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  • #678142
    Gabby Sempere
    Participant
    Registered On: August 30, 2022
    Topics: 3
    Replies: 23
    Has thanked: 87 times
    Been thanked: 109 times

    Dear All,

    Please forgive me posting like this: but I can’t keep it in any longer!

    What a few weeks/months!  Two months ago I’d never communicated  the secret I’d had for 50+years.   But the pressure just got too much,  and at long last, I reached out.  I’ve started getting mentoring: (involving zoom chats: Gabby seen by someone else for the first time!) and I joined CDH:  and found so much support and love, and discovered that I wasn’t the only one to feel and doubt and question like I do!

    Most importantly of all though, I was honest with my wonderful wife.   It was terrible to start with and the pain I gave her was awful.  For two weeks the atmosphere was ghastly: I wondered if 35 years marriage was to be lost.  But we Are making progress now:  we have talked more than for years (she told me she’d  wondered if I “was a woman in a man’s body” from soon after our wedding but hadn’t wanted to challenge me or herself) and been open and frank.  I think she is worried about loosing what we had:  I’ve tried to persuade her the best chance to keep and develop further on that is to make some room for Gabby.  And today we spoke for hours, laughed and cuddled.  She is accepting, not supporting, it is still painful for her, and I know progress is rarely straight forward.  I fear there will be further downs  days.  The boundaries are strict:  but I sit here tonight, as Gabby with a smile on my face and real hope for the future !

    I couldn’t have got here without feeling part of a group: so thank you all!  Why didn’t I do this long ago?

    Love,

    Gabby xx

Viewing 9 reply threads
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    Replies
    • #678408
      Stephanie Flowers
      Ambassador
      Registered On: June 26, 2017
      Topics: 35
      Replies: 6377
      Has thanked: 12815 times
      Been thanked: 13244 times

      Gabby So glad to hear and yes it takes time and many talks. compromises and agreements will help navigate through these turbulent times. Communications are so important. Hope you and your wife have a wonderful journey ahead.

      Stephanie 🌷

      1 user thanked author for this post.
    • #678363
      Lara Tucker
      Lady
      Registered On: September 29, 2021
      Topics: 2
      Replies: 1075
      Has thanked: 23762 times
      Been thanked: 3825 times

      Congratulations Gabby!

      Wishing you and your wife the best!

      💕Lara

      3 users thanked author for this post.
    • #678229
      Marg Produe
      Lady
      Registered On: March 16, 2022
      Topics: 0
      Replies: 190
      Has thanked: 720 times
      Been thanked: 658 times

      Hello Gabby,   Perhaps your wife might find some useful information in the group too.  There is a section only for the SO.  It took several years for my wife and me to adjust to our new situation and it was difficult at first.  Have patience.  I wish you both the very best.

      Marg

    • #678223
      Chrissy Perry
      Lady
      Registered On: August 28, 2022
      Topics: 1
      Replies: 34
      Has thanked: 109 times
      Been thanked: 102 times

      I can’t help but think your marriage will become better then ever and your close friendship with your wife will grow and grow. Congratulations – were cheering for you.

      • #678249
        Gabby Sempere
        Lady
        Registered On: August 30, 2022
        Topics: 3
        Replies: 23
        Has thanked: 87 times
        Been thanked: 109 times

        Thank you so much Chrissy! It’s such early days but we have already talked through a number of issues that we’d just brushed under the carpet (unrelated to Gabby). I really think you might be right! As another wise lady has commented though I have to keep reminding myself: baby steps! Thank you so much for replying,

        Hugs Gabby

        1 user thanked author for this post.
    • #678220
      Ginger Snap
      Baroness - Annual
      Registered On: March 9, 2022
      Topics: 12
      Replies: 118
      Has thanked: 1961 times
      Been thanked: 527 times

      Gabby
      Fabulous way to go. Yes there will be ups and downs. Remain truthful and respect the limits. Honest open communication is important.
      Hugs Ginger

    • #678198
      Alice Underwire
      Lady
      Registered On: September 16, 2019
      Topics: 95
      Replies: 5405
      Has thanked: 7470 times
      Been thanked: 13920 times

      Hi Gabby,

      Congratulations on the progress you’re making.  As others have said small steps.  And keep the communication lines open.  Good to set up boundaries/limits to ensure a sense of trust is maintained in your marriage.

      Alice

      5 users thanked author for this post.
    • #678165
      Fiona Black
      Lady
      Registered On: November 23, 2019
      Topics: 0
      Replies: 185
      Has thanked: 86 times
      Been thanked: 703 times

      Gabby,

      Just take it slow & keep communicating and you should find yourself in a better place.

      5 users thanked author for this post.
    • #678154
      Jess Secret
      Lady
      Registered On: February 18, 2021
      Topics: 15
      Replies: 469
      Has thanked: 1195 times
      Been thanked: 1966 times

      That’s wonderful Gabby! I know what it’s like to feel lucky to have a SO who is accepting as well. Hopefully your wife can get to the supportive stage also but baby steps are important.

    • #678147
      Cassie Jayson
      Duchess
      Registered On: September 29, 2019
      Topics: 59
      Replies: 1026
      Has thanked: 2406 times
      Been thanked: 4709 times

      Good for you Gabby. Hope all keeps going well for you and your wife. This an be one of the hardest things for a spouse. Let her know you are still the same person you have always been. You just let her know you need to find out about the woman within you.

      . Cassie

      6 users thanked author for this post.
    • #678143
      Angela Booth
      Lady
      Registered On: August 1, 2020
      Topics: 9
      Replies: 1161
      Has thanked: 4376 times
      Been thanked: 5186 times

      Great for you Gabby. You have finally got there and are very realistic about how things will go. I wish you both well.

Viewing 9 reply threads
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