back. So I’m very much a child of “nurture” (or experiences). Maybe I was born extra sensitive, but I don’t think I was born a crossdresser.
Did I choose it? Not exactly. As a young child, why would I choose something that made me feel different and alone? There were no home computers, no internet, no way to research it. My only other experiences were with occasional “female impersonators” (now called drag queens) or characters such as Flip Wilson playing Geraldine. But the accidental tingles turned into purposeful tingles and fantasies which turned into masturbation. Later I discovered I enjoyed being dressed even if it wasn’t for (or was post) masturbation. I discovered pictures of other crossdressers out in public and was jealous. Eventually I chose to accept it in myself, that the urges and the feelings wouldn’t go away. I went for a makeover and a trip out, and that changed my life.
My experiences are too broad to be put into these little boxes, so I have to choose other.
for me it was something that evolved over time. i started to furtively put on panties and girdles at a very young age. i cannot remember why. in my teens it became a sexual fetish. there was a long hiatus when i left home and lived in shared accomodation. it was only in very recent years that i had the opportunity to dress up fully, more or less, no makeup, wig or shoes. i had several chances to do so for days at a time.
it was a very differently experience. i felt this lovely calm euphoria, very warm and so feminine. this is now a very big part of who i am.
For me, I think it was the very strong influence my dear lovely Mum had on my childhood. As in my father was always working or “out with the boys”. (He did not make the same mistake twice with my younger brother, they hunted and fished together for years)
A classic example was my love of fishing and the sea, which came from Mum taking myself and my brother fishing off a pier near our first holiday home.
The crossdressing just seemed to come “naturally” in my early teens and of course started with Mum’s clothes. (no sisters). And yes, like many of us there was a sexual element to it all
Once married and with a job involving lots of travel, Caty “blossomed”….. and the rest is history. With a large dose of “making love to the girl in the mirror”, ie me, cos my then wife hated anything to do with Cd ing and this reflected back to the lack of action in the bedroom.
Caty.
I am sure genetics plays a bigger role in this than ppl think. As a child I was always more comfortable playing with girls than boys. I loved dolls and stuffed animals that were female oriented. I was drawn also to their clothing and later hair styles and jewelry. Then as I entered puberty I started wearing my sisters dresses when home alone and was definitely hooked. If it was a choice then I might say we were born with this predisposition. I am now more en femme mode than male mode and feel much happier and at ease with life.
Hello, Ladies:
I gave my answer to this question several months back. But I find that I still have some thoughts about it. I never made the conscious choice to be someone who is on the transgender spectrum. I did not consciously choose to become what I was ingrained by society to see as someone who is a sinner, a pervert. I did not choose to spend my developing years filled the desire to do something that gave me great pleasure for a moment, but then left me feeling like a freak. Left me feeling like someone unworthy of love and respect. If I would have had a choice I would not have chosen to be what I am.
But having said that, I am who and what I am. I am a person who falls on the transgender spectrum. I am a crossdresser. I see a ton of stuff in popular culture these days dealing with the whole topic of transgederism. Some of it is good, some of it not so good. While many, many people try to treat us with understanding and compassion, I get this sense that in most people’s minds we are seen as misfits, or in the worst sense, freaks.
While I am glad that society is finally coming around to try and understand and accept us, I also find myself resenting it. We are in the spotlight, all of us who fall on the transgender spectrum. It is an exhilarating time in which we can show are selves in public and have people embrace us. That is something that just wasn’t possible when I first discovered myself in the early 80s. If things would have been then like they are now, I may not have had the decades of confusion and feelings of guilt and shame.
The whole thing that I find that bothers me about the whole spotlight that is on us is the attempt to reduce us to our biology. To me, the people who do that miss the whole point. I know full well that my chromosomes are. I know full well what reproductive organs I have. I hear alot of people making the assertion that people like me, people like us, are some how deluding ourselves. That one’s gender is solely defined by one’s biology. As all of us know through deep personal experience, our “biology” isn’t the only factor involved when it comes to our sense of just who and what we are. We, as every other human being who has ever been born or ever will be born, have a body, have a mind, have a heart, and even have a spirit. That means that we are all more than just our “biology “. Why can’t people understand that it is possible to have the body of a male, but the heart and soul of a female. I don’t know about you, but for me, its not about being a man or a woman. It’s about being masculine or feminine. By that I am ascribing man and woman to the body, to biology; and masculine and feminine to the heart and soul. I think despite what many try to claim, there is a spectrum when it comes to masculinity and femininity. I think that spectrum falls much more in the heart and soul of a human being then in the physical body, in the “biology” of a human being.
I hope that I haven’t stepped out of the boundaries of our group’s rules on this sight. It is not my desire or intent to offend anyone. I am just trying to express, to articulate deeper thoughts and feelings that I have with regards to the question posed. If you feel that I have said something wrong or misguided, then by all means share you thoughts and feelings on the matter. I will listen. As I will listen if you share your thoughts and feelings in an agreeing way. Please know that I am just trying to share my thoughts and feelings in a productive and proactive way. I am trying to understood myself; and hopefully, by sharing this, help someone else better understand themselves.
Hi Jessica Ann,
My goodness, you stated it all so well, beautifully written and, I can tell, right from your heart!
Thank you so much, wish you all the best on your journey.big hugs,
Ms. Lauren M
Lauren:
I just wanted to take a moment to personally thank you for taking the time to make such an exuberant response to what I shared. Your kind, thoughtful words have really put a smile in my heart. So thank you for that.
My previous text was not an easy thing for me to write. It did come from my heart. But that is a big part of what made it so hard to write. I still struggle with self acceptance and with trying to understand just who and what I am. I have been trying to expose myself to varying views and perspectives on the whole transgender topic in general. In that endeavor I have found that I feel pulled in many different directions by the various thought out and articulated points of views on the topic. Heck, alot of the stuff that I agree with on one side of the debate seem to totally contradict whith what I agree with on the other side of the debate. Does that make me mentally unbalanced?. I don’t think so. I think that it just goes to show that this is a very complex human aspect of life that has no definitive answer, let alone a solution. My previous text was an attempt on my part to sort through the topic and to express my heart and soul.
I think that all debate aside it all comes down to one thing. We, those of us who do fall on the transgender spectrum, do exist. Not only do we exist, we exist as a natural part of nature and humanity. Like I said in my previous text, we are more than our “biology “. In the end I find that I actually resent it when people who debate the topic reduce the topic, and us, to our ” biology “. But having said that I also don’t like it when people who debate the topic try and gloss over or even deny biological truth. Like I stated in my previous text, biology for me refers to the body. We are much more than our body. We are also our mind, heart , soul, and some would even say spirit.
For me, through my long and deep journey in the transgender experience, I have come to recognize, even realize, that there are people who exist, who’s mind, heart and soul, don’t match what their “biology ” shows the doctor who categorized them at birth. I have come to recognize and realize that genetals, chromosomes, and “biology ” only play one part of determining one’s true self.
I chose born this way. I started dressing at a young age and never really knew why. All I know is as I get older the less I care what people think and wish I had the courage to come out sooner. So needless to say, I have alot of catching up to do. Love to you all.
I had a fascination with girls clothes for as long as I could remember and enjoyed wearing them. Fortunately, from the time I was 4, I was able to acquire, stockings, pantyhose, bras, heels and an occasional dress.
I loved how the clothes felt and made me look. I wanted to wear them all the time. I would see girls dressed in their pretty clothes, their pantyhose, heels, short dresses, skirts and pretty hair, out showing themselves off in their pretty clothes.
I wanted to wear what they were wearing and be out in the same clothes showing myself off to the world. I wanted to look like them and do what they were doing. Every time I saw a particularly pretty girl dressed the way I like, I dreamed of the day when I was going to dress like her and do what she was doing.
I wanted to be in my silky pantyhose in a short dress, skirt or shorts with heels. My perky breasts are filing out my top nicely. My pretty hair is flowing wonderfully about my face and onto my shoulders.
I’m sitting down with my legs crossed. My dress is hiked up very high. I’m showing off as much leg as I have. I’m dangling a heel.I’m shaking my leg. I’m being very nonchalant, like I don’t know I’m drawing admiring looks. I had that dream and fantasy so many times.
Or I thought about being in my pantyhose, short dress and heels with my legs looking so nice and pretty, and shining in the sunlight. I have some heels on. I know my legs are looking amazing and sexy. I know as I walk past people, my sexy legs are getting attention and admiring glances. My perky breasts are gently bouncing and my pretty hair is gently blowing in the light breeze.
I couldn’t wait until the day I was able to be dressed like that and be out. It took until I was 17 before I was able to do that. I was extremely nervous, but did a little at a time and gradually got bolder and bolder. To be able to live out those fantasies and dreams, was nearly always nerve wracking and often involved chickening out and courage building.
I got to enact my dreams and fantasies and did a lot more adventures as I thought of them. often very scary but thrilling and exciting beyond belief.
Patty:
I would like to thank you for sharing your very beautiful and inspiring dream and personal story. What you have shared is very descriptive and very relatable.
- I so very much can relate to all that you are saying, but the thing that I most find myself wanting to comment on at this time is what you shared about going out being scary, but exciting and thrilling all at the same time. I too have experienced that. I’ve experienced the dichotomy of having that huge lump in my throat, of feeling completely self conscious, but at the same time feeling brave, feeling free, feeling exited and alive. Heck, I even felt defiant. Those were heady experiences. But the thing that I did notice in those moments was that even the fear and the self consciousness felt exciting and exilerating. I found that there was a part of me that actually enjoyed that fear and self consciousness. It wasn’t so much the negative aspects of those feelings that I enjoyed, but more the sense of liberation that I felt. I could feel such feelings, which in the past were quite debilitating to me, and know that I have come to the place where I can express my deepest desires in spite of them. I found it very validating to know that I could be scared and self conscious while at the same time be free and alive. I knew that I wasn’t exactly where I wanted, longed, to be, but I was finally on the road that could lead me there. I was finally allowing myself the opportunity to express the full me. There is just something about one’s inner femininity being seen by the world at large in a outward expression for the very first time that is so exciting, so exhilarating, and so life affirming.
Going out all femme and pretty and dressing like the girls was something I had wanted to do since that first time at 4 where I slipped on a pair of silky stockings. If girls can wear things like this, why can’t I?
My mom was ok with me wearing girly things in the house and gave me more stockings, pantyhose, bras and let me borrow some old pairs of heels. I wanted to be in pantyhose, heels and bra all the time. When I wasn’t, I couldn’t wait to get into them again. I wasn’t allowed to wear my clothes all the time and when I left my room I had to cover up. That meant I had to wear a shirt or sometimes I was able to get an old dress.
Every time I got in to my girly clothes, I dreamed and fantasized about wearing therm and being outside so I could show off myself in my pretty clothes.
I would see women dressed so nice. I would think about the clothes I was going to wear to look like them when I was out. I got my ideas and inspiration from women I saw out in real life, on the TV and pictures in magazines and department store catalogues. In my mind I had several ideas of what I was going to wear.
At 17, I finally got enough outfits and a couple of wigs together, where I was ready to go out. I was so excited and so nervous. But when my nerve overcame my fear, it was the most insane thrill and rush being out dressed like the pretty, sexy girls.
I improved and upgraded my wardrobe when I could. I got more ideas of things I could do and places could go when dressed. Little by little when nerve permitted, I lived most of those ideas, dreams and fantasies.
Lot’s of scary times, but when excitement surpassed fear, it was the most incredible and amazing experiences. There was just no other way I could feel like that doing anything else.
Yes O Yes,Born this way,repressed for many years because it was not spoken of in my family.Mom was Irish and Dad was German and we three children were taught by the Catholic nuns.Back then nuns were fearsome creatures,JUST JOKING SISTER,lol.My parents would not understand that their son wanted to wear dresses because that is how they were raised.As they are both in Heaven looking down on me I can hear my Dad say to Mom,”Helen ,he does have great legs”and Mom would say”Jerry,where did he get those buns and why can he walk in heels so well?”.hahahaha.
Hi Holly, I don’t think there’s a crossdresser out there that wasn’t born with the desire to dress in female clothes. I know in all the posts I’ve read the age where you realize that you’re a CD are all over the map. But at the end of the day regardless when it manifests it’s self it was still there in your brain somewhere from the day you were born. That’s what I think and I’m sticking to it. Hope you’re having a good weekend.
Trish 💖
I definitely believe I was born this way. I always felt more comfortable with girls and sought their company at recess in early grades until told that it was no longer “appropriate and acceptable” in 3rd grade. I did not go through the normal cycles a boy experiences in their attraction to girls. Crossdressing chose me. I found myself helpless to fight it… tried for many years and thought at times I had succeeded, but it is too powerful of a force to overcome. I love my femme side. I just wish my wife had accepted it. I envy those wives that tolerate it and especially envy those relationships where the wife is supportive of her husband in matters which are beyond his ability to change.
This is a question that has dogged me all my life, but I’m probably in a minority in that I never felt I wanted to be a girl when I was young and never had an inclination to try on girls’ clothing – in fact, I was probably quite the opposite, and very much a boy wanting to play football, climbing trees etc. (I appreciate this is a pretty stereotypical view now, but again this was the period I grew up in).
What changed for me was having to wear tights in a school play when I was about 7 – an experience that I both hated and found weirdly exhilarating at the same time. However I felt, it obviously made some kind of impression, because a few years later I started trying on my Mum’s tights when she was out – to this day, I cannot remember exactly what spurred me to do this. You could easily argue that my “cross dressing” really started out as a fetish, and I wouldn’t disagree with you, but as I got older it obviously changed into something beyond that and more comforting.
What I’ve always wrestled with was whether I was predisposed to being like this anyway or was it only because of that one event when I was a kid? Almost like a Sliding Doors moment.
Katie.
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